Depression (major depression)

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• April 3, 2011 11:51 p.m.

  Hello, I'm new to this so bare with me. I have been depressed off and on since I was 13 I am 24 now and have a six month old daughter whom I love more then words could explain. Yet I am feeling more depressed and suicidal than ever. I feel so bad that such a wonderful baby girl could have such a loser for a mother. And it seems like every time I try to talk to someone about it they just dismiss it as a bad day and I'll get over it. Its got so bad lately I've went back to drinking heavily and have totally isolated myself from e eryone

  - Linda

• April 3, 2011 11:23 p.m.

  i give alot of u guys alot of credit 4 going outside, exercising, not isolating, & all the other good things that your doing, i can't or am not able 2 do these things, because my psych. doc hasn't found the right med. 4 me, i no this sounds like an excuse, but i set my alarm 4 eight go 2 the couch & am out cold 4 four hrs. doc has tried many many meds., over the past 30 yrs. that i suffered from this illness, i'm not a professional just someone that deals with what u guys go thru, hang in there, don't give up, write back, if it helps, good luck

  - denise

• April 3, 2011 11:04 p.m.

  bruce more info. get 2 the nearest hospital ASAP, they're the best ones 2 help u now, don't feel one bet ashamed or anything else, this is your life we're talking about & your family would extremely miss you, don't make any phone calls, just find the nearest psych. hospital & go, be honest with them (vip), go now, no matter what time it is, your life is 2 important 2 everyone!!

  - denise

• April 3, 2011 10:52 p.m.

  bruce never never give up hope, there's always some drug or someone that can help, call the hot-line nos. @ the top of this page, please someone can & will help, call any one, just someone, but don't give up please, the depressive thoughts r the ones in your head, not the regular ones, remember this, please get help, asap

  - denise

• April 3, 2011 10:44 p.m.

  dear jess glad u wrote in, it'll help u i hope, don't worry bout how long your articles r u have 1500 letters to write, if u want 2, don't be afraid 2 take meds., they do help when u & your doc find the rite ones, give them some time 2 work, some of them take a little more time than others, the exercise is a good thing, it helps the chemicals in the brain, isolation is one of the worst things that we do, i no i'm doing that now unfort., counseling helps 4 some people 2, might wanna try that, u said that u have panic attacks, hope they don't come any more, but they have meds. 4 that 2, u may want 2 c a reg. m.d. 1st & they can rule out any medical prob., then i would find a good psych. dr., i'm not a professional, just someone going thru the same stuff 4 over 30 yrs. now, good luck & keep writing, if it helps u

  - denise

• April 3, 2011 10:42 p.m.

  Extremely difficult weekend. The thoughts are so strong tonight. It is getting so hard to even try to fight them of any more.and I decided I don't want to fight anymore I know it will be over soon

  - Bruce

• April 3, 2011 7:59 a.m.

  Hello..this will be brief.. baby steps for me... almost 40.. have had panic attacks since i was little- thru reading learned how to cope-but also have depression.. afraid to take meds so never did- until now. dr put me on prozac and i finally 'gave in' so to speak (afraid they'd make me feel worse) so taking them for a little over a week.. i can tell its working.. but now all of these repressed feelings are coming up.. making me anxious.. started to excercise.. i just want this icky feeling to go away.... u know that sickening hopeless jittery alone feeling? ive isolated myself and now that im coming out of depression..i dont like being alone.. i hear those of u who need to make friends.. it helps---- best wishes--

  - Jess

• April 2, 2011 5:25 p.m.

  Bruce,,TheSuicide Hotline is great.I have used them myself . What has helped me even more when I am so down and dont know what up is anymore is to call a local mental health Clinic,,or go to your local ER.Im sure this is hard for you ,but I cant imagine your family wanting you to suffer like you are .There are so many great places that can help your family understand what is going on for you right now .Get help as soon as you can the hardest part is picking up the phone and reaching out .Reach out . People are there for you.

  - k

• April 2, 2011 4:58 p.m.

  The last few days have been tough . I find that I can't look my wife and kids in the eye anymore just thinking about how embarrassed they might be if I can't make it through this. Glad I found someplace to at least het things of my mind

  - Bruce

• April 2, 2011 4:00 p.m.

  Bruce, you can get through this! I know you can. We are routing for you. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and let them know how you feel. Please. You are worth it! We are routing for you. This feeling will pass, and life is worth living! Hang in there, my friend. :)

  - Michelle

• April 2, 2011 1:06 p.m.

  Just want it to stop, all I can think about every waking moment is how to end it all . Getting drained just from the constant thinking. Want it to stop .

  - Bruce

• April 1, 2011 2:43 a.m.

