Depression (major depression)

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• December 28, 2010 1:13 p.m.

  My husband of 57 years died November, 09. This Christmas season was my saddest! I did not send Christmas cards, bake or decorate. I cry often but I am sure once the season passes, I will get back to working through my grief. I took care of Bill for 3 years. He had pancreatic cancer and had 51 chemo treatments during that period. He had a great outlook on life and was very easy to take care of. He remained active until the last month of his life. I have read where each death relives another. I (we) lost two of our children and I have been thinking of them so much. I am convinced it will take some time for me to readjust to life.

  - Mary

• December 23, 2010 11:49 p.m.

  Holiday times are emotionally challenging for me, for my family. Too many losses, including a daughter and husband (father of our other three adult children). Adult children live in other states. I've travelled to them for over 15 years. This year, I said no more. I am home, happy and looking forward to serving soup on Christmas Eve for the choir at my church, then coming home to a quiet, tidy home. Blessings all around.

  - Elena

• December 23, 2010 9:49 p.m.

  In 2009 we lost our son in a snomobile accident, my mom and uncle also passed away. Christmas was one of the last times we saw our son, so this season is hard.

  - Jean

• December 23, 2010 11:26 a.m.

  dear edna i'm glad u wrote your thoughts, it's a perfect place 2 do it, because no one judges u here, if u want an opinion or help, we give it or if u just need to vent, this blog helps u get all that stuff off your back, i bet & hope u feel better after saying these things out loud, i know i would, my sister was in a similar situation (it was her husband's aunt) no family would help, finally they had 2 put her in a nursing home because her dementia got 2 bad, i hope things get better 4 you, just know that there r people hear on this blog that will listen & again not judge, don't give up hope

  - denise

• December 23, 2010 7:50 a.m.

  I have been alone for 10 years and generally find others that are in the same situation and make it ok but I really need to vent this year. I have an 88 yr old sister with dementia in an assisted living home. Her family has not seen her in over 2 yrs and have just left it to me. I am tired and I now find her crying every day either because she has heard from them or not heard from them She has given all flowers, gifts and etc away since she does not want to enjoy this holiday. I find myself hating to go visit and wanting to run away........This is not my responsiblity but seems I have it and it is getting harder and harder every day. I am thankfull she went to assisted living in May because I had it everyday. I try to see her at least 3 times a week but it is never enough. She will not take advantage of the things and waits for me to give her life and I feel mine is being taken. Usually a few days rest and some happy thoughts will allow me to visit again and but myself in her place.....

  - Edna

• December 22, 2010 11:11 p.m.

  dear michelle i feel bad 4 u, it's the same way @ my sister's house, she cooks 4 about 30 family members & it's always the same ones helping b 4 & after, my son (38 yrs. old) is one of those, that r sitting on their u no what!! i didn't raise him 2 b like that, i just think alot of kids & adults have just gotten thoughtless, selfish & otherwise could care less & yes my son is one of those people, i did not raise him like that!! it's 2 bad u can't just smack them up side their head & knock some sense into them!! can u tell i've been waiting 4 ever 2 get this off my chest!! no solution cuz no body wants 2 say anything or make a scene?? what do u do??

  - denise

• December 22, 2010 10:08 p.m.

  Having few family members or friends to be with.

  - Jan

• December 22, 2010 9:50 p.m.

  So you are lonely. Get out and do for others. Volunteer

  - cindy

• December 22, 2010 5:31 p.m.

  You missed a big one. How about those people who can't be with their families at this time of year???

  - Leslie

• December 22, 2010 5:23 p.m.

  Not a word for those who are without family and whose friends are all very busy with theirs. We simply want the holidays to be over as quickly as possible.

  - Phyllis

• December 22, 2010 4:24 p.m.

  I do not like family gatherings because it is always the same people who help to clean up after the meal. I am 71 years old and consider myself too old to stand up in the kitchen and clean up after 20 plus people. Younger adults(age 15 to 27) NEVER lift their dirty plates, nor carry them to the kitchen. I feel guilty so I always help but majority of adults just keep drinking wines and do not peel themselves from the chair. That is why I hate Thanksgiving and X'mas. No manners, no considerations but doggie eats dog type of atmosphere

  - Michelle

• December 22, 2010 1:25 p.m.

  This is a nice, light weight piece, but ignores the reality that many of us face: isolation. Whether due to divorce, death, empty nests, or social withdrawal, the pain can be excruciating to bear. One thing that seems to help me, and may help you too, is to volunteer to serve meals to the homeless.. or.. do what I see children doing sometimes: Get out on a cold street and hand out warm clothing or blankets or even a hot cup of cocoa, tea, or chocolate. Thinking of others in any way you can... going to a shut in neighbor, for example... can and will relieve your anxiety about your own circumstances. Try it.

  - Oma

• December 22, 2010 12:46 p.m.

  Many years ago, I lived in Belgium and after three years, literally lost my mind. Shortly thereafter doctors discovered SAD. I still find it difficult to find people who believe that the long, long dark winters in Brussels caused my illness. But, I believe it - and I suppose that's why I suffer from a terrible bout of depression at Christmas. I simply wait till spring - when I can live again.

  - Carole

• December 22, 2010 6:16 a.m.

  Volunteer - when I'm alone - especially on holidays, the best way for me to avoid depression and loneliness is to connect with others by volunteering - soup kitchens usually need extra hands and it's a great way to help others and feel good oneself.

  - wenD

• December 21, 2010 5:18 p.m.

