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  • Stress blog

  • Jan. 23, 2010

    Feel under siege? Don't forget you have control

    By Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

14 comments posted

I recently returned from some speaking opportunities in Ireland with some powerful observations to share with you. I think you'll be able to relate.

Need more help?

If the stress in your life is more than you can cope with, get help right away.

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
    1-800-273-TALK (8255)
  • Go to the nearest hospital or emergency room
  • Call your physician, health provider or clergy
  • National Alliance on Mental Illness
    www.nami.org
    1-800-950-NAMI (6264)

The importance of taking personal responsibility

My flight from New York City to Shannon, Ireland, was canceled because Ireland was in the grip of one of the coldest weeks in its history. I witnessed the two general reactions travelers have in this type of situation. Some expressed anger, frustration and rage at the airline personnel, even though they obviously weren't at fault.

Others exhibited a quiet acceptance of the inconvenience and respectfully inquired about options and alternatives. In other words, the latter acknowledged that there was nothing they could do about the weather or the flight, but they also understood that they could control their attitude and reaction to this nuisance. They were proactive in looking for solutions. And they certainly seemed a lot happier than the first group.

A good reminder that although we can't control everything that happens in our lives — not financial meltdowns, political decisions or other people's behavior, for example — we can choose how we react to these circumstances.

The importance of unplugging from the techno-wacky world that engulfs us

We're bombarded with messages, phone calls, emails and text messages, and yet our brains aren't much different from those of our ancestors who walked on their knuckles.

We have to remember and respect our limitations.

If we don't find moments of serenity, whether in an airplane or on a quiet walk, our circuits become overloaded and we become exhausted. Constant exposure to demands and expectations increases bloodstream levels of stress-related hormones, such as cortisol, which in turn raises our blood pressure and blood sugar, and blocks our arteries.

We need to chill; we need to unwind. We need time alone to reflect and think. And by the way, we need to recognize that fatigue changes our personalities. When we're jet-lagged, hungry and dehydrated, we have a short fuse and tend to overreact even to the little stuff.

This isn't brain surgery, but sometimes we need to be reminded to take care of ourselves. What did I miss?

14 comments posted

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  • September 5, 2010 9:42 p.m.

    One of the most popular staples of self-improvement is taking responsibility for one's actions. I have always thought this very intriguing and thought-provoking and, necessarily, contradictory. To explain, when do you say someone is truly responsible for their actions and situation? Some people are obviously born in worse situations that others. Can you say that they should just "take responsibility" for themselves and do something about it? Do you blame them for not taking responsibility for their life and being successful despite their unfortunate beginning? I don't think so and I'd imagine you'd agree. On the other hand, if it is you that is the person with the less fortunate beginning. Do you write it off as I was just unfortunate, therefore how can I be responsible for my position in life now as I am a product of my environment? Here in lies the contradiction. I say, let there be contradiction. I take 100% responsibility for my actions and situation. On the other hand, I give other people the benefit of the doubt and say that no matter what their situation, it is because they grew up in a specific environment with specific influences and had specific experiences. This way, I am responsible, yet humble.

    - Matt

  • February 25, 2010 2:52 p.m.

    Yes, there are things over which we have no control and events we can manage. I've noticed a capacity to go into a snit if the computer breaks down, the garage door won't work, or the phone acts up. I have a pretty demanding attitude about all of the above. So now, I'm taking a deep breath over all of the above and saying "So what!" or "Oh, well"

    - Barbara A

  • February 9, 2010 5:17 p.m.

    Stephen J. Gould used to look at people and say, "THINK!" Have you all been thinking, lately? Do you have to get online to have someone tell you how to behave like mature adults? I think there was something to what Dr. Gould had to say, i.e., THINK! ... and with that, I'm going to go read Zweig.

    - Cindy

  • February 9, 2010 1:57 p.m.

    You hit the nail on the head! I have found these 2 topics most important in my life when it comes to relieving stress and just being a loving human to myself and others. At first I had some problems doing them, I still wanted to be a victim. Then, one day I was introduced to Frank Kinslow's book, "The Secret of Instant Healing". Now I just do the QE technique I learned in the book, and life is all good, all the time.... it's great!!

    - Dee

  • February 1, 2010 11:41 a.m.

    I think it's good for us to remember that life is rarely 'all or nothing' - not total black or white, but that there are many degrees of 'grey' in between. Whether we're talking about government, airline delays, our job or even our family, there's usually a balance somewhere in between, and it's up to us to find that for ourselves. For me, this idea relieves a lot of my stress.

    - Chel

  • January 27, 2010 9:46 a.m.

    Ferne is right. This "corrupt government" over which we have very little, if any, control can cause stress. When I think about it, I try to take a deep breath and repeat my Mantra: This, too, shall pass.

    - Roberta

  • January 27, 2010 9:12 a.m.

    There are some things that cause stress that we have no control over and that is what is happening in our country because of our corrupt government. If it continues we will be worse off than ever before and our quality of life will be greatly affected. Our health and wealth will greatly change and for those who have provided for their retirement there is no quarantee that we will have enough left to take care of us. It's not just a problem with airline flight. Those are short term stresses but we are being left with stresses that are long term for which we have no control.

    - Ferne

  • January 26, 2010 11:33 p.m.

    we need to exercise... a brisk walk, time to get fresh air and take in the sunshine. It's almost as good as my antidepressant!

    - elenor

  • January 26, 2010 6:18 p.m.

    I just finished bouts of anxiety in my life that I did not know where they were coming form. But after a year of therapy I learned a much needed suggestion that "only I can limit the boundaries in my life." It has helped me so much when bombarded by people who demand more than I am willing to give.

    - Judi

  • January 26, 2010 4:25 p.m.

    Regarding John's comment, we can't choose our feelings/emotions, but we can choose how we react/respond to them; in other words, we can control our behavior no matter what we're feeling.

    - Jill

  • January 26, 2010 4:02 p.m.

    I think that if you travel by airplane today, you have to build in the possibility of delays. Once you are in it the best thing that you can do is relax and make alterations to your plans. There is no point in getting angry because the only person you hurt is you.

    - Barbara M

  • January 25, 2010 5:27 p.m.

    "we can choose how we react to these circumstances." When encountering serious, life changing events, feelings can't be conveniently turned off.

    - JohnJ

  • January 25, 2010 5:43 a.m.

    I woke up at 3:30 am....feeling UNDER SIEGE your article was like a little gift from heaven in reminding me to take responsibility for "the mess I'm in" also you are so correct when you say we are being constantly bombarded by email, and 'techno messages' and that our brains are not much smarter/bigger; than our ancestors who "walked on their knuckles" Thanks for the reminder!

    - stella

  • January 24, 2010 7:20 p.m.

    I can certainly relate to the above story. Having been marooned on an airplane for two hours in Atlanta, I felt almost the whole plane load about to go balistic. It was late at night. Most of us were eagerly awaiting arriving in Saint Louis and many of us had to work the next day. Fortunately, we all maintained a cool, calm demeanor. As for technology, we were not created for the bombardment we receive daily from computers, I-pods, no-pods, e-pods, ezine, sites that don't work, websites, etc, etc, etc. And we learn all too quickly about world events, things that our ancestors may have learned six months after the event. For these reasons, time out, prayer and meditation are necessary to help us maintain sanity. Barbara A, "Cry Depression, Celebrate Recovery."

    - Barbara A

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