Stress management

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• April 21, 2013 7:23 p.m.

  I have a mother with demetia and a sister with brain damage from a stroke. Both are in the same nursing home. I go to see them both 3 to 4 times a week. My mom is always in a depressive state of mind and my sister is always going thru something. I am so tired I cant see straight. I want to walk away and never come back help

  - sandra

• January 24, 2013 7:39 p.m.

  my husband is only 68 yrs. old now, had open heart surgery 07/2009, started having seizures at that time. started seeing a neurologist. was told that he had Advanced Dementia. And he does. He has been in 19 different places in the past year - from Psychiatric Hopital's , to Assisted Living places since Jan. 4, 2012. NOW HIS ESPOGIHUS HAS CONSTRICTED, HIS FLUIDS WENT INTO HIS LUNG'S (PNEUMONIA). HE IS NOW GETTINT THERAPY FOR SWALLOWING. HOW EFFECTIVE IS THIS. BECAUSE HE IS SO MUCH YO YOUNGER, I WAS WONDERING ABOUT GETTING HIM INTO A CLINICAL STUDY. HE IS A VERY SMART MAN, AND BASICALLY HEALTHY OTHERWISE. HE STILL KNOWS ME IF HE IS NOT OVER MEDICATED.

  - pat

• January 24, 2013 8:00 a.m.

  As a caregiver for my mom I am with her 24 hrs a day and from experience know how sleep deprived you can get.If you are sleep deprived too long you are of no use to your parents.You need to seek help on different levels including nursing aids and if possible friends.

  - kate

• January 10, 2013 1:14 p.m.

  Wow! You are truly a very special group of very special people. As I way the risk and rewards of which path to choose, "Helping the elderly or Helping the lonely children who parents are busy working? Most of my life I've favored the children and now in my mid 60's I will attempt to make a shift and assist a male friend as long as I can. I will do my very best as long as I can and pray the Good Lord tells me when to move on. I think we are all considered veteran's because "while some will give some, others will give all. We really need to find the balance if we are to thrive as a society. God Bless all of you wonderful caring people.

  - Ron

• October 27, 2012 4:12 p.m.

  I am an only child and caregiver to both of my parents. My mother is 71 and has dementia. She doesn't just have dementia though, she also has cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and is legally blind. My father has severe depression and anxiety. A little over a year ago, my father tried to kill himself because the stress of caring for my mother was too much for him. So I packed up their belongings and brought them to live with me. While this was happening, my marriage was also ending and I had a huge transition in my job. I ask myself constantly, "Why is this all happening?" but there is never an answer. I am trying to accept my "new life" but it's tough. I think about quitting my job all the time and I am constantly sleep deprived. I recently hired a caregiver to come in once a week so that I would get some respite. I think this is the start of something great. On the flip side though, my father has taken up being angry at me. He constantly picks fights with me and barks orders at me. He blames me for moving them to come and live with me but he forgets that he called me every day at work for 3 months straight to order me to do something and that they were moving in with me because he couldn't do it any more. Just trying to stay positive and appreciate the time we have together.

  - Serena

• August 21, 2012 10:12 p.m.

  A good nights sleep is important to me also. I is a rarely happens however. After putting my mom to bed, I take time for myself. I am greedy for it. It is also very difficult to stay up as long as she because of many naps she has had during the day.Will work on it though!

  - chris

• August 14, 2012 9:55 a.m.

  Bob I am 84 and my doc says if he didn't know me he would think I am 65. That's more than enough background on me but suffice it to say I am healthy and wise but not very wealthy. Please folks when you tell your stories state your age first that helps us quickly gain perspective. My wife, I will call her Tiffany, is 81 and an alcoholic, smoker and addicted to pain killers. She has been in Assisted Living for the last several years because I could no longer keep her healthy at home and she is now healthy and happy with lots of friends. She stopped the alcohol thirty years ago and the cigarettes ten years ago but she still has the pain pill dependency. We took care of our four parents until they went to their eternal rewards because none of our siblings lived in town, this did create many problems for us. Thirty years ago one of our children was involved in an horrific auto accident. He is an active alcoholic and not doing well at this writing. This year we lost a grandson in another alcohol-related auto accident. I would encourage each of you to not only pray more but try desperately to separate yourself from the patient as much as possible. I know we love them but they actually become more independent without our help and we grow greatly from the "divorce". It's like they say in AA "Stop trying to run their program!" I frequently bury myself in my hobbies. Buy a keyboard and play for an hour daily and pretend you're Roger Williams or Dianna K

  - Bob

• February 27, 2012 12:05 p.m.

