- With Mayo Clinic certified nurse-midwife
Mary M. Murry, R.N., C.N.M.
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Mary M. Murry, R.N., C.N.M.
Mary M. Murry, R.N., C.N.M.
Mary Murry is a certified nurse-midwife in the Department of Obstetrics & Gynecology at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn.
Murry, a Cincinnati native, has been a nurse-midwife practitioner for more than 20 years and is an instructor at the College of Medicine, Mayo Clinic. She was a contributing reviewer and writer of the "Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy" book.
Her research interests include adult female survivors of sexual abuse, women's perception of pain in labor, and obesity in pregnancy.
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Pregnancy and you blog
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Aug. 20, 2009
Revisiting pregnancy loss
By Mary M. Murry, R.N., C.N.M.
I'm so glad that women are using this blog as a place to share their sorrow and pain regarding pregnancy loss. It's proof that you're never alone and there are others who've been where you are now.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the loss of a baby, especially from a miscarriage. During Victorian times, photographs of the dead and other tokens — such as a locket containing a loved one's hair — often served as tangible reminders of lost loved ones. With miscarriage, however, there's often no tangible reminder. Sometimes all you're left with is the knowledge that there was a baby and his or her existence made a difference in your life. In some cases, though, you may be offered a token or memento from a lost pregnancy. If you're offered such a gift, take it — even if at the time you don't want to see anything that would remind you of your loss. Perhaps someday the memento will bring you a sense of healing or peace.
The journey of healing from pregnancy loss may be short or it may seem never-ending. Let others reach out to you. If given the chance, reach out to others. You don't have to do this alone.
29 comments posted
August 22, 2009 2:47 a.m.
I have always had a hard time communicating my feelings even to my husband. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks the friday before this last Easter. I was an emotional wreck for weeks, I couldn't even speak to my best friend who was also pregnant at that time, I couldn't watch pregnancy shows, nothing. Now we are trying to get pregnant again, and all I am is scared. I don't think that I could go through another miscarriage but yet in some way I think that having a baby might help the healing process...that seems selfish doesn't it. All I have of rememberance of my first baby is a picture of my husband and I 4 days before I found out that my baby was dead. To this day the memory of me laying on that ultrasound table is more vivid in my mine than my own wedding day.
- Jessica
August 21, 2009 1:11 a.m.
its funny how u can miss & love a baby u din't ever plan for or even know about utill after u miscarriage
- Sammy
August 20, 2009 3:05 p.m.
I have lost seven children to either miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy. I do have three healthy children, and even a Grandson. When I lost my children, I grieved in private. Back then I was told there was a reason why the baby did not go to term. I believe I have emotional scars from each one that I lost, but do not even know how to go about healing from it. I was hospitalized with all of them overnight at the least, and most I had to either have surgury, D & C, and blood transfusions. The hospitals never sent grief counsolers or pasters to my room. The nurses just left me pretty much alone like I was taboo. Any sugestions on how to grieve and heal for the children I lost would be wonderful. ~Sheila
- Sheila
August 20, 2009 8:58 a.m.
I first read your previous entry about miscarriage when I lost my first baby in May 2008. I still visit the page to read comments that are there, and have volunteered with Heartstrings, an organization in NC that supports women who are dealing with pregnancy loss and a subsequant pregnancy after a loss. This organization really helped me during both and I long to support someone else in the way that I was helped. One thing that I did after the loss of our first baby was to create a memory box for him/her. My loss was at 9 weeks, so the tokens that I have are the positive pregnancy tests, the gift I gave my husband to announce our pregnancy, ultrasound photos, even the receipts from the dinner out when we celebrated the baby on the way. I also included the pregnancy journal that I started writing in and sympathy cards and copies of emails we received after the loss. On the anniversary of the loss, this past May, I brought the little box out and looked through it. This was huge in my healing and remembering of our baby. One day I can show our little boy, now 4 months old, these things and share with him about the sibling that he has, but doesn't have. For me, this kind of remembering is really helpful, and will be there with me in the years to come. Miscarriage isn't something you "get over"- but something you go through.
- Sarah
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