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• August 16, 2009 8:03 a.m.

  Hello, I am a single mother of 3 kids and I found out yesterday that I hve Hsv 1 and hsv 2. I am so sad and not sure how long I have had it. I haven't had sex in 5 years and in may had sex with a person that I thought I was in love with. We are no longer together and now I have this. How can you tell when you contracted the disease. I alway hug and kiss my kids and I hope that I haven't given them anything. I had a core sore once in my life when I was 20. This is very disturbing to me, because I haven't had that many sex partners and don't sleep around. I don't know if I should tell my sister. she is germ OCD person. Help I feel like I should just go in a hold and die.

  - 37-SHOCKED

• August 9, 2009 4:03 a.m.

  I just found out Igot herpes s few mths ago. I've been married for 16 yrs. I was horrified when I got the news because all these while I don't hv other sex pertner beside my husband & I already have 3 kids. I trust my husband didn't has any affair outside. But I just wonder how both of us can contrated herpes? Both of us had gone for blood test. We do have oral sex often. Is the herpes virus in born? Will my children get herpes virus too since both of us having it?

  - malaydale

• July 22, 2009 12:14 a.m.

  Im sorry those questions were for Lois ha not deb i just read debs last response to devastated. Very sorry!

  - learning to deal

• July 22, 2009 12:08 a.m.

  Deb...i just found out i have herpes too, dont know which kind yet but i was horrified! I just couldnt believe..me out of EVERYONE else. Who knows if others have it and havent said anything but i told my boyfriend the same day. Yes he was shocked, scared, and very upset, but he knew how scared and upset i was so he was strong for me. We still do not know if he has it but i really couldn't deal if i knew i gave it to him. He is still with me after it but it really does tear me up inside. Like 'devestated' i too am 19 years old and still young. I just had a baby 7 months ago. At the time i didnt know i had it. i have no clue who i got it from. I slept with 3 people and that's it. I feel disqusting, ashamed, hurt, depressed, and VERY scared of how my life's ganna turn out with this horrible STD. How can you tell what stage your in? I have one or two small blisters like on the pantie line every so often..never on the genitals technically but is it possible to give it to my son by kissing him? Or drinking the same juice? Im just so scared for him. He doesnt need this! I just dont want to give it to him and i dont know what precations to use to not give it to my son. Sorry i talked so much its relieving almost! Hopefully someone responds and relieves some more added stress. Thank You!

  - learning to deal

• July 19, 2009 2:21 p.m.

  I just had oral sex with my husband of 20 years, and did not realize I was maybe beginning to have a cold sore inthe edge of my mouth until right after sex, it might not be, it could be that I will get my period in two days and I have always outbreaks of pimples ( still at 44). We have no idea if washing thoroughly and disinfecting it with infection protection foam Benzalkonium chloride 0.13%, will do any good. Also, I have Abreva for my outbreaks around my mouth, can we use it in his penis? This is right after, hopefully I will get a response. Thank you.

  - coqui

• July 12, 2009 1:04 p.m.

  i have been diagnosed with genital herpes and a vaginal discharge about 7 weeks ago. i was prescribe medications for both because the diagnoses are uncertain.i had about 2-3 bumps and had an awful white smelly discharge and had fever.after taken the medications,i have no longer bumps,fever,abnormal foul odor dischardge,however it's itching in my vagina alot,i also notice a lil bit of discharge in my pee.i havent follow up with a doctor,i believe i was diagnosed with the wrong std,the doctor just took a look me but i was never tested for it!,i was tested for HIV, 2 months ago the results were negative...what should i do,the itching is bothering at night? ps; to "devasted" i know how you feel,im 21 i was a virgin until last year,i had just met a guy 3 month ago and we started dating right away i though he was the one..about a 1-2 week after we had sex,i noticed a bumps that i though i got it from shaving but then it got worst and worst,when the doctor took a look at me and told me it was genital herpes i passed out,i cried about every day,and i'm still dealing with it,but you cant keep crying,stressing would get you worst and can cause an outbreak!believin im wonderin if stressing is the reason why i'm just itchin so much but i havent had open sores on bumps,i wanna see a gynecologist and get tested to find out what i have.You're 19 im 21,we have a whole life ahead of us,focus on school or a carreer,have fun with friends and family,herpes is not gonna effect the way

  - No name given

• July 8, 2009 9:51 a.m.

