Depression (major depression)

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• December 1, 2011 6:32 p.m.

  dear judie: glad u wrote back in, do u have any kind of support system: family, friends, etc.? the reason i ask is 4 both u & your sister-it is so important!! like i wrote about in my blog 2 u, that i would have never made it thru 2 where i am now, i was basically bedridden & now i'm going all day long from about 8 a.m. to around 11:30 @ nite!! all b cuz my dr. hung in there with me, was patient, understanding & listened to me when i had a suggestion for changing my dosage of a med. or trying a new one, my mom that was a God-send & i would have never been able to make it thru 2 "the other side" of this disabling illness without her!! i am now able 2 do things 4 her-unbelievable & unthinkable over a month ago!! it must be very difficult seeing ur sister in such a condition as she is, please never give up hope & don't let her either, there's always new meds. & new treatment methods, have the drs. ever tried ECT treatments on her?? i'm sorry to concentrate on questions about your sister, but if you c that she is getting better it will give u much hope too & "visa versa", as the saying goes, i hope u continue to write in & i hope that this helps you!! write in anytime, there is usually someone to talk to-sometimes even late @ nite??

  - denise

• December 1, 2011 4:35 p.m.

  so relieved to be here on this blog.Great idea.Bought a book about our condition and am trying to read it...not easy ..my mind does not grasp the concepts like it used to.Before this "kicked in" I was able to tackle difficult books,now I can barely make it through child books.I worry about the future guys.My one sister is very very debilitated by this..really gotten worse over the years.We live long lives but it is not an easy journey.Good thing I "met" you guys, at least I can "talk" to people who know.

  - judie

• December 1, 2011 4:03 p.m.

  dear annette: hi girl-how r u?? u silly u've Never eaten a turkey?? oh u don't no what ur missing!! is delis!! r u getting ready or excited 4 Christmas?? we're doing a children's nativity scene & choir bell presentation-i can't wait 2 get involved with the kids (pre-school age)!! do u have kids & where did u say that u live?? you're working & going to the gym-good 4 u!! that's NOT an easy thing to do when you deal with the problems that we deal with, took the Christmas things out of storage 4 the 1st time in about 6 yrs.!! i think?? i'll get a "real tree" too like i used 2 do, is Christmas a "big thing" where u live?? my sis had my mom & i over on T.G. day & my other sis had us on the following Sun. 4 another turkey dinner with all the trimmings-yeah!! sweet potatoes, dressing/stuffing w. mushrooms & plump raisins & green-bean casserole-yum!! sorry i'm a little 2 hyper right now, had 2 take one ativan, i'm glad i can be a support to you, as u have been to me!! i consider u my friend & what's so funny is even though we've never met, i feel very close to you & kam, as though u are "my family", the "3 musketeers" will b 4 ever strong, how long has it been do u no?? i'd have to go back & ck. that, you're in my thoughts & prayers 2-day & everyday as always, stay well & thank you 4 being there 4 me-it means a lot!! ttyl

  - denise

• December 1, 2011 3:31 p.m.

  dear kam: sorry i haven't written sooner, am gone from the house most everyday doing something or other, trying not 2 think about it, but "waiting 4 the other shoe 2 drop", as the saying goes, just something always in the back of my mind, staying positive though & staying away from stressful situations, so glad that u had a nice "turkey day" & that u were able to b with ur family, i live in Michigan (mid-west) U.S. & we just had our 1st snowfall, not much though, (i'm not a winter person)!! 2 cold!! we had about 2 in. of rain the other day-good thing it wasn't snow!! going to the chiropractor-i think this helps my dep.??, taking my same meds. (see note to "judie" below), thank u 4 being my friend & being there 4 me when i was soooo down, i consider u "my friend" 2 of course!! now i'm crying-emotional person-good tears not sad ones!! hope u still continue 2 b well & as always ur in my thoughts & prayers!! keep in touch-oh 1 more thing (sorry) One Month & 5 days (of doing good)!! hope u don't take this the wrong way (as bragging)-i'm not like that-just happier than i've been in a long time!! gotta go here come "the water works" again (tears) ttyl

  - denise

• December 1, 2011 2:37 p.m.

  dear judie: welcome!! like u i suffer from major depression & anxiety that runs in my family-on my dad's side-(all 6 kids & gramma 2), read the note that i wrote to "tee" 4 a way to get a psych. dr., we r a lot alike (the meds. stop working, tried the herbal products-with no luck, i am not able to work, but i don't exercise (like i should) & good 4 u!! the meds. i'm on right now r: lamictal 100 mg. (a mood-stabilizer), abilify 2 mg. & ativan 2 mg. @ nite (to help me sleep) & ritalin (methylphenidate) for energy & 2 get me motivated in the morning-no more sleeping on the couch (which i did all day), my mom is 83 yrs. old & up until a few months ago she did all my laundry, ran my errands, groc. shop., to the drs., etc., basically everything!! i now do everything 4 myself & have energy 2 do it from approx. 8 a.m. to 11:30 or later @ nite!! i'm so grateful to my mom, thankful to God 4 hearing my prayers & the prayers of all my family & friends (some of which are right here on this blog-kam, annette & all the others that have listened, prayed & given helpful advice!! i am a "lucky girl" to have such great family & friends!! good luck-don't give up hope-u'll be in my prayers-hope this helped & write back & let us know how you're doing

