Depression (major depression)

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• August 3, 2011 9:41 p.m.

  Dear Annette,Thank you so much for your thoughtfull words and encouragement.I think anyone that suffers from depression ,or any kind of mental illness and can face another day is special .I so understand wanting to give up . I feel like let me cry and I will let you know when Im ready to face the world .I have a lot of those times when I just want to curl up in a ball .PTSD can play nasty tricks with your mind .Like you because I have had it all my life I have learned to hide it .How do you feel right now ?.How do you cope .?I hope for you and everyone that struggles with anxiety ,depression or anything that makes tomorrow hard to face ,,gets a moment to say Im going to be ok .I hope tomorrow is your day !!! Please take care,hope to talk soon .

  - kam

• August 3, 2011 9:10 p.m.

  Denise, I re-read my last comment, and it sounded selfish because I didn't ask how you're doing. You sound like such a kind person. God honors that. If you need a friend to talk to, know I will LISTEN! Sincerely, Cindy

  - Cindy

• August 3, 2011 9:01 p.m.

  Hi Denise! Thank you so much for your kind response. Yup..you are correct all the way. I could conceivably wait till "hell freezes over" until I receive what I'd like from my daughter. And I am a Catholic myself, so I was not exactly (huge understatement) raised to just "let a child go" when they become adults. I worked very hard for both my children! Other parents complimented me on how healthy my kids were, and how well they did in school etc. However, I do have a son who is 19 months younger than my daughter. He is Very Sweet! And if it wasn't for him and his support, I have no idea how I'd make it. My daughter gives a negative slant/interpretation to every word out of my mouth..my son does the opposite. It's like she Just Chooses to criticize (and yes it's definitely a choice) and not see the positive things about me. My career is a private tutor. I used to be a full time teacher. All my students and their parents are always telling me how much they appreciate my dedication and how patient I am with their children. So, if I'm such an "idiot" as my daughter makes me feel..why has my tutoring business expanded exponentially? God did not put us on this Earth, Denise, to have everybody like us. It's inevitable that we just can't please everyone. I refuse to just dig a hole in my backyard and jump in just because my 31 year old daughter is verbally abusive and cruel to me. I know God loves me and I must hang on to that fact. Best, Cindy :

  - Cindy

• August 3, 2011 3:12 p.m.

  Dear Kam, how are you? I can relate what you said. During my sleepless nights I don`t want to get out of bed too, have to force myself. don`t want my children to worry about me. I do normal as could. lol its hard to pretend your feeling if your not. must be very hard for you the night terrors, cant imagine, still I see you as a strong woman, cant do what your doing. having to work fulltime and sleep 4 to 5 hrs only. am taking mirtazapine to help me sleep and if have to work the following day have to take half of lorazepam, cause am afraid I dont get enough sleep. have to get 7 to 8 hrs of sleep to function well. can you imagine that? and as of now my boss asks me to work for 2 mornings for 3 hrs. and there you are sleeping only for 4 to 5 hrs. sometimes less, working fulltime what a big difference. You and Denise are my inspirations, sometimes I want to give up, but knowing the 2 of you gives me the courage to go on. Nice to know that am not alone and yes its nice to talk to someone that understands us. you take care and thanks for writing back.

  - Annette

• July 31, 2011 8:16 p.m.

  Dear Annette,,Thank you So Much for the kind words.Trust me when I say many days I truly dont want to get out of bed . I average 4to 5 hours of sleep .Most of the time less .Its never restfull sleep .Night terrores can make it hard to close your eyes .So by the end of the day when the house is quiet ,,is when I melt down .Im not as strong as you think I am .,Its still nice to hear .Many nights I just want to curl up and not do anything .I like to talk to you and Denise .Its nice to talk to someone that understands . thank you for writting .Please take care .

  - kam

• July 31, 2011 12:45 p.m.