  Dear Lisa AND Marian, I understand too. I didn't know for years, that I had it. I'm sure I got it from my late husband, and maybe he didn't have outbreaks, but I had terrible ones.. and I feel nasty, etc. All the bad things you can feel, I feel them, and I did nothing wrong. IF I had told him, I suspected I had it, he would have accused ME. I didn't know until a Dr. wrote it on a prescription pad, to give to someone as an excuse not to do jury duty. I hated myself.

  - No name given

• June 30, 2009 11:26 p.m.

  Dear Lisa, When I read what you wrote I thought you were talking about me! I have Herpes 2, and got it from my first unfaithful husband. I didn't know I had it until after my second husband and I were married ten years. I had a medical test and told him the results. He didn't say much about it. I started taking Valtrex and that has pretty much stopped outbreaks. But my husband and I haven't had sex in 15 years. I feel ashamed, but for no reason. It was not my fault. I understand how you feel. As I look back, I wonder if I should have stayed with my husband. As far as I know, he has remained faithful and I to him. But this has caused a great strain in our marriage. I don't know the answer, but I thought I would write to you just to let you know that someone else understands your greif. All the best to you, Marian

  - marian

• June 28, 2009 12:54 a.m.

  I had a question, and comment. I get very angry everytimg I think about it, so try not to dwell on it a lot. It's painful... and I can't imagine not having outbreaks and symptoms. I can't imagine a such a disease with no cure.. or seems nobody is looking hard enough... and I'm already old... Of all the things I've been through, I hate this most. WHY isn't there anything we can do to avoid the pain... I admit if I take Valtrax.. every single day... the outbreaks are far less... but WHY WHY WHY? There's side effects to these drugs!!!!!!

  - Still stunned

• June 28, 2009 12:41 a.m.

  In small towns long ago, nobody was told what was wrong. I don't remember when I didn't have Herpes 2, but I wasn't told until recently. I was devastated. I haven't been with that many, but YES, I told them.. because I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I asked for Valtrax because of recurring outbreaks.. and misery. Now I have a wonderful male friend 10 yrs my senior.. and I laughed (instead of crying)when he kissed me one day.. then he said, "This is serious business." That was my que to tell him... I cried while telling him. I care and respect him too much to allow anything to happen sexually. I was married for many years..and he was my first.. he's deseased.. and I don't know where *I* got it. I also hate the commercials... whose characters seem flip about it.. It's no laughing matter. People joke about it, and for those who suffer the terrible outbreaks, it's no joking matter. I'm sure if my friend were younger, things would be different, but I refuse to take the chance of hurting him in any way.

  - Still stunned

• June 26, 2009 8:35 a.m.

  If he took Valtrex 500 mg daily not just during an outbreak, he could suppress the sores and viral shedding. Suprressive therapy reduces the frequency of outbreaks by 70-80%. My concern for the cream is the fact that he could be spreading the virus to other parts of the body by touching the herpes sores. I am going to do some research on the homeopathic ointment and will write again soon. Sorry for the delay in my response. I was out of town.

  - Lois McGuire

• June 16, 2009 3:38 p.m.

  Lois I have a longtime patient I am hoping to help. He has both HSV I and II. He has had II outbreaks for several years that appear on his backside and Valtrex has been the medication. Less than two months ago he noticed tingling in his upper lip (R) and took Valtrex. This was the first time for a lip prodoma. He has been given Zoviraz cold sore cream and Medivir (sp??) which is a homeopathic ointment claiming US medical school testing that shows viracidal abilities attacking HSV nesting at the base of the outbreak lesion. After several outbreaks and the use of this ointment, it is billed as being able to reduce the HSV I population to a degree that the immune system can deal with it reducing greatly or even eliminating future outbreaks. Is that a possibililty? Regarding the Zovirax cream, he has frequent tinglings, several a week, and the cream stops them. Because of his rapid response to the tingling, there has never been a blistering just the prodrome swelling. He not using the homeopathic ointment as frequently but uses the Zovirax cream 4-5 times a day even if there have not been any symptoms. He is a high profile public person who is pretty terrified of this condition. It currently seems to rule his psyche. I understand that this anxiety is pretty common. Questions: 1. Can he only take the Z. cream and not take any Valtrex? 2. When can he stop the five times a day Z cream applications? 3. What is your experience with homeopathic herpes remedies? Thanks. Steve

  - Steve Gerkin DDS

• June 16, 2009 8:06 a.m.

