Depression (major depression)

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• August 19, 2011 7:40 p.m.

  Denise,didn't realize it had been your birthday,glad it was good.I'm sorry your unable to get out more often.I'm blessed that I have been able to drive myself,I just don't get out very much.It is so much easier to stay inside and sleep than go out and try to pretend everything is ok.My daughter and husband have been out of town for a couple of weeks,and they will be back tomorrow,already wondering what I will tell her.I just tell her it is my fibromyaligia and not feeling well.My dr.and I are going to have a talk about some changing of meds.God bless!

  - Peggy

• August 19, 2011 7:32 p.m.

  Jacci,your are one that is on this blog that I noticed also.Your like me new to this blog,and as I,so tired of being sad all the time.I've talking to Denise on here because we have alot in common also.I don't know what is going on in your life,but I know it isn't easy for any of us on here.All we can do is keep working with drs.and praying someone will help find better meds for depression. Most of us don't have the type of depression that we have to be hospitalized all the time. With that being said,I think it is even harder for us,because most people and family just can't understand.We can be ok financially,have great friends and family,but that doesn't keep us from having this disease of depression. I just now asked God to be with each one on this blog.This has been a very difficult week for me,but I'm hoping for a better next week. Please keep me posted how things are going. God bless!

  - Peggy

• August 19, 2011 6:15 p.m.

  dear annette: thank you for the b-day wishes, you must b so disappointed about your dr. still being on vaca. (that wasn't very thoughtful of him/her), too bad that they don't have another dr. take over their patients for them when they r out of the office, don't they realize how dependent we have to b on them?? well mom's here to take me 4 ice cream (yum!!) better go, you'll b in my prayers tonite as always

  - denise

• August 19, 2011 5:32 p.m.

  dear peggy: i did get to go out 4 breakfast with my friend 2 day, he picked me up around 10 & i was out 4 about 2 & 1/2 hrs. (yeah!!), 1st time out of the house in probably a month?? or more, i also am a Christian (even though i haven't been able 2 attend church), i have many family & friends praying 4 me-i'm lucky that way-i hope u have the same, i know u've been in my prayers, it's a terrible thing when we take these drugs & they make us worse instead of better!! i'm sorry for u on that, thank you for your kind thoughts

  - denise

• August 19, 2011 5:20 a.m.

  Dear Kam, how are you? was frustrated cause my my long waiting for my pysch Dr and at the end he extended his vacation. he`ll be back next week mon. horrible. now am looking for a replacement cause can`t wait anymore don`t know yet if I succeed cause it`s friday. only God knows. I agree with you that the world is full of nasty people but there are also good ones that can help us. I rather stay at home also but its impossible have to go out and work if I still can. You take care and you are in my prayers. and as always glad to to talk to you. and as you always say tomorrow will be a better day for all of us. hope and pray that tomorrow will soon come.

  - Annette

• August 19, 2011 5:02 a.m.

  Dear Denise, want to greet you Happy Birthday. Hope you have a good one. am happy that a friend of yours is taking you out. that`s great. am also happy that you`re feeling much better now and thank you for your thoughts for me and prayers. unfortunately my pysch dr. extended his vacation, he comes back next week Mon. horrible.now am looking for a replacement cause i feel can`t wait till mon. like you and Kam I must think possitive that tomorrow will be better. thank you so muchand your always in my prayers.

  - Annette

• August 19, 2011 12:04 a.m.

  Denise,so happy to hear your able to go out and enjoy yourself,even if for a short time.I just haven't taken very high dosages of my meds yet. I would probably do something to myself if I had the type of panic attacks I've had in the past. I think I will try and talk to my dr. next week,and just ask to be put back on one of my old meds. because I just can't continue this way. My friend told me today,that she could see me being worse on the change of these meds.I don't know about your spiritual life,but I am a Christian,even though I don't feel God always close.I do try something,that may sound way out there for many people,but I find comfort in pleading the blood of Jesus over my mind and body.I realize to many that is crazy,but His blood does protect us.I certainly hope this has not offended anyone,was not intended too.God Bless!I still know that I'm ill and need medical help,but I do believe that God will help us also!

