Mayo Clinic Health Manager

Get free personalized health guidance for you and your family.

Free

E-Newsletter

Subscribe to receive the latest updates on health topics. About our newsletters

• Housecall
• Alzheimer's caregiving
• Living with cancer

• November 26, 2009 7:11 a.m.

  I have GAD; been treated for it since age 13. Treated for depression since my 20's. I developed agoraphobia about 12 years ago. I have taken Wellbutrin 300 mg and buspar 20 mg daily for 15 years or so; have been taking klonopin on and off too, but more lately. Isn't there just one pill for all this? Klonopin is the only one that seems to work any more. I have a family history of this stuff, and suicide. It seems to get worse after 40: I am 56. Any suggestions?

  - Mary

• November 24, 2009 8:27 p.m.

  My daughter has been treated for depression since she was 16. She is 39 now and is being treated for bipolar depression right now and her doctor has her on: Abilify 10 mg. in the morning Clonazepam 1 mg twice a day Propranolal 20 mg. three times a day Fluoxetine 40 mg two in the am Thioridazine 100 ng, 3 at bedtime Chlorpromazine two at bedtime This seems like of lot of meds and she doesn't seem to be improving, in fact, she seems more depressed. Judy

  - Judy

• November 21, 2009 4:56 p.m.

  It's not fair. its just not. i dont knwo what to do anymore. i gave my daughter up for adoption, its open and all, but im NOT mommy. it hurts so bad. my heart is broken and there seems to be nothing i can do about it. she will be a year and seven months on the 25th.. its like with every passing day it gets worse. with time it doesnt get easier, it just reminds me how much i missed. she is already talking and reading, with the "your baby can read program" she is so smart. i wonder if i had her would she be this smart. could i give her this much. and i realize i would of been a horrible mom. because the answers to those is no. i HATE seeing people with there little girls. i hate seeing dad's with their daughters. did i mention he died when i was six. i feel like i failed on my daughter, my dad, my life. its like i have no reason to be here. but just to take up space. i have messed up so much. and it seems to only be getting worse. i only felt like this after i had Alaina. i mean putting he in their carseat at the hospital to take home, was hell. i fell on the ground sobbing. when we left the apartment they were at i had to say ok "go to mommy" and handed her over to the adoptive mom. she was only 3 weeks old. and i abandoned her. i sobbed then to. and now when i see kids. i cry. i cant help it. i dont know what to do anymore.

  - K.D.

• November 16, 2009 10:56 p.m.

  Sorry, I had to take two post for this. It's important. I went outside when I had feelings I didn't understand, and I waited , and listened to the birds, and felt the wind on my skin...and knew I needed help. I went in the house, found my daughter playing happily where I left her, and called a local help-line. ..Where I was passed from person to person, with no one really knowing what to do,...until I hung up. I realized then that I had to get through this myself. And I did. I took a deep breath, and told myself that these dark thoughts are WRONG. Please don't mistake me for someone who you picture as a person who has a mental or physcological impairment. I'm not. I love my daughter with every breath I take and would defend her to the death. I can't explain how my mind had those thoughts, only that they were. I remain, happily, Sarahs Mom

  - Anon and loving Mom

• November 16, 2009 10:44 p.m.

  I write this 51/2 years after my youngest daughter was born, In hopes it will help some other mother get through what i did. My daughter was unexpected; I was a divorced Mom, age 40, and dating a man for 2 years who had told me he couldn't have more children. I kept taking my birth control , until he convinced me I didn't need it. 6 months later, I was pregnant. I cried for a full day, then told the father. He was ecstatic, and said he'd be there to raise our child. I loved him, but I had children, and knew what a child meant (he had an adult son also). I then talked to someone very close to me (outside opinion if you will) who shared my belief that I could do whatever I felt I needed to do. I needed to give this innocent child a life. My daughter sarah is 51/2, beautiful in every way, and constantly reminds me that I'm a grandma! lol Her older siblings are 18-28. However, there was a short period of time,about 2 weeks when she was only 6 months old, that I hate to even think about. I had thoughts that scare me even now, about both of us. I had heard of PPD before with my older children, and having never experienced anything of the sort, dismissed them as an excuse for women who kill or hurt their children. I was wrong. I don't want to go into details, and I never hurt my child, but I wasn't right. I cried at innappropriate times, I even had thoughts of hurting her or myself. One time, when I was holding her, I I had to put her down and go outside to get a grip

  - Anon and Loving Mom

• November 11, 2009 8:26 p.m.

