Depression (major depression)

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• December 31, 2011 5:57 p.m.

  The past few days have been getting harder and harder to cope with the negative thoughts. Today woke up with an extreme tightness in my chest and just cant seem to shake the thoughts.

  - mark

• December 30, 2011 7:49 a.m.

  Dear Denise and Annette Denise sorry to hear about the tree.We used to take a small hook amd tie it to the wall.We had two cats that would climb it and knock it over .. Christmas was fun.Had all of the family at my home. must admit am glad its over .Feeling ok .Having some depression issues ,Dealing with it day at a time .Hope both of my Musketeer friends had a good Christmas,and all the best for the New Year !Hope you are both well !

  - kam

• December 29, 2011 10:24 p.m.

  dear DC: i'm glad u wrote in & welcome to the blog, i'm not a professional person-just someone like you that suffers from depression, you don't say if you're seeing a dr. or not?? the crying spells could be anxiety or could be for some other reason (in my opinion), i hear you have tried natural remedies for your depression, have u ever tried chamomile tea for the anxiety & crying spells, it works very well & fairly fast also, you can get it @ the regular grocery store if you live in the U.S., sometimes with natural remedies they may not be strong enough for certain people that suffer from more severe depression-such as myself, i've personally tried both SAMe & S.j.w. & neither of them worked for me, have u tried any other a.d's other than Celexa?? if you're seeing a psychiatrist he/she may want to prescribe either Ativan, Zanax or Klonopin for your anxiety/crying spells, they will relax you but you won't be like a "zombie" & will still be able to function @ work, have you been cked. out by a medical dr. to see if something else is going on that may be causing the crying spells?? good luck to you, i hope this helped & write back and let us know how you're doing

  - denise

• December 29, 2011 6:18 p.m.

  Sorry - That was supposed to read St. John's Wart does not work for me.

  - DC

• December 29, 2011 6:15 p.m.

  Hi! I'm currently battling with depression and sudden crying episodes. I tried Celexa but it made me sleep 12 or so hours so I stopped taking it. I've tried the herbal remedy St. John's Wart but it does seem to work for me. I just tried the herbal remedy SAMe today but haven't taken long enough to know if it will help. Does anyone have any experience with taking SAMe? I haven't been working for the past two months but have to go back to work next week. I'm really nervous and can't be crying in the office. Any suggestions on what I can do to make the crying stop? Thanks.

  - DC

• December 29, 2011 12:30 p.m.

  dear kam & annette: well Christmas has come & gone, but the tree's still up, but standing propped up in the corner!! yes my "real" tree decided on Christmas day to fall to the floor-ornaments & all!! lol funny now-kinda?? but not that day, i sat on the floor & cried, not knowing what 2 clean-up 1st!! well my sister had this happen several times, so she said just do a little bit @ a time (good advice for all things that we might be dealing with), so little by little i soaked up the water (lots of it), took the ornaments & other stuff & put them one by one on a bed sheet all spread out, well the tree still stands (against the wall), but it still smells good, so i refuse to throw it out!! (guess that's part of my "never give up" attitude), when it stops taking up water & is dropping needles then it'll have to go, but for now there it stands-in the stand & in the corner just smellin' good!! i'm still doing good (kinda like the tree)-but better, have a cold but trying not to let that knock me down & out, how r my "2 musketeers" doing-i hope well!! write soon if u can-you're both in my thoughts & prayers daily!!

  - denise

• December 29, 2011 12:12 p.m.

  dear lost girl: i'm glad u wrote in, if u have questions about depression there's usually someone on this blog that can answer them for you, "clinical depression" usually means that you can be treated with medication & other various treatments that are available to help keep your depression under control, it is an illness & it is treatable, but as of yet there is no cure, i'm not a professional-just a person that has suffered from depression for a very long time, please write back in & either i or someone else will try & answer any questions that you might have, hope to hear from you soon

  - denise

• December 26, 2011 7:11 p.m.

  hi.. i was reading the comment ... actually i was reading on depressing on the net and took a quize the result was i have clincal deppressing which still don't know what is it ...

  - lost girl

• December 26, 2011 4:20 p.m.

  As for most everyone else I am sure that suffers from depression you find that it hits in cycles. For me it has been some long periods without as much as a thought about it and some extremely long periods where I cannot stop all of the negative thoughts. This year has been a roller coaster for me and right now I feel that I am at the bottom of the valley and just cant seem to make it back up this time. I convinced my wife to take our kids with her and go home to her moms over christmas and even though I knew that it would make things worse for me I somehow looked forward to being alone. Her dad passed away this year and it made me realize that I had alot of things to prepare in my life to make things easier for my wife and family. This alone time has allowed me to accomplish alot.

