Depression (major depression)

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• August 13, 2011 10:58 p.m.

  Dear Denise, It was so wonderful to hear from you.You sound like you maybe feeling even a tiny bit better .Babysteps ,minute by minute thats the way to go .There are days that all I do is try to go minute by minute .I never know where my mind is going to take me ,.I stay as alert as I can to what my body is telling me so I know how to react .The only thing I take at night is clonazapam for the anxiety .My hope is that as I deal with more of my past in therapy the nightmares ,night terrors, and flash backs will become more controlable.I really do understand what you are going through. Please dont take this as Im feeling sorry for myself ,thats not how I mean it to be ,,I have been through so much of what you are going through that my heart totally goes out to you .Depression ,anxiety,sleeplessness,lack of energy,,,the list is endless. It all seems to suck the life out of you .Thank god we are stronger than we think we are .My thoughts are with you .Take care !

  - kam

• August 13, 2011 2:12 p.m.

  Jay,..lorking through the blog, your entry struck home...I was a workaholic for 40 yrs...my life was changed in 10sec. when a DWI hit me head-on..I survived...you will too! It ain't pretty..but, BUT...I believe every happens for a reason...every minute is our choice..every response, no matter how small IS ours!...you matter...Butterfly effect! ck it out!

  - trisha

• August 13, 2011 10:24 a.m.

  dear annette: so sorry 2 hear that ur meds. r not working, did i mention about the CYP450 test to u & evry 1 else, it's a simple blood test that tells which a.d.'s are a better choice 4 ea. individual, ask ur dr. about it on Tues. when u go, don't b surprised if he hasn't heard of it, it's an individual genetic test, you're always in my thoughts & prayers too & i appreciate all your kind thoughts & advice, thanks so much & good luck @ the dr. on tues. if i don't hear from u before then

  - denise

• August 13, 2011 10:01 a.m.

  dear kam: thank you for the sweet thoughts & words of encouragement (i need them right now), isn't that lamictal helping u sleep?? i always took it @ nite & it helped my sleep, here's my nite time regimen-2 benedryl & 2-one mg. ativan-within a half hour usually i'm tired enough to go 2 bed, thanks sooo much 4 everything & i'll talk to you soon

  - denise

• August 13, 2011 9:54 a.m.

  dear cindy: wouldn't that b something 2 meet once a wk. to just talk in person,(even though it's not really possible), it's a really nice thought, thank you 4 the prayers & nice thoughts, you're so lucky that ur meds. work 4 u & that you're able to hold down a full-time job, i would just love it if i could even work part-time (am not able right now), menopause & my depression has caused me 2 lose interest in men, but i have enough problems 2 deal with right now than to have someone else in my life-oh well maybe someday?? well hello to all & i'll right back soon

  - denise

• August 12, 2011 11:11 p.m.

  Also, to give everybody a re-hash of my own meds: Paxil and Xanex. I take the Xanex 3 times a day, the Paxil once. I started these 13 years ago during my divorce, but absolutely needed them my entire life because I've suffered from depression my entire life. I can't focus my thoughts or cope on an everyday level without my Xanex and Paxil. I still suffer from depression, but now it's more situational than chemical and it's not severe. I have problems with my adult daughter, as I mentioned. That causes sorrow. I also spend alot of time working {seven days a week as a private tutor} and this both helps my spirits but also wears me out. I would really like having a boyfriend but am procrastinating due to former pain in relationships..like I don't know if I can do that again! Men expect So Much..just don't know if I can handle it again! Yet, the loneliness is painful sometimes. So, I'm stuck in a limbo as far as romance goes. Best to All.

  - Cindy

• August 12, 2011 10:59 p.m.

  Also wanted to say hello to Denise. I'm still praying for you. You were the first one to welcome me to this blog. Thank you so much! Wish we could all meet once a week and just talk through our problems. I feel we are all good people who are desperately trying to get through this complex thing called life..it's not easy for ANYBODY. If I've learned one thing..it's definitely that. So 1.treasure the happy times 2.pick your fights very selectively 3. Thank God for all you do have and 4. Never, ever, ever give up hope that God will deliver you a happier tomorrow. Bless all of You! Will write more in a few days.

  - Cindy

• August 12, 2011 10:38 p.m.

