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• Housecall
• Alzheimer's caregiving
• Living with cancer

• September 26, 2007 10:15 a.m.

  My 69 year old husband has early stage Alzheimer's. He has had memory problems for about 10 years and has been on Aricept and now is in Razadyne ER. It has probably helped, but gradually he as less short term memory or becomes obsessive about partly remembered appointments. We have a good life, but it is being taken over by Alzheimer's. We have been fortunate to find a support group for early stage and he is taking part in a research study. I feel my life is all about Alzheimer's and that can get to me.

  - Mary

• September 26, 2007 10:10 a.m.

  this is wonderful....my husband is now 80 & was diagnosed a couple of years ago. I have joined a local Caregivers Support Group & it is most helpful in finding help for the patient ...but at this point I need the help...I just don't seem to have the patience and compassion other people have. He is in pretty good health physically and sometime is quite lucid...someone mentioned her husband continually pulled down the shades...I just came home from getting the car fixed & found a similar problem...curtains all tied up...I lost it to myself..he was out& I had pulled myself together before he got back.I know he doesn't do it just to annoy me and sometime I sound more demented than him. I am 73 and still work a couple of days a week which is my salvation...I think though I will have to give it up soon..where I am now doing all of the things, ie the car, home maintenance etc that he always did. I know compared to most of you I have little to complain about but I had to vent

  - Theresa

• September 26, 2007 9:29 a.m.

  My mom (84) has dementia and this is such a hard time for me. Mom lived with my husband, 3 kids and I for 30 years while my kids grew up. It was a good arrangement after my dad died suddenly. But over the last 10 years her habits became a challenge to deal with, and no one understod what it was like for us. Now she lives in an intermediate care facility and is very sad, angry and confused. For a long time she blamed me for not letting her live with us anymore, but now she just talks constantly about wanting to die, killing herself, and cries all the time when I am there. She has no short term memory and so many unattractive traits have emerged, racism, sexual talking, cruel words. I know now when I lok back that mom had signs of this disease many many years ago, but I was likely the only person who really saw them, and I always thought that it was part of her personality!!! Your experiences will comfort me, I know. Thanks Merle

  - merle

• September 26, 2007 8:50 a.m.

  Well I am glad I have a site to visit. My husband was dignosed a year ago . Since then he has to taken to the bathroom he can't find it. He is wearing Depends. I have to help him up and down,dress him and shave and wash him. We are so upset as a family that everything is happening so fast. I finally quit shaving him the old way and got him an Electic razor. What a blessing that has been. It was so haard to get him out of a dining chair I bought him a pub table and barstools. What a blessing. Thanks for a place to talk.

  - Shirley

• September 26, 2007 8:26 a.m.

  My husband and I are caregivers to his mom who has dementia and is 92. She has been living with us for 12 of our 13 years of marriage. Her dementia is severe, she cannot communicate nor feed herself, has no bowel control. She still walks with assistance so she is not bedridden. For the last 8 years my husband stays home and cares for her full-time, while I work. I often feel as if we have put our lives on hold to care for her and although I do not regret it and would not have it any other way but for her to be at home, I cannot help but feel like I have been cheated in some way. We do have some assistance now since she qualifies for hospice care, but respite care is still an issue because my mother in law does not deal well with new people so leaving her with "strangers" is not something we can do. 2 yrs ago we moved to another state for job related reasons so we don't have family support here. I don't expect an answer, one does not exists, but sharing my thoughts helps. Than

  - Miriam

• September 26, 2007 8:05 a.m.

  Sunil S Chiplunkar (entry below) brings up an interesting subject-prevention. As each of us see the declination of our loved ones, am I the only one that is experiencing fear? Is AD a genetic aboration? Is it our destiny? What can be done to minimize our AD risks? We are basically the first generation of family caregivers involved in this Alzheimers phenomenum. Why the epidemic?

  - No name given

• September 26, 2007 7:14 a.m.

  This site has been very informative and helpful - my question is - I need to find a way to get my father to bathe and shave. He is 92 and has ahlzeimers of the dementia type. Since we have moved in with him - 3 months ago - he has only had 4 or 5 bathes and goes for over a week without shaving - and it is such a chore to get him to do those things.

  - jc

• September 26, 2007 6:48 a.m.

  My grandfather has Alzheimers. It is, as my mother, a nurse who used to take care of Alzheimers patients, the "Long Goodbye." He is 91 years of age and is still aware that he has this, which can be very frightening. Fortunately, my grandmother doesn;t bear all of the burden, as my father is the oldest of seven very loyal children, but, it is taking a tole on her as he is still at home. They have a wood stove. Recently, he has taken to burning just paper in it and, once, he tried to use a vaccuum cleaner fo "get the fire going faster>" Needless to say, the stove will be removed. I am afraid that he has reached the point where he needs to be placed somewhere where he will be safe, and where he won't do something that wil harm my grandmother. ( My grandmother is not my biological grandmother. She is 13 years younger.

