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  • Stress blog

  • March 19, 2010

    When the drive to succeed leads you astray

    By Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

9 comments posted

Throughout our lives, we're inundated with advice. Coaches tell us to keep our eyes on the ball and never give up. Teachers urge us to study harder and apply ourselves. Parents exhort us to live up to our full potential. The advice never stops.

Need more help?

If the stress in your life is more than you can cope with, get help right away.

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
    1-800-273-TALK (8255)
  • Go to the nearest hospital or emergency room
  • Call your physician, health provider or clergy
  • National Alliance on Mental Illness
    www.nami.org
    1-800-950-NAMI (6264)

Several months ago, I was encouraged to put my hat in the ring for a highly visible position in our organization. I took the advice and went through the interview process, as did several others. In the end, the best candidate was awarded the position. Although I had a twinge of regret that it hadn't been me, life moved on in its usual rhythm.

Last week while I was on my way to the hospital to see some terminally ill patients, I bumped into the individual who received the appointment. He was frantic and had all of the equipment of the "road warrior" — the cell phone, the suitcase on wheels and the ever-present laptop. I wished him well and watched him sprint to a taxi waiting to take him to the airport for another meeting.

As I walked away, I was profoundly thankful that I wasn't in his shoes and that I'd taken a path that offers me peace and fulfillment.

I'm grateful to those who encouraged me to put myself forward. But I've learned that if I have an attitude of acceptance and, equally important, stay in the present, life unfolds exactly the way it's supposed to.

Are there any other lessons that I missed on my way to the hospital?

9 comments posted

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  • March 25, 2010 11:23 p.m.

    Wow, I love what you wrote, Margaret and Alice. It is so much better to live a life where you can make the world a better place or better for one human being, rather than racing to the at the top of the heap, I feel. I am still forming my own sense of identity about where I fit in and what to do with my life, but reading your comments have been immensely comforting me, in that I am heading in the right direction at least. Thank you for your perspectives!

    - Erin

  • March 24, 2010 11:32 a.m.

    Margaret, you hit the nail on the head--no one remembers what status an individual achieves in life because there are too many people looking for "status". I laughed out loud at your "hairdressers and cab drivers" comment because they listen---and make the people they deal with feel better because of it. Stopping to take a breath and look at the people who are struggling for the top position opens ones eyes---"that's not what I want out of life, there has to be more to it than that." We achieve greater glory, if that's what you want to call it, when we are friendly, helpful and cheerful to those around us---that is what people remember.

    - Alice

  • March 23, 2010 3:40 p.m.

    10 years after you both have retired, people will scratch their heads trying to remember who was in charge at the time. Only if your contribution to life was particularly helpful to one human being, do you have any chance at all of being remembered by that person. On that basis, hairdressers and cab drivers are in many cases the most important individuals in society at any given time. Of courses, being "at the top" means better remuneration - remuneration to treat your stress-induced illnesses. From a fifty year perspective, it's not worth it to bust a gut staying on top, unless that's your passion, your vocation and you have the necessary support. We need people at the top, but status is a skewed value. Usefulness and fulfilment are where it's at.

    - Margaret

  • March 22, 2010 11:53 a.m.

    Some other oft-spoken pieces of advice run something like, Be careful what you wish for. And, be thankful for unanswered prayers. But perhaps it's more that prayers are answered in ways that we need, or ways that simply must be, rather than ways that seem immediately desirable or understandable. As human beings it seems we have a very limited theoretical understanding of what we need and ultimately what will make us happy even in the unfolding present. Expressing gratitude, gaining perspective, and finding acceptance are practices that might help.

    - Alan

  • March 22, 2010 10:12 a.m.

    I don't think you missed any lessions on the way to the hospital, but I sure think you got the one about counting your blessings. You are a very fortunate man.

    - Carol

  • March 21, 2010 11:04 p.m.

    Your key word is 'stay in the present' many of us live in the future and forgot about the 'present' until it is too late.

    - Raymond Wong

  • March 21, 2010 10:38 a.m.

    It is said-- God will not give you no more than what you can bear.

    - Pedro

  • March 20, 2010 11:35 a.m.

    Sometimes accepting that additional accolade just isn't worth it. What does it profit someone if the pursuit of happiness is lost in the process of adding on one more job. Barbara A

    - Barbara A

  • March 20, 2010 4:18 a.m.

    A beautiful reflection of one of life's lessons. Thank you.

    - Najeeb

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