  Hey Rob, Something you wrote struck a big chord with me. I am divorced after 24 years of marriage. That was 13 years ago. Anyway, 2 years after the divorce,I met a "wonderful" man who cheated on me with a one-night stand after dating for two years. I was CRUSHED! My ex-husband never even did that..that's not what the divorce was about. Anyway, I broke it off and then took him back after he cried his eyes out. We dated another 2 1/2 years and then I broke it off for good. But..I NEVER got over his total disrespect for me as a person by cheating. He would hang out occasionally at this bar with his friends, and one night he met someone he thought was attractive. So, he planned to meet her their another night..and she went home with him and that was that. I learned all this from his best friend no less, who respected me enough to tell me the whole story. It was an absolute obsession with me. The cruelty of it just wouldn't stop. I had a male friend tell me once, "Cindy..that's not the type of thing anybody gets over." The thing is,Rob, he did not love this woman at all. It was selfish "fun", "lust", for kicks..you get the idea. But if you are married, Rob, trust me, you Must let it go. If your wife loves you, then LET IT GO. My sister's husband had a 6 month affair after they'd been married for 30 years! He was depressed cause he lost his job. She forgave him and that was 12 years ago. Please let it go and be grateful for the life you

  - Cindy

• August 12, 2011 10:37 p.m.

  Dear Denise ,, Nice to see you write again .Hope the new meds can get you back on track .As I was telling Annette it seemed like it took for ever to get the right combo for me .There are still many times depending on what is going on in therapy that nothing seems to work .Still go through a lot of emotions ,and ups and downs .Not being able to sleep doesnt help much.Please dont beat yourself up over it .We have to listen to our bodies and right now yours is saying it needs rest .Take care . Get the rest you need .Hope you are feeling better day by day . Write when you can .

  - kam

• August 12, 2011 10:21 p.m.

  Hi Annette,,So sorry you are going through such a hard time with meds .I know how that is .Seems like it took for ever (a couple years) to find the right combo for me .It can be so frustrating I know .Next week seems like a long time when you arent feeling well .Isnt there some else that can help until your regular Dr. is back ?.I dont think you are on a pity party at all ! I feel you are totally frustrared ,Over tired and dont really want to start a new drug because they so often make you feel even worst .Maybe you are tired of puting your mind and body through that again .,,but you know you have so you can face another day .Not trying to put words in your mouth ,,but am I even close ?I really do understand!Hope you are feeling better soon .Stay safe and take care of yourself .Will be thinking of you .

  - kam

• August 12, 2011 2:52 p.m.

  Dear Denise, how are feeling now. am not feeling good. my meds are now working less. my depression comes and go. my dr. is on vacation so have to wait for him. it`s hard but have to wait for him. he`ll be back next week Tuesday. thank God. have to ask another med. don`t yet what. Even if you dont hear from me so often but you and Kam are always in my thoughts and prayers. Pls take care of yourself and thanks and thank you for writing.

  - Annette

• August 12, 2011 2:42 p.m.

  Dear Kam, How are you. It`s been 2 weeks now that my meds are working less. get depression attacks every now and then. the remeron supposed to help me sleep without the lormetazepam but can`t still sleep without it. its so frustrating. all have to do is cry and feel pity for myself and ask why meds don`t help me anymore? My dr is on vacation, he`ll be coming back next week Tuesday have to ask to change my meds. wonder what for meds he will suggest for me. It`s very difficult have to pretend to everyone that am doing fine. hope your are doing fine. take care and thanks for talking to me.

  - Annette

• August 11, 2011 9:57 a.m.

  dear kam & annette: how r u both doing?? haven't heard from u lately, well went off the nardil this past fri. the 5th, think it might be gettin' outta my system a little bit, takes 2 wks. to be completely all flushed out, asking doc to put me on Lamictal in the mean time (have nooooo energy still), need to get back to life, hope u guys are doing ok

  - denise

• August 11, 2011 9:52 a.m.

  dear jay: glad u wrote in, sounds like u have & have had a lot of stressful events in your life, (in my opinion)-i would do what i told Rob 2 do-dr. 1st & then a psychiatrist-would probably help you alot, good luck to you, hope i helped you & write back & let me know how you're doing

  - denise

• August 11, 2011 9:19 a.m.

