Depression (major depression)

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• July 12, 2011 5:41 p.m.

  I knew I WAS A MESS!! An urgent appointment was made to my practitioner and my first words of “bravery” were: “I NEED HELP, I CANNOT DO THIS ON MY OWN ... it may be a B12 deficiency or a Thyroid problem”. The results from the previous blood tests sat on her desk and other than the elevated cholesterol reading, a high blood pressure I was declared in good health physically but with a Major Depressive illness. Ugh! I had to get my head around this and not deny it any longer. I was given a sample pack of an anti-depressant medication to trial which made me so violently ill I gave it away thinking again I could do this by myself yet again. But it was not to be had; I was back at the doctor's office seeking help again soon after. Another drug Pristiq was prescribed a small dosage until my body resonated with this drug over a period of time and before I could increase the dosage. It was a struggle to keep food down during that adaption period. Within 24 hours I had a marked difference to my mood and as I am so sensitive to any intake but kept the dosage low and monitored how I felt from day to day at this very low dose. That was a number of months ago now and understand in my heart of hearts that Depression is an illness and at the discretion of my doctor, medication for this would be as important as a diabetic necessitating Insulin. There has been major growth of honesty to know Depression is an illness and not a self indulgent malaise that society once had us believe

  - Cheryl

• July 12, 2011 5:39 p.m.

  By concentrating “it would pass” whether I believed it or not and adding “I will exercise when..., I will eat right if.....I will keep the company of positive people, get sleep, have some retail therapy all would lift my spirits......but it was but an empty “when and if”. The negative emotions I felt would not move. I camouflaged the negative malaise to others for so long but not to myself, and the more I was around people the deeper regret of being here became stronger and in doing so I became more and more destructively self indulgent in the emotion. Thoughts of suicide as passive as it was, was self harm of spirit but the physical severing from this world as we know it was a journey I looked forward to and wanted to expedite as quickly as I could possibly attain. I did not want anyone to be hurt in the process but I do know by hurting myself I permeated the hurt to others by reflection and in totality anyway. There had been brutal traumas and tragedies throughout my younger years that had been inflicted not only to myself but to the lives of my children. Things I was not responsible for but as a Mother there is or was sense of martyrdom. I naively thought my own strength and constitution would overcome what I was now feeling, I had survived and overcame my earlier years and why was this any different. But this was about me !! In fact, there was a severe chemical imbalance at play and perhaps because of or the residual of those former years, now learnt it is

  - Cheryl

• July 12, 2011 5:36 p.m.

  this is my brief dance with life. Christmas Day with family should have been a joyous occasion, full of laughter and the sharing of the fun times but it was only on the surface and in fact I fell to a further low emotionally. I believe that all things are achievable and a strong and passionate belief in oneself is all you need. So I believed, but when Major Depression arrived those beliefs were in a far distant place and seemed unreachable. I had fallen into an abyss of despair, it had whispered around for many years and on occasions bellowed so loud in my thoughts, but this time I also went into denial that Depression even existed that it could be snapped out of and then/or help was so near, for me anyway at the time. I awoke one Christmas morning with happy carefree grandchildren excitedly waiting to open presents that Santa had left. I was so exhausted from living, working, people but particularly in forcing an appearance of smiles and being so much in control of the sadness I had hidden from all those I loved and loved me...and something as a grandmother would be a given. When I departed from the family, even before Christmas lunch, those thinking I was being self indulgent leaving so early and as this was also my birthday there must have been other places I had preferred to be and not with my family. I could not contend with the facade that I presented, all the falseness that had grabbed me as if I had walked knowingly into quicksand and the only one outcome wa

  - Cheryl

• July 9, 2011 10:02 p.m.

  dear Denise,,Im starting to feel a little better .A little more in control .I want to be very respectfull of others that write and read here .I dont want to scare anyone.Or trigger anyone.If you have issues with triggers you may want to stop reading now . I have very high levels or PTSD. As I get deeper in to all my childhood traumas,I have more issuses to deal with . The Drs. are running a lot of tests to make sure what is going on is the PTSD.My therapist is wonderfull,,and I have tryed DBT again .Seems to be working a little better this time .Been having a lot of problems with flashbacks and losing time.All to be expected as you go deeper in to therapy .I have wonderful people around me that keep me safe ,,when I cant .Thank you so much for the message .It really does help !I will try to keep in touch when I can .Never really know what life is going to hit me with from one minute to the next right now.My major issues seem to hit me at night or when Im alone.I truly hope they find the right combo of meds for you very soon .I know how frustrating it all can be .I hate insurance companies .As if I needed one more thing to think about they make life so hard .Sorry you are having so many meds problems.hope you are feeling better .

