Depression (major depression)

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• February 24, 2010 9:29 p.m.

  Darling BM-i AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN. Your words bring tears to my eyes. I do understand. There have been times when I felt like a lost mitten. I felt the world was one dimensional and everything was grey. Don't be so hard on yourself. You have been through a lot. Be proud for how far you have come. Sounds like you have self medicated with alcohol. I understand the need to escape. I am so glad you remain unscathed and are brave enough to write. There are no milestones for adults, sometime you just feel suspended in nothing, maybe not feeling needed or important. All of the things that are supposed to help you when you are depressed seem ridiculous at the time because you just don't care. Take a deep breath. Think of something beautiful. Think of something funny. Think of a toy you loved as a child. Massage your scalp. Make yourself smile-just for an instant, even if it is fake. That is progress. There are people who adore you. There are people who have learned from you. I hear you that you don't want any help. That is the depression that is not you. Do you have someone that will listen? Do you have it in you to at least feed your body some healthy food? Is there an agency that can help you with the cost of meds? I am rooting for you, really. Try to research agencies that can help you with lower cost medication.

  - Suzanne

• February 24, 2010 8:44 p.m.

  Suzanne, I have been suffering from and hiding my depression since I can remember. Lookiing back now it probably started when my parents divorced in the early 70's. I went through many years of wanting to be alone. Stopped spending time with friends and family. Spent all my free time drinking and driving for hundreds of miles a night. I used to drive around trying to pick out the best possbile stretch of road to have a fatal accident. When I met my wife things changed and I started feeling better. I found someone that loved me for who I was and was the best time of my life. Now that our kids are older and one is out on his own I find my symptoms in the past few years have come back with a vengance. Everything I have tried does not help. And honestly I don't want things to help anymore. I confided in a friend a few years ago and she told my wife about how I was feeling. I think I totally let my wife down by not telling her. She convinced me to get help and I saw a doctor which prescribed me medication. The meds did not seem to make any difference in my life and I could not afford them so I stopped taking them. Things keep getting worse and worse. I truly hope that your positive attitude will help those that have not gone to far over the edge. Too many people simply cannot afford to get the help they need and can gain so much from talking with people that know what they are going through. I no longer see the light at the end but only the darkness.

  - BM

• February 24, 2010 1:01 p.m.

  Please do not be scared to get help. Do not give up. Ther e is so much help available, some great resources, books, professionals. You have the gift of the internet to really do some research. One of the keys I found is to find the RIGHT person to help. Just as we have the "right" friends or partners, you need to have the "right" person to talk to, to treat you, to listen to you. It sometimes takes a lot of trial and error, but they are out there. Realize you are not alone....look at all of the people reaching out. Writing can be theraputic. Make yourself look forward.

  - suzanne

• February 24, 2010 12:53 p.m.

  Paul, I totally agree, but that's what makes you incredible. The fact that you are willing to ask for guidance and be patient through the process is really wonderful. Not just anyone can do that, trust me. Is she on any antidepression meds? Without you divulging a whole lot of history, my worst times where when I was premenstrual. The hormones are fighting with the seretonin and it is insanely miserable. I lost many many years of my life due to suffering silently and hating and everything. I wasn't on an anti depressant back then, how I wish I had the forsight to get help, instead of curl up and retreat. You might want to keep track (in code) on your calendar to see if this is cyclical, and help with any documentation if needed...don't tell her you are doing so, she might get defensive. Keep reminding her that you are there, leave a note. Be gentle. You honestly can only do so much. When she starts to be more receptive, you might want to discuss what you can do to help her better if it happens again. She will probably be embaressed, but you can help her with the tools, but she ultimately has to implement them. Keep me posted. Keep strong, and as I said before, don't take it personally.

  - Suzanne

• February 24, 2010 12:02 p.m.

  Suzanne, thanks. It's very difficult to know someone is struggling and honor there wish to be left alone. I'll be patient and give her the space she's asked for.

  - Paul

• February 23, 2010 2:30 p.m.

