Mayo Clinic Health Manager

Get free personalized health guidance for you and your family.

Free

E-Newsletter

Subscribe to receive the latest updates on health topics. About our newsletters

• Housecall
• Alzheimer's caregiving
• Living with cancer

• November 23, 2009 10:13 a.m.

  I'VE HAD HERPES SINCE I WAS 19 AND IM NOW 24. PEOPLE CAN REALLY BE CRUEL BUT I'VE LEARNED HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH YOUR PARTNER AND LET HIM/HER KNOW BUT TRY TO BE AS POSITIVE AS POSSIBLE; I ALWAYS SAY "I RESPECT YOU AND I WANT TO BE HONEST WITH YOU SO THAT WE CAN MOVE TO THE NEXT STEP". IF THEY DONT WANT TO BE BOTHERED WITH YOU THEN THATS THEIR LOSS. JUST BECAUSE WE HAVE HERPES THAT DOESNT MAKE US ANY LESS OF A PERSON. ALTHOUGH IT CAN BE STRESSFUL AND IT WEIGHS HEAVY WHEN YOU REALLY LIKE SOMEONE AND YOU HAVE THE FEAR THAT THEY WILL NOT WANT YOU. BUT YOU HAVE TO GET UP THE COURAGE. ITS THEIR RIGHT TO KNOW AND IN TURN MAKE THAT DECISION. THE HERPES VIRUS IS VERY COMMON IN WHICH WE ALL KNOW. JUST BE STRONG AND BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING WILL TURN OUT FOR THE BETTER. YOUR PARTNER WILL RESPECT YOU AND LOVE YOU EVEN MORE FOR BEING HONEST AND LETTING THEM KNOW WHAT IS PROBABLY THE HARDEST THINGS YOU WILL EVER HAVE TO SHARE WITH ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. YOU WILL BE CLOSER AND THEY WILL RESPECT YOU MORE AND MAKE THE RELASHIONSHIP BETTER FOR THE BOTH OF YOU! 2488185497 FOR ADVICE GOD BLESS!!

  - J

• October 23, 2009 8:57 p.m.

  I want to know why the fact of herpes can be spread on to others wether you use protection or not is not knowledgable. I was diaognosed with herpes over the summer. I use protection with my partner. I was not told that it can still be passed along either way because that information was not taught to me. People out there needs this kind of education.

  - janet

• September 19, 2009 10:58 p.m.

  I don't know how to tell my future partners that I have gential herpes that I obtained from a guy that I got pregnant from at 19 and subsequiently had an abortion from. I think mentioning this is creepy and don't know what to do. Please advise.

  - Erin Beegle

• September 16, 2009 3:54 p.m.

  if ive had herpes for 3 years will valtrex still work for me?

  - no name

• August 25, 2009 5:29 p.m.

  I have herpes and am terrified to tell the man I am seeing. I had done small occurance on my buttock three years ago and have seen nothing since. I want to be able to give him some odds or something about the chance of him getting it--with or without a condom, with or without being on Valtrex...etc. I don't really want to be on suppressive therapy if I have not had any breakouts in two years (since I came off of it.) I read the article on talking to your partner, but I was wondering if there were any stats on these things. If you thing that saying such things would help anyway.?

  - Scared girl

• August 20, 2009 8:59 a.m.

  Dear Eduardo, Please read my blog dated December 8, 2008 titled "Herpes Symptoms, Diagnosis and How It Spreads". This will give you accurate information on testing. I have written many other blogs on herpes to help you if your test is positive.

  - Lois McGuire

• August 20, 2009 8:54 a.m.

  Dear Carolinagirl, You don't need to end it now or continue. That should be a decision you make together after you have discussed the herpes as a couple. You can not predict how he is going to feel about this topic. Please read my blog written on February 14, 2009 titled "Talking to Your Partner About Herpes". This will guide you on how to talk to him and prepare you for what might happen as you discuss the topic. I have also written several other blogs on this topic which may help you and your partner decide if you are ready to take the risk yet. Remember, it would be unfair to have sex without talking to him first about herpes.

  - Lois McGuire

• August 10, 2009 10:17 p.m.