  Wondering--Is your friend on suppressive therapy? You should have him use a condom and that will help prevent the spread of herpes, but nothing is 100%. Giving him oral sex puts you at risk, but a condom can help reduce the chance of that happening. You need to read more about herpes--there are a lot of good internet sites. Try www.westoverheights.com But you and this man can have a sexual relationship, but you need to know the risks first. Good luck.

  - Deb

• June 15, 2009 5:02 p.m.

  I just met this guy, and on the second date he told me that he has Herpes, and i really like him. If i do oral sex on him, would i get herpes?? and what if we use a condom? can we even use one?? or no matter what i use i would i still get it.... ??? please reply asap thank you

  - wondering

• June 13, 2009 1:21 p.m.

  Ever since I told my husband that I have herpes, we haven't had sex as much as we usually did. We maybe had sex 3 times in the past year. And it was nothing like it used to be. I'm 99% sure that I have passed the virus to him, which I have felt horrible about for the past 2 years...I just feel so alone and no one to talk to. Not that sex is everything, because it isn't but I can't help but cry and feel sorry for myself. All of this is my fault and now my life is so different. What can I do to make our sex life normal again? I want an intimate relationship with my husband...not just a kiss once in a while. It took him a few months to be okay with the whole herpes thing and says that he's over it now but it's still not helping our sex life. Intimacy is important in a marriage and I don't want to destroy my marriage over this. I want to be intimate but I feel that he doesn't want to come near me in bed. Any advise would be great. Thanks

  - Lisa

• June 8, 2009 11:24 p.m.

  I'm 47, male, married for 20 years, had an affair, and now I think I have genital herpes. My wife knows about all this and we are going to therapy to save our marriage. The test results were negative for IgM and 1.3 for IgG. My urologist told me I don't have it. A dermatologist checked a single blister on my penis about a week later and said it was not herpes. But at times I'm very sensitive at the tip of my penis. A few days ago, after intercourse with my wife, the uretha at the tip of my penis got a little inflamed, but it subsided the next day. We had sex again, and it is inflamed once again. Will see how it goes this time. Should I see another doctor on this? This is driving me crazy and I don't want to infect my wife.

  - Didn't need this

• June 6, 2009 9:05 a.m.

  Every time you have sex you run the risk of an STD--being on suppressive medication and using condoms decreases the risk of transmitting herpes. Nothing in life is totally safe and every day we make choices--if you drive a car you are at risk. I had my boyfriend read about herpes and he's still with me. In fact, I've had three boyfriends who knew in advance about my herpes. So yes, there are people who will take the risk because they want to be with you. Abstinence is the only sure way to protect yourself from STD's and pregnancies etc, but it also deprives you of a full sexual life and we are sexual beings. Just tell a potential partner first and let them decide what risks they are willing to take. As you get older, relationships aren't as sexual although it's still an important part. I didn't convince my boyfriend--I had him read about herpes and decide for himself. We also indulge in a lot of sexual play. Read some of the other blogs and you will see that a lot of people live full lives with herpes and it truly is "No Big Deal." My boyfriend and I just like being together, walking in a park, going to festivals, playing board games etc--our relationship is not totally focused on sex, but it is an important part of our relationship. Please give potential partners the choice of whether they want to me with you--don't close yourself off from the world.

  - Deb

• June 2, 2009 4:49 p.m.

  ...I understand all the positive talk to get newbies off the ledge....but can you explain how people can be told you have herpes and still feel okay with having sex? NO ONE wants herpes, and if someone has it I would think that's an instant 'hands off'. Because herpes can't make life easier for people and only transmit during outbreaks...EVERY time you have sex you can pass it on, no matter how safe you try to be. What normal person would take that risk? Relationships are guaranteed so why would someone take that risk. I just don't get it. People say educate yourself and don't let it control you. However, to me is seems that if you do educate yourself you learn that there is no 'safe' sex with herpes...it's russian roulette. Sorry I just can't buy that people are cool with having sex with someone with herpes unless that person has convinced them that it's safe...it's not.

