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• October 27, 2011 8:50 a.m.

  I found this post and the comments very strengthening and comforting...a book that really has helped me is Cancer Freedom by Beatrice Hoek as told to Melanie Jongsma...it had verses from Scripture that helped me and a letter from a pastor I read over many times...it was positive without being unreal and a short booklet i could get thru in a day. I found praying the Psalms so beautiful -God actually gave us words to pray in our suffering and struggles -He doesn't expect us to quote platitudes we don't feel, but guides us to cast our sorrows on Him knowing He cares for us and is there. I found walks in nature after every radiation treatment a help to get over the trauma and feel beauty enter my soul; I looked for His goodness and mercy each day as He promises in Psalm 23. I am reading blogs like this because I find the compassion and humor or fellow cancer-mates inspiritng and they remind me that I am braver than I feel at times, and still can find more courage as I read of others. They help me weep with those who weep too and that is good. None of us wants to really live one day at a time, but that is all anyone around us has either so we can do it! Thanks for all your comments. They were so helpful to me this morning.

  - Jan

• August 14, 2011 1:31 a.m.

  I too, have been rebuilding my life after my breast cancer treatments. I'm three months out of treatment. Cancer has changed every aspect of my life. Embracing these changes proves to be difficult, at best. I find it ironic that during treatment I was on auto-pilot, muddling thru most days, putting one foot in front of the other. Striving just to live. Now on the other side of treatment, I am seaching for the way to live this new life. Each day proves to bring me a bit closer to that new normal. A huge portion of the new normal, for me, has been letting go of the "what the hell happened to me" feelings, accepting my new body, and allowing the bad feeling to fall to the wayside. I am alive and I plan to live...even if it is a different life than I live prior to cancer. I hope we all can find a sense of peace in ourselves. Sending love to you all <3

  - Emme

• October 18, 2010 5:40 p.m.

  i agree with the statement that terms like "new normal" and "starting over" are basically meaningless to some of us. try having a bilateral mastectomy while also battling chronic major depression and let me know how to define what is a new level of normal for me. you. i have been through hell and have little support that actually helps me deal with the fatigue, loss of interest in things i once loved and the feelings of frustration. my chest hurts and yet is numb, i have lont term effects from chemo inluding neuropathy and an oncologist who treats me like a car on an assembly line. we must all find a reason to continue in our own way, in our own time. allow yourself to grieve, and dispense with the platitudes. our souls are in the balance.

  - margery

• September 2, 2010 7:07 p.m.

  I was diagnosed with breast cancer in Dec. 2009, and was treated by a modified radical mastectomy, chemo, and radiation. The only thing that helped me get through it was going to work. I felt that if I could get in even for a little while during chemo and radiation, I would be OK, I was still a useful and active person. I finished treatment nearly a year ago. But now, I think I'm suffering from PTSD, because I never really dealt with the diagnosis. I can't sleep, I worry all the time, and I'm weepy (which is not me at all). My counsellor says I have to find my "new normal" but ti's much harder than I ever imagined. I would really like to hear insights from others who feel this way, as I just don't know what to do.

  - Pauline

• September 2, 2010 7:06 p.m.

  I was diagnosed with breast cancer in Dec. 2009, and was treated by a modified radical mastectomy, chemo, and radiation. The only thing that helped me get through it was going to work. I felt that if I could get in even for a little while during chemo and radiation, I would be OK, I was still a useful and active person. I finished treatment nearly a year ago. But now, I think I'm suffering from PTSD, because I never really dealt with the diagnosis. I can't sleep, I worry all the time, and I'm weepy (which is not me at all). My counsellor says I have to find my "new normal" but ti's much harder than I ever imagined. I would really like to hear insights from others who feel this way, as I just don't know what to do.

  - Pauline

• July 20, 2010 5:15 p.m.

  I am on this site not because I have cancer but becaues I have friends and family that do. I try to learn what I can about the different kinds of cancer that some one I know has so that I can understand what their experience may be. Although I can empathise with them and try to understand the fears that exist with the reality that some of these cancers are terminal, I want to know what I can do to be supportative without seeming sympathetic, to aid in ensuring an optimistic mindset and happy daily living.

