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• February 14, 2013 12:39 a.m.

  My mother is an alcoholic and I grew up feeling embarrassed and not wanting friends over. Now that Im older its still embarrassing and now sometimes harder to cope with because there are fewer people to talk to who wont judge.

  - No name given

• February 10, 2013 2:52 p.m.

  Does anyone know of an online support group for parents to talk to other parents??

  - Joy

• September 6, 2010 6:23 p.m.

  My son age 33 has a drug and drinking problem,It is so stressful because I don't know how to help him.I,m looking for a meeting in my area so I can cope with it.It is hard for me to understand his problem since I have never drank.

  - Patti

• July 20, 2010 9:20 p.m.

  My son is 44 year long term alcoholic who went through and in-patient and halfway house rehab and was doing well until he met this woman who was in the AA/NA program. They moved in together after a month of dating and were both in the program. He became obsessed with her, jealous and so afraid he was going to lose her that he could hardly work. She played mind games and one day, she ignored him and he freaked out. He tore the place apart, ended up drinking and went to jail. She filed abuse charges and I bailed him out and he is now living with me. He was somewhat suicidal and was scary, but did go to a behavioral health program. He was doing well when she called him out of the blue. He is now back to seeing her and I really don't want any part of it. She is extremely manipulative and he is weak. I know I cannot run his life, but I really don't want him here anymore. This is a difficult situation.

  - Carrie

• March 24, 2010 7:27 a.m.

  So true that the family suffers immensely. I have worked 20 years in various treatment centers for alcoholism in Ottawa as a psychotherapist. I now have a private practice exclusively for adult daughters who have grown up with an alcoholic parent. My clients have long suffered in silence with so much shame feeling not good enough, feeling guilty. Al-Anon offers peer support but I encourage everyone who is suffering to find a therapist who has experience with addiction. Good work in therapy will give you your life back.

  - Marguerite

• March 6, 2010 12:28 a.m.

  Highly recommend alanon for family and friends of an alcoholic. Whether the "ic" stops or continues his/her destructive lifestyle - you will find strength and hope from other members. God Bless you.

  - JA

• March 2, 2010 3:42 p.m.

  Is mourning considered stress? How long can one handle it? Yes, I know everyone mourns in different ways and time lines. My husband of 52 yrs is in a facility for Alzheimer's Disease. The other night I went to an Amy Grant concert. I was enjoying it but then a couple got up and started dancing. And I thought no more for us. I missed him a lot. Even though he has been in a locked facility since he took the car and dog and drove a long distance before the police fond him and has adjusted very well; I haven't ... yet. I've been told by a nurse friend that it is like losing a loved one twice. Once to the disease and then the final death. I don't sleep well and fall asleep at the computer like I just did. If I didn't have all the prayer support that I have, I probably would be. I do try to keep busy and it helps.

  - Betty

• March 1, 2010 4:32 p.m.

  cheryl,this is my first time on this site,i can relate to your feelings,i have been down that road where no one seems to care,i saw my thearpist today and she recommended chatting about the problems i have,i am a private person and do not want to go to church or a support groups because i also live in a very small town and every knows everybodys business.i suffer from depression and alcoholism and have felt like throwing in the towel many times,i encourage you to keep pluggin away,although we do not know each other i feel a little better just reaching out to others with similar problems.

  - dawn

• February 25, 2010 2:43 p.m.

  to no name given. The first time I walked into a meeting, I thought I would die a thousand deaths. Then I found about twenty people, all experiencing the trauma I felt as an adult child of an alcoholic. I was no longer alone. There is no judment in these meetings. They are structured to provide an island of safety in the mdst of life's storms. Yes, others in our lives can decimate our emotional well being with comments about the alcoholics in our families. No name given, you will find only support and encouragement in meetings.

  - Barbara A

• February 20, 2010 2:37 p.m.

  Walking into a meeting is way too difficult for me. I don't drink and I don't have a problem with substance abuse. I am far too ashamed to go where there will be people I might know. My "friends" have made very nasty comments along with my supervisor. I could not handle any more of it. I already got the message loud and clear-no one cares about me or my children. Everyone made that very clear. There is no hope. Cheryl

  - No name given

• February 19, 2010 7:27 p.m.

  Thank you so much for your compassionate support, Dr. Creagan. It's important to allow family members to feel that anger and to encourage them to get help. I am an adult child of an alchoholic. My father's drinking ruined him and almost destroyed my family. Fortunately, I've had incredible support through al-anon, private counseling, psychiatric support and support from the alternative mental health community. At the age of fifteen, I succumbed to psychotic depression, which I've been able to surmount with an incredilbe about of help.

  - Barbara a

• February 15, 2010 12:41 p.m.

  Dear Cheryl - Thank you for your thoughtful note concerning the obvious frustrations with the healthcare delivery system, which is really not a “system,” but in general, a patchwork and disjointed network of services and programs which sometimes do not meet the needs of individuals and families. We briefly touched on the role of Al-Anon which would be very reasonable to explore. These are individuals struggling with similar issues, and as we each know, we learn from each other. In general, there is not a cost for this program, and the support and the encouragement can provide some real guidance during times of chaos.