  As a stress management trainer & coach, I insist that clients look first to their sleep for solutions before searching for more esoteric answers. Sleep can make molehills out of mountains!

  - Lynette

• February 14, 2012 8:09 p.m.

  I've been taking care of my mother for the past two years. in the beginning I thought she just needed someone to fix her meals make sure she took her meds simple things like that. Then she started referring to me as her nurse..then she remembered me again. Lately she knows who I am she's now completely bed bound...this reason I don't understand why. I get help during the week days. NOW for the past three weeks she has been cursing like a drunken sailor, also she is ALWAYS HUNGRY or so she says.I don't give in to her whims, she craves a particular food, of which she should not really eat, and curses me out because I won't give it to her. Even though once in a while I would give her, but she doesn't remember she's had it. She has another child,however I am her ONLY caregiver.Most day I don't want to give a s%!t, but I have too.We didn't have a relationship really. But here I am alone trying to take care of her with no support from her son. Retired 3 1/2 yrs can't do what I want to do!!

  - Anna

• October 28, 2011 2:29 p.m.

  THE ARTICLES WERE WONDERFUL AND SO HONEST AND I CAN IDENTIFY WITH MOST OF THEM. STRESS IS REALLY BAD IN ALL THESE SITUATIONS. I AM A VERY HIGH STRUNG PERSON AND THIS ADDS TO THE STRESS. I WILL PRAY FOR ALL OF US CARE GIVERS AND GOD TO GUIDE US THRU EACH AND EVERY MINUTE EVERY DAY. WE ARE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT AND GOD WILL NOT LET US SINK IF WE LEAN ON HIM. I PRAY AND THAT HELPS ME GET THRU A LOT OF PROBLEMS AND ANSWERS A LOT OF MY QUESTIONS. IN GOD WE ALL MUST TRUST.

  - ROSEMARY

• July 30, 2011 9:32 p.m.

  I gave up my good paying job in January 2009 to take care of my elderly parents. My father was in the hospital in June '09, back in the hospital in July '09. He was sent to a rehab facility as he had a couple of broken vertebrates in his back for no reason. Long story short, After 5 weeks in rehab and worsening health, I had him taken to the hospital. On September 22, 09 he passed away suddenly and quickly. He was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma less than a week before 8.12.11he passed. My mother and he were married 60 yr and she was in total denial and still is to some extent now. I have been caring for her 24/7 and she just recently had a stroke. I take her to multiple doctor visits with different specialist. Will find out on 8.12.11 the severity of her stroke. I have 3 other sibling that live less than 20 min a day but they never bother calling her, coming down, etc until something bad likes this happens. I end up in the stress center for 3 day on July 5 which they started me on some medication for my anxiety and depression. It's so hard doing this as I live in her home and make no money, do all of the yard work, cleainging, cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, picking up her Rx's and making sure her pill cases are filled, making sure she's taking her meds and insulin (shes a severe diabetic) on time. It's definitely a 24 hour job and I'm exhausted. the siblings can only complain of what I am doing wrong. Had to vent sorry but it feels good since i have no one to talk to.

  - Kim

• July 30, 2011 2:12 p.m.

  My mother was fairly depressed after my father died after 63 years of marriage and so I stayed on with her to be a companion which probably was a mistake. Now, she had to have a pace-maker put in and is doing fairly well.She is in her own home and I live with her. I am a social worker by training and tried to serve as best as I could to be her advoacate.However, I had previously been involved with a brother(62)who suffers from mental disabililty and I spent 9 years ,helping him to get off drugs.I am worn out andmy parents have always helped me but I would like a life and need to work and dont know how to talk with my mother except in harsh words. She says that she is fine and that I should go a head with my life. I am not sure what to do because I have two other sibllings who have significant needs. Any suggestions. Thankyou Carolj

  - Carol

• July 26, 2011 12:52 a.m.