  - Kristine Atherton

• September 26, 2007 3:30 a.m.

  There is something very much under-researched about lifestyle and its impact on development or onset of AD/dementia. I think vegetarianism, nonsmoking and abstinence from alcohol consumption, and Yoga/pranayama help avoid dementia in old age. Some serious research on the above parameters is necessary and a healthy lifestyle should be encouraged by the Govt., and other organizations.

  - Sunil S Chiplunkar

• September 26, 2007 12:35 a.m.

  My husband had a stroke at the age of 62.When he had an MRI, it showed tangles and plaques on his brain. He was diagnosed with vascular demenita and alzheimers He is now 67 years old.In the past year he has been going to an activity center three times a week. The handi van picks him up at 9am and brings him home at 4pm. What a wonderful break for me, and he really enjoys it. He is in a wood working activity, mainly sanding. He enjoys the fellowship with the other seniors in the nursing home. He has gone through so many different phases. The agressiveness and the agitation has now somewhat subsided, so has the verbal abuse. We just celebrated 45 years of marriage. He now is experiencing hallucinations and delusions. He was on Aricept the first month after being diagnosed , but he broke out in hives and had to stop the meds. At the present time he is only on blood pressure pills and a good multi vitamin.There will come a time he will need medications.

  - rosa

• September 26, 2007 12:25 a.m.

  My 78 year old husband was diagnosed with Alzheimers about 4 years ago by a neuropsychologist who did several hours of testing on him. He was on Aricept but it was too hard on his stomach, so they tried Lexapro - same thing. He had a stroke aboout 6 weeks ago which affected his left side, but they were able to give him the clot buster medication and it worked wonderfully well. He was in the hospital for 8 days and has recovered well physically. Now he is on a different antidepressant, and I see no benefit at all with it. So they want him to see a psychiatrist and he thinks that we think he is "crazy". Home health was here today and assured many times that we don't think that but that he needs some meds to alter his moods so he is happier. He is so horribly crabby and demanding of me and told daughter Sandra that he talks that way to me because that's what I deserve. I am "running on fumes" here. Does anyone know of an effective med that I could suggest to

  - Marlene

• September 25, 2007 10:27 p.m.

  I have an adult family home . My client has an AD. Her first year living in my home care was very challenging. I cried and wanted to give up. But because of my understanding, being patience ,i give time and knowing her helps a lot. She is combative, agitated, wanders and hardheaded. But the other side, I feel sorry and sad. Her son brought all her pictures when she was young. Imagine, a normal outgoing person. A loving wife and a mother. They are human being, needs love and be loved. they are still important to us. I care and I make her laugh and happy.We take her almost every weekend to the restaurant. They experienced depressions too. I told her son come and visit her because he is only the person she knows ....for the rest of her life...and she love...!

  - July 63

• September 25, 2007 10:16 p.m.

  Pam - thanks so much for your encouraging words. I am hoping my Mom will adjust, but I have my doubts. I too cry easily. I am fortunate to have a wonderful aide with my Mom who communicates with me numerous times during the day. They are putting her on Sroquel to help calm her. I feel so badly watching her suffer. How often do you visit?

  - Susan

• September 25, 2007 10:11 p.m.

  How do you deal with siblings who fight over the care of their 83-year old mother with AD? My husband's sister is in denial that their mother is declining, and consequently prevents Mom from access to the treatment and services she needs and is entitled to receive. Any suggestion of changing the present situation is met with screaming, ranting and raving. We want Mom to stay at home as long as possible, but she does need extra help. Mom is passive when sis-in-law is around, but seems open to getting help (life alert button, light housekeeping, meals on wheels, adult day care, etc.) when Sis is not there. Mom has fallen twice in last three years and broken bones, but still Sis insists that status quo is OK. Mom doesn't even have a walker--she will only use a cane! The case worker from insurance company said she can't force someone to accept services if they want to turn them down. We are so frustrated! Help!

  - Mary

• September 25, 2007 9:56 p.m.

  I am so glad to see this blog. It's late tonight and I'm dead tired but I'll be back. I am the caregiver for my 82 year old husband who has dementia and Parkinson's disease. I have so many questions.

  - Marge38

• September 25, 2007 9:24 p.m.

  What worked with us: Don't try to "reason"; do not argue; don't give choices. DO look at pictures, listen to familiar music, watch parts of old movies. What ever the person wants to talk about, just go with the flow and have a conversation even though you don't know what it's about!!!

  - Bo

• September 25, 2007 8:54 p.m.

