Stress management

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• December 23, 2010 4:04 a.m.

  I say the serenity prayer almost every day, not just at Christmas. Seems I need the help 24/7 365! Peace be with you this year.

  - Paul

• December 22, 2010 1:06 p.m.

  It all sounds great, but I find that hitting the whiskey and egg nog helps me thru the in law invasion best. A sleepy stupor is better than a knock down argument! Ho Ho Ho from Arkysaw

  - Kervyn

• December 22, 2010 12:48 p.m.

  Amen! Merry Christmas Mayo and everybody!

  - Mary

• December 22, 2010 9:01 a.m.

  We have two sons, two daughter-in-laws, 5 grandchildren. Ten years ago,shortly after our sons were married, we told everyone we would have Christmas at our house the weekend before Christmas every year. We would have people stay for the weekend and get quality time in exchange for the actual date of the 25th. It has worked beautifully! Everyone is happy to be here and no one has to adjust their calendars to accomodate an every other year holiday scedule. We, the grandparents, have a night in a hotel on Christmas, with a planned movie marathon at a theatre to catch up on all the latest movies, so we don't feel at all sorry for ourselves. Everyone is happy.

  - Grace

• December 22, 2010 8:45 a.m.

  This year has been quite negative for me, especialy in financial affairs. Recently, I was taken to the hospital The result was that I do have a health problem I didn't know of it. I will seek solution. But this message is something that really helps me. Thanks a lot. God bless you all!

  - No name given

• December 8, 2010 9:59 a.m.

  A year later, but this article is still very relevant. The holidays are always as stressful as they are enjoyable. It's been a struggle to satisfy everyone's favorite traditions in my family, especially since many of them have moved over the past few years. But I've learned that my role doesn't require satisfying everyone, and that I have to consider my own sanity. This article reinforces that, and I just discovered another article on the topic here (http://bit.ly/gU07co) that helps you manage the holidays without hurting your image. I definitely don't want friends, family, and coworkers thinking I'm a scrooge.

  - Cindy

• January 2, 2010 8:20 a.m.

  As is the case with many families, if not all, holidays can be shaded with having feuding family members under the same roof for celebrations. A few years ago, when asked, "Will Kaye be there?", I responded with, "Surely we can tolerate each other for six or seven hours." Kaye came and we all had a good time. My house is big enough that when she would begin to grate on my nerves, I simply went into another room. I think it's also important to learn when to say no during the holidays. That extra holiday party is probably going to happen without my presence. Barbara A, "Cry Depression, Celebrate Recovery."

  - BArbara A

• December 10, 2009 1:12 p.m.

  I think that it is question of forgiveness(as per a previous article). It is like grief, once you can find a place inside to position whatever grudge,dislike,family problem that eats at you, then you can be strong in the knowledge that YOU not someone else is in charge of how you feel .Power is the key.the power to forgive which empowers you. I learned a marvelous trick years ago...you need a small bag with some stones, pebbles, anything small bit with abit of weight. Put them in your bag, as you do think about the different pressures, dislikes, problems that will bother you this holiday. As you manage to position these in your life; ie find that place where you are in contro,l take a stone out of the bag, SO your bag and you become lighter. Sometimes when something happens you may need to put a stone back..but remember you are still in control searching for the right place for the problem. This is mainly used for grief counselling but it does work fro other issues.

  - Carolyn

• December 4, 2009 10:39 a.m.

  I have learned over the years to request vacation time off work around the beginning of December. This gives me time to tidy up my house a bit, rest and joy things I otherwise couldn't due to my work schedule: a neighbor parade, a church craft sale, a community concert with my father, reading your website with my dog nearby, and whatnot.

  - Carol

• December 20, 2008 1:59 p.m.

  Just reading this article and everyone's comments has had a relaxing effect on me! It's comforting to know that stress is the norm for most people during holiday seasons, but that many of you have found ways to keep it to a minimum. Because of our children's commitment to be elsewhere at Xmas, they came over last weekend to celebrate. We ordered Cosco pizza for dinner, plus supermarket bagged salad and a pie. The gifts, both given and received, were mostly practical and we limited it to about $15-20 spent on each. (We have a very small family, or we would have even spent less.) I collect a lot of my gifts throughout the year at garage sales, Walmart sales, and the dollar store. Talk about a reduction in stress! My son and daughter-in-law can/do buy themselves anything they want throughout the year. Therefore, there's absolutely no need on my part to try to compete with that by buying them something lavish. Socks are always welcome, as are PJs and/or thermals for kids and adults both. By wrapping each piece separately, there's plenty of packages under the tree and lots of fun opening them. Also, since we recycle gift bags from year to year, wrapping is simple. I think this was the best xmas we've every had, feeling very cozy and relaxed.

