Depression (major depression)

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• January 2, 2009 7:46 a.m.

  The most difficult moments for me is when my husband and I are having other couples over for dinner during the holidays. We are both in our 50's. My husband INSISTS that the house be clean. Not just cleaned, but obsessively, compulsively, clean, as well as a cooked dinner. While he has eased up somewhat on the cleaning, he rides me, verbally, if I want to put up more decorations that I didn't get to do, yet. I have had severe health issues for 4 years, from heart to pneumonia with sepsis, and I do not have the stamina to ever get everything completed. No matter if I start before Thanksgiving, I cannot get the decorations up. We also have our 3 grandchildren closeby, and yet, while I love the frequent visits, I lose interest in what I need to do. I feel defeated, even when my husband apologizes and says the house looks great. I do not have the strength or will to exercise, and one day I can't wait until I can clean the house, or bake, and when the time arrives, I don't want to do it. I read about breaking tasks down to simple/smaller ones, and I'm going to try that. I also want to delegate more, but I have to specifically say what I want done to my children, who are in their 30's. I use to do it all myself. My mother and father are invalids, so I took pride in putting out an A-one holiday. Now, my parents arrived Christmas, I was still in my pajamas, and way behind on the cooking. How do I bring my spirits up, when the medication works most of the year?

  - Rity

• December 31, 2008 1:43 p.m.

  It seems to be human nature, and more so for depressed people, to focus on what we DON'T have. Yet, if we look around us, we are surrounded by people who love us and things that are beautiful. Over the holidays, I find the materialism makes me focus more on "what I don't have." This makes me feel worse. So, I have concentrated on surrounding myself with positive people who are happy with who they have, what they have, and who they are. Some people are never satisified with what they have and I have noticed that being around them makes me feel worse. Hope this helps some of you fellow depressed people out there in your quest for better health. I hope you choose to join me today to focus on the beauty in your life even if it's a very small thing. Cut out a nice picture from a flyer or magazine and put in on your fridge. LOL! Go over that in your mind as long as you can instead of all the sad things that compete for your thoughts. Good luck! Mary

  - Mary

• December 31, 2008 12:38 p.m.

  I find this season very emotional. I am remarried and I have my husband's children and grandchildren for dinner for Christmas. Then I have my own children for three days for a marvelous but too short time. When they leave, I cry. On the 31st I have my husband's family for dinner. I get very little help from my husband apart from great financial help. I find that I put too much pressure on myself and would have more pleasure if I lowered my standards. This year, it was easier than previous years because I planned better and accepted a less than perfect dinner for Christmas. Hard to do.

  - mrs perfectionist

• December 31, 2008 7:24 a.m.

  I find it difficult to enjoy the hoidays since my daughter passed away. Her husband immediately took my granddaugher and moved across he United States. I do not want to aattend friend's celebrations because it increases my depression. I just accept that this will be a sad time for me -- and then cry and reflect on Christmas's past -- after the holidays it is better LYNDA

  - No name given

• December 31, 2008 1:38 a.m.

  Whats been hard for me especially during the holiday season, is the fact that I don't have any family literally and a very small group of friends.I have no idea where my mother is, never met my father, grandparents has passed away and I have 2 brothers and a aunt that I don't really know because we never grew up together. So during the holidays for me it can become mentally taxing. Some times I might slip into a sad state but I snap right back out of it. But yes its very difficult during this time of year.

  - Noah

• December 29, 2008 9:39 a.m.

  I try to keep things in perspective and try to make sure I don't let my expectations climb too high. I also try to remind myself daily that the holidays are not about things but rather spending time with friends and loved ones. Some times I succeed and sometimes I miss the mark but when I start to feel a little blue, I call out to a friend and talk through it. That helps me a lot especially when I'm reminded that we don't have to be superwomen and that it's okay to let little things slide. I appreciate the normalcy of working everyday but anticipate the time off also.

  - marie

• December 29, 2008 9:33 a.m.

  I wish I would have read this before the holidays and given it to my hubby. He totally does not "get it" and some of your points might have helped him understand me better. As it is I stumble through somehow. The advice about keeping things close to normal - diet, exercise, sleep, etc. - good advice, yes, but awfully hard to put in practice. Go to exercise class or son's band concert? Go to bed at regular time or chat with daughter from the other side of the country? Keep car with me so I can do errands in a timely way or let kids have car to go visit grandma? Yes, I'm making these choices, and yes, I'm feeling the negative effects too. In a way it is worth it but now comes the part about reestablishing good habits. Why is it that you drop a good thing once it seems to disappear and it's hard to pick up again, and if you drop a bad habit it still haunts you and begs for attention? For instance, an exercise routine. Miss one and have to force the next one. Miss two and it's as if I never did it at all. So hard to get moving again. So two things here - obtaining understanding/support from spouse/family when you need to take care of yourself, and motivation to actually DO it, especially when you've had a legitimate reason to let things slide...and need to get back on track...hopefully the track where things keep improving and not the treadmill of "(sigh) if I have to..."

  - Susan

• December 26, 2008 7:50 a.m.

  I dread the Holidays from Thanksgiving through Christmas Day. It is a time of extreme work, shopping, cooking, cleaning for me. Being a divorced, single Mother means that the whole burden is on me to organize, and perpetuate the Holidays. I get the feeling that some people want to celebrate the holidays and others consider it an obligation. People have other sides of the family to consider and it causes lots of discord in planning. If I don't get things organized, nobody will and that is a burden to me but both of my grown children are born in December which makes it even worse financially, etc. I've finally reached the day after Christmas Day and feel a sense of relief again.

  - Helen Olson

• December 25, 2008 11:16 a.m.

  Try to appreciate and be grateful for the small things. Be very careful not to overspend to try to make yourself feel better.

  - Patty

• December 23, 2008 7:09 p.m.

  Don't have anticipations.

  - pb

• December 23, 2008 3:23 p.m.

  I agree - for me, looking back is a fault that is difficult to break. I must continually remind myself that what is done, is done & the point is to learn from mistakes & go forward. Easier said than done. Another problem that I think haunts many folks is unrealistic expectations. Our families are not perfect - holidays sometimes bring out the glaring faults in our family members - some of us over-eat, over drink, etc. Our lives are not like :it's a wonderful life" where everything turns out alright in the end. I try to look for the little things & focus on them.

  - Janet

• December 23, 2008 3:13 p.m.

  I would think financial pressures should be at top of list for many of us. Also the end of year time seems to call us to evaluate our successes/problems over the last year that can be quite depressing as we are usually harder on ourselves than anyone else would be.

  - Sandra Turner