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August 16, 2008

How can we put aside life's frustrations and move forward?

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By Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

Several years ago, a glamorous college football player was drafted by a professional team that had done very poorly over many years. The young athlete had the "golden arm," movie star looks, and a magnificent personality — and had broken every conceivable passing record. He had a label that said "cannot miss." However, his first three seasons as a professional athlete were a bitter disappointment. At one point, the professional scouts and front office really wondered how they could have made such a mistake.

With careful analysis of his dismal performance, it became very clear what had happened.

The athlete frankly admitted that he had lost his focus. He had become distracted, and his energy and vitality on the athletic field were siphoned off and diluted by personal issues. These included the following:

A failed personal relationship
Contingency lawsuits
Failed business relationships involving poor legal advice

An important lesson that our athlete lost and a lesson that is important for each of us is the ability to put distractions, setbacks and disappointments into a "compartment." A compartment could be viewed as a psychological box, as a mental container into which we put our disappointments, our frustrations, our setbacks. At the end of the day, we deal with these issues as best we can but then we wrap up the box and put it on the shelf and get on with the rest of our lives. If we ruminate over these activities, if we stew over them, they will burn a hole in our stomach, burn a hole in our souls, and we are poorly equipped then to deal with the challenges of life.

I have often asked longtime cancer survivors how they have dealt with their illness and almost without exception they have the gift to recognize that they are not their cancer, they are not their diagnosis, but somehow can put their illness and their disappointments into a box, into a container, and move on with life as best they can.

Does this philosophy make any sense? Can those of us in the blog community relate and expand on this notion of putting life's disappointments and frustrations into a box, into a compartment?

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15 comments posted

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September 5, 2008 10:53 p.m.

This sounds so much like Ryan Leaf of the San Diego Chargers. Go Chargers... If we all knew how to place these items into a box and put it away at the end of the day the world would be a much better place to live. One problem is some people must have CHAOS in thier lives and they are so good at spreading it around to others.

- Timothy

September 5, 2008 3:06 p.m.

It may be the thing to do to place all of our pain into a neat little package, but what happens when we know it needs to be done but you are still not able to overcome the enormity of it.

- No name given

August 27, 2008 12:25 p.m.

Just conceptualizing about dealing with unhealthy stress in our lives may not bring relief; but, by deciding... what matters most... to us and those we cherish... and persistently directing our attention and energies toward these values can help. We can divert our attention from things that contribute to stress and dwell on the positive aspects of life. I remind myself each day to refocus my mind on worthy values and goals. It surely helps to have the empathetic support of others do this. I realize that some of us may not get much of that as we get older and experience life changing health issues. This has helped me to transition into retirement and the "golden years". I have learned to turn loose of activities and associations, mostly job related, that were destructively stressful. I have learned to accept an aging body. This transition was not without ambivalence. It takes determination to change lifestyle and break old habits. This is the distillation of 70+ years of living.

- kw

August 25, 2008 12:54 p.m.

Life is tough, and yet beautiful. There are no straight paths to a "perfect" pain free life. Prayer, meditation, deep breathing, daily exercise, eating healthy, taking good care of your health, keeping positive people in your life, weeding out the "weeds," (negative people), will eliminate many of the negative curve balls that life throws to everyone. Also, learn to laugh at ones own follies and know you are not perfect and never will be no matter how hard you may try. Find one thing to be joyful about each day, even if it seems trival. Try smiling more and see what reactions others have towards a smile (even if you don't feel like smiling), it can be contagious and set the mood in a more positive direction. Incorporate one good friend who you can share your life with, and / or get a furry little pet who will love you unconditionally when treated with love,food and shelter. - Renee

- No name given

August 22, 2008 3:23 p.m.

Years ago I worked for a person whom I found it very difficult to relate to, requiring my daily activities to be at opposition to my own values. It was very frustrating. One day, on the drive home from work, I envisioned myself putting all those upsetting teeth-gritting moments into a sack and throwing it out the car window while I was stopped at traffic light. It worked! There was a feeling of complete peace and relaxation. The next morning, as I passed that corner on the way to work, I laughed at myself, and almost saw that sack over on the opposite corner, starting to disintegrate. Through the days that followed, I could remind myself, while in the process of performing my duties in a way I could not endorse, that I could throw these feelings out the window on the way home, releasing me from the feeling of having to justify my actions to myself. It has stood me in good stead for many years. I am 78 now, and still throw a sack out the window now and then.

- Joan McLaughlin

August 21, 2008 1:12 p.m.

You are not your thoughts. You are not your illness. You are not your past. You are not what other people have done. You can not let others upset you without your consent. You are not perfect and will have setbacks. Give your self permission to make some mistakes. Be the oberserver of your thoughts as if watching a movie that can be replayed but can be turned off. It can also be analyzed and discussed. It can also be put away on the shelf and not be watched until someone or something pulls it out. When that happens and the movie starts to play again - push the off button or try to put it in reverse and change the story or the ending. But always remember that the movie does end and life begins again. Know that whatever thoughts you have - they are not yours alone....they are recycled....there is not one thought that you have had that someone (likely millions of others) have not also had. Embrace the fact that life is a classroom and find your tools to learn. I noticed that Eckhart Tolle's work - The Power of Now and The New Earth have been quoted. Fantastic help but there is so much more....seek out at bookstores, the library, download on your I-pod the works of Dr. Wayne Dyer, Byron Katie - The Work, Carolynne Myss - Energetic Healing, Yoga is a fantasic resourse and requires nothing more than a mat and a DVD or book. Be a seeker. Know that there is a time to be exhausted and a time to be rejuvenated. "Put your own airmask on before attempting to help oth

- Adele

August 21, 2008 10:59 a.m.

There a little bit of me in all these Boxes Iv'e read, As Live Moment to Moment for Time Wait For No One .Angel

- Angel

August 21, 2008 8:46 a.m.

Thank you to all who took the time...I focus on repeating a phrase when my mind"RUMINATES" ON PAINFUL feelings. My phrase today is from a play "for colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf" by, Ntozake Shange. The quote," I FOUND GOD IN MYSELF/AND I LOVED HER/i LOVED HER FIERCELY."

- Judy

August 20, 2008 8:04 p.m.

I lived the first 50 years of my life in abusive relationships and crisis. Years of therapy only seemed to identify the perpetrators...but I needed power to actually live my life. I also recommend the Power of Now and The New Earth...they are the theory....but what changed my life was meditation. I was lucky enough to learn Christian Meditation, which is so simple, and it gave me the power to live in the Now. Finally I am free of the pain of the past and am able to feel the breeze, see the birds, love the good people in my life and be of use to them.

- Lou-Ann C

August 20, 2008 3:23 p.m.

What has helped me deal with difficult events in my past was to read the book "The Power of Now". It talks about dealing with pain; physical, mental and spiritual. When you live in the Now you realize that the only "time" in your life that really matters is and can only be... right now. "I have no use for the past and seldom think of it."

- Aqua