  My Dad was caring for my Mom with dementia. He was trying to teach to eat over the table, change her robe, etc. and they woould argue. I explained to him that he might be right, but Mom is not going to remember this in an hour or so and he needs to relax and not get excited that she can't " get it ". He died after a 3 week battle with an agressive cancer. This left me with getting 24/7 in home care for Mom. After 10 months she got so bad ( 3 rushes to the hospital in 2 weeks ) that I had to find a nursing home. Things keep getting worse. I want my Mom to have no pain and be comfortable. I have had to meet with the home several times to make sure of this or she would be suffering. I will be making a hospice decision soon, but they may be able to keep her going much longer. I had a dream that I put a pillow over her years ago when she was ill and now it is coming true. I want her no pain, but to go see Dad. Sorry for the sad story, but I know I can't be alone and I don't see a

  - Bo Bertino

• September 25, 2007 8:38 p.m.

  We haven't llived in our ometown for over 50 years. My husband wants to back there to lilve. We have no family or friends there anymore. does anyone else have this problem?

  - Gerry Zehr

• September 25, 2007 8:38 p.m.

  My 80 year old husband is in the early stages of old "Alz", where he used to be so easy going, has now become argumentive like a 3 year old, and on top he has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer and they can't do surgery because of his age, so its only radiation, which he doesn't think he needs. I am not sure but I feel my plate is getting rather full, and with all that I will love him forever, his old self out weighs, his new grouchy self. You just have to learn to live each day and whatever it brings, been doing it now since 2001.

  - Marion

• September 25, 2007 8:28 p.m.

  continued! both of my parents died from AD complications last year, and had all the suggested documents prepared in advance. What helped me to advocated on their behalf even faster was an MD who "just happened" to declare my father "incompetent" (signed document) after he had previously taken over my mother's affairs. . . . With that in hand, it seemed like it was easier to get help on many fronts. And, I learned a lesson that I cherish - - whenever it was bleak and overwhelming, someone always seemed to appear to help/ guide us. I still refer to them as angels who appeared - - friends of mine, my parents, extended family, and even bureaucrats!! The kindnesses of so many people overwhelmed me at the same time I struggled with both parents' decline and death. I hope you find that, too.

  - jackie

• September 25, 2007 8:21 p.m.

  Let me suggest a very practical book. . .some of which may seem very simple and you may wonder why it even needs to be said. Unfortunately though, under the stress of daily care for a loved one with AD who is slowly declining, we often don't think of simple soluntions, cause we are just too tired, frustrated, saddened, and worried. The book is "the 36 hour day" and it includes simple reminders such as - - - if s/he can't make decisions "what pajamas do you want to pack in your suitcase?", give them only two choices, i.e. the red pajamas or the blue pajamas;and limit instructions to one step at a time. . . My father never read the book while my mother's caretaker but it helped me to "coach him" a bit, and I could "defer to an expert" as opposed to common sense (that would have hit another "button" in our relationship!) Also, both my parents died from AD last year, and had all the necessary documents ready. An MD declared them "

  - jackie

• September 25, 2007 8:06 p.m.

  My moma [89 years old] has Dementia, stroke & in a wheelchair. I read a article in AARP book about Alzheimer's medicine, it said it might help Dementia. I called her doctor to have her put on medicine for Alzheimer's and it sure has helped her so much. She is the sweetest Mom anyone can have.

  - Dee

• September 25, 2007 7:51 p.m.

  My father is 81, with dementia, and my sister and I had to move him into a nursing home last May when my mother passed away. I can sympathize with you Susan, about moving your mother close by - the first few months were horrible - Dad was very upset all the time, still grieving for my mother, and I was always in tears too. He wanted to go home very badly. Fortunately, somehow he never blamed us for putting him there. All my aunts/uncles supported our decision, knowing that there was no way he could live on his own. The facility is part of the same retirement complex where my parents had an apartment, so there were a lot of people that he knew close at hand, and we're lucky that one of my aunts lives in the same complex. 5 months later he is well adjusted, likes the staff (has no idea of their names of course), enjoys the food/activities. Your mother will adjust - but it won't be easy. Hang in there!!

  - Pam

• September 25, 2007 7:33 p.m.

  At the end of her AD, my mother could not swallow. She went 10 days, and you can imagine what it was like with no food or drink. She had a Living Will, so any attempt to keep her alive by artificial means was out of the question. Although it was hideous for the family, she saved us the pain of making that choice. She spent the last 3 days in a local hospice. They were great, and kept her asleep most of the time. Too bad they didn't take her a week sooner. The one thing I wish is that my stepfather had gotten some kind of support. He refused to attend a local support group, and had quintuple bypass surgery after Momma died. I am sure it was related to the stress of being her caregiver.

  - Mary

• September 25, 2007 7:21 p.m.

  How do you deal with compulsory haabit in a mild-moderate AL patient? My husband closes the blinds all over the house in the afternoon in spite of bright sun shine outside. He repeats this over and over again when they are re-open.

  - I-ling