  Hello everyone. I just want to say I was reading everyone's posts and just wanted to cry. I think posting how you feel is very healthy, but some of you are looking for a hand to grab on to. I hope you have phoned a hot line or went to a clergy person. Taking medication is okay. Don't be scared. Just make sure to keep in touch with a DOCTOR. If you can't afford a doctor, find an organization in the phone book, domestic violence shelter, homeless shelter, and service related organization MIGHT have a little compassion and be able to point you to some free services. The RIGHT medication isn't scary. You don't turn into an alien. You just become a bit more even. You still have highs and lows, they just aren't as dramatic. Your life is precious. Do something nice for someone, try to pull yourself out of your thoughts. Make yourself smile. Remember all of the things that make you laugh. Treat yourself gently. You really do matter. You make a difference.

  - Suzanne

• February 23, 2010 2:16 p.m.

  Paul. I have suffered from moderate to severe depression. I would shut out the most important person in my life. It hurt me while I was doing it, and kind of just made me feel worse. I did need a lot of alone time. I also needed the patience of a Saint, which I got from my partner. He was calm, didn't take anything personally and hung in there. It would take me several days to come out of it, but then I was fine. He was so tuned in he could see when I would start to plummet back down. Sometimes, although I am embaressed to say, I really wanted my partner to be around, even though I pushed him away. Terrible mixed messages, I know. My suggestion for you is to be even keeled. Don't not minimilize ANYTHING that your partner is feeling. Do not take it personally. Best of luck. It is incredibly hard and frustrating especially since the pain she is experiencing is internal. Give her space, but continue to let her know you are there and still care.

  - Suzanne

• February 19, 2010 11:37 a.m.

  What do I do if my significant other shuts me out during an episode of depression and tells me she wants no communication between us? Until now we have had a wonderful relationship. She has always been sweet and kind. We've been together for 2 years. I want to help her but she doesn't want me to contact her.

  - Paul

• February 15, 2010 3:35 p.m.

  Michelle if you find an active site, please post here so I will know too! Thanks!

  - C

• February 15, 2010 3:34 p.m.

  Hey does anybody answer each other on here? That in itself is depressing. I sure would like to be part of an active depression site. We all need help, positive outooks....I thought Mayo would be a safe place to look.

  - C

• February 13, 2010 11:33 p.m.

  Hello everyone...I am new here and looking for some extra support online, if that is possible. I have noticed that noone has written here for a long while. Would anyone like to give me some more info about online support group?

  - michelle

• February 2, 2010 2:49 p.m.

  I have been dealing with medical problems that caused me to slip into a depressinon and want to end my life. I have had a blade on my wrist and stopped and cant tell you why? Therapy i think is a help, but cant affoed it anymore after 6months, lack of ins. coverage and the list goes on. I do have a hubby and children that I would be leaving behind, so you should live for that! Well what about what I need or want? Am I being selfish for wanting to be with my parents in heaven. I feel alone and hopeless. I don't share with people because I am embarassed, so my family knows nothing about my suicidal thoughts, intentions or plans. I am out there alright!! way way out there.

  - bp

• January 27, 2010 11:36 p.m.

  Bob- I appreciate the positive outlook that you share. I just do not see any hope left for me. I have looked at some of the groups that you suggested and it seems only to make me feel worse. I am 48yo and have never thought I would live to the age of 50. I keep getting all of my affairs in order so that all will go well with my family when the time comes for me. The only thing that I cannot figure out is how to make them feel okay when my life ends. Financially they will be fine for many te next 20 years at their current lifestyle. Thanks for your insight and I will continue to try. But I just keep feeling worse and worse. I hope those people that respond to the treatments finally get the life back that they have been missing. I know that some people to get better. For some of us there is no hope.

  - BM

• January 27, 2010 5:58 p.m.

  i think i need help but i'm scared to get it...

  - ek

• January 27, 2010 11:26 a.m.

  i am being treated for major depression and have tried many different meds. i am finally feeling better again after being on a combo of meds but still have moments in the day when i have a sinking feeling and feel sad, they don't last long but happen multiple times in the day, has anyone else experienced this? sometimes i feel like i am crazy with the mood swings like that. Also- to David- i have tried hypnosis for sleep and it worked really good for about a month and now it doesn't work anymore, but it was just a CD and book from a book store. i don't know if hypnosis would work for depression or not but it sounds like it might be worth trying.

