Dementia

Free

E-Newsletters

Subscribe to receive the latest updates on health topics. About our newsletters

• Housecall
• Alzheimer's caregiving
• Living with cancer

• February 10, 2012 7:14 a.m.

  My husband was just diagnosed a year ago with Dementia, now thought to be MCI, or better yet Alz. How do I cope? Reading all I can find, recongnizing my stress, praying and deeply breathing. Feel so bad for him and cant help him it seems. Fear of the future.

  - katie

• February 2, 2012 3:58 p.m.

  Careful with the small outfits Debbie and others. My father was killed by a "caretaker" in a smaller, cheaper care facility.

  - David

• February 1, 2012 9:09 a.m.

  I remember from a course I took on Dementia, a word of advice, that today I continue to tell my families........This disease process is the toughest on the family. Because the patient is not aware of what is happening to him / her. Just make sure that you are taking care of yourself.

  - Lori M. (Registered Nurse)

• February 1, 2012 9:01 a.m.

  Lourdes: Try Melatonin. It is inexpensive and in the Mineral / vitamin section of your pharmacy. This has helped many people that I know get a good nights sleep. It comes in different doses. I would start out with the middle dose; I think it is 3 mg. I hope it works for you.

  - Lori M. (Registered Nurse)

• January 29, 2012 9:31 a.m.

  My husband was diagnosed with vascular and frontal temperal dementia at the age of 57. I took care of him and his mother for 18 months, after she passed away took care of jim for another three years. I really got to the point I could not deal with it any longer so had to find a solution. Luckily for me I found a wonderful Adult Living Group Home, only five patients, home cooked meals, and a wonderful woman who ownes the home, her daughter, son and grandaughters work with her, the cost is much less than a facility, the care is much more personal, and I feel that I am fulfilling my wedding vows of 38 years ago by caring for him in sickness. I explained to him why it was necessary, for months before the move, intellectually he was able to process the information, but with the fontal temperal thre is no emotion. It was a wonderful solution for both of us.

  - Debbie

• January 28, 2012 11:54 p.m.

  I really appreciate having your posts on this site. I am taking my husband to a Neurologist this week and now feel better informed about what the specialist will be looking for! Thank yoy!

  - Sigrid

• January 28, 2012 1:57 p.m.

  I'm 58. At my job I have a new supervisor who is changing many things. She keeps asking me if I remember her telling me something. I thought at first it was her being professional (mean). But the other day I realized I have forgotten important stuff. I'm too young to retire but I can't stay at this job. Being treated like and idiot is depressing.

  - LL

• January 26, 2012 12:49 a.m.

  My husband began having personality changes, behavioral changes and memory loss about 5 years ago at the age of 54. At first it was intermittent, but then I was convinced something was wrong. He began making poor decisions, ranting and raving at times, very emotional highs and lows, sometimes very angry, and sometimes crying. He didn't want to live anymore and had a preoccupation with wanting to golf everyday, watch it on TV and have sex. He began working part time but having difficulty adding his paycheck, forgetting important appts, losing things and drinking heavily. He would get angry, and he began using the word "Idiot" several times a day to describe people. After continually borrowing money we didnt have to support a business that was failing, we lost our home and possessions. We moved in to take care of his mother who has a more advanced form of Alzheimers. I was disable due to my own serious illness, and am now trying to care for both of them, go to school fulltime, and cope. My children do not believe that their is anything wrong with their father. I had him hospitalized after he wrote his 4th suicide letter, and passed out from alcohol. Since that day, he will not forgive me. He hates me and wants a divorce for trying to help him. My children think I am crazy, and feel that I betrayed him by forcing him into a hospitalization. I am hurting and all alone. To top it off I do all the work around here, and have been hospitalized twice this year.

  - Ann

• January 14, 2012 4:19 p.m.

  My 93-year-old aunt was recently diagnosed with dementia/early stage Alzheimers. The symptoms came about very quickly--within weeks. The doctor said she needed assisted living where she would be monitored closely. For several weeks before Christmas, she lived in her own little world--dwelling on things in the distant past. For the past few weeks, however, she has seemed very lucid and very angry that she is in assisted living with a memory "ward" that keeps her secure. It has thrown me for a loop because she was so bad before Christmas, and how she is almost normal. Is this normal? Did I make the right decision in moving her?