  I found out I had herpes in June. I am on suppressive therapy and have only told my best friend I have it. I am in love with this guy that I thought did not have feelings for me but now he is calling and we are getting close. I am not sure I can tell him I have herpes. What are my chances of infecting him if I am on daily valtrex. From our discussions he loves oral and I have HSV-2. I really need to know whether to end it now or continue. I am looking for suggestions.

  - carolinagirl

• August 5, 2009 11:38 a.m.

  I think I have HERPES....is there a test I could take to be certain????

  - eduardo

• July 27, 2009 1:05 a.m.

  I was just diagnosed with herpes. My wife and I have been married for 7yrs. We have both been 100% faithful in our marriage and have a great sex life. Now all of a sudden this hits. Can symtoms just show up? I'm scared to death this will ruin our wonderful marriage, she doesn't trust me now and I really dont blame her. I feel like my life is crumbling fast and I can't do anything but watch. How do I convince her I have been faithful when this just shows up out of the blue. The last partner I had before my wife now was my ex-wife, so I have no idea how this happened. Faithful, married, men shouldn't have to woryy about things like this. I went to the doc cuz I thought I had a rash or something and he tells me this. What do I do? I don't want her to get it. Does she have to get tested? Can tests be wrong? Will she ever trust me enough to have sex with me again? Any suggestions, please..... -Overwhelmed

  - No name given

• July 21, 2009 1:22 p.m.

  I want to share this. I'm a man, almost 63, and recently met a 60 yo woman, and we are attracted to each other. When I let her know I was interested in becoming more deeply involved, both emotionally and sexually, she told me she has Herpes. Her openness and honesty delight me, and attract me to her even more deeply. We aren't yet sexually active, but I am willing to take my chances if we become so. Honesty is SO important. We want to share ALL of what we are with our love, and give them the option to accept us, or not!

  - JR

• June 28, 2009 11:37 a.m.

  I am a girl and actually just got diagnosed with herpes last night. It really does suck. When I was first told I was in complete shock. But slowly throughout the night while sitting in the hospital I realized that it could be worse. It sucks that it will always be there but at least its treatable. Carmen. Your best bet would to be tested and if you test positive then get treated if not just help out your boyfrind with his treatment. Its a sticky situation all around but in the end its not the worst that can happen. So scary girl. Dont worry about it. You should avoid sexual contact and such until your stable but there are many people out there that understand where we are coming from. I know we dont really know eachother very well but you will find someone that will love you even though you have herpes. Your best bet would to just be one hundred percent honest with your upcoming partners.

  - Crow

• June 8, 2009 1:59 p.m.

  I met a guy and we click right away, we had sex and few days after that he told me he has herpes but he is on treatment... I am worry because we have a good relationship. my question is even if he is taking his medication can he has a rash and trasmitted to me, or while he is on medication i am safe.. I need help i am worry even scared to be tested... I don't want to brake my relationship with him.

  - Carmen

• May 16, 2009 1:16 a.m.

  WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FACE THIS...I JUST HAD TWO SEXUAL PARTNERS IN MY LIFE, BOTH IN ESTABLE RELATIONSHIP AND IT'S SO UNFAIR THAN NON OF THEY TELL ME THAT HAD THIS DISEASE...I DON'T KNOW WHO OF THEM TRANSMIT THIS TO ME...NOW, WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE???? I'M SINGLE NOW...WHERE I'M GOING TO FIND SOMEONE WHO WANT TO LOVES ME WITH THIS???? I'M SERIOUSLY THINKING IN FINISH WITH MY LIFE!! I'M SO DEPRESSED!! THAT'S NO FAIR!

  - SO SCARY GIRL

• May 7, 2009 4:34 p.m.

  i recommend to everone to get tested yearly regardless of what their partner says and regardless of symptoms. 2 years ago before the start of my relationship i ordered the test but the lab made a mistake and never did it. he also got some tests but didnt ask for herpes. now we are both positive and we dont know who gave it to who. luckily weve been together almost 2 years with no symptoms until recently i had an outbreak (thats why we both got tested) we are both ok about it, but still, its better to get tested and not spread it then ignore it. even so, its not the end of the world. i keep thinking what if, if i was positive and he was negative or vice versa when we met, would we have ever gotten together? im glad we are together now though.

  - MJM

• May 5, 2009 3:54 p.m.