  - SL

• January 24, 2010 10:44 a.m.

  I am 66 YO .Have had depression since childhood. Talking only helped a little. Meds made a huge difference for me. A local social service agency that treats anyone and charges based on your ability to pay did me more good than 5 different high-priced doctors. Wife didn't want me taking anti-depressants. After a long battle, I finally said I was taking them anyway.Changed my life and now she agrees. The stigma of mental health problems makes it so hard to discuss how you feel and makes you feel isolated. I participated daily in an on-line support group like this for many years.I was a great source of support and understanding. Remember you are not alone in feeling the way you do and the biggest challenge is asking for help. Don't give up. I was right on the edge 4 different times and I am glad now I pulled back. It DOES get better!

  - Bob

• January 18, 2010 11:16 p.m.

  Why is it so hard to push yourself to get help? All I can think about is ways to end my life without causing embarassment to my wife and children. When I was a teenager I planned to kill myself but got to drunk and passed out before I carried through with my plan. I have hid my problem from my family for years. I am now married with two kids, one out of the house and the other almost through high school. I now find the thoughts returning constantly everyday. I have made several plans and something always happens in my life to distrupt my plan. Two years ago my wife found a letter I wrote about four years ago telling her how I felt and what she needed to do to keep her financially secure. She fought to get me to seek therapy and I reluctantly went. After about two months the therapist suggested I talk to my physician about getting medication. My insurance would not cover the medication and I would stretch a month prescription to last three months. I stopped taking the medication because it did not make me feel any different. Last month my wife found a saved draft on my cell phone saying to make sure that my boys knew that I loved them and that my actions had nothing to do with them. I told her it was there to remind me how stupid the thought of ending my life was. Now I have the message saved on my computer at work so I can send it when it is time. I have another date planned again and think about it everyday.

  - BM

• January 17, 2010 10:27 a.m.

  My husband lost his big job 7 years ago and never has felt the same. The financial crisis has really hit him over the years and he is totally detached from himself and has little self esteem. He says he feels like he is sinking deeper and deeper in to a hole. He doesn't sleep well, has little energy and seems very lost. He says it feels like he is losing his mind and that one day he may not ever be able to speak. I don't know what to do. He doesn't want to go on more medication. He already sees a psychiatrist. Is there a place for men he can go -- a retreat, a program that specifically helps men find themselves again when they feel so lost? I have a child and dreams still. I feel like I"m living in and sinking in that hole with him. Any help or guidance out there?

  - Tara

• January 14, 2010 12:52 p.m.

  I've been living with depression since age 12. I'm 23 now and a single mom of a 2 year old son. Sometimes I hate my life and wish I was never born. When I first started to become depressed, I was doing badly in school. My family has never been supportive of me. At that time, I was sad all the time, had lost interests in things I once enjoyed and felt alone and unloved. My depression got so bad to the point where I wanted to end my life. I hospitalized for the first time at age 15. that's when I was told that I had depression. I was away from my family and was put into foster care after being released from the hospital in May 2002. Being in foster care didn't help my situation at all. I became more and more depressed and have been in and out of hospitals since then. Wil you please help me get through my depression?

  - Latoya

• January 14, 2010 11:22 a.m.

  Im 19years and i suffer with depression that has taken a drastic effect on my life. i have these headaches and pain all over and nothing is right. dont get me wrong i wasnt always like this and the catch is that there is no one that i trust enough to tell and expect them to understand and be there. im was very interested in life and i want to live it not be aching all over, im missing out on so much and that a kicker. sometimes i find myself crying for not apparent reason and im experiencing shortness of breath and chest pain and also my blood pressure has fallen and i cant seem to get it back on track. i know that im not alone but knowing that there is someone there just makes it easier to deal with, a support system is vital but im lacking that. im afraid to use medication because im scared to death i would be able to stop and might become addicted. sometimes i just want the pain to stop and never come back. Please keep me in your prayers :)

  - Lin

• January 12, 2010 8:06 a.m.