  Hi Laura and Michelle, Great to hear from you both! Inspiring! Laura, you sound very efficient and thoughtful. Have you thought of sharing those talents through volunteer work? It's a great way to get out of the house, meet new people, make new friends, and make a difference. It's helped me a lot!! Kara, those CD's sound really cool! I've just been taking calcium supplements that also have vitamin D, which helps the bones too! :) I live your idea of planning a vacation! I'm super bad about neglecting vacations, so you've inspired me! I'm going to plan a vacation. :) Keep in touch, ladies! Best wishes!

  - Michelle

• March 31, 2011 1:32 p.m.

  I thank both of you for your ideas. I agree that exercise is probably the best. I find that I perpetuate on this and it just gets worse. I am essentially by myself now and I think that having no one around to force me to go out is part of the problem. I use to hike with my husband and go out but hes not here so I putz around the house. Now that my house is pretty much done,inside and out, I really dont have alot to do except maintenance. I need to make friends have always tended to turn to my husband for friendship since moving to Arizona and never really made a ton of friends. Arizona is not the easiest place to make good buddies. Again thanks so much for your input. Seems logical. Laura

  - Laura

• March 31, 2011 11:02 a.m.

  Laura, I second Michelle. Force yourself outside and enjoy some sunshine, even if you can't force yourself out into public immediately. Don't stay inside, and don't isolate. I struggle with anxiety too. Another thing that helps me is deep breathing and meditation CDs like guided imagery. I have a bunch of CDs by Belleruth Naparstek which I received from my therapist years ago. I find her voice to be very soothing and helpful. She does affirmations, guided imagery and walking meditations, and one of her CDs is for anxiety. I also have dogs. When I get anxious I begin my deep breathing and lay on my dog's chest and listen to his breathing and relax for about 30 minutes. Pets are therapeutic. Michelle, you're an angel. Thank you so much for your kind, helpful comments. Exercise is amazing for depression, and as we've been sick at my house, I haven't been doing it. Thanks for the reminder. I love running, hiking and walking. A good friend recently recommended vitamin D in a liquid form at Costco. I couldn't find it last time I was there, so I'm still looking into that. Do you take it in liquid or pill form? I admire you for making to-do lists. That's something I can work on. I'd also like to begin planning. I'm not much of a planner. I'd like to plan small trips and vacations so that I have things to look forward to, and don't just get bogged down in laundry and dishes :) Thank you.

  - Kara

• March 31, 2011 1:07 a.m.

  @Laura, oops, I forgot to add my name to that earlier post. Also, the end should say, "I will check back to hear how you are doing and if these ideas helped." I forgot to include: exercise has helped me a ton with anxiety! A vigorous walk or run does wonders! I'm off to the treadmill now! Best wishes!

  - Michelle

• March 31, 2011 1:02 a.m.

  @ Laura, I am sorry to hear about your loss of your husband. Here are some things that have helped me with bouts of anxiety: Even though I don't feel comfortable going out in public, I force myself and it helps a lot. Sometimes I go to a cafe and when I feel the anxiety, I look up from reading the paper and look at the other people. Seeing them calms me -- realizing they are all just chilling too, not judging me, etc. The longer I stay, the more calm I feel. If you are shaky, don't be ashamed. If you think it's obvious (and it probably is not to others), just say you have a condition that makes you a little shaky and smile. Others won't mind. :) I also find going into stores and having a little chat with the folks working there (e.g., at boutiques) is very good. It's light conversation, which they enjoy too, and they are almost always friendly. Praying helps me a lot too. Knowing God cares deeply and is listening helps. Sometimes I go to a local church or monastery to pray, which helps get me out of the house too. Church groups are also very welcoming and I find attending them and lectures helpful. Going for walks helps too. Sometimes I'll call a neighbor and just say "I have cabin fever, would you like to go for a walk?" Most folks now days have lots of stress, so they understand anxiety. Lastly, I have switched from coffee to tea, which is more calming. Let us know how it goes - I will check back to hear how you are doing and if these ideas

  - No name given

• March 31, 2011 12:23 a.m.

  Im going through my second bout of anxiety. I cant get this out of my head and my body feels like Im coming off some horrible drug. It feels like my "innards" are shaking and all I can do is think about how scared and shaky I am. Dr put me on Klonipin last time and I eventually came out of it but now I cant tolerate the Klonipin so he put me on Ativan. I took that for 2 days and after 4-5hrs I feel shakier. Its making me feel so helpless. My body is so touchy when it comes to any drugs that I am freaked out. Im really frightened that there is nothing out there that will help me. Does anyone have any ideas? Please let me know. What makes matters worse my husband died three years ago and my kids(both grown) feel that Im not trying to help myself. Im not sure what Im suppose to do. Im so shaky im afraid to leave the house and when I take the drugs Im so "loopy" Im afraid to leave the house.