  Dear Kam, how are you?? am also in my 50s and i work 3 days in a week. am in sick leave till sept. am thinking of working for 2 days instead of 3 days if boss will let me. working fulltime is impossible for me, thats why i said oh you are a tough woman. going to work especially if have not sleeping good is just like climbing a mountain lol. when my depression attacks me as if doing a little work is already very heavy for me, but when i feel good, feel i could conquer the world. i wish am like you a very strong woman. you take care and thanks for writing back.

  - Annette

• July 31, 2011 12:30 p.m.

  Dear Denise, thank God you`re back. nice to know you`re feeling better again. am so glad your med begins to work on you. yeah, our illness sucks our lives. am thankful each moment/days when i feel good. i hate to try other meds again cause of the side effects. till this med. works reasonable on me, stick to this one. and if i feel my depression is going to hit me, i go out and walk and talk a lot how i feel to my husband. you take care and take it easy. when i was very sick i didnt take a bath or showered for a week lol. youre always in my prayers.

  - Annette

• July 29, 2011 6:01 a.m.

  My friend has been suffering from a chronic degenerative autoimmune disorder with no established treatment protocol for the past 8 years. She has severe pain and fatigue caused by peripheral neuropathy. She spent the last year providing hospice care to her mother who recently passed away. She is now deeply depressed and despairing. She is struggling to make it through each day. I live far from her. What can I do? What can she do?

  - John

• July 28, 2011 5:19 p.m.

  Denise,you seem to have so much compassion even with your own problems.It would be so nice if children,families and over all society would try to understand just how awful depression really is.I've had depression most of my 65 yrs. But after loosing 2 husband,one of cancer and the other died in his sleep. I also came down with hashimoto disease and gained lots of weight. This all happened in less than 10 yrs. I have one daughter,with her wonderful husband. They have given 3 grandchildren,but they are adults and I am lost without them. Being alone for so long my life was in them and now it is gone. My daughter and husband are financially able to travel and live wonderful. It sounds like I'm selfish, and maybe I am,I just want to be part of their lives. Along with depression I have other health problems. When you live on a fixed income, you are limited to how you live. I get so tired in pretending to everyone that I'm great. Life for me is so empty and I just don't know if the dr. and meds are working.I realize you don't knoe me,but it helps to just express your feels.I just wished that people understood that depression is so awful. The past 2 days,has been the first time in weeks that I've been able to do my housework. I guess I'm on an up side,but tomorrow maybe at a low. Thansk for lisening. God bless to all!

  - Peggy

• July 27, 2011 10:01 p.m.

  dear Shaleigh,, Not a doctor.Just someone that did feel the same way you are .Had blood work done and found out it was my thyroid . If your thyroid isnt working right it can make you feel real bad .Just a thought .It worked for me . Good luck !

  - kam

• July 27, 2011 9:54 p.m.

  Dear Denise ,It was nice to see you back .Sure I think of you as a friend .I know to well about that curl up mode .I dont get half of the stuff done that used to take me seconds to do .I have told myself that for now thats the way it is .Rest and being easy on your self is the best medicine you can do right now .All that other stuff isnt important .You will know when you feel up to it .Just because I feel ok today ,,I never know how Im going to feel tomorrow .Our thoughts are with you .Take care and stay safe . We will be here if you want to vent or just talk .Its always nice to know that there is someone out there that understands,, the ups and downs that depression can do to you .

  - kam

• July 27, 2011 7:46 p.m.

  I'm just so tired of feeling this way. I am a clean freak normally. Now I don't do anything . I have no energy, I'm tired alot, my body hurts.No motivation.

  - Shaleigh

• July 27, 2011 5:21 p.m.

  I am currently on both buproprion and fluoxetine and I really have nothing to be depressed about, but I just want to crawl in a hole and sleep. I own my own business and it is hard to be nice to people. My husband and homelife are great. But I HATE everything...

  - Maddy

• July 27, 2011 1:25 a.m.

  cont. to cindy: good luck to you & write back to let us know how you're doing??