  I recently had my beautiful baby girl 12 weeks early and she has been in the NICU for 4 weeks already. I want more than anything to feel the joy that new mothers are supposed to feel, but that is not coming easy to me. I didn't even get to see my daughter for 2 days after an emergency C-section and I just feel a sense of being robbed of the one joyous moment of my life. I know God did this for a reason, but I am not sure what that reason is right now. I hope that time can heal my sadness because she deserves all of the happiness in the world.

  - Mary

• November 11, 2009 2:23 p.m.

  I don't know where to begin. After reading some of these posts I feel like I have no reason to be depressed which, ironically, makes me feel worse. I have my health, a wonderful husband who loves me, a roof over my head and food to eat, so I should be ok, right? Unfortunately, right now, I'm not. My husband and I moved a year and a half ago from FL to NC for his job, leaving behind our friends, families, church, and my job. We thought that it would be a new start and that I'd be able to find a job fairly quickly (I'm a teacher). Right after we got up here the job market tanked~even teaching jobs, which should be pretty recession proof, disappeared. I interviewed for several positions, none of which worked out, so I settled on substituting. The area we live in is very small and there are no jobs available in other areas. I made a few friends, but they were all wives or girlfriends of my husbands coworkers. Two are getting divorced and have moved away and the third's fiancee was laid off, so they moved as well. I feel like my support system is crumbling. I'm very close with my parents, but they're 6.5 hours away, as are all of my friends. My husband doesn't understand what I'm feeling because he's never dealt with anything like this. The fact that he never knows what he's going to come home to stresses him out. Depression runs in my family and I was on Wellbutrin, but I currently am uninsured (hubby's plan is ridiculous). I just don't know what to do.

  - DM

• November 9, 2009 6:37 a.m.

  I think I may have seasonal affect disorder. It has become apparent to me that every year at almost the exact same time, I feel so depressed I have severe crying spells and withdrawl. It usually starts at Halloween or right after. Both of my parents are deceased and I married later (40) in life and have no children. I want so much for large family gatherings with happy times and of course this is an unobtainable desire. It gets worse the closer the holidays get. I have a brief periods of happiness, but mostly I sleep, or eat and want to be left alone. I find myself visiting the cemetary and I grieve for my family members there. I lost my best g/f to cancer 2 1/2 years ago and that deeply depresses me as well. I recently had a hysterectomy and am on some hormone meds as well as an anti-depressant but nothing helps. I have finally realized that this hits me every time of the year about the same time. I usually cry in deep depressive pain every Thanksgiving morning. Not having children and my parents being gone, I am always dreading Christmas as well. I have all these hopes of big happy family gatherings and of course that can't happy. I spend Christmas with my inlaws who live way way way away, in another country, and they love me, but, it's just not enough to take me out of the deep funk I am in. I put on a face for Christmas to not be so overtly obvious that I am miserable. My husband is basically a happy go lucky person and doesn't understand what's happening.

  - CK

• November 8, 2009 10:12 p.m.

  Well, I don't know where to begin or end. I'm scared I have depression like the rest of my family.. I don't want to go get checked out. I don't know why. It's like I don't want an escape reason for being rude to my friends and family. My dad died when I was 6 and my world changed. Money was the topic of our household. My mom had an 8,6, and 3 y/o to raise. I had to grow up quick. After that, we moved from my "best friends" in El Paso and moved to Houston. That was really hard. My dad is buried in El Paso, so I can't even visit. When I was 17, I got prego, with a horrible guy. I gave my daughter up for adoption and, well, that was the hardest thing in the whole world to do. It's an open adoption but still. I'm NOT mommy. That hurts. I miss her every day. She is now a year and a half. Every one says with time it will get better... well who ever was the moron that made that up has never felt pain. With every day that passes, I think about all I missed. I think, I think stuff I shouldn't, like just that I don't want to deal with this pain anymore. I don't think I can do it. :(

  - K.D.