  - Laura

• March 31, 2011 12:15 a.m.

  Kara, I really liked your comments -- so thoughtful and honest. I understand Vitamin D can help too. Apparently some folks are deficient and that can cause depression. What are your experiences with exercise? I find it helps me greatly, as does getting a "to do" list and following it, so I keep active. Thank you in advance. I'm praying for all of us too! :) We grow from this too!

  - Michelle

• March 30, 2011 10:09 p.m.

  Okay, that was really depressing to read! Sorry... I really do believe there is hope for us all; it just takes time to figure it all out with therapy, medication, diet, exercise, sunshine, whatever else is available. Although I've had many many dark days, I've also had very bright days, and life is worth working for. When I feel like this, I just feel too tired to do the work. But I will. Also, I've figured out that acceptance is crucial. I have a mental illness, depression, and I'll likely have it all my life. I didn't create it; I didn't do anything wrong; God is not punishing me for something; I'm not inferior; I just have a condition much like someone with diabetes or any other disease. Anyway, I just wanted to inject some hope into my comments. Life is very beautiful. Just because I can't feel it right now, does not change that fact. And the more I work on keeping an attitude of gratitude, the better I feel despite my crippling depression. I'm praying for me, and I'm praying for you, too.

  - Kara

• March 30, 2011 9:46 p.m.

  Wow--a place to really talk. Depression is one of those things nobody talks about in my world. I've struggled with it since I was a kid. As I've gotten older, it has grown worse. I'm 36. I'm naturally a very positive, bubbly person, so it's hard for people to believe I live with clinical depression. Through my 20s I was on and off all different kinds of antideps. All of them kill my libido, which adds strain to my marriage. Luckily, my husband of 14 years has stuck loyally by my side. Over the past 2 years I have been on Lexapro, and it seemed to work well. For the last few months though, I've had that mental drowning feeling again, and it occurred to me today that the meds might not be working anymore. I have to be very careful, because as I said, my symptoms have worsened over time, and I've promised myself I will not live in that much pain ever again, and I have a very real understanding and empathy for those who choose suicide, although I feel it's important to do all you can to not let it go that far or get help if it does. Depression is painful, and in my case, nothing has to happen for it to occur. PMS makes it worse. It helps immensely to talk with someone who has been there. I hope other people have found someone they can talk to. I'm going to see my doctor about a change in meds ASAP. I have a loving husband and a beautiful 2 year old daughter I'd like to stick around for. Depression makes me tired, and I don't mean sleepy; I'm drained. There is hope.

  - Kara

• March 29, 2011 9:40 p.m.

  no john i agree with no name given pot is not good for depression it is a depressant not an "upper" like u would take as a stimulant it would be just like drinking alcohol is isn't good 4 depression, either

  - denise

• March 29, 2011 7:23 p.m.

  John: NO, smoking pot is a mind altering drug clinically shown to remove ambition, which ADDS to depression. Do not self medicate. You deserve to be well, and pot will not help you. DaveS: You are not alone. Please, please, please exercise -- go for a walk, jump rope, bike, hike, anything. It will likely help a lot! Please let me know how it goes. I just started it too, and it's really helping. Check in Monday and let me know! Michelle

  - No name given

• March 28, 2011 11:28 a.m.

  I thank all of you for sharing your stories and for the courage that it takes. I just started a 2-week medical leave for my depression & anxiety. I also have sleep apnea and don't sleep well, which may make my depression symptoms worse. I have feelings of worthlessness, inability to concentrate or focus, poor memory, feel like my brain can't keep up with conversations. I requested a medical leave from my doctor when I feared that I would begin to damage my reputation at work. I feel indecisive and paralyzed. Your advice and support are greatly appreciated. I wish all of you well, and relief from this terrible condition that affects us.

  - DaveS

• March 28, 2011 8:59 a.m.

  does smoking pot help depression?

  - john

• March 22, 2011 3:52 a.m.

  Hi Robin, I just read your post and want to say "hey!" :) I am sorry to hear you are suffering. I wish I could take it away for you. I lost my magic wand, however, but I will keep you in my prayers (and all the other folks posting here). I just started seeing a therapist and might have dysthymia (a form of depression), so I understand how you feel sometimes. As a single person in her 40's, I can tell you it's very hard to find "real love out there". If you have a husband, I envy you! I don't know if it would help, but I ready "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura (available on Amazon) and think it's wonderful. Maybe it will help get your relationship more fulfilling. I wish that for you! You are very clearly lovable! Best wishes, Michelle

  - Michelle