  - denise

• July 27, 2011 1:22 a.m.

  dear cindy: welcome to our blog & glad u wrote in, my goodness you have a "lot on ur plate", i can relate to your daughter being rude & abusive, i have a 39 yr. old son that is just like that-nothing we can do about their behavior & dis-respectfulness, but to just ignore it because after all we did the best job we could do-(bottom-line), this might sound cold to ignore him, but he's only caused me misery & neither i nor my family can figure it out-so best to ignore the behavior, it's hard since i'm a Christian, i know it's frustrating & hurtful to u that u get no "thanks" from her, but u might be waiting til "hell freezes over" to get what u need to hear from her, try talking to a counselor bout this & you can always come here to talk about it-we'll listen & give our opinion/advice if you want it, you r a strong woman to be able to hold down a full-time job, i had to quit my jobs & even give-up my small business (that i did very well @), i was not able to function enough to do it, i give u a lot of credit for doing what u do!! try not 2 be too concerned about not being able to hold down a job someday, that day may come & you will survive!! there is always social sec. disability & it's not a govt. hand-out, u worked hard all your life to be entitled 2 it-if that time ever comes!! i'm surprised that with all the stressors in your life that u r able to cope, my sister's like that, well long enough response, be

  - denise

• July 27, 2011 12:52 a.m.

  dear kam: i'm sorry if you were worried about me, getting better i do b leave!! thank you 4 your thoughts & kind words-it's something to know a perfect stranger has care & concern for me (not that i look @ u as a stranger), i consider you & annette-friends!! thank you for thinking bout me-it means a lot 2 me!! too much rest & not enough energy-see annette's note from me, don't want to repeat my lengthy note, thanks again-am thinking of you daily

  - denise

• July 27, 2011 12:41 a.m.

  cont. to annette: it's like someone has plugged me back in to an electrical outlet-yeah!! haven't been able to even pray-my brain has been in such a "fog", thanks for the prayers-i just think HE might have heard U!!! you'll be in my prayers, also-talk to you soon-sorry sooo long

  - denise

• July 27, 2011 12:36 a.m.

  dear annette: thank u 4 your concern, i haven't been doing good, the generic Nardil did a "no." on me i'm afraid, didn't care bout anything, no feelings-my elderly aunt died & i didn't even cry, not laughing or smiling anymore-this isn't me, it's "the illness", but it sucks 2 b like this, cancelled my dr. appt. 4 wed., too tired to go, but i'm up now 1:30 a.m., went to drug store, went to fast food rest. & here's the "biggy" took a shower b 4 i went, forgot what the inside of the bath tub looked like lol & gross (no shower or bath 4 days-yuk), gonna switch nardil 2 daytime, keeping me awake @ nite?? could it b that it's "kickin' in"?? i hope-thoughts r clearer 2, i feel that i'm close 2 getting "back on track" i hope!! i hope?? wrote some blogs to some "newbies" (new people to the blogs-under the "other" depression blog), must be close to getting back to "normal" lol, don't accept being "a little down" hang in there, is ur doc gonna make a med. increase?? when do u c him/her next, i wait about a wk. & then ask 4 a decrease or increase, i don't wait "their" 4-6 wks. to c if something's gonna help-too much of my life wasted!! i feel soooo much better @ nite-i know i said that b 4, does your mood change 4 the better @ nite?? i've always been like this, when i was in a hypo-manic state i would groc. shop. @ 2 or 3 a.m. do u b leave it!! it's like someone plugged me

  - denise

• July 26, 2011 11:31 p.m.

  Dear Denise ,Have a feeling you are not in a good place right now .Hope you are getting rest and are safe .My thoughts are with you . Take care .

  - kam

• July 26, 2011 11:27 p.m.