• November 7, 2009 2:58 p.m.

  I am concerned about a friend of mine. He is an alcoholic and was recently given anti-drepressants by his doctor for severe depression. I keep telling him that his alcohol problem could be the root cause of his depression and that he should not drink with the anti-depressants but it just makes him mad. He drinks on average 3-5 bottles of wine a day! His recent health problem is that he is loosing his vision very quickly. He just got new glasses and still he cannot see well. He can no longer drive and he is really upset that he can't read the newspaper anymore. He refuses to tell the doctor that he drinks with his medication so I wanted to know if this problem is related to the combination of the medication with wine. What other complications could arise from this deadly combination if he does not consult his doctor about his problem?

  - Lana

• November 1, 2009 11:28 a.m.

  Peggy hang in there, belive that this too will pass. See a therapist and send out positive energy to your son. It has been a long haul with my son, he cannot work and his Split personality father would not agree to any treatment fr him, but I am living and keeping hope alive, I must confess that it is not easy, but alone as I am I cry out to God in my lonliness and weakess moments, so what ever you conceive that higher power to be cry out to him/her, it can only help. My higher power is Jehovah God.

  - max

• November 1, 2009 11:19 a.m.

  I became depressed the year my father died. I managed to throw it off without any medical help, but I was young. I have had major illnesses and multiple surgeries. I also marry a man who I call Dr. Jekelly and Mr. Hyde. I am not close to my siblings nor my ex's family. It has been difficult for me, especially sine my divorce and living and paying rent at 61 years old. I have been treated for depression several times. My coping skills are stretched , but I have hope, hope that tommorow will be a better day. My second son is a concern but at the moment prayer is the stabilizing factor and I know he is healed. I have suffered pains as a result of stress, pangs of anxiety and fear, insomnia, wiegt gain and weight loss, lack of appetite, fear of going out socially, but in all that and through all my ordeal i must keep hope alive. Hope that I will never have to get back into a relationship with my ex, hope that I will get my portion of the property I work so hard for, hope that my other two children will understand the reason why I had to walk away from their manipulative and 'charming' father, that they will understand that abuse is painful. I am seeing a psychologist to help through my pain, my loss and my grief. I need your encoragement and I hope this serves as an encoragement to others. Seek help, believe in that higher power and remember you are not alone in this, there are so many of us. I just hope I can find this site again

  - Max

• October 31, 2009 1:32 p.m.

  Peggy you may want to talk to a family doctor or therapist . good luck

  - kim

• October 31, 2009 11:31 a.m.

  I am new to this site and worry that I may have clinical depression. I just discovered that my adult son (27 years old) is addicted to Heroin. He had a great childhood and I am a college educated professional. With that said, I can't help but feel I have somehow caused him to do this. I confronted him because he kept asking to borrow more and more money. He also is a white collar worker with a great job and his own home which he would have lost had I not given him the money to catch up 3 house payments. Lately, I have been fantasizing about running my car into a telphone pole, shooting myself in the head or eating as many pills that I can get my hands on. I don't really want to die, I just want this all to be over. My husband who is not my son's father (divorced him years ago) has tried to be supportive but he has his own issues and it's not his biological son so I know he doesn't feel the pain and shame that I do. Is there anyone out there who can relate to this or am I alone. I would appreciate any advice or input you may have.

  - Peggy

• October 26, 2009 11:34 a.m.

  So tired always so tired - I have been this way so long I no longer know what normal is. Tired of depression and all the baggage it brings. I only wish there was an answer

  - b

• October 23, 2009 12:56 p.m.

  newmommy I had the same symptoms after pregnancy. I am 49 years old and just found out this year that I have thyroid disease. I always felt great when pregnant. Have your thyroid checked. My thyroid levels were normal but the doctor noticed a lump on the right side of my neck. I had a large nodule. Good Luck!

  - anita

• October 23, 2009 8:41 a.m.