  - denise

• December 1, 2011 2:15 p.m.

  dear tee: welcome to the blog & i'm glad u wrote in, i'm not a professional, just a person like u that suffers from depression & anxiety, i am just giving my opinions here & that's why i've told u that i'm not a professional person, u did the right thing by reporting the person @ work that made the sexual advances towards u, but it must b very difficult to get up & go in to work everyday, any chance u can get another job?? (i no that's easier said than done), but it would relieve a lot of your anxiety & probably some of your depression 2, the more stress we have in our life the worse our depression gets, (i no this from past experience) for the past 30+ yrs. that i've suffered from this illness, most all of your thoughts & actions r a result of the depression, so don't be so hard on yourself-it's not your fault!! it's important 2 b on the right meds., this illness, i think, is very comparable 2 diabetes, where u have to eat right & take med. 4, (so important w. dep. 2), it's so good to hear you say that ur ready 2 get help-that's half the battle right there, now it's time 2 find a good psychiatrist & then get on the right meds., when u call the local mental health agency don't get discouraged if they have a long waiting list, ck. ur local yellow pages (if ur in the U.S.) & keep cking. ea. dr., it might seem like a lot of work, but it will b worth it, good luck, don't give up hope & i hope this helped, write back & let us know how ur

  - denise

• December 1, 2011 2:20 a.m.

  Judie,I'm so sorry that your unable to see a good dr.It is so sad that our medical insurance companies doesn't always see mental illness as any other illness.You must just not give up and believe you will get better.It souunds like your not wanting to take medication,but believe it can make a great deal of difference.God bless!

  - Peggy

• December 1, 2011 2:14 a.m.

  Tee,my heart goes out to you.Living with depression and anxiety is so difficult.Please consider going on medication,and don't feel guilty.I'm sure you want to feel better for your child and the medication may be the answer.You may have to try several before you find the right one.Believe me I know,I'm 65 and lived with depression for almost all of my life.Also find a really good dr and therapist,it makes a lot of difference.If you are having any guilt,just remember that we have a great God who forgives.Don't give up,your child needs you. God bless!

  - Peggy

• November 29, 2011 2:02 p.m.

  I have been diagnosis with severe depression and severe anxiety.In my family it is genetic. Medications only work for so long then they are ineffective.I had to stoop seeing a psychiatrist because of the expense and loosing my job.Right now I am seeing a counselor which the insurance will cover but not the psychiatrist ,except for a small percentage of the bill.I know the people in my family affected by this lived long lives but it was not easy.I try to read and my concentration is next to zero.I tried herbal products they were ineffective.I keep the natural store by us in business I think I buy so much stuff there.I do walk allot.Any suggestions would be appreciated

  - judie

• November 29, 2011 11:05 a.m.

  Dear Denise ,,Was so pleased to hear you were able to join your family for thanksgiving ,and enjoy it . It is so wonderfull you have worked so hard and come so far.Makes me feel there is a light at the end of the tunnel . Thankyou my friend ,,stay well and keep moving forward !

  - kam

• November 29, 2011 10:57 a.m.

  Dear Annette .Thanksgiving was wonderfull.Always a great time to get the family together . The holidays are a busy time here ,but a lot of fun and gives me something else good to focus on .I live in the Northeast part of the US .How about you .?It is so great to hear you are back to work and working out .It is always nice to talk to you and do feel that you and Denise are friends .You are always in my thoughts ,,keep up the amazing work !

  - kam

• November 28, 2011 7:46 p.m.

  I beleive I have suffered with depression since 2001 when I had an abortion, since then my life has been somewhat unstable. I function rather well, but I have been seeing a therapist lately and the benefits are yet to be seen. I am also a diabetic and I have not been taking my meds nor eating properly. I am very miserable at work as a co-worker made some sexual advances and because I reported it I feel so isolated now. I have a great family but I am so afraid that they will see me as a failure. I cry alot and sleep more than I should. I find that I spend more time alone than with my son, who is a great kid. When I am wiht him I ma so critical and just mean that it is killing me. My dad died last year and now I am constatnly thinking I am going to die or have a hertattack. I am so afraid sometimes but I am going to call the local mental health agency tomorrow. I know that therapy alone isnt working I dont want meds but I want to be stable and I want to live and be happy. Life is overwhelming but I have so much to live for. I am praying that God will cover my mind and see me through, its so wierd that the only person who knows that I am sad all the time is me, I do a great job of pretending but inside I am miserable. Foudn this sight and I feel a little better already just whilde typing this message. God has to hear my cry and I pray for each of you as well. Weeping may endure for a night but JOY comes in the morning. I am ready to get help:)

  - Tee

• November 28, 2011 3:33 p.m.