  New Dater: Your partner should be on suppressive therapy and use condoms--that will decrease the chance that you will get herpes. Only you can know if you want to take the risk of getting herpes, but as my new nurse practitioner said to me, "Herpes is only a skin condition." For me herpes is no big deal, but I always tell my partner up front about it. Even if I have an outbreak I don't have pain or much inconvenience, although the response is different in each individual. Talk to this guy about his herpes experience. If you love someone, you should be able to work this out.

  - Deb

• April 27, 2009 7:06 p.m.

  After 20 years of marriage and a divorce I finally met a guy I could imagine myself with in a happy relationship. Then he tells me he has herpes. I had an internal of wow moment. We haven't had sex yet but I am not sure if this will be a barrier for me taking the relationship to the next level. I am a healthy athletic person who is having a hard time contemplating this. I've read all the info...seems quite likely at some point it would be a package deal and I'd get it too????

  - new dater

• March 23, 2009 9:44 p.m.

  I just found out that I have Herpes. I was with one guy for 16 yrs. and now with someone else for the last year. I dont even know where to begin. I am not sure who I got it from. I feel so dirty now because I thought That by not sleeping around I would have not been put in this position. I dont know what to do now. I dont know whether to confront my ex. first or my new boyfriend. Either way I am never going to get rid of this. I have to deal with it for the rest of my life. I wonder if either one of them know they have it. I will never be the same again.

  - No Name

• March 18, 2009 8:27 a.m.

  About 2 years ago I found out I had herpes. It was given to me buy my ex-husband. He claims he did not know he had it, but had all the information for me to understand it. I was furious, depressed, scared. I thought my life had ended. I have two daughters from my first marriage, how was I going to explain that to them. It took me a long time to realize that I can still leave the live I deserve and to be loved sincerely beyond what I have. I have made myself the promise to educate the people that are the closest to me and it includes my daughters when the right time comes. It is such a difficult subject and it takes loving people to understand it. I learned that most people have an open heart and they see you for who you are not for what you have. Be brave, be honest, be yourself!!. Face your fear and what ever happens when you mentioned the virus.. it does not matter. What matters is what is in your heart and how you will never do to others what was done us. Love, Tampa Girl!

  - tampa, girl

• March 17, 2009 10:15 p.m.

  When I found out I got herpes.. I thought my world was over..seriously.. I had no idea that the Mayo Clinic has this on the site, and I wish I would of found it earlier. I got in my first serious relationship and my heart sank when he wanted to go to the next level. I was so scared that i met this amazing guy, and that he'd judge me because of it. I knew I had to be fair to him though, and so I told him I had it, how I got it, and.. to my surprise he was amazing. Of course I answered any questions he had, and we dated for almost 2 years. I'm glad I came across this blog.

  - No name given

• March 13, 2009 10:30 p.m.

  what about oral sex? Has any body got sugestions...He' enjoys oral on me

  - suzanne

• March 8, 2009 11:41 p.m.

  Thanks for the information about herpes. This STD has overwhelmed me, I feel so dirty and unclean. I do not want to have sex anymore because I am so ashamed to talk to a new partner. So, do I just tell him and hope he understands? I only want to live again! By the way, my ex husband gave it to me and didn't have any remorse behind his actions.

  - Brenda X

• March 4, 2009 9:01 p.m.

  3 years ago, I got herpes from my girlfriend who never had an outbreak. In the following year, I had one a month, and she still didn't. After that relationship was over, and i started dating another girl, the 'dreaded' day came when we were on the verge of being intimate. Unbelievably, it didn't bother her. We did everything safe, I went on Valtrex, and after 8 months, she was still testing negative. I've been dating someone new for quite awhile and tomorrow's the big day I decided to tell her. Wish me luck.

  - Dallas Guy

• March 4, 2009 4:19 p.m.

  Thank you for this info, I was thinking of a way to tell my boyfriend! He says he loves me so much but I feel like when I tell him... all those feelings might go away! I didnt intend on him falling for me before I told him ... I just hope we can last! Thanks again

  - Sandra

• March 1, 2009 9:14 p.m.

  I found your article from a link at std-testing-centers.net I am so glad this information is available today. You would never discuss this sort of thing back in the 50's.

  - Andre