  - kam

• July 9, 2011 10:16 a.m.

  dear kam: how r u doing?? your friend jen wrote in & told us ur not doin 2 good?? last day 4 pristiq was yesterday, i couldn't take the constant sleeping anymore!! doc said to stop it, well it's on 2 searching 4 something else, think i'm gonna try the newest drug "viibryd", have 2 fight the ins. co. though, they won't cover it (of course), probably just cause it's new?? hope you're doing better, write when u can

  - denise

• July 9, 2011 10:09 a.m.

  dear ann: glad u wrote in, have u tried having him c a psychiatrist 4 his depression, maybe he needs to be on some medicine to help with his depression?? try & c if he'll go to ur reg. family dr. 1st, then he/she can refer u to a psych. dr., i hope this is of some help to you, good luck & you both will be in my prayers, write back & let us know how you're doing??

  - denise

• July 9, 2011 8:39 a.m.

  My husband is fighting major vision problems and he is so depressed. Not sure what to do for him. Nothing brings him up. Just sad and difficult to deal with. God is my source of strength. Anyone have suggestions?

  - Ann

• July 8, 2011 3:58 p.m.

  I suffer from major depression. I was just put on a new drug (2 days ago, on my birthday!) called Viibryd...anyone know anything about it? What about a natural herb called SAM-e?

  - Mal

• July 6, 2011 1:46 p.m.

  hi Denise ,Kam going through a hard time now ,,I am part if her safty team .She has been reading the blogs and asked me to tell you she is really happy you are doing better

  - jen

• July 5, 2011 7:55 p.m.

  dear barbara: i'm glad u wrote in, i'm not a professional, just someone that has suffered 4 a long time from depression, with the meds. that i take, i don't like taking any more than a couple or maybe 3 meds. @ the same time, the reason 4 this is, it is hard to tell which one is working or not & which one is causing the side effects that r going on, i know the thorazine, trazadone, remeron & the lithium all cause drowsiness (not sure about the prozac), you can get some info. on-line, put in the drug name & then go under rxlist or drugs.com, there r many good web-sites to get side effects, patient reviews (that i find very helpful), & other helpful info., my opinion is, he's on 2 many meds.!! u don't say if this is his 1st treatment or not?? do u have a reg. psch. dr. or just the ones from the hospital? (my opinion again)he needs a different psych. dr., try calling your family dr. & get a referral from him/her, how long has he been on these meds.? i don't no if the drs. told u, but it takes 2-6 wks. for most of these meds. to work, i tell my family (if & when) i have to go in to the hospital, to not let the drs. drug me up so much that i'm walking around "like a zombie", or 2 let them give me 2 many drugs, don't give up hope, good luck to you & write back

  - denise

• July 3, 2011 11:51 p.m.

  my 15 yr old son has bad depression an hes on lithium 300 mg morn an 600mg at nite, prozac 40 mg, trazadone 300 mg, thorazine 200 mg, and remeron 15 mg theyve changed meds several times he keeps havin to go back to psych hospitals cuz he keeps havin relapses an suicidal ideations an self harming an he dont get real therapy cuz the therapists mor or less r a joke hes had so far he feels nauseous an sleepy but he still feels depressed but he said psych doctor tells him its not caused by his meds Wuts ur opinion

  - barbara

• July 1, 2011 11:28 a.m.

  Hi Denise, Hopefully the Pristiq will help .Sometimes the ajustment time with new med can be really hard .Lamictal is helping .Feel like Im a little more level ,instead of so many constant ups and downs .Clonazapam is what I take at night .Not a restfull sleep ,,but more sleep than I was getting . The night mares and terrors are justsomething I have to expect . Hope you are feeling better soon .

  - kam

• July 1, 2011 9:49 a.m.

  hi guys: dr. put me on the drug pristiq-i asked him 2, couldn't stand being soooo tired all the time, but of course this med. is making me tired 2, o well took it @ nite & it's 10:30 a.m. & i'm ready 2 go lay down on the couch, this will pass, kam-i'm glad the lamictal is working 4 u-that's GREAT!! nightmares & terrors r better?? glad ur getting some sleep, if ur not already, take ur lamictal @ nite, it'll help with your sleep, glad ur doing better, talk 2 u soon

  - denise

• June 27, 2011 10:02 p.m.

  Dear Denise, Still have a lot of ups and downs .Night time has always been hard for me even as a child .I do think the lamictal is helping ! I feel a little more level during the day .Not so many highs and emotional spells .Sad to say I have had night mares and terrors all my life .Iam sleeping a little more .Its not peacefull sleep ,but it is sleep .At this point I will take what I can get .I truly hope you are feeling more yourself soon.I know what its like to feel like you have to push your self to do anything everyday .Its exhausting !Take care talk soon .

  - kam

• June 27, 2011 9:44 p.m.