  My Shrink perscribed XANAX when I wanted Vallium. Well, for me XANAX made things worse and I became very angry/hostile at the World etc after only 4 days. So for me XANAX is a No-No. Watch your feelings and attitudes (side effects) on perscribed drugs. They may not be listed in the PDR, but they might be affecting your side effects. Be Aware...Always

  - Milo

• December 21, 2010 3:29 p.m.

  I became a widow last year and have no family close by to share the holidays. Though my husband and I always put extra plates on our table for holidays for those who had nowhere to go, we seem to have been the exception. No one invites me or thinks to ask if I have a place to go. Memories hurt when you're alone.

  - Linda

• December 21, 2010 3:09 p.m.

  The holidays are a rough time for both my husband and me. Our children are grown and living away. We solved the problem by taking a vacation during Christmas. Sometimes skiing, other times heading south. It has helped us beat the holiday blues.

  - Amy

• November 25, 2010 1:43 p.m.

  OK, so I have a very rough time over the holidays. I came up with a couple of simple solutions. I bought a Grinch hat. When days get really bad I put it on and those around me know (in a laughing way) that I am feeling more depressed. The other thing I started doing many years ago is not participating in all of the frivolity in December. Instead I hold a party in the middle of February and give gifts to all those I care about and who have taken care of me. February for me represents the most beautiful part of the year (at least in Michigan). When the sun shines it will be as bright as it will be all year because there are no leaves on the trees to interfere with the sun bouncing off of the snow. Those around me look forward to another chance to celebrate, and don't mind that I chose not to shop, cook, clean, party, decorate and feel sad in December.

  - Suzanne

• October 7, 2010 9:38 a.m.

  My mother died unexpectedly in June following a battle with cancer. On Labor Day, I had the family gathering that Mom usually had. I spent time finding new recipes in magazines, my daughter came in for the celebration and we cooked together for it. I invited my mother's sisters and it was good. The Lord blessed our celebration and when we offered thanks we remembered my mother. I now fear Thanksgiving and Christmas less thanks to taking this initial plunge. You all are in my prayers.

  - Anne

• January 12, 2009 2:09 p.m.

  Please talk to your primary care health provider about side effects from light therapy and look at our article on SAD. eye strain and headaches are possible side effects. Mania is a rare side effect as well. Take care and thanks for your interest in Mayo Clinic.Com

  - Mayo Clinic.com Staff

• January 8, 2009 6:46 p.m.

  This holiday was really hard this year. I suffer from seasonal affective disorder in addition to major life changes that have resulted in Christmas not being the "Best time of the year". Is there anyone out there who knows who I can ask questions about the light box that I have tried for the first time to help this depression? I am having some adverse side effects and none of the web sites I have searched talk about negative side afffects. Thank you so much

  - Joy

• January 7, 2009 2:05 p.m.

  Christmas at our home has always been for the kiddos--not necessarily just ours, but all children! I lost my job due to layoff the Friday before Thanksgiving. My husband is disabled so I have always supported us both. I really thought I would be "down" this holiday, but was not! I was able to help put up the Christmas decorations for the first time in a number of years; I was able to spend time with my husband and two of our grandsons baking and making candies; and being a seamstress of 40+ years, made a number of Christmas gifts for the family. Christmas purchases were few and far between of course, and the lighting of all the decorations was only for a short time in the evenings rather than the usual several hours of previous years. And I've actually had 2 job interviews which is extemely encouraging at this early stage of the game--one of which the outcome is still pending. I am counting my blessings! Losing my job was in some ways it seems, a blessing in disguise!

  - Glo

• January 6, 2009 3:01 p.m.

  My husband left after 32 years of marriage and raising two wonderful children. I have no other family. These weeks are so very difficult, but my faith is my rock and when I am down I hold my Bible tightly and remember that without Jesus's birth there would be no hope so and I start looking to Easter for the most perfect give given. As I get older this is the gift that I now treasure the most. The rest is just stuff. The tears are still there yet I don't go so far down.

  - Patricia

• January 6, 2009 2:38 p.m.

  I have the opposite issue from many of the you who've posted. My husband & I have no children, both sets of parents are dead, my sister is dead & my husband is estranged from his brother - and no other relatives. We have everything we need so no need to blow money on gifts for each other. It's just us & the dog. Our Christmas is very quiet - decorating is minimal. We do get alot of pleasure watching the old Christmas movies on cable & listening to Christmas music. But Christmas really points up our lack of family - or lack of family that we feel good about. The good part is that we get to partake of the pre-Christmas day festivities (parties at work, etc) & just get through the day itself. But at some part of Christmas day I do feel alittle blue & have to make an effort to get past it. Thank goodness Christmas only comes once a year. Then there's the New Years "hump" to get over - unlike so many people, I cannot stop myself from viewing New Years Eve as another depressing time. Looking back over the previous year - what was accomplished & what was not....the pluses & minuses. Another year older.....

  - Janet

• January 2, 2009 6:04 p.m.

  Rity, I can totally understand! You sound like a perfectionist, like me. We want to make everyone else happy and have things perfect for the holidays, and in the process we end up making ourselves feel miserable. Then we feel guilty about being miserable. I wish I had some good advice to offer. Well, maybe you could start a new tradition where the family comes over one day and everyone helps put up decorations. It would all get done and the responsibility wouldn't be all on your shoulders. You'd be there to supervise and direct, but wouldn't have to do all the physical work. Best of luck to you! Hang in there!

  - Erin