  - Susan

• January 11, 2012 11:16 a.m.

  I had my Mom (75 yrs) and Dad (76 yrs) move in with me about 6 years ago. Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 10 years ago. She is in the advanced stage as she needs assistance with pretty much everything. She still walks a little around the house with assistance. Until a couple of months ago, Dad would care for her during the day and I would take over at night. It started to get very difficult for both of us and have hired home care. It has been very helpful (and very expensive). The only concern I have now is those days when she is not able to sleep. She can go for 2 full nights and 2 full days without sleep. Her Dr. has prescribed various sleeping pills, but the side effects are worse. My heart aches when I see her body exhausted but her mind does not let her rest. She is taking Temazapan(sp/?) and that sometimes works right away and sometimes it takes 8 hours for it to take effect. When I give her one of these to sleep, she wakes up in a really bad mood. I have tried Lunesta, Ambien, but they do not work. Are there other sleeping pills that I can mention to her doctor to see if it would be something she can take? I think these sleepless nights are taking a toll on her body. Thank you.

  - Lourdes

• January 10, 2012 3:05 p.m.

  this is a question, not a comment. My dad has dementia and often get agitated and mean to my mother, his caregiver. He has even kicked her out of the house and not remember it the next day. How do we cope with him when he is like this? The medication is not always successful?

  - Paulette

• January 10, 2012 11:49 a.m.

  It's been interesting reading these posts. My Mom is 78 and began having noticible problems about a year ago. It seems she is most forgetful when the episode or event was stressful. Financial exploitation by my sister is creating a need for intervention. If we can get some legal determinations and will work with the doctors and family I am hoping it will make a difference for her. This is a cruel disease as my Mom does not realize how much it has affected her and some family members are in denial.

  - Robin

• January 10, 2012 10:18 a.m.

  At Thanksgiving 2011 my mother came to stay with me until I could get her into a home to care for her. I work, so she could not stay alone all day. At the job I have, there is an intense amount of paperwork that sits in boxes, unsorted. She started coming to work with me ever afternoon and started the project of sorting boxes of paper. To be needed, put her self worth in the stratosphere and she now has a sense of purpose. She unloads one box at a time and it takes about a week to get the contents in order, working even on the weekends. I think her mental state is improving as she now has to focus and think. She is making fewer mistakes, not asking instructions over & over, and remembering things in her personal life she would not before. She is only a volunteer, but she doesn't know that. She has gained the respect of my co-workers who remark they can't get their teenagers to work as hard as this 90 year old does.

  - Linda

• January 4, 2012 5:11 p.m.

  So my grandmother has something wrong but she has been to several doctors and none will diagnose her with anything at first they thought it was dementia and then they thought it was Alzheimer's. But now they do not know what is wrong. She has been forgetful, confused, and just gets lost, we cant let her drive at all anymore. It started off slowly 10 years ago but as time goes on it is just getting worse her memory is slowly going and with that so is she do you have any idea what could be wrong? I read something about early onset Alzheimer's or something like that would the doctors have tested for that? She is only 66 and was 56 when she started forgetting and misplacing things.

  - Elisa

• January 4, 2012 10:28 a.m.

  It's been 5 years that im a caring for an 86 y.o. woman with Alzheimer's and sometimes i feel like i cant anymore, i'm going crazy. She's almost paralyzed and i'm literally breaking my back for this job. And 6 months ago the doctor said that my Mom, 65 y.o. is a likely candidate for Early onset Alzheimer's or maybe Dementia. She's still undergoing tests. I'm an only child, single parent with 2 kids and i do 2 jobs as a Caregiver. Now i dont know how can i take care of my own mother. I dont know anymore what to do. I think i'm really gonna go crazy.

  - Joyce

• January 2, 2012 9:27 p.m.

  Just a word about being a care giver to people with dementia. To my mind, there is no alternative to looking after my wife as her dementia is accelerating. We were married 47 years in 2011. I remember my vows on our wedding day. I promised to look after her in "sickness and in health". I cannot now off load my responsibility to some strangers in a care facility. I must be true to me word so long ago. It is easy for christian people to ask the obvious question "how can a good and faithful good allow this to happen to her?" I look at the problem this way. God did not desert her. He is not busy elsewhere, or simply does not care - no. He is faithful in keeping his promise "I shall never leave you." I am the mind, the hands, the feet, the eyes of God. In that way he is with her every step of the way, until the very end. If I decide to desert her in her hour of need, I am the guilty one, not God!