  Do not give up! There are many different meds or combos of meds to use. They take some time to work. You WILL NOT always feel this way. I promise! I'm a survivor of major depression. It's beyond horrible. Check your thyroid, your hormones, family history, even look into Omega 3 fatty acids! Be pro-active. It WILL go away. I've had relapses, became med resistant, but NEVER gave up. New drugs are coming in all the time. Most importantly, get on your knees, prayer is powerful. If you are capable of such deep pain, you are also capable of such deep caring. Depression really humbles you. DON'T GIVE UP!

  - Deb

• October 22, 2009 1:46 a.m.

  Well we all realize how Depression has sucked the life from us, I just hope someday that I can beat it before it beats me. I just feel so empty and not sure how to take the next step again. My wife is sick of me being like this and she is ready to file for divorce. I find it hard to to nearly every basic task, makes excuses and then of course never finish anything that I start.... I want to have a life.... but how?

  - John

• October 20, 2009 8:08 a.m.

  I have never understood how someone could feel bad enough to think they had nothing to live for .Until a couple years ago when PTSD became part of my life .I totally understand now what it is like to live with depression and have your mind go into that dark pit and feel you have little to no control over your life .You just want the thoughts in your mind to stop and be at peace.

  - Kim

• October 18, 2009 10:35 p.m.

  I'm 59 and have been plagued with depression all my life but didn't have a name for it until 25 years ago. I think back on my childhood and see the reactions I had were due to depression. I see a wonderful psychiatrist and have been on just about everything that was ever made. My meds(if the side effects are tolerable)seem to work for a while and it's like I get immune and Dr.J. has to come up with another combination. I even have had ECT in past years with no help or lasting help coming from that.I can feel it coming on the least bit just as I can feel it improve just a little bit(if I'm lucky).It's horrible to live with and indescribable to anyone who has not dealt with it in any way. I don't have anyone to talk to that deals with this and wish I did other than my doctor. No one knows unless they've been there or your family that's lived through this with you. People out there, you are not alone. There seems to be more than we realize who suffer along with us. Let's hang in there. It's hard to I know when we feel like crap and just want to sleep and not feel the pain it creates in our minds.

  - Geraldine

• October 18, 2009 9:31 p.m.

  Depression can be an awfull thing to live with .Feeling like you have to hide it from the world doesnt help.

  - Kim

• October 17, 2009 10:02 a.m.

  I have had depression for most of 14 years, 10 years ago, when my husband was killed in an auto accident, I really slipped. Have been fine up until 1 years ago and all of a sudden, pow, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I cry morning noon and night. I don't care to do anything, and when I have to, it is only half of an effort. I am now on my third med and it does nothing, to top it off, they think I have Mineares Desease, which is making everything almost impossible. I have just about alienated my family, my daughter understands, but she has her own problems. Oh I have sleep apnea too! Talking to a therapist doesn't seem to help, why should they care anyways? I am 60 and really have nothing to live for anymore. I am tired and fed up.

  - Karen

• October 11, 2009 10:26 p.m.

  I suffer from PTSD,depression.sleep disorder.panic disorder.I see a therapist once a week and am on several meds to help me sleep and deal with the depression .Many days it is still hard to get out of bed .I often feel that no one truly understands .

  - Kim

• October 7, 2009 10:05 a.m.

  I was first Dx with depression 30 years ago, during the first 20 years did not need treatment would go for years then maybe 6 months or so on meds then fine. !997 was a bad year and up to 2008, was on meds and went to Therapy, about two weeks ago in a stressful place I called some one names I do not usually use.and do not remember doing it Went to Dr. Had Head CT Stress and a lot of blood work.it all came back fine. at the time I was on 50mg of Pristiq 20 of lexapro my therapist thought it could me to much Serration build up lower lexa pro to 10 mg. When I went to Dr. told him said it could be Sudo Depression what is that I do not know how I can handle this up and down on meds they work fine for about 9 months then I slide back down

  - Darlene

• October 5, 2009 10:33 a.m.

  I have been battleing majoe depression for many years and have used every drug cocktail known. I manage to get by, but the side effects suck. you have other treatments on your website, but they dont seem to be offered outside of minnesota, why is that?

  - Jane