  I am dealing with serious bout of SAD. Been on 300 mg Welbutrin for a year. It's helped a lot! Also take 10 mg Ambien for sleep every nite. I'm in the middle of a horrible divorce and custody battle ( now 3 years long) with a controlling, manipulative man. My oldest daughter is unhappy as well. I stayed home with my kids & let my husband have too much power which I think is typical of people who suffer from depression. Please be careful of someone who "takes care of you." I am broke and I continue fighting for my kids. It's taking it's toll. When I have a suicidal thought, I recognize that it's a malfunction of the messages in the brain, because our natural instinct is to want to survive. It's not a character defect! Every move we make or thought we have is from neurons firing in the brain. I was pit bottom this morning. I got up, got a chair and took down my light box. Welbutrin is not enough right now and it's dark til 7 am. I put the light box on the kitchen counter and made coffee. It helped a lot. Just took kids to school, and had to email my husband about a date to meet the court psychologist. My lawyer says its one of the worst divorces he's seen. Reading everyone's comments here makes me feel less alone and less weird. My husband always tried to make me feel crazy and weak. I am neither. Nobody else on this board is either. I will pray for all of you today.

  - Emma Sue

• January 3, 2010 6:04 p.m.

  I have been treated with major depression and anxiety for years. I see a psychiatrist and am on meds. I have a wonderful home with a great husband of 23 tears, and 2 wonderful children. I am 5 years sober. I go to AA every Saturday. But, I still feel at times I just want to quit life and be with God. I set goals for myself, I just ran and finished a marathon Dec.09. I should be happy. I love my job. Maybe its the winter...but I know I feel this way at other times of the year. I put on a good facade and noone knows my secret thoughts. My Dr. just talks to me for 10 min just to check on my medication. I turn 50 tomorrow and never thought I'd live that long. I feel so sad.

  - Kelli

• January 2, 2010 5:53 p.m.

  Question, Has anyone tried hypnosis to treat depression? Results? I have had depression all my life and meds don't work and am trying to get help.

  - David

• December 27, 2009 5:50 p.m.

  I am battling depression because the man that I thought was my soul mate, my best friend for 17 years has been cheating on me for a while. We had a home toghether, which he has. Me, I am living with whomever will let me stay with them. So not only do I feel like a bum and a burden to everyone, I feel like I have been a total fool all these years. I feel like I am such a burden and I don't know what else to do to help me get out on my own. I don't make enough money to pay rent, utilities and food. It's a no win situation. I will pray that all that have posted their comments on this site will find the desired goal during their journey to happiness. Please pray for me also. For those of you that are not plagued by this dreadful, miserable feeling of hopelessness but are having to deal with it through family or friend, please be patient and understanding with them because it is a difficult feeling to deal with. Thanks Mayo clinic for having this site. It is of some comfort for self healing and therapy.

  - Donna

• December 22, 2009 11:20 p.m.

  Well I very recently went to see a doc for my depression. Because of my new job changes and shattered expectation, the manager who I trusted moved on. That alone should not be a problem because I switch job every 3 years. But I guess I am having chronic depression, a major depression was triggered since summer. I have read many of my posts here and ho people describe about feeling tired, can't concentrate and pushing away people close to you; destroying trusted relationships when you need most. I am all with you. And I have been doing that for my past 20 years since puberty. Depression run deep in my family both my parents have it, father manic and mother (well she refused to see a Dr.) basically has all the symptoms I have. Some of relatives kill themselves while still on med, half my uncles; despite in their 80s; all now need to treat for depression. So I am very aware of the heredity issue; and I am very scared. I cannot depend on my family while they themselves are in trouble. And for friends, I bet most of you have the experience of people running away because you are frank. For now, meds and therapists are the two logical options. I know quite number will develop tolerance against meds after awhile and therapy is a vary greatly with individuals. So if it help today, then today is enough. I no longer feel that my depression can be cured, but rather be managed. I have given up trying to be normal some time ago. I know how it feels, and how unreasonable it is. Trust me.

  - Ed