  - mark

• December 24, 2011 2:55 p.m.

  dear kam & annette: wishing you the best of holidays & hope you have wonderful times with your family & friends!! hope u are both well & able to enjoy this Christmas & all the fun times that go along with it!! will write later have to go pick up my Mom & go to my nephew's-ttyl

  - denise

• December 24, 2011 2:51 p.m.

  dear mich: welcome to the blog-i'm glad u wrote in, depression is extremely hard when ur not working-(i no-i 2 am not able to work) & haven't in several yrs., it's hard to face people when every one else is working & ur not, but as long as u try & stay busy with a hobby or school like you have that's good, i give u a lot of credit being able to go to school full or even part-time (that can't b easy), i'm not a professional-just a person that suffers from depression-like you, i'm wondering why u haven't seen a dr.?? you'd b surprised how much the right medicine can help with the depression & anxiety 2, you may want to c someone?? i'm sure your husband doesn't feel like you're a burden to him-talk to him about how you're feeling, you'd b surprised @ what other people think, i thought that way about my Mom (as she did everything 4 me when i was going thru my "rough spots"), she just told me "that's what Mother's r for"!! what a nice thing to hear!! i'll bet your husband feels the same way, i'll bet your friends look up to you for going to school part or full-time (it can't be easy for you) especially for those of us who suffer from this illness, about the crying-that's anxiety & a dr. can prescribe Ativan, Zanax or Klonopin for you & you won't be walking around like a "zombie" u'll still b able to function, good luck to you, think about the dr., write back & let us know how you're doing, i hope this helped

  - denise

• December 24, 2011 2:02 p.m.

  Dear Denise and Kam. Want to great you both a Merry Christmas and a Healthy 2012. How are you? Busy with the holidays. am still doing good. thanks for your prayers, kind words and your friendship. hope to hear from you soon.

  - Annette

• December 22, 2011 4:23 p.m.

  Since i got fired 4yrs ago, I have been depressed. Never sought treatment. Neither was I able to find a new job. Though in that first yr of unemployment, I enrolled in full time studies. It has been keeping me occupied but the depression is still there in the background. Small things trigger sudden sadness to the point of tears. I also feel like I am a financial burden to my husband. I feel like without a job, I have no value. I have kept away from my friends. I am ashamed of this unemployment status. Often, I get depressed when I cannot buy myself things without asking for money. I need to have financial independence once more. Requesting money even from my husband is a belittling experience to me, even though he is a great provider and is always willing to help. I just need to feel like a whole person again. Any advice would be most helpful.

  - Mich

• December 12, 2011 8:16 a.m.

  Dear Denise ,,So Happy for you .You Sound so happy ,strong and ejoying life aqain! I know it was such a up hill battle for you .Look at where you are today ! You are an amazing strong person .You give everyone else here such hope .I wish you an amazing Christmas a New Year filled with joy . Few small snow storms here .No big deal! Holidays are busy .My shopping is done !!! The grandchildre are more excited with each passing day . Feel like I have know u and Annette 4 ever . (3 musketteers).PTSD being a pest right now .Nothing I cant manage . Best Wishes to you .Stay well .

  - kam

• December 10, 2011 10:40 p.m.

  dear annette: hello 2 u-hope you're doing well?? i'm doing good (as you can read from my notes to kam), well i didn't 4 get to ck. on how long it's been since we 1st met (on-line of course), when i looked it up it was 5-19-11 @ 11:09 a.m., but it seems like just yesterday!! we've shared a lot of thoughts, prayers & personal stories-haven't we?? we've gone thru some bad times & some good-hopefully the good have outweighed the bad-i would like to think so anyways, the 3 musketeers have come a long way-lol!! hopefully we have a healthy new year (coming up starting soon) r u getting ready for Christmas?? is it a "big thing" in your house, i hope ur feeling up to celebrating, r u still able to get out to work for a few days a wk.?? r u still able to make it to the gym?? well i should go time to rest a little bit gettin close to bedtime, of course you're in my thoughts & prayers hope to hear from u soon

  - denise

• December 10, 2011 10:25 p.m.

  dear kam: hi there how r u doing? i've been doing good, as of 2-day (12-10-11) i've had 43 days of a "normal life"!! i didn't think i would ever say that again!! still able to come & go daily, was gone from home 2-day from 3 til 10 p.m.!! yesterday was gone for 4 hrs. for a church function (movie-kids, popcorn & pizza) all free & i volunteered to work & it was crazy-160 kids & parents-lots of fun!! got involved in the children's ministry @ church & it's sooo much fun!! having practice every Sun. 4 the nativity & bell choir presentation-so cute-the little ones ringing those bells that r almost as big as they r-lol!! hard to believe that just a short time ago i was bed-ridden & wasn't even able to care 4 myself-but it's true, don't give up (to anyone else who mite b reading this), kam do u believe that we have been writing back & forth since 5-28-11?? i looked it up-the time was 10:04 p.m.-lol!! how's the weather there?? any snow yet?? how have u been feeling?? getting ready for Christmas or not feeling up 2 it?? i've been doing a lot of shopping on-line (i hope i'm not getting addicted to it)!! you've been in my thoughts & hope u have been well, take care & write when u can

  - denise

• December 10, 2011 8:53 p.m.

  Felt so hopeless looknig for answers to my questions...until now.

  - Sukey

• December 10, 2011 4:46 p.m.