  - Frans

• January 2, 2012 9:08 p.m.

  I live in Durban, South Africa. My wife, age 75, suffers from dementia with Lewy bodies. She has visual hallucinations, restlessness, she confuses time [dates, names of days, year numbers], space and have difficulty with cause and effect. She cannot easily do simple tasks like making a cup of coffee, or prepare a simple meal. She is at the stage where she does not recognize me as her husband - she usually confuses me with her long dead father (he died some 50 years ago!] I have learned to recognize the time of day that her psychotic episodes occur, and I give her resperidon [.5 mg] in good time. That seems to prevent her becoming too confused. I also regularly give her pain killers [paracetemol and Scopex], to stop underlying infections and pain - like irritable bowl syndrome - which causes stress and is a major cause of her psychotic episodes. Interestingly, I have found that her visual hallucination episodes deals with people that are visiting us that need to be given beds to sleep in, or must be served meals. It is obvious to me that these episodes closely follow her personality traits. She is a naturally caring person! I also find that we cannot visit friends anymore, or entertain friends at home, because it causes het stress due to her urgent need to look after people properly. I also found that one must under no circumstances contradict her while having one of her psychotic episodes.

  - Frans

• January 2, 2012 12:49 p.m.

  I am 74 years and the last of 9 children. My oldesr sister, my oldest brother, my fifth sibling and a neice have all been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I have noticed numerous symptoms from supposed Alzhomers and seems to hold true in all the above cases: first, they seem to become combative, confused , want to squirrel away odd things such as food under their bed, cars keys in the refrig,etc. The experiences I have also experienced is that as the disease progresses they also seem to to be attracted to light. They also seem to become very obedient to commands, such as sitting them down somewhere and either sitting there for indefinire times or if they try to move, tell the GENTLY to sit back down and they comply. I hope this little observerance will help any one who is experiencing Alzheimer symptoms to be comfortable in their expaeriences. Paul

  - Paul

• December 31, 2011 2:24 a.m.

  My Mom is 70yrs-just diagnosed w/dementia. Dr. has ordered tests,scans etc. My Hubby,5 yr old Daughter & I live w/her in her home.Moved in 4 mths ago my dad passed in July. Hubby is working out of state for winter. Hardly get 2 see him. We knew for 2 yrs she was declining mentally. Dad wouldn't admit it. 1st small things like forgetting dates/times for appts. Now She is socially impaired-Can't hold a conversation w/out reverting 2 stories of her past from 40 yrs ago & tells same stories over and over. Can't do Checkbook, Meds, laundry or cook. She asks me same questions over & over. Only Watches TV. Easily angered and confused, argumentative & very impatient w/ my Daughter. She is very depressed over her diagnosis & mad at Dr. She declined rapidly since Dad died in July. She tells me she just wants to Die and get it over w/ & thinks we're going to put her in a loony bin & and I can't convince her otherwise.Some Days I totally loose it with her & can't stand myself. I have a 5 year old Daughter that needs me and yet my mom gets more attention lately than my daughter does. I realize I need to change my attitude and also how I deal with her. I need more me time and my daughter needs more of me. The postings here have been so helpful. Nothing prepares you to be a care giver. I needed to know I was not alone because sometimes I sure feel alone. I cry often in private. I love my mom & miss who she used 2 be. I pray God 2 give me heart & min

  - -Denise

• December 30, 2011 3:06 a.m.

  to Angela Lunde the only tests they did on my father was ask him his name and address. When he didn`t know they told us he had Alzheimer. What tests should someone have in a situation like that. Also, he had heart failure. Shouldn`t the possibility of vascular dementia have been considered? He is now deceased,but some problems run in families. I would like to know for future reference.

  - Louise

• December 27, 2011 8:44 p.m.