  Dear Annette.,I had family ,but was told all the time from my abuser that if I told anyone he would do me much more harm to me.I lived in fear all my childhood .Am now in my 50s and hid that life from everyone until 5 years ago . Moved away from home and started a new life very young .Memories can sometimes be very hard ., but I have an amazing family.I hold on to the thought that each day will be better .Somedays are ! Yes I work full time .A magic pill would be wonderfull. I sure do get tired of all the meds .Take care ,do hope the sunshines for you tomorrow .thank you for writting .

  - kam

• July 26, 2011 9:57 a.m.

  Dear Denise how are you feeling now?? have in my mind that you`re not feeling good, even told my husband about it cause you never failed to write to people who wrote in. hope and pray your med will work soon. as for me my meds are helping a little bit, sometimes i feel down, but it is now my life. take care and thanks for writing back. you are always in my prayers.

  - Annette

• July 26, 2011 9:44 a.m.

  Dear Kam, as a child had nobody to tell. my mother died when I was only 2, father abandoned us. lived with aunt and family, also experienced every kind of abuse there is. nobody cares. i learned to survive, the only person i told my sorrows is God. worked hard to support myself and tried to bury the past. but the damaged it cause is terrible. am just lucky cause i don`t suffer from nightmares. good for you, you have a theraphy. do you still work fulltime? wow!! you are really a strong woman. have my ups and downs. i try to live each day. I always pray that there will be a miracle pill for all of us. take care and thank you very much for writing back, it really helps me.

  - Annette

• July 26, 2011 1:15 a.m.

  Since about 5 years ago I also suffer from dreams..Every Night..about loneliness and abandonment. My father died under very tragic circumstances when I was 20, and my mother died 10 years ago. With my husband gone, my ex-boyfriend gone, my daughter's neglect..it adds up to tremendous amounts of loss..and apparently it comes out in my dreams. But after I do awake, I have my career to attend to and that, again re-instates my self worth. I am terrified I'll get sick and not be able to work..what will I do with myself? Again, I must feel my losses even more deeply subconsciously because they Dominate my dreams.

  - Cindy

• July 25, 2011 8:31 p.m.

  By the way, I've suffered from depression my whole life..didn't want to make it seem like my daughter was the only REASON for my depression. I'm on a med for depression and one for anxiety. I also suffered a bout with cancer in 2002, but have had no occurances. My loneliness coupled with my daughter's treatment of me exacerbates the condition. However, I have my own business and it's going very well. That Helps Alot! Gives me great self worth..don't know what I'd do without it. Not being employed, or being employed and having to be manipulated by employers who are "touchy" (hey..if you don't own your own business..that's life) can definitely make your self worth plummet.

  - Cindy

• July 25, 2011 8:23 p.m.

  Hi Everybody, So glad I found this site. Hope you guys can offer advice..and hope I can help somebody! OK..I've been divorced for 15 years and was married for 24. Then I found a "nice" boyfriend who, it turns out, cheated on me. At any rate, I have a great adult son. However, my daughter {married and with two lovely children who live 700 miles away from me} still..STILL blames me for the divorce. And my ex has a lovely fiance..really nice lady by the way..and lives in a beautiful house by the beach. I mean..he's FINE! I'm the one mostly alone. I have friends, but it's not the same as a boyfriend. I also have my wonderful son and his friends, who've I've known for 20 years. The point is I am depressed because my relationship with my daughter is very dysfunctional. She was very difficult as a teenager..drinking, using illegal drugs, making fun of other kids (she was very beautiful and became arrogant about it), having parties behind my back, being very verbally abusive to me etc. She graduated from college (thanks to my paying for 5 1/2 years tuition) and she has everything a woman could want now! Before she was a teenager, we got along very well! I loved her So Much and she loved me. Then she changed..and I still maintain she became arrogant about her looks. She became bossy, rude, abusive etc. And the girl has kept this up..Toward Me! She's 31 years old now and NEVER gives me ANY credit for all I've done for her. It's frustrating and it hurts! Cindy

  - No name given