  - Peggy

• August 18, 2011 2:12 p.m.

  dear peggy: glad 2 hear back from u, my doc 2 is giving me the ritalin (like adderall) & if it's working right & get's me 2 high i have 2 take my ativan to "come down" from being to "jittery", i've found chamomille tea 2 be a great help 4 anxiety & sleep, my whole body can b shaking & it calms me right down!! a couple of wks. ago (when i was doing really bad) i had the bad thoughts "don't wanna die, but don't wanna live this way, either", even was having nightmares to that effect-it was pretty "scary"!! medicine caused it, has passed now-Thank God!! glad that u found a good therapist, i'm gonna go again once i'm awake for a longer length of time, still sleepin off & on 2 much!! well the good news is that i'm awake 4 more of the time than i was even last wk., so i no this med. is helping, my friend is driving from downriver (an hour away) to take me 2 breakfast 2-morrow, haven't seen him in 4 ever, it's my b-day & after 16 yrs. he still always remembers-he's a sweetheart-well long enough, you're in my prayers ttyl

  - denise

• August 17, 2011 8:31 p.m.

  Denise,thanks so much for your response. i was on zoloft for a few yrs.Just found a new dr and he is really doing his best to help.Because I can't take a lot of meds,he is going back to some older meds that worked for me up until 1999. We tried many kinds,but many just don't work and some cause me panic attacks. Like you I haven't any energy,and he is working on that.he tried me on pamelor,for the past 2 mos,not any response so he has started me on adderall. I've only been on it for a couple days. I don't see much help yet.It seems like they are giving me an upper and them I need a xanax for anxiety and sleep.I am also going to a very good therpist,he is very easy to talk too.Even with all this,I feel totally alone.I heard someone say reasonly"I don't want to die,but I don't want to live this way either".God bless!

  - Peggy

• August 17, 2011 7:05 p.m.

  dear peggy: welcome to the blog, i'm glad this site is helping u 2 deal with everyday life, ur right Peggy u & i do sound like we're goin thru a lot of the same things, your grandson just starting medical school-isn't that great!! do i ever agree with u that wayyy more research needs 2 b done about depression, there r sooo many of us that suffer on a daily basis with this & no new meds. hardly ever come out, any new treatments or any kind of cure 4 this illness is ever researched (not that i can c anyways), we just have 2 keep being "guinea pigs" & let our drs. try medicine after med.- til they find the right one, i'm on ritalin (for energy) & lamictal (mood stabilizer), just started the lamictal (think it's working already-yeah!!!), it's supposed to work fast & i'm on the lowest dosage-25 mg., what about you what do u take?? nice to talk to you & u'll be in my prayers

  - denise

• August 17, 2011 3:20 p.m.

  Denise,hope your feeling better,reading your blog is so much like me.It would be so great if we all could just sit and talk to each other in person. Most of the time I think we feel as we are all alone,and no one else could possibably be like we are feeling. That is why this site helps to know we're not alone.I was telling my dr this week that I wish people would understand how bad depression is,and that people would think of it as any other medical problem.My grandson just started med school,I wish I could get him to go into research to find out how help with the many people suffering with depression.I have beautiful daughter,but she just seems to find depression a weakness,so I feel so alone.Plus people just don't want to hear your problems.Again God bless to all.

  - Peggy

• August 17, 2011 3:03 p.m.

  Jacci,I know just how you feel.I've been on meds. most of my adult life,and I'm 65. but for the past 10 yrs have been really bad. My new Dr is really trying to help me,but I have problems with many meds and we never know if I can take it until I try. A lot of my problem started with hashimoto disease,or it made it worse,and gaining 80lbs hasn't helped either. I've been widowed twice and I feel so alone. It is just awful to not want to take a shower,brush teeth,clean house or do anything. even worse when you have to pretend to family that you are fine.For me if I can sleep for 12 hrs that helps,I don't have to think very much about anything. Jacci,all we can do is just keep going and believe that we have hope and God does care about us even if we don't feel it.God bless to all on this blog,because we are all in the same circumstance.

  - Peggy

• August 17, 2011 10:51 a.m.

  Dear Kam: Thanks for your response. I guess my question wasn't phrased very well. Of course, many get tired of fighting the feelings of sadness. I guess what I meant to say is HOW to fight the recurring feelings of sadness. I'm on meds and have been for years, but these feelings just keep coming back. Can't imagine what it would be like without meds. Wait--I CAN imagine, b/c I've stopped taking my meds before a few times, and it wasn't pretty. In fact, it was downright scary. I know I can't do that again. I just wonder why the meds can't keep these recurring feelings at bay. Having to take it one day at a time--does that ever end?