  - Chele

• December 19, 2008 12:11 p.m.

  Here is another aspect that just became apparent--not necessarily the expectations of oneself, but those imposed by others. Here, on a Friday afternoon, there is someone who unapologetically expects me to drop what I am doing to assist them with an issue due entirely to their own proscrastination. I did rather clearly decline, but the presumptuousness and lack of courtesy of the request took me off balance, and I'm not sure I reacted as kindly as I might have. Sometimes you don't know you're out of your comfort zone until after you actually get pushed out of it. If there is a point here, it is be prepared in advance to decline unreasonable or excessive demands and expectations on your time and peace of mind.

  - Alan

• December 18, 2008 12:03 p.m.

  You are so right about the best gift is the gift of our listening, the gift of our "being there." My grandmother and my father-in-law both freely gave of those gifts. I have forgotten material gifts I have received, but will always charish the time spent with those two people. I strive to be a little like them every day of my life.

  - Elizabeth

• December 17, 2008 8:11 p.m.

  The media does have a large part in "creating the ideal family Christmas". We also have a part in this too by the choices that we make: as in committing to too many engagements, creating the perfect setting, having unrealistic expectations of not only ourselves but also of our family and friends. In reality, we have a year to prepare for the following Christmas...make Christmas a part of everyday...keep the spirit alive in all that we do everyday. Enjoy the miracle of each new day!!!

  - Sandra

• December 17, 2008 7:00 p.m.

  Things don't always have to be the same from year to year in our Christmas celebrations. Be flexible in scheduling time and place of the events. Although we all like to have the "we've ALWAYS done it this way" traditions, the important thing is that we celebrate together, whether it's a different day or place or with different people and traditions. It's Christmas and things change, sometimes for the better.

  - jJackie Rakowski

• December 17, 2008 3:25 p.m.

  I like your statements "We need to forgive ourselves" and "If we give and give there is nothing left to give." When I was a young wife and mother, Christmas usually left me feeling inadequate, unappreciated and depressed. There was simply not enough time or money to create a perfect Christmas for my family. In return for my effort, I also expected a great deal from my family. Now that I am older, I do what I enjoy and let the rest go. Of course, no longer having a job or young children, I now have more time.

  - Mary

• December 16, 2008 5:57 p.m.

  Remember, for my fellow spinsters,no matter what media, Christmas specials and magazines may say, happiness does not HAVE to mean husband and children or nothing. Attend parties and concerts, participate in carol singing or Christmas tree lighting in the square with everyone in town -- go to a Sing-Along Messiah (nobody at all can tell whether you are hitting every note or singing on key (trust a woman with a tone deaf brother who thinks he is Pavaratti) or just walk along and look at the decorations nd lights. Drink eggnog with your cat at home and listen to good music; write letters to shut-ins or Auntie in the nursing home or to soldiers ... snowshoe, ski or skate. Buy new underwear. Count your blessings. Ignore the media.

  - Appleby

• December 16, 2008 2:44 p.m.

  You missed out the singular best gift anyone can give or receive - love. Christmas is all about celebrating Christ and love,not a ridiculous buying frenzy. As for New Year's Eve, and New Year's Day, really, people should celebrate as they wish and according to their custom - providing always they do no harm to others.

  - Elizabeth

• December 15, 2008 4:07 a.m.

  I agree wholeheartedly! The media has consistently fed people a diet of imagery on all aspects of life that we are expected to conform it. On our part, we have a few stress-busting secrets that we resort to, on most such occassions. For instance, in India most families celebrate New Year's Eve by going out with your family. On that one night alone, the traffic is unbelievable and the prices are triple of normal! Our solution is to go on 1st Jan for lunch instead of dinner on the 31st, thereby saving us plenty of grief and hard-earned monies, with no compromise on the fun. By the way, it was Alan Kay - an inventor at Xerox PARC - who once said: "The best way to predict the future is to invent it."

  - Naveen Bachwani