  Dear Annette I know very well how hard it is to be taking all the different meds .Im not a meds person ,but I knew as my Ptsd symptoms started to take over I had to do something .It took me 4 years to find the right ones .It is so hard not to get frustated,And so hard not to get sick of waking up every morning feeling bad .Seraquel didnt work for me either .You always hope this med is going to be the one .It is very hard for me to say dont give up ,because I have hit bottom so many times .I will say try not to get down on your self . Try to do one thing a day that make you smile .Try to hang in there .I hope they find the right combo soon .please take care.Dont forget we do understand!!

  - kam

• June 27, 2011 4:07 p.m.

  dear kam: hi how r u?? has the lamictal helped with any of the nite terrors or flashbacks?? do u think it's helping u @ all?? like i said it was a very good drug 4 me-helped very much with my mood, took it 4 a long time, to bad they had 2 go mess up & make it a generic, ins. won't pay 4 the brand name 4 me, oh well there's always something else 2 try, u sleepin' better @ nite, take care & hope ur doin ok

  - denise

• June 27, 2011 3:59 p.m.

  hi annette: tired 2 day, don't have that motivation that i always long for, i have the energy to write here, but when it comes to leavin' the house or doin' other things-forget it, doesn't happen, i'm like the wind-up doll on the commercial 4 pristiq, think i'll ask my doc about that one, need energy, glad to hear ur getting sleep with the ativan, that's what helps me sleep, have taken it 4 a long time, don't think i'm addicted 2 it, i try 2 take just the benedryl, but that doesn't seem 2 last as long as the ativan does, may b the dr. can increase ur nortriptyline, as long as ur not getting any bad side effects from it, the generics r funny (i personally don't think they work 4 me), but who knows?? glad ur gettin to c the dr. on wed., thanks 4 the kind words & keep in touch, have been blogging with a 15 yr. old from UK/britain all day on sun., take care

  - denise

• June 27, 2011 11:22 a.m.

  Dear Kam the magic of the meds am taking is gone. just have a good feeling for a week and now is back again. seroquel alone does not help for sleeping must take 2mg of lormezatepam. am afraid I`ll become addicted to it. soo frustrating. glad you`re feel better. take care.

  - Annette

• June 27, 2011 11:16 a.m.

  Dear Denise, I agree with Kam that your positives thoughts help a lot here. am also glad that your feeling better, that the thyroid meds help you a lot. it now my 6th day taking nortriptyline 25 mg 2x a day, at first my did help me with my depression but I feel it`s coming bad again yesterday and today, i find the seroquel not helping much can only sleep 7 hrs if i take 2 mg of lormezatepam, if i dont then cant sleep. soooo frustrating. back to the dr. on wednesday to discuss about my meds. take care and thanks.

  - Annette

• June 26, 2011 8:23 p.m.

  Hi Denise, Glad to hear you are on thyroid meds.It did help me .Still need a lot of blood work .I have had so many other meds changed they need to make sure the dose is correct. Glad to hear you are feeling better . Take care .

  - kam

• June 25, 2011 9:55 a.m.

  well guys finally talked the dr. in to giving me Armour Thyroid to see if i'll get more energy & not be so tired all the time, 1st day taking it & already i notice a diff.!! the pharmacist just told me it'll only take a few days 4 my thyroid levels 2 go back 2 normal, i was borderline, so i'm surprised the doc, gave me the pres., ins. didn't cover (so what if it gives me more energy), cost only 12 bucks for 40 pills, not bad, we'll c, hope evry 1 else is doing better, thank u 4 the kind words, it means alot to me!!

  - denise

• June 23, 2011 9:25 p.m.

  Denise , Feel better .Look forward to talking to you .Your possitive thoughts have helped so many people here .Thankyou .

  - kam

• June 23, 2011 9:19 p.m.

  Dear Annette If you can get 7 hrs of sleep ,,that is fantastic !!! not to feel groggy in the morning is amazing .Even with the several Clonazapam at bed time I may get 5 hours of broken sleep .Havent found anything to ease my mind from always spinning .Like Denise ,hope these are the right meds for you .Good luck . Let us know how you are doing .Thank you for the kind words .

  - kam

• June 23, 2011 8:48 p.m.

  dear annette: doing pretty good still have this annoying cough & it's bringin' me down, not doin' much of anything?? i'm soooo happy 4 u that ur sleeping for 7 hrs., isn't that wonderful!! not groggy in the a.m. anymore-yeah!! i will pray that this is the right combo 4 u & no side effects on this new one hopefully, hows ur appetite? better i hope, well talk to ya later

  - denise

• June 23, 2011 2:46 p.m.

  Dear Kam, been taking seoquel for a week now. don`t know if it will help me for sleeping without a sleeping pill, try tonight to take half sleeping pill with it. You are a strong woman just like Denise. take care, hope and pray you will find the right meds.

  - Annette