  I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas!I know it will be a very difficult time for many of you,but please don't give up.My dr finally got me on the correct meds for me.I take 200mg of zoloft with 2mg of abilify.It has been a God sent and I am so very thankful to feel human again. I know it will maybe only last for a certain period of time as in the past.But for now it is wonderful. Abilify is very expensive,but I'm blessed to have insurance that pays.All of us that have this terrible disease must never give up,because the right treatment could be around the corner for you.I wish everyone the very best in getting better soon,because no one deserves this type of life.God Bless!

  - peggy

• December 7, 2011 10:12 p.m.

  Hello, I am a 17 year old girl. To be honest I don't know if I am depressed. I have a pretty nagative attitude, but that is really nothing new. I don't really like anybody except for my close friends. Very small things make me angry & I hold horrible grudges. I've had slight insomnia lately, however, I have never had any thoughts of suicide, and I have a pretty good self confidence level & general opinion of myself. I have never considered myself 'depressed' but I really don't know now..is this how most depressed people feel? Idk

  - LeAnn

• December 6, 2011 5:49 p.m.

  I'm dealing with depression/stress? and don't have any really close friends. I do have about 3 people who I can talk to but their lives are probably as lopsidedly odd as mine and I hate to call and depress them with my own problems. I've dealt with sexual abuse from my father, guilt because I didn't say anything to my younger sister who then was also molested, feel that I failed her, even though I'm able to understand I was a child and shouldn't have had the responsibility to protect her it doesn't help my heartache, she's in counseling as an adult and doing ok. I ran away from home, got pregnant, got married, had two kids by the time I was 18, divorced at 20 with no high school education, got my GED, joined the Navy, had my oldest sister watch my kids while I was in boot camp, rented a house, found a sitter, spent 4 years in the service, got out, worked 3 jobs while going to college, managed to raise my kids, but with anger and just barely not crossing the line into child abuse, or maybe I did and can't deal witht the thought that altho I was a child raising children it isn't an excuse, managed to raise them and they still love me, why I don't know, remarried at 36 and have a husband whose hidden emotional problems from Vietnam are surfacing, now has Hep C and has failed treatment and will possibly be trying a new treatment but is depressed and tired and have a mother who lives with us and is over 90 and has developed senility who needs constant attention, I'm just worn out.

  - Bonny

• December 6, 2011 10:28 a.m.

  tried to drive outside what I consider to be my comfort zone..anyone else notice you have problems trying to make decisions and when you think you have you "talk" yourself out of it?I manage to do that quite allot and did so this morning.

  - judie

• December 4, 2011 2:26 p.m.

  Dear Denise thank you for considering me as one of your family well we are a family in this illness. we understand each other how we feel more than my own family. they don`t understand because they don`t have it. Yes I know turkey is delicious have seen it on films hahahaha. I live in the Netherlands we celebrate Christmas here too. but holidays are too stressful and too busy for me. I accepted invitations from friends and families but organizing one in my house don`t do it. they understand tho. Well it`s nice to hear that you are getting excited and busy for Christmas am soo happy for you and thanking God for it. It is better to be 2 hyper than not isn`t it? It`s so nice to be active again and planning things. me too am so thankful for everydays strenght that God has given me.am going to the gym 3 mornings and 1 evening for a little stretching and for socialization. am working for 2 days and am alone on the daytime, its so quite in the house. just like you must make myself busy so that I will not keep on thinking about my illness. Take good care of yourself and stay well always. you are always in my thoughts and my prayers. thank you to be my friend.

  - Annette

• December 4, 2011 1:58 p.m.

  Dear Kam how are you my musketeer friend? lol as always am happy to read your blog for me. am still doing good. It`s nice to be free from this illness of ours. thank God. Yes am back to work again for only 2 days less income but thankful that still have work. don`t like holidays stressfull and too busy for me, usually I accepted invitations from friends and families but organizing one I rather don`t it. they understand me tho. I live in the Netherlands. we have mild winter and summer here but they predicted that we`re going to have a very very cold winter hope they`re mistaken. Take good care of yourself and thanks to be my friend. you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

  - Annette

• December 3, 2011 9:46 a.m.

  Hello Denise, Im so happy for you.You even sound happier .Thats great! I totally understand the other shoe .I call it my little storm cloud that hangs over my head .Thats what friends do they are there for the good and the bad ! Holidays are not my best time .Kinda stressfull.Still love it but busy.Have a few family issues.Going into some hard things in therapy .One day at a time .Changed one of my meds ,not crazy about it .Im the little energizer bunny .Keep pushing! Wish you and Annette the very best .Musketeers 4 ever !Stay well!

  - kam

• December 2, 2011 6:00 a.m.

  I have a therapist I talk to ..I contacted our insurance who said because things are changing in January, and it takes a month to get in to see someone to wait.Then call back..my family doctor does not feel qualified to prescribe anything.He does not like pills anyways.My sister has a psychiatrist , she calls me allot for support and I call her as well.Once in a while i get what I call stupid thoughts that requite a big boot to come down and kick me right where it counts..at least I know enough to not act on them..I know my siblings are on major dosages of drugs...my one brother used to be a psychiatrist until this condition affected his work..can't treat patients if you are sitting there crying...just glad I found this blog, a virtual God send..

  - judie