  - Jacci

• August 17, 2011 10:47 a.m.

  dear mark: welcome 2 the blog-i'm glad u wrote in, that's a shame that ur dr. wasn't in when u went 4 ur appt.!! (in my opinion) counseling really helps, if u think u need 2 go please make another appt., good luck to you, write back in & tell us a little bit about yourself (if it helps you)

  - denise

• August 17, 2011 10:43 a.m.

  dear annette: hi how r u?? how did the dr. appt. go?? just wanted 2 let u no that i was thinking about u, i think of you as a good friend & i thank u 4 all your kind thoughts & prayers that u always send my way, hope to hear from u soon, in my prayers & hope you're doing better

  - denise

• August 17, 2011 10:36 a.m.

  dear kam: hello 2 u to!! doing better this a.m. have lots more energy, but not 2 much, did housework (what's that-lol), vacuum, dusting & stuff!!! can't b leave it-i'm shocked, been thinking of u 2-how r u doing?? is ur medicine working ok 4 u?? how much lamictal r u on now-no problems with itching or a rash-i hope!! i started taking 50 mg. on sun. then was itching & cut it down 2 the 25 mg., how r u sleeping-have u ever tried the benedryl?? i think i asked u that-sorry, you're in my thoughts & prayers, thanks for asking about me, your friendship means alot to me, talk to you soon

  - denise

• August 17, 2011 8:59 a.m.

  Wife made appointment with counselor for me since I wouldnt and went to my appointment and he was not there. Did nt we want to go but know I need to. Now dont want to go back

  - Mark

• August 16, 2011 9:01 p.m.

  Denise hope you are well .Just wanted to say thinking of you .

  - kam

• August 16, 2011 8:59 p.m.

  Jacci ,I think Everyone On this blog has felt those ups and downs. You never know what to expect from day to day .I had to learn to take life from day to day ,and sometimes from minute to minute .This is a great place to express you feelings .

  - kam

• August 16, 2011 8:53 p.m.

  Dear Annette,It was very nice to hear back from you .Im so sorry that person was unkind to you , but glad someone was there for you .Sometimes I think the world is full of nasty people .Thats just one reason I would rather just be home .Have had a couple stressfull days ,,but Im ok .We all have those ! Enjoy talking to you .Think of you and Denise often.Take care talk soon .

  - kam

• August 16, 2011 1:32 p.m.

  Brand new to this blog. Does anyone out there ever just get tired of fighting the recurring feelings of sadness? It seems as if it never ends, and I'm just plain tired of it all.

  - Jacci

• August 15, 2011 10:23 a.m.

  dear annette: so good 2 hear from u, i'm feeling better as of sun. p.m., when i took only 50 mg. of lamictal for the 1st time in 3 mos., since i went off of it, had to go off- wasn't working, ins. co. switched it 2 the generic, what a difference only 1 day makes, woke up this morning didn't even feel like i needed my ritalin, had energy, mind was clear (not all foggy) like b 4 & actually wanted 2 make breakfast & do dishes lol!!! not 2 hi though almost just rite, i'm shocked but glad, doc decided that the a.d.'s don't work 4 me (i totally agreed) & i told him i wanted the lamictal (mood-stabilizer) again, but it had 2 b the brand name, no more generics 4 me!! i have tried the 5-htp, but it works mostly on serotonin & i need the dopamine and noreniphrine (sp.), these apparently r the neurotransmitters that i'm lacking, ask your dr. about the SAMe also, i no they use it in europe 4 an a.d., my mom has been wonderful & i don't know what i'd do w/o her!! i'm glad u wrote in & as always you're in my prayers, too

  - denise

• August 15, 2011 9:55 a.m.

  Dear Denise. how are you? Hope you`re feeling much better now. as of now you`re only taking Lamictal for Depression? how about retalin did you stop taking it? it is so frustrating when everytime we have to change our meds and we go thru the suffering cause by the side effects and at the end doesn`t help at all. sometimes its hard to stay positive. you have been what I have been. I hope that the CYP450 test is available here in my country. I`ll ask my Dr about it tomorrow.Have you tried that 5-HTP which one of the writers had mention here? I`ll ask also my Dr about it. glad that your mom is there when you need her. Take care of yourself and have a good rest. Thanks for writing and advice. You and Kam are always in my prayers. glad I met you both.

  - Annette

• August 15, 2011 8:42 a.m.

  Dear Kam, how are you. thank you for the kind words and advice. worked today 1/2 day, one of my collegues was unkind to me. I almost burst into tears. luckily my boss came to rescue me. He is very kind and he understands me. sometimes God put good people for us to help cope life, besides my husband just like you and Denise. glad I met you here. I have my pysch Dr. just one month ago. before him was my family Dr. My husband asked me to wait for him. I have enough with Nortrilen. it doesn`t help. so am going to try another one. so you are doing good with your meds and theraphy. am happy for you. hope and pray will continue to help you. have you tried that 5 HTP? the one mentioned by one of the writers. going to ask my dr. about it tomorrow. you`re always in my thoughts and prayers. thank you so much to be my friend.

  - Annette

• August 14, 2011 10:34 a.m.

  Dear Annette, Hope you will feel better soon .Thinking of you ! Take care .

  - kam