  My husband of 30 years has had AD for the past 6 years. Althou this is not the road we chose for our later years, we battle this awful diease together every day. Yes it is very diffcult at times. He whines a lot because he can not tell me what his needs are. We do not sleep through the night. I have to remind him to use the bathroom, and most of the time I have to help him. I do have my 78 year old mother living with us as well. She too has health problems due to strokes. My life is full and yet I praise the Lord above for giving me a wonderful husband, who still loves me, even if he can't say it, and if the roles were reversed he would be taking such gentle care of me. I know his soul. For every caregiver out there, God Bless You for all that you do. I can't not imagine my life right now any other way but to be taking care of the two people who gave me so much. It is not a bed of roses everyday, but we have to look deep to see the blossoms. They are there, just hidden in the winter snow.

  - Rosemary

• December 27, 2011 1:09 p.m.

  Dear Renee, Your mothers symptoms sound as if she might have Alzheimers. Going to a Caregiver Support Group would be very helpful for you even though you are not living in her city and her husband would benefit as well; he will need your help in doing this. I went to a Caregiver group for several years when I realized that something was not right with my husband. It helped me tremendouly! First take her to a neurologist for evaluation. Little white lies are helpful with this disease, if it keeps the patient more comfortable and less combative. Just tell her you're taking her for a ride and proceed carefully with the same approach. I typed up my husbands symptoms, gave it to the receptionist and ask that it go to the neurologist without her knowing. That way you don't have to talk about everything in her presence. Visit early on with facilities for Day Care's and assisted living places. Talk to others who have had their love ones in facilities to find out what questions you need to ask. When my husband came home from the Alzheimers Day Care he was so much happier than if he stayed at home. Check with someone to see if they have free Trans Aid bus service. The drivers are trained to handle patients, as well as keeping them safe.

  - No name given

• December 16, 2011 1:41 p.m.

  My Mum has been in a home for the past 9 years with Alzheimers. She went through many of the symptoms described in previous posts. Constantly looking for her purse, hiding her jewelry or wrapping it in kleenex and then throwing it out, she also forgot the names of her grandchildren. My father looked after her until she began escaping in the middle of the night. We had her in a day program which gave him some time to himself, then we had someone come in for a couple of hours a day. It rapidly became clear that she needed to be in a locked facility. We found an amazing place and she has been there for 9 years. She has gradually declined over the years with loss of bladder control, an the inability to feed herself. For the past 6 years she hasn't known who we are, but we continue to visit and include her in conversations though she can't respond. Its a tough disease on the family more so than the patient. Recently she has had seizures and this may be the begining of the end.

  - Erika

• December 1, 2011 2:40 p.m.

  Thank you for this informative article. I appreciated the clarification that dementia is a set of symptoms. At this point, I am not as concerned about the label/diagnosis as I am about dealing with the situation. We have been taking care of my mother the last five years; her symptoms are extreme distractability, instability, inability to complete verbal thoughts, difficulty swallowing; she needs 24/7 care. Lately even answering a yes or no questions is difficult. That said, she is 90 years old, still fastidious about her grooming, and continues to have a fun personality. She loves being with people, and they enjoy her! She reaches down deep and becomes her old self when in public. It always amazes me to see this side of her, and I want her to stay! One thing I have learned is that friends and some family members don't really want to hear anything but, "She's fine," when they ask about how Mom is doing. I used to start telling some details, but they would dismiss what I said and tell me that they hope they will do as well when they are 90. It used to make me feel so alone, but I realize that they don't want to hear about the reality of watching a loved one decline. My wonderful husband,a few treasured friends and my kids are great, and I rely on them when I need someone to listen to what is really going on with Mom and with me. I hope each one of you reading this finds at least one support person who will care for you as your care for your loved one.

  - Mary Lou

• November 30, 2011 2:18 p.m.

  Thank you so much for offering this space Dr. Lunde. My father is recently deceased from complications due to his dementia. If someone else can learn from what I have to share I would be delighted. I was the family caregiver for my father but he was living in assisted living and ultimately a nursing home. He expired from pnemonia but since I was with him at time of death, his inability to swallow contributed greatly to his discomfort and ultimately to his demise. So the one thing I would like to address and clarify for those who are caring for patients and loved ones who cannot swallow is the need to advocate that care is directed toward recovering this capacity. In many cases this will not be possible; but don't give up. In my father's case, it would have kept him alive.

  - glenn