  dear rob: welcome to the blog, i'm not sure if you suffer from depression or not, i'm not a professional just someone that has suffered from dep. 4 a very long time, you probably suffer from insomnia (since ur up so late @ nite), but u would have to have other symptoms to actually be diagnosed as having depression, (my opinion) i would go to your family dr. & talk to him 1st, if he/she thinks u might have an illness, he would refer you to a psychiatrist, no big deal to go 2 one, they just ask a lot of questions & they can help u with medication possibly?? or referring u to a counselor, hope this helped you, good luck & write back if it helps you

  - denise

• August 11, 2011 6:57 a.m.

  I have been successfully self-employed in a very stressful profession for 25 years and attribute my ongoing battle for happiness to a large extent with long standing total job burn out. My 50 years of life include an alcoholic father who made life miserable for our family, especially my mother who never gave up on him. Overachievement in high school, college and beyond for me as a result. An ill advised relationship during college which eventually resulted in a bankruptcy in my twenties due to loans I guaranteed for my college relation. The separation of my parents, leaving my mother a mental wreck during the time I began my professional career and leaving me as the only family member my father would deal with and making me his only caregiver for 3 years. Marriage to a binge drinking female just as my father was diagnosed with cancer when I was 30. The long, slow death of my father commencing only 6 months after parents reconciled and found a moment of happiness. Unhappy marriage. Death of two close friends at age 30. Birth of wonderful son at 37. Death of mother after her infinite battle with Alzheimer's. Divorce at 45. Separation anxiety from my son for the last 5 years. 100 pound weight gain. All the symptoms of major depression. I do the minimum to maintain a good income somehow. Don't bathe. Don't do simple errands. House is a mess. Self-medicate. Self-diagnose. My precious son is now old enough to see me as flawed, not flawless. Life sucks. Thoughts anyone?

  - Jay

• August 11, 2011 2:13 a.m.

  Hello all, Not sure if I belong on this blog. I don’t have many of the listed depression symptoms. Mine are poor sleep patterns, tend to concentrate on negative thoughts (not suicide, but relationships), I always feel unloved by my wife despite reassurance, I cry during movies (and oh ya, its 2 a.m. and I’m looking up things on depression because I can’t sleep after my wife didn’t want to make love before bed and all I can think of is her not wanting to be with me and a past infidelity she had when we were dating, but apart for months due to military basic training 15 years ago). I think these thoughts make me irritable and sad when I am generally a happy guy. Is it depression or a do I need to go to marriage counseling? I love my wife, but as stated above we had some issues. The reason why I think its depression is because I have not gone 1 day in the last 15 years without thinking of what she did. I wish I could just forgive and forget. Any thoughts?

  - Rob

• August 10, 2011 11:23 p.m.

  dear angie: welcome to the blog, i think it's great that u wrote in to try & help out your bf, bi-polar is very difficult to deal with, i'm not a professional, just someone that suffers from depression for over 35 yrs. now, i have gone thru periods of several months with little relief from my depression, as i also suffer from major depressive disorder, treatment-resistant depression & seasonal affective disorder, with living in Mi. our winters r very very long, i just keep doing research on any & all drugs that i can research on-line, most all the a.ds. don't work for me, we've tried many, many of them, mood stabilizers (such as lamictal), are usually what works for me, there's a new genetic test that's being used now-right in the drs. office, a simple cheek swab is taken, sent to the lab, a report is sent to the drs. office with a clear printed statement telling you & the dr. what drugs would work best for your individual needs, it's called GeneSightRX, it's very interesting, i haven't had the test done yet, but my drs. office is getting set-up for it, the best thing you can do for your bf is be there for him (which i'm sure you are) & listen when he wants to talk & help him out even with simple things: such as errands, dr. appts., etc., those are the things that i need the most help with when i'm not doing well, i hope this helped, good luck & write back to let us know how y

  - denise

• August 10, 2011 12:28 p.m.