  - To Deb...

• June 2, 2009 4:11 p.m.

  guess u must have to be a women to get answers on this site.

  - n/a

• June 2, 2009 2:57 p.m.

  I have hsv2 and have never had an outbreak. My question is how can a person shed something that has never been to the surface of the skin to begin with??? I have an autoimmune illness and I honestly think because my immune system is on hyper alert thats why I dont get outbreaks. I mean really have they even done studies on people who dont get outbreaks and this shedding thing??? Ive talked to alot of people and they said they have been in long tern relationships and not used protection, just didnt have sex when an outbreak was coming and they didnt pass it to their partners. The whole thing is confusing with the shedding. Like I said I wanna see clinical studies and results not just words cuz I think drug the drug companies just wanna push the valtrex for supressive therapy for the so called shedding

  - michelle

• June 1, 2009 3:40 p.m.

  Ms. Devasted I really really understand what u sayin I've just find out myself a month ago & it's hard 2 deal with it people won't understand when I first found out I cried 4 days like u said it put a stop 2 me havin kids & gettin married so I really really know whatcha goin through

  - sick of this

• May 31, 2009 11:14 p.m.

  not sure if i have it. or if it may be a form of cancer. i have done alot of reading on herpies and some other std's. but i noticed a very small pimple on the "v" part on my man hood just below were i pee. it wasn't painful but i felt it. it never became a blister but when i pinched it with my nails it had a small solid white thing come out of it. it cleared up but it now is a hard small lump just under the skin. it is a single very small lump. could this be herpes or could it be a small tummer? i don't have any symtoms that one would see with herpies. thats why i'm not sure. i know i should go to the doctors to be tested. but just to scared and ashamed. any ideas would be helpful.

  - john doe the 3rd

• May 31, 2009 9:59 p.m.

  to devastated- i totaly understand. i have been friendswwith this person since she was born 27 years ago. i just turned 28. she has definetly started acting differently around me. she dont call as much and she dont invite us overas much. this person used to call me about 20 times a day to now she might call me 3times a week! i havent even got my test results back and i cant standthe wait. i should be gettingthem back tomarow. i already feel dirty andgross, but the way she is acting makes me feel worse. if i have it i am sure she will never want me around again! that kills me to think that. my family has been totaly understanding, my mom thinks i got it 9 and a half years ago before i got with my hubby. she is always trying to find a way to blame me for everything! i just wish i knew how long after contact it takes to show signsofit with a pap test. since i hadmy kids they never came back with somethingwrong. sorry sometimesmy space bar dont work!

  - sarah

• May 31, 2009 9:50 p.m.

  how long after first contact with herpes virus does it take to show up in the form of an outbreak? i am just trying to figure out if i contracted it before i got married or just in the past 3 years. i know that after my son was born 3 years ago the doctor never said anything about this, but now i dont know even know ifthis is herpes or not. i am scared! i havent been with anyone elsebut my hubby since then, how long can herpes virus stay dormant before showing up in a breakout???

  - sarah

• May 29, 2009 8:56 a.m.

  Devastated, Please take time to read through the blogs and also educate yourself about herpes. It is very common and I'm sure you will find someone who will accept you and love you. Only tell someone you have herpes if you think you will be having a sexual relationship with them. It takes time to adjust your thinking to dealing with herpes and you are so young right now--I've had herpes for a very long time and I've had no problem finding someone to care about me. But honesty counts in relationships, so please don't hide the herpes from someone you really care about. Yes, you can have a loving relationship and even children in the future. Please don't give up on your life while you are so young. I was in my 20's when I got herpes and now I'm almost 55. There is a rich, rewarding life for you--herpes is only a small part of it. So get out there and experience your life and appreciate the good things about yourself. And it's okay to rant, but please also get past it and on with your life. You can blog here and people will understand and care!!

  - Deb