  Sadly, my mother is in the position you describe. She has been admitted to the hospital, but there is no family for her to go home to. We aren't able to provide the level of care that she needs and our homes don't accommodate her multiple disabilities and healthcare needs. I feel so guilty because she does not want to go to a nursing home. I hope I can at least be the kind of advocate that she needs. I would love help or advice.

  - R

• December 4, 2010 11:56 p.m.

  I am staying with my grandmother and acting as her care taker. I love her like she were my mother, but I AM TIRED. I have been sleeping alot less. My mind feels like it's on a roller coaster. I am exhausted both physically and mentally. I am not getting any relief from anyone else. It is left solely up to me. What can I do to destress?

  - Meesh

• November 19, 2010 9:57 a.m.

  As I work with patients, I do notice that those patients who are taking care of loved ones tend to have more stress in their lives. They also tend to not heal as fast as most other patients. Learning how to handle and avoid stress is an important part health.

  - Tom

• October 31, 2010 2:46 a.m.

  I am a caregiver. My husband is COPD, post CVA, extreme pain ussues. He needs hip replacement and not good canidate. HE IS ON HOSPICE. hAS BEEN GREAT. VA has been helpful as well. Allows me to get out twice a week for ME time. I recently had gastric bypass. Began working on myself. Have lost 30 lbs so far. Hard dealing with his declining health. With God in my life, he helps me endure all the difficulties and helps me to cope.

  - Ginny

• October 29, 2010 8:54 p.m.

  I found myself as a caregiver about a year ago when my mother came to live with me and my family. She was diaganoze with alzhimer a few years ago. she was living alone in her on house, although it was next door to my brother. My brother was getting overwhelm with mom, and we decided she should come live with me for a while. It can get stressful, especially when she have her moments and start call my aunts back in georgia saying I am abusing her or have her living in a basement. She watching television all the time and lovers "Dirty Harry" and she told my aunt I slapped her and was on drug, she took that scene out of "Dirty Harry" and place herself into the situation. The bad part of is my aunt in georgia believes her. But the younger aunt who works with alzhimer patient came to my rescue because she understands the disease and the symptoms. I was ready to pack her up and send her back home to georgia. I ask my why she told such a lie and she honstly belive it happen. Until I talked to a support group I was just outdone ready to give up. but now I understand that mom don't mean to be mean and a liar, she can't help it. The support lady advice me to look at mom as a 2 year old and that is what I have started doing and it has really help. Now when she get in one of her afternoon moods I just walk away until she comes back to herself. Its like nothing ever happen. At lease i have my husband and daughter and my sons to come and take her for awh

  - Cathy

• October 3, 2010 4:57 p.m.

  I never imagined there was a pleace to talk to other caretakers, what a wounderful idea. If there are people out there like m self then the workd is not as bad as I though it was. I am a 47 year old man struggling with m own disabilities and for the past 7 years I accepted my role as my moms caretaker and it has been such a wounderful experience thus far. I had some personal issues that I was dealing with and thought I would die from them but these past few years watching my Mom getting closer to her journeys end I have chosen to give up all my vises and give her 105% of my time and to do for her what she can no longer do for herself is a feeling that is undiscribable and a shame because to be chosen to have this experience is like living all over again. We are a chosen few and I would like to honor al caretakes because it takes a special kind of pereosn to be happy da in and day out. I am that special person, I never look for a pat on the shoulder and I am always there for my Mom. Jesus is Lord.. God is Almighty.. Rocco from Bayonne

  - Caretakers are Special!

• August 3, 2010 12:04 p.m.