  I always knew many people were going through a severe depression, but don't know many who have actually made a 180--or as close as possible. I'm on buproprion and fluoexetine and have tried every class of medicine with little result and therapy has been no help, probably because this issue is always on my mind and I'm expressing my feelings and/or discovered what causes me to go even further down..it's obvious, however, that at this stage in my life (28 years old) the depression is severe and has been with me for quite some time (est. 15 years). It's horrible. I used to have lots of energy and actually care about myself and life. Now, even the idea of getting a haircut seems utterly pointless. Wondering how some of you have tackled this issue. There are bouts every now and then of a happier mood/energy, but they are superficial and always fleeting. Things in my mind are either scattered and confused or just numb and completely empty.

  - Depression in the Heart of TX

• August 9, 2011 6:37 p.m.

  Hi everyone, I am new to the blog. My boyfriend, whom I've been with for eight years, suffers from severe "treatment-resistant" depression. I know that I cannot possibly know how you feel but I can say it sure hurts to love someone who is going through this. He has always been such a burst of energy and now he barely has the gumption to get out of bed. I wish I could help more. 'Anyone out there been depressed or had mixed-state bipolar for more than six months without any real relief from medication?

  - Angie

• August 7, 2011 6:12 p.m.

  Hi Walter from July 21st. Do the medications taken for depression provide serotonin or just change the way the brain can obtain natural produced serotonin? Well, serotonin is actually made in the intestines. But what you probably don’t know is that about 80 to 90 percent of the human body’s total serotonin is found in specialized cells in our guts, not in our brains. In fact, serotonin was tied to food long before it became an important mood hormone. Biochemically derived from tryptophan,in is primarily found in the gastrointestinal (GI) tract, platelets, and in the central nervous system (CNS) of animals including humans. It is a well-known contributor to feelings of well-being. Also 5HTP is a supplement that you can get in the pharmacy. It actually makes serotonin and can pass the blood brain barrier. It got rid of my residual symptoms in less than a week. If you are low on serotonin this will increase it. As always ask you doctor before starting 5HTP, I don't know if he would give the go ahead but I did it on my own after research and told my doctor. It comes in 50mg. 100 mg. and 200 mg. I started with 50 mg. Good Luck.

  - Lydia

• August 5, 2011 10:02 a.m.

  Dear Denise ,Itwas so nice to hear from you .So sorry you are having such a hard time!!Hope you are feeling even a tiny bit better today .,even if its only for a short time . Sometimes that what we hope for .Its so nice you have your mom there for you .I am thinging of you .Please let us know how you are going when you can . Best wishes !!!!

  - kam

• August 5, 2011 1:04 a.m.

  dear john: i hope you're still here & i'm glad u wrote in, that's got to be so difficult for you to be so far from your friend @ a time when she needs you the most, do you text or e-mail back & forth?? there are many new/old drugs that they're finding out are good for depression & pain, cymbalta is now being used 4 dep. & pain, my g.friend gets severe migraines & has a lot of depressive symptoms-the dr. has given her "elavil"-it has cut her migraines way down!! you don't say exactly what type of illnesses she is suffering from, but if you know or can find out go on-line & find as much information as you can about it/them, you may be able to find out some new treatment/drug or any other info. that you can share with her, the depression should be treated as soon as she can see a psychiatrist, she has a lot "on her plate", any way you can take a short vaca. & go visit?? hope this helped you & write back so we know how you're doing??

  - denise

• August 5, 2011 12:47 a.m.

  hi guys: haven't been doing well that's why u haven't heard from me, been sleeping from this medicine (nardil) ALL the time, have bearly even turned my computer on, just on the couch-with the tv on, but not watching it, with the nardil there's alot of food & med. restrictions, unfortunately the ritalin (my energy source) is on that list, fought with the pharmacy almost a wk. now to get them to fill it (doc said i could have it) had to go to 2 different places-that is my mom did-i haven't gone anywhere or done anything, mom came & did dishes, laundry, errands, etc. (just like the "old days"), finally got my ritalin @ 5:30 p.m., my mom is my God-send, i wouldn't be able to make it with out her!! welcome Cindy thank you for the kind words & thoughts, welcome peggy-sounds like you & i have a lot in common-i also am on a fixed-income & am turning 56 yrs. old this month, kam & annette hope you're both doing well thanks for thinking of me

  - denise

• August 3, 2011 9:45 p.m.

  Dear Denise,Havent seen you here for a while.Hope that means you are taking good care of yourself and getting lots of good rest.My thoughts are with you .Take care !

  - kam