  - Fay

• July 2, 2010 8:45 a.m.

  I am new at this and interested in all the commets. just diagnosised with lymphoma. not an easy 2 weeks so far.

  - Loretta

• June 25, 2010 6:22 a.m.

  I was diagnosed with breast cancer 12 years ago at age 39, had lumpectomy, with adjuvant radiation and chemo. I was cancer-free for 10 years, thinking I had it licked, then 2 years ago found spots on my spine and sternum. Now it is chronic disease, meaning there is no cure. I have had some radiation and have been on various forms of chemo this past year for pain control and perhaps to find a remission. What I have learned on this journey is that everyone is different. Everyone's cancer is different, treatments differ, responses to treatments differ, feelings differ, abilities to cope differ. It can be helpful and encouraging to hear what works for someone else, but I have learned notto compare myself, and to find what is best for me and to be OK with that. Some might need to rest and just have no energy, while others need to go and do. There are constant ups and downs, changes in how you feel and think about cancer and life, and changes in the relationships with people around you. As time goes on everyone' needs go through changes. It is a challenge totake each day, each week, each stage as it comes. I have tried to make it a priority to live "life", not just live cancer. But the reality of my coming death also colours my life and relationships. For me it is all part of my spiritual journey, God is my refuge and strength. Each one of you is valid in your own experience, help others if you can, but don't assume that what is best for you is best for ever

  - natalie

• March 11, 2010 12:29 p.m.

  What is normalcy after diagnosis? That has a wide perspective depending on each cancer patient's specifics. I have been lucky as a cancer patient in many ways, I am a long term blood cancer patient having been Dx'd when I was 31, just 25 years ago. Lucky for me my progression has been slow so I have had many "normal's" along the way. Currently I have more challenges but I find that if you really want to live and understand what life is all about have a chronic disease. Over time I have reset what is my normal and always accept it. (accepting a new normal is key). I have added alternatives such as Yoga and meditation into my treatment they make me feel good about myself (helps my mind and body energy). I continue to exercise, even though I have accepted my new exercise capabilities, since exercise helps me to feel better over the course of time. Belonging to an online service that you can share info. and gain knowledge is an important part of my normal life now too. It is self rewarding when you as a cancer patient can give others hope. I cannot tell how many people with either a similar condition to mine or some completely different cancer will get a renewed sense of energy when they find out I have been a cancer patient for so many years. It gives them hope and it gives me an added sense of purpose in this great life of ours. So normalcy for me has taken on so many more facets and expanded my perspective of normal even if my normal has reduced some of my capabiliti

  - Ron

• March 4, 2010 3:01 p.m.

  I need help to learn how cancer patients live each day. I don't want to die.

  - Alma

• January 30, 2010 5:36 p.m.

  To Bruce: Your story is very similar to mine. I too woke up after my colon oscopy with the news. When I think of how things were 6 mos. after chemo (it's almost 3 years now) it seems so distant. I would like you to know that your life does get back to almost as it was before, at least it has for me. It's amazing how your life goes on. Please be optimistic that your regular life will return. Continue your relationship with Mayo. The nurses and doctors are so fantastic. My best wishes to you.

  - Steve

• January 26, 2010 7:06 a.m.

  Patty, Caregivers play such an important role in supporting their loved ones with cancer. The American Cancer Society (ACS) has many great support groups. To locate one in your community, call 1-800-227-2345. For example, in Rochester, MN, there is a "Cancer Caregivers Conversations" support group --I'm hoping you can find one similar in your area. In addition, you may be interested in virtually connecting with other caregivers on the ACS's site at http://www.cancer.org/docroot/home/cgv/CGV_3_nearing_the_End_of_Life.asp. A national organization, Faith in Action, also has local chapters, one which may be near you. They offer many services dependent on volunteer base -- some are support groups, transportation, respite care. For more information, visit http://www.fianationalnetwork.org. Lastly, many hospice programs provide a support component for family members. For more information about hospice, visit http://www.hospicenet.org. Many county agencies also provide hospice services. The best of luck to you in your support role, Patty. While you are working hard to care for your husband, remember to take care of yourself as well. I'm hoping these resources will help you do that. Sincerely,

  - Nicole

• January 22, 2010 7:20 p.m.