  I have been home with my son for almost five years. He has seizures & all kinds of trouble with his medicines. Although his situation has improved in the past 3 months I am afraid to leave him alone if case of a seizure. He has grand mal seizures. It has been a lonely road for my family and hope to have all this behind us some day, but I will be here for my son as long as I am needed. I do find that exercise helps quite a bit & get out of the house as much as possible. Be good to thy self. Thanks Carol

  - No name given

• July 20, 2010 7:07 p.m.

  god bless everyone who takes care of another who is ill or incapable of taking care of themselves. remember to keep yourself well and rested so you can continue to do the good work you do. try to remember to 'walk a mile in their shoes' to understand why they say and react the way they do. to lose your independence is horrible (as an adult). remember how happy you were when you became independent as a young adult/child. how horrible it would be to lose that, after you have experienced it. again, blessed be to all those who care for others. keep the faith you are doing the work of angels.

  - joyce

• July 13, 2010 5:44 p.m.

  I am the caregiver for my 77 year old husband of 56 years, who has advanced COPD. I am 73 myself and often find it difficult to manage everything: his many meds and breathing treatments and refills (must stay ahead two weeks so as to receive by mail), my meds. also, and all the care and repairs of our home in the country. Our daughters and husbands live 250 miles away and try to help when they can make it here. My husband's Drs. have begun to tell him that there is no more improvement to be had, as he is on oxygen full-time now. He is frail and weak, unable to care for himself. His care comes from the VA, which is 100 miles away. They have taken good care of him as far as meds. but offer no help for ME. As he grows weaker, my days become more difficult. It is often lonely, as he sleeps a lot and is only able to read or watch TV. I sometimes am able to get out to Church activities and grocery shopping, but know this will become more difficult as he grows weaker. I am considering some kind of hospice or at least home health care. Any advice from other COPD caregivers would be appreciated.

  - Doris

• July 2, 2010 6:41 a.m.

  I find that just a few minutes a day with something "new" helps me to keep going with only a few hours of sleep. A interesting book, learning a new skill (I'm learning about bee keeping now), exercise. Things that take me away mentally from the daily stress of caregiving. Keeping a positive attitude - when his snoring wakes me up, I know he is still alive and with me!

  - Norma

• June 24, 2010 8:26 p.m.

  my mom passed away little over a year ago. married 57 yrs to my father. He cannot get over her passing. He is depressed layes around in bed all day, wants to die, acts like a feeble old man,refuses to help himself..has become extremly rude to friends when they come over..result they don't visit any longer... I fly, so i commute up/stay @ his home..do the house cleaning, cook meals when their, have basically taken over the roll of my mom. he can at times be very rude towards me verably, refuses any help or suggestion in snapping out of his by way. I have two sister who live near by and do nothing in helping out, even when I have asked! I have suggested getting someone to come in once a week to clean..his comment back is he already has a house cleaner....He has told me that i need to by the mother know to my siblings...which i said NO...at times when i do this for him and alter my life/marriage/work he does not appreicate it only to snap rude things towards me when I get frustrated.. I have suggested that he needs to have physcial therapy,( because of doing nothing his hip and legs are in need of PT) have suggested that he get out and get involved in things only to be shot down. My marriageis in trouble now because my husband is tried of my being away...plus I am at witts in..I am ready to throw in the towel. I need some hlp please..thank you

  - jennifer

• April 20, 2010 3:43 p.m.

  You are so right! My husband suffered a tramatic brain injury 14 years ago. He can do nothing for himself and that requires a lot of hands on from me and carries with it a lot of stress. His sleep cycles are very abnormal,and if he is awake he wants me awake!(He is like a small child since the accident.) If I don't get enough sleep I am more stressed and it is much harder to think clearly and make decisions. With sleep,I can face the day without being somewhat agitated and drained the minute my feet hit the floor.The days roll along much more smoothly!

  - Kathy

• December 25, 2009 11:26 p.m.

  Taking care of a loved one during cancer is so frightening. Crying is not allowed as it is seen as negative energy. I am getting to the point that I cannot remember anything. Every minute of the day is involved in moitoring Drs. appts., medications, treatments, work schedule. How do people relieve this stress level. So many friends say "Let me know what we can do to help", they would not want to begin to help. I cant blame anyone for staying away from sick people. Just sending out my prayers to those who are in such stressful situations. I am not a particularly religious person but hope that my prayers reach someone.

  - mary