  Dear Denise. Am sooo happy for you girl. Thank God He hears our prayers. Praise the Lord. Does your family live nearby where you live? Nice that you were with your family on Thanksgiving day. we don`t have thanksgiving day here and have never eaten a turkey lol. Am so happy for you, you are again active and enjoying life. that`s we are going to do, when we out of this THING. you are right concentrating only on the positive things in life. You are also a good support to us Denise, talking positive helps me a lot. am soo glad I met you. you have a kind heart. I consider you and Kam my good friends ever. take care always and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  - Annette

• November 28, 2011 3:15 p.m.

  Dear Kam how was your thanksgiving day? was the turkey delicious? It`s a pity we don`t have thanksgiving day here. have never eaten a turkey!! but am always thankful especially that we the 3 musketeers are doing doing.LOL. Am working now for only 2 days and most of the time am alone on the day time so have to drag myself to the gym not easy tho makes me tired but it helps I think lol. Is it already snowing there? which part in the US are you living? I also like snow but I`m always afraid to drive in the snow. It`s always nice to hear from you Kam, glad have met you. you take care and you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

  - Annette

• November 27, 2011 5:47 p.m.

  dear willim: welcome to the blog, i'm glad u wrote in, i'm not a professional person-just a person that has suffered from depression 4 a very long time, i am very sorry that u are suffering so much, it sounds like u do suffer from depression, but only a psychiatrist can tell 4 sure, try to make an appt. as soon as u can, they probably will be able to help u, with the things that u have told us-not leaving the house, just sitting & looking @ the walls, etc., these things that u are describing are signs of depression, it's understandable to me that you would be depressed with all that u have going on in ur life-with all the pain ur in & the drs. not knowing what's wrong, have u tried going to a chiropractor-they have really helped me & right now i'm going 3 x's a wk. & it's really helping with my pain,(just a suggestion) good luck to you, i hope this helped you & write back & let us know how you're doing??

  - denise

• November 27, 2011 1:15 a.m.

  I think I need help but do not know how to go about getting it. Do I have majior depression? I really don't know. My Story: About 18 monyhs ago I had lower back surgery and I've been in worse pain since then. I have seen 8-10 drifferent doctors and once they here that I have hardware in my bacl (fusion to L5-S1) they just blow me off. The doctor that did the surgery has no isea what is wrong with me or at least thats what he tells me, he has wanted to 3 other surgeries on my back just to see if thats the prolum. For 18 months I have hurt so bad, I have lost my job, I will just fall while walking and have fallen in ant beds and had to roll away while they bit me. I have layed on the ground forr hours waiting for somingone uo find me. In the last 2 months or so I have just about given up. I have cried more in this thim than my whole life. I have wrote a will or at least my last wishs and said good buy to all. I have been thinking about leaving this world because I can't live this this way. I sleep no more than 2-3 hours each day and thats not all at one time. My wife says she suports me but I think I just a burden on her and I think she thinks the same. I never live the house, just sit and look at the walls not even watching TV. My back hurts very bad all the time and I feel I all alone In this world, I was very acctive before the surgery although I did have lower back pain. Had a job making over $200k year and now I have nothing and will louse all that I worked 32 years for.

  - Willim

• November 27, 2011 1:08 a.m.

  I think I need help but do not know how to go about getting it. Do I have majior depression? I really don't know. My Story: About 18 monyhs ago I had lower back surgery and I've been in worse pain since then. I have seen 8-10 drifferent doctors and once they here that I have hardware in my bacl (fusion to L5-S1) they just blow me off. The doctor that did the surgery has no isea what is wrong with me or at least thats what he tells me, he has wanted to 3 other surgeries on my back just to see if thats the prolum. For 18 months I have hurt so bad, I have lost my job, I will just fall while walking and have fallen in ant beds and had to roll away while they bit me. I have layed on the ground forr hours waiting for somingone uo find me. In the last 2 months or so I have just about given up. I have cried more in this thim than my whole life. I have wrote a will or at least my last wishs and said good buy to all. I have been thinking about leaving this world because I can't live this this way. I sleep no more than 2-3 hours each day and thats not all at one time. My wife says she suports me but I think I just a burden on her and I think she thinks the same. I never live the house, just sit and look at the walls not even watching TV. My back hurts very bad all the time and I feel I all alone In this world, I was very acctive before the surgery although I did have lower back pain. Had a job making over $200k year and now I have nothing and will louse all that I worked 32 years for.