  - Dr. Ed

• February 13, 2010 8:49 p.m.

  As a member for many years in Australia, I would like to add my suggestion that anyone being affected by someone else's drinking, be it family member, friend or work mate, find and attend an Al-Anon Family Group. If this is not possible, investigate the on-line groups or become a "Lone Member" - we have all "been there, done that" and so understand and can offer our experienes. Attendance is free, a basket for voluntary contributions being passed.

  - Anne

• February 12, 2010 11:25 a.m.

  Thank you for your mention of Al_Anon in your article about alcoholism. The disease of alcoholism has a disastrous effect not only on the alchoholic, but on family, friends, and co-workers. Help and hope is available not only in Al-Anon, but also for teens in the Al-Ateen program. Information about Al-Anon and Al-Ateen may be obtained from: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters,Inc. 1600 Corporate Landing Parkway Virginia Beach,VA 23454-5617 Phone 757 563-1600 For meeting information in a particular area, call 1-888-425-2666. In Canada the contact address is: Capital Corporate Centre Ottawa ON K2E 7V5 Phone 613 723 8484

  - Doug

• February 10, 2010 4:36 p.m.

  My husband has been an alcoholic for many years, but has no access to alcoholic drinks now, as he has advanced COPD and is a shut-in on oxygen. I have become his caregiver and see that he is often quite depressed. I believe part of it is that he can no longer drink; he did go through DT's once. The worst part for me was losing the ability to trust him. He would lie about his drinking always, and it was so hurtful. As for help for me.....I once was able to talk at length to a STRANGER while we were waiting in a hospital waiting room (it was for cataract surgery). She had problems with her husband's infidelity and confided in me as well. We "bared our souls" to each other and it really helped me! I don't even know her name, which doesn't matter now. Talking it out is what can help, if there is someone to talk to. That's really what the psychotherapists do. I was too far from AL-ANON meetings but they might really have helped. It is not easy now and wasn't then. I was fortunate that he wasn't violent or abusive; however the alcohol caused a distinct rift in our marriage. We have been married nearly 56 years now and our lives are quiet and sorta dull, but peaceful. I sympathize with you who have asked for help......it's hard to come by!

  - Jeanne

• February 10, 2010 4:23 p.m.

  It sounds as if many of you have tried many areas to find help and have not found much except judgments. Have you tried Alanon though? I believe there is even some alanon groups online if that would help you.. If you cannot find it, come back on this blog and I will try to help you find a group somewhere.

  - Anita

• February 9, 2010 4:49 p.m.

  In addition, I talked with my family doctor. I had the impression that she did not know what to say. I called her office after a few weeks and the nurse said I needed to make an apt. & come in to see her again. I said that I would/could not do that since I had already told her my problem and she did not respond. Why should I pay for another apt.?? The office sent me a United Way brochure--big help!!!

  - Cheryl

• February 9, 2010 4:42 p.m.

  Finding this help can be very hard. I personally went to the Salvation Army ("we have people with greater problems than yours--good by"), called the United Way ("we can't help you--our agencies may" they would not give me info on any agencies & I will never again sacrifice to make a donation), County Social Services ("there's nothing we can do"), Lutheran Social Services ("fill out these forms . . . that will be $90/hour, you don't have $90? good by!"), my pastor (it seems there is no room in my church for a sinner), and the school counselor ("ha ha how can I understand the mind of a teenager"). So where else do I go?? This is a small rural area and I would like to maintain some confidentiality if possible. I don't have the time or money to travel to where the services are available. I tried counseling for myself--a total waste of time and money. The counselor just sat there for two sessions and listened without saying anything. How disappointing after I finally had enough courage to go--never again!! I don't want that on my record. This is a small community--there are no secrets. I am at the point of just giving up.

  - Cheryl

• February 9, 2010 4:19 p.m.

  There are so many reasons why people get caught into addiction. In addition to being a crutch for some who struggle with mental illness, addiction may begin with recreational substance use, or as an escape hatch from life's emotional ruffles. Many substances are just plain addictive by their very nature and will snag anyone who nibbles. In my immediate and extended family we have been affected by a surprising amount of addiction. For family and friends, identifying personal boundries is urgent and understanding that we can only be accountable for our own behavior. Learning to avoid making ourselves responsible for another's sobriety, and to avoid enabling behavior is part of finding personal sanity. Part of that is a good 12 step support group for ourselves, trusting our loved one to God, and to never giving up on hope, love, and faith.

  - Raeann

• February 5, 2010 10:03 p.m.

  Thank you Dr. Creagan for your compassionate blog. I've finally started a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) family class. I really look forward to it. I'm sorry it took me so many years to reach out for support. Addiction is often just part of other mental illness and crushes and isolates everyone involved.

  - Alba