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With Mayo Clinic oncologist Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

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April 28, 2008 2:17 p.m.

Learn to profit from setbacks

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By Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

Somewhere along the line, I thought that life would be neat and tidy, that there would be a light at the end of the tunnel, and that the rainbow would finally break through the storm. As each of us gets older, we painfully learn that no one promised us a rose garden and sometimes things just do not work out the way we had planned. So, how do we creatively deal with the disappointments and the frustrations and the setbacks that plague each of us?

If I have learned anything from 31 years of medicine, it is one simple fact: regardless of the size of the checkbook, the size of the cabin, the number of boats and SUVs in the garage, everyone without exception has crosses to bear and setbacks and disappointments. It is just the way life is.

So, what can we learn from many of the survivors from whom we hear in our community online? Among the heroes and heroines who are part of our stress blog, we see resiliency and fortitude and perseverance. We also see the hope that somehow tomorrow will be a better day.

After all, we cannot change people; if we think that stuff and things will make us happy, we will be bitterly disappointed. What we can change is our attitude, our way of reframing a problem.

OK, so my book was rejected by a publisher or I did not make the honor roll or I was passed over for a promotion. I can whine and complain or I can ask myself a simple question: what have I learned from this experience, how can I profit from this setback so that tomorrow will be better than today?

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12 comments posted

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June 18, 2008 1:28 p.m.

I love your advice, Dr. Ed...I lost every thing even my mind at one point because of betral, dishonesty, physical challenges, finantual struggles and more......husbands betrayals were the worst......Relationships were lies.....I have to say that I was always loyal....But I really took the betrayals to HEART, litterally....I have a heart valve challenge right now.....I was at mayo clinic in 1991 and they took good care of me but I had a post op. infection that almost took my life....and then my husband left me.....all is gone now.....I live in San Francisco and I am a humanitarian......I am falling in-love with God and life and me and ppl all over again......I have let all material things go......NO Baggage and no drama....I fight sometimes to not get angry when something crosses me but reading your articles.....I know that there does not have to be anger for nothing, you have put the cherry on the cake for me.....I am grateful for you .... I am getting it!!!!

- Kitten

May 19, 2008 1:32 p.m.

Dear Nan: I am sorry that you have had some difficulties. I have learned that we each have struggles and sure, financial resouces do help,but money alone does not resolve the problems. Family,spirituality, connectedness and the way we deal with adversity have a huge impact on the quality of our lives.

- Dr. Ed

May 13, 2008 2:21 p.m.

I have had more than I can handle lately, but the Dr.'s advice on the article is crap as far as I am concerned. I have had an extremely difficulty life since the day I was 5, and it has not let up. At least with money, you are able to handle things better no matter what your stress is. Without it, it is difficult. His article on stress is cavalier, and I doubt that he has been through much in his life.

- Nan

May 9, 2008 10:17 a.m.

It seems to me that attitude changes with age--for the better. With age, one realizes that not getting the promotion may be the best thing that ever happened.

- No name given

May 8, 2008 7:35 p.m.

I HAD A HEMORRHAGE IN MY BRAIN ONE YEAR AGO. I WAS A NURSE FOR 20 YEARS. I AM LEARNING TO RELAX. YOUR ARTICLE WAS GREAT FOR ME, THANK YOU.

- FRANCES

May 7, 2008 8:05 p.m.

I've been experiencing a great setback in my life when I read the article.My dearest husband died of cancer two months ago .I was so sad tearfully.But What I know is that tomorrow should be another better day.Depressed but hopefully,I keep my fingers crossed.

- No name given

May 7, 2008 6:38 p.m.

Sometimes when I am feeling sorry for myself over something that's not important, I try and tell myself a lot of people have a lot worse problems. Think of the people in Burma. I have a magnet on my fridge that says it all: "The best things in life are not things." Good column!

- Patti L.

May 7, 2008 5:44 p.m.

People tell me I am friendly, outgoing, cheerful, etc., but I reply that it's just "whistling in the dark." Im laughing on the outside but cringing on the inside I'm so scared. My attitude disguises my true feeling. I should be an actress.

- Roberta S.

May 7, 2008 10:32 a.m.

There is very wise advice here. Thanks! Barbara M.

- Barbara M

May 7, 2008 5:15 a.m.

Yes,that's the way life is.Instead of dwelling on the problem,we move forward by doing some soul searching and carry on.It makes us better person.The setbacks are mainly trials of life,to test one,s endurance,one,s patience in overcoming it.In the future as we look back,the setback was only a small hurdle.it was no meant to be for a reason only God knows.So snap out of it and move forward.For all you know the solution is just round the corner.

- ROZIMAH OSMAN