  I am not a cancer survivor but I am a caregiver to an 86 year old prostate cancer/gone to bone cancer wonderful husband. There is no cure ...only hormone therapy at this time which slows the invasive progress of the disease. I is so hurtful to watch the deterioration of a special friend and life partner. Can anyone tell me about a support group for a caregiver?

  - Patty

• January 22, 2010 7:09 a.m.

  My "new normal" was very hard to do in the beginning. I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. My doctor thought I had cancer for about a year before I was diagnosed. At the time I was diagnosed, the doctor thought that I had about 2 to 3 months to live because of the advanced state of my cancer. With a will to live and with God's help I'm still here after 4 years and counting on being around for some time to come. At this time I'm in complete remission. The type of Multiple Myeloma that I have "lite chain" Stem Cell transplant will not do me any good. I have had Oral Chemo for the first year and half and then started having Decadron and fluids once a week for the next two and half years. The problem with that was my bones became very thin and weak. I broke my hip in Oct. just walking. My doctors have stopped the treatment for now. I believe your state of mind and the will to keep going can make a big difference. There are many things that I can't do any more, but you learn to live with it and find other things to do. You must keep as active as you can, doing the things you love to do, to keep living and not dwell on the things you can't do any longer. One of the biggest changes for me was not being able to work any longer I loved my job and looked forward to going to work. It's been about 4 years and now I have found other things to do with my time. You must keep active as much as you can!! Best of luck to all.

  - Mark

• January 21, 2010 6:49 p.m.

  My "new normal" is to find the best way I can to help myself and help others. For me it means swimming for exercise instead of running. It means starting a cancer support group so I and other Multiple Myeloma patients can share their concerns and fears and hopes and successes, and know they aren't on this path alone. I'm a Multiple Myeloma Survivor of 7 years and have undergone several types of treatment: Stem Cell transplant, Oral Chemo, IV Chemo. Each has been successful in stopping the cancer for a while and each had negative side affects. My Medical Doctors and staff have always been there to recommend ways to address every side affect. I've found that as long as I was willing to keep trying, I'd find the next 'New Normal" for me.

  - Frank

• January 18, 2010 12:20 p.m.

  I'd like to share with other folks who have dealt with colorectal cancer. I was told as I was waking up from sedative for colonoscopy that I had cancer. Up to that point I had never really had serious health concerns in 58 years on this earth. From that moment a little over six months ago things have changed forever. I am post chemo, radiation and two surgeries and am trying to regain perspective of my life.

  - Bruce

• January 18, 2010 7:10 a.m.

  I came to this site looking for answers to questions I can't even articulate. I had to stop for a good cry to read so many with similar difficulties. It's been 2-1/2 yrs. since my second stem cell transplant (lymphoma). What does "new normal" mean? How can you even know when you get there? Constant fatigue, bouts with depression, sense of loss and being lost. I was active, robust, involved before; now I feel limited, ugly and isolated. Any comments, anyone? Help!

  - Mickey

• January 14, 2010 9:02 p.m.

  The idea of "normal" is really not available to someone who has had a serious cancer, one that can recur, and especially not to one left with permanent complications, the Dameclean threat of secondary cancer, and loss of functions. I think that it is a disservice to talk about a "new normal"---although I think that it makes those who are healthy feel better when advising people with cancer. To promote the concept of good coming out of cancer is to obscure or minimize the reality that one is never again sure of one's health, that the losses are real and significant, and that grief over the loss of sight or mobility or comfort or sex may mute over time but is never gone. The jingoism of "new normal," new priorities, and any variety of repeated slogans attempts to obscure the changes that have happened. In order to adjust to a state altered from normal, one has to really acknowledge and accept the deficiences first ----that includes patients, loved ones, and health providers. Let's let go of the catchy phrases, stop pathologizing feelings, and move toward real compassion.

