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With Mayo Clinic oncologist Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

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September 6, 2008

2 signposts on the journey toward peace

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By Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

The response from our community on the issues with which we struggle every day has been profoundly enlightening. Perhaps this reflects that by virtue of our humanity, we are all seekers, we are each on a journey to find serenity and that elusive state of "happiness."

I personally am hearing that "happiness" for me may be very different from someone else. Perhaps a term that I should use more frequently is that of serenity by which I mean a comforting envelope of peace and tranquility while we are buffered by chaos and confusion.

Some of our participants are clearly articulating two signposts on this journey toward peace. Each is unique, each is important, and each can be articulated. For me, they are as follows:

The gift, the courage, the presence to say "no." We are all busy, we all have relentless demands on our time and energies and if we say "yes" to everything, at the end of the day our tank is dry and there is nothing left.
The notion of self care. I cannot ever remember through decades of formal education anyone ever telling me to take care of myself. I do not remember a part of the curriculum called self-care 101, and I cannot recall a professor, a teacher or a mentor advising me to throttle back my plans and my ambition. The mantra of today's culture is the relentless acquisition of trinkets and widgets, the relentless to-do list, and the relentless emptiness as we frantically seek that butterfly of happiness.

We have all been reminded to enjoy the journey, to embrace the trip, and not be too concerned about the final destination.

Do these comments ring true and feel "right" or am I out in left field as certainly can happen?

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22 comments posted

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September 23, 2008 9:50 a.m.

I had the same problem as Nellie, because I gave myself away to everyone I also ended up with clinical depression. Please take care of yourself first because depression is something you do not want to deal with in your lifetime. I am slowly learning to put myself first. Marsha

- Marsha

September 21, 2008 4:43 p.m.

I am 79 and all my life helped others and now I find friends are busy themselves and I am learning to say no and just wish to enjoy my life by being happy and have time to do what I want. Margarita

- Margarita tivey

September 17, 2008 10:01 a.m.

If I cant take care of myself, then how is it that I can take care of others? Selfcare means looking after my spiritual, mental and physical health. All three areas of care are necessary and work together to bring peace and serenity. When im looking after all three areas of my health, it becomes necessary to say no to things that hurt me. It also becomes necessary to share my peace with others.

- Jerry K.

September 13, 2008 4:13 p.m.

I am unable to truly enjoy Peace until my "obligations of love" are fairly much intact. Defining fairly means that that call to my aging Mom, that visit to a sisk friend, cleaning that dirty corner of the kitchen, planning the week's activities, making "Mom" time for our two daughters or sending gum to our Grandkids. Whatever. At the end of each day - IF I have even COME CLOSE - Peace decends. It warms my heart and spirit and a little goes a long way. Peace is rare and I am grateful for every minute. You are all correct about saying NO. It is such a hard word to say, isn't it? YES is such a crowd pleaser! But I am weary of the wear and tear that has placed upon my life. As Rick Nelson said in the song "Garden Party" - "...so you can't please everybody...so you gotta please yourself." I'm always working on that and good luck to you too! PEACE OUT !!

- Nurse Zoe

September 12, 2008 9:40 a.m.

I think the aspect of PEACE UNTO ONESELF should be made a part of the curiculum at the elementary levels in Schools and thereafter the same should be taught at a much advanced level at the undergraduate level. This brings in the awekeness amongs the people to enjoy the little beautiful things that the world has to offer to each one of us.

- Deepak

September 11, 2008 2:41 p.m.

I think it's surprising how understanding people will be once you say no (nicely!) a few times. Your friends will appreciate your honesty; after all, you wouldn't want a friend to do something for you that you'd later resent, right? And if someone doesn't understand, do you really want to wear yourself down for an ungrateful person?

- Caregiver

September 11, 2008 12:57 p.m.

After years of give-give-give I'm learning to take care of myself. I've been shocked to discover that other people do not remember/never noticed that I was sacrificing for them. That hurts! They top it off with complaining I'm ignoring them now. How does one find the line between self-care and selfishness?

- susan

September 11, 2008 7:27 a.m.

I think that saying "no" to some (not necessarily all) of the "demands" for our time and lives is the most important thing. It certainly was for my wife and I about four years ago. Self-care is equally important: good food, adequate sleep, exercise, prayer for others, etc. We are blessed by living close to an ocean beach (but a park works equally well). My wife and I walk there as often as possible and it, along with the first two, has become a major stress reliever for both of us. We normally walk 4 miles a day at the beach or in the neighborhood. You don't have time? Just say no to some things. All of the above provides the opportunity to spend time with my best friend, my wife, and that relieves a lot of stress as we discuss the awesomeness of God's creation, our lives, opportunities, relationships, the kids, and the grandkids. Life is all about relationships and you have to continually evaluate your life in terms of "widgets" vs "relationships". We got rid of a lot of "clutter, widgets, and dust collectors" by giving the accumulated junk of 42 years of marriage with kids to those less fortunate than us. We stopped buying what we wanted in preference to what we needed and that relieved stress as well as gave us more to share with others. But it all started with saying "no". By the way, I work full-time.

- John McLain

September 10, 2008 10:12 a.m.

As a young person I was always taught to think of everyone else before myself so I wouldn't be selfish. Never to put myself first. I am now 63 and it has taken me a long time to unlearn this. Taking care of oneself and putting oneself first sometimes is essential. We were never taught this. That is the reason so many of my generation have grown up with no confidence in themselves. We must be kind and caring to ourselves before we can be kind and caring to others. Thank you Dr Edward for reminding me to care for me!

- Pauline

September 10, 2008 9:26 a.m.

I agree. I think many of us spend too much time trying to acquire outside of ourselves while the real treasure and source of peace is inside. In saying "yes" all the time, we try to acquire kudos fromother people. In doing this, we never get the praise we want. Nothing is ever enough and we are continually out of peace

- karen keating