  - Willim

• November 26, 2011 7:19 a.m.

  dear kam: my "bratty" sister (in a good way) made me cry @ the dinner table when she said grace-@ the end of grace she said that thank u for my sister (meaning me) for being able to be here & that her health is good (something like that), sooo many holidays missed, but we're (meaning me) am only concentrating on the positive things in life right now: am meeting @ the church this a.m. 2 sign up to work with the children's ministry (yeah)!! i'll be helping w. the pre-school group (yeah), but any age would be good-i love kids!! hope u had a nice "turkey day" & enjoyed everything that went along with it!! have u been well-i hope so-i want my other 2 musketeers 2 be feeling as well as i do, keep up the good work & know that there definitely is hope & wellness-even looking forward to Christmas-that's a miracle in itself-haven't been well enough to celebrate in yrs., feel good, thinking about you & hold your head up high, we will get stabilized with this Thing!! talk to you soon--dee

  - denise

• November 24, 2011 8:55 a.m.

  Dear Denise ,,Thank you so much for the kind words .That was very special of you ,and I do feel the same way about you both .Most people hear that I have PTSD ,thats end of the conversation .Thank you boyh for not being those kind of people .I always feel better after readind your blogs whether they are for me or someone else .I feel like I have known you for ever .Three musketeers are strong together ,no matter how we feel on the inside .Happy Thanksgiving!! Stay well !! Talk soon .

  - kam

• November 23, 2011 10:12 p.m.

  dear kam & annette: i'm wishing u both a very "Happy Thanksgiving", i no i have alot 2 b thankful for: family, health & friends & that's where you guys come in, you have been so thoughtful (both of you) & helpful during the past year & i consider both of you my friends, i feel i know you both as well as i know my own family, you have both been there 4 me when i've had my bad days & have helped me keep "my chin up" & i am soooo grateful & thankful 2 both of you 4 that, you don't know how much that means to me!!! thinking of both of you always & have a great day tomorrow, i hope you enjoy your day in whatever you do, write back when you can & i'll talk to you both soon!!

  - denise

• November 23, 2011 2:06 p.m.

  Dear Rick,, I have had PTSD all my life .Didnt know it until 5 years ago . Have depression,anxiety, panic, sleep disorder, flashbacks, ect .Well Im sure you get the idea .It took me tons of therapy and many meds before I found aomething to get me through the day .No there is no cure ! You can hope to find something that can at least help you out of bed .My family is my support team .I have learned to take one day at a time .My dream is to someday control it and have it not control me .If thats the best it gets I will take it !!!

  - kam

• November 23, 2011 8:06 a.m.

  Dear Annette Its always so nice to hear from a musketeer.Gymnastics ! W0w ! Iam totally impressed ! Good for you .I get dressed in the morning and need a nap .LOL.Snowing here today .So pretty !Have 4 of the most amazing grandchildren running around my house today .Ages 7 to 4 ! No matter how I feel ,they make me smile .Nothing else seem s to matter .They are my magic little pill .Wish you and Denise the best , always .You are in my thoughts

  - kam

• November 23, 2011 6:56 a.m.

  Sure depression is "treatable" but why don't you tell it like it is - often the treatments don't work at all or the side effects are such that they would make a happy person depressed. Too often people try it all for decades and still are suffering.

  - Rick

• November 22, 2011 2:26 p.m.

  Dear Kam how are you? glad you are doing good. glad to hear the therapy helps you a lot. unluckilly I can`t do it. well am lazy to do it cause have to travel far to see a therapist and maybe my insurance will not pay for it. you are lucky that you can have talk about your past. I`m doing ok functional enough. can`t complain. now that winter starts I`m going to do gymnastics with group of people, it does help me. am happy that I know you and Denise. nice to know that there is someone thinking about me and yes we have something in common. hope and pray that the 3 musketeers LOL stay feeling good for the rest of their lives LOL. You take care and you are in my thoughts and prayers as always.

  - Annette

• November 22, 2011 2:12 p.m.

  Dear Denise am sooo happy to hear that you are doing almost 100%!!! Thanks God. It`s nice to feel normal again am so happy for you. well can tell if you are doing good cause you always give advices and encouraging words to both new and old bloggers. am so thankful that I know you and Kam. both of you are my good models not give up whenever the med stops working and I`ll be again in the dark tunnel. so far am functional. now that winter starts again am started to do gymnastics with a group of people at least am out and be with people. it helps me. hope and pray that we 3 musketeers lol stay doing good as along as we live LOL You take care. you are always in my prayers and in my thoughts.

  - Annette