  - Anne

• January 8, 2010 3:12 p.m.

  "Scanxiety".. Perfect! Describes exactly what this is like. My daughter is 20, 9 months off of chemo and can't seem to "get up" if you will. I know I don't know but it kills me to watch. Thank you everyone for sharing your hearts.

  - Diane

• January 2, 2010 7:10 p.m.

  Eddie- I read your post and thought how I have sat like a big wet mop wondering if anyone could wring me out. I know how that feels and hope each month I will gain more strength. Normal? I don't think I had it before so I better come up with some creative solutions for the future. Hope you feel a little improvement. It is not like me to sit still and I am at a loss when I want to do something and there just isn't any energy to do it. I think I like this blog. Best to all.

  - Margaret

• December 30, 2009 6:40 p.m.

  Defining a new sense of normal for me is keeping a morning routine. There is just my husband and I and our new puppy molly. I am having a targeted treatment and side effects have been very manageable. Right now I journal and write my prayers, do a little reading then start my day playing with molly, she naps and I eat breakfast and let my husband sleep in till 9:30 I have a 2nd breakfast with him. This routine provides me with the feelings of comfort, safeness and peace of mind. Our afternoons are the theme song "ON the Road Again" treatment . blood tests, visiting 96 year old dad, grocery shopping and all that stuff that makes you feel like will it ever end. It is the routine in the morning that grounds me and gives me something to look forward to when again we find we are on that road again dealing with our new sense of normal after my diagnoses

  - Mary Louise

• December 7, 2009 9:43 a.m.

  Florence, Thank you so very much for your kind comments about our Web site. I'm so glad you found us and that the content answered many of your questions. We strive to be comprehensive and straight-forward so I'm glad we met your expectations! Also, thank you for sharing your story and the best of luck to you during your journey. Keep the conversation going and look for the next blog entry which will be posted today. Best,

  - Nicole

• December 5, 2009 6:21 a.m.

  Sorry, I went on a bit before and used up all the space!!! What I really wanted to comment on was "normalcy". Since the surgery I haven't been able to feel "normal". With the exception of some nerve discomfort at the site of surgery - which to be honest now after some eight months is really not too bad at all, my only problem is with fatigue. BUT IT IS A HUGE PROBLEM. Has anyone got any suggestions or remedies? Great site. Good to be able to converse with others in the same 'boat'. My friends and family are marvelous, but its not the same. Thanks. Florence

  - Florence

• December 5, 2009 6:14 a.m.

  Hi, I found your site by pure fluke - I was on e-bay and somehow something caught my eye about cancer and I found myself completely absorbed for the past couple of hours by reading the material on your the site!!! It is by far the most straightforward and informative site I have been onto and has practically answered all my questions related to my cancer. Like a lot of you others, I was sailing along feeling reasonablhy healthy for my age (60) when bam something showed up on a routine x-ray in late January this year. Then everything became quite surreal with many trips to the hospital and many many tests. Everything was pointing to cancer in my right lung but nothing absolutely conclusive. A needle biopsy was suggested but I had concerns about this and spoke to my Chinese accupuncturist. He suggested I get a second opinion but I said I was happy to take his opinion and advice. He said I should think very carefully before having the biopsy done as if the tumour was in fact cancerous it could be a case of bad tissue being pulled through good tissue. This made sense and I cancelled the needle biopsy the following day and opted to go straight for surgery. My surgeon concurred that he thought this was the best route to take. He said he would initially take a wedge of the lung, have this checked for cancer immediately, and if positive continue the operation and remove the whole top lobe of the lung. Surgery took place in March, cancer was found and removed.

  - Florence

• November 23, 2009 7:24 a.m.

  Dear Rena, I truly appreciate your perspective and please know that I do not, nor have I ever, thought of cancer survivors as victims. I feel empowered to work with cancer survivors, as they have taught me so much about life -- including how to live it to its fullest.

  - Nicole