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• March 23, 2013 3:28 p.m.

  I recently found out that the wife I married to for almost 10 years cheated on me with another man about seven months ago. It involved both emotional and physical intimacy. We have two kids together and I am struggling to overcome the hate and anger in me. I know I was a factor that contributed to what she did but by not insisting on working on our problem to bringing in the third party, just make me so devastated. I trusted her completly and never questioned her until i stumbled upon their messages. I want to try to work out our marriage but it seems like she is adamant about how she was treated over the past 10 years. i cant see her remorse in it though she had apologized and admitted that her action was wrong. I am trying to forgive but is it way more painful that I think. Only time now will tell.

  - Tedd

• February 10, 2013 6:10 a.m.

  I need help forgiving a co-worker whom had a major part in the loss of my job. I feel hurt,vengeful and would like but find it hard when I can't find a job partly due to the economy and alot to do with how I was fired. I do take responsibilty in my part in this matter but totally fucked over by this person. They have no idea how stressful that it's been not being able to pay my bills.You find out whom your true friends are and I've learned alot about myself but if I had some financial stability, it'd be alot easier to forgive this person and move on. To forgive is very powerful and need advice to regain my power and forgive this person.

  - CreAnne-

• January 10, 2013 3:43 a.m.

  I am so bitter about losing my job and the unfairness that came with it. It has totally turned my life upside down. Instead of getting ready for retirement, I have to start over. My side of the story never got told. I do not know how to let go of this bitterness. I did not deserve to lose my job.....I was in full blown menapause, and hated everything and everybody...

  - Sherron

• January 2, 2013 3:50 p.m.

  I hate this person and I can't forgive, I must want to because I'm told it's the only way I can move on but I just can't because the hate and revenge feelings are to strong. I can't be the only person who feels this way, my mind gos over and over thinking of ways to hurt this person ( who by the way to anyone that reads this it is not an ex partner or even friend but a long term boss), I am just afraid of my own emotions and what I have let this person do to me how it has affected my life and the people in my life, I no I shall self destruct if I'm not able to find a solution :(

  - Delilah

• December 28, 2012 3:03 a.m.

  It's wondreufl to have you on our side, haha!

  - Justis

• December 28, 2012 3:02 a.m.

  This forum needed shnkaig up and you've just done that. Great post!

  - Yancy

• December 28, 2012 3:00 a.m.

  You write so hoesnlty about this. Thanks for sharing!

  - Lovie

• December 25, 2012 7:39 p.m.

  This piece was a lifejckaet that saved me from drowning.

  - Johnie

• August 28, 2012 4:53 p.m.

  I have unintentionally caused pain to my love due to which he broke up with me. I have admitted my mistakes and apologized many times, but the response is still negative. He does not want me in his life. I regret making those mistakes and now I have forgiven him and myself (I think) but the love is still lost. Not sure how to come out of it.

  - Stephanie

• August 3, 2012 4:48 a.m.

  I have read many posts and need to say my piece. Forgiveness is so important, but can only come from the heart when we accept ourselves and our responsibility for our happiness. This is tied closely to our expectations of others and many people do not articulate what they expect from their partner, either to themselves, let alone the partner. Mentioned below someone mentioned their husband didn't protect them, but does the husband know this? I have seen so many family relationships disintegrate and both sides telling everyone else what they expect but not the other family member. Please, learn to talk, to all those you cherish, and when they put a foot wrong, ask why. Some people are oblivious to causing offense, and devastated when they find out they have upset someone. If you can do some of that, then the forgiveness will become easier. Equally, learn to forgive yourself first. And when you do, the will be a lightness of being!

  - Jack

• July 14, 2012 1:02 p.m.

  Thoughts on forgiveness being a gift you give yourself. Most of our forgiveness issues are centered around those with whom we have close relationships....therefore lack of forgiveness impacts our lives profoundly, because we experience stress around those people, thinking about those people and even when someone brings up their name. I made up a word for forgiveness, "forpentence", because when I came to understand, at a heart level, that I had to not only forgive(that was not as much of an issue), but more importantly, I had to feel the effect of the pain I had cause the other person. This was not in any teaching I had read. All I had heard was, you must forgive, but that did not seem to change how I felt. One day I had an encounter with the unforgiven and within ten minutes I realized the unforgiven was ME. This was experienced at a deep emotional level and my heart became soft and gentleness filled my soul and I forgave....past, present and future. The relationship had been "purified" in a way that altered the course of my life. Forgiveness, for me, is about forpentence...going to the one with whom we have unresolved pain, and recognizing we are the one who must do the work. The person with whom I had the encounter was not able bring his issues to the table, however our relationship changed and we had a bond that allowed us to be friends until he passed away. We do not have to like the behavior to accept the person. It produces the freedom to in

  - Suzy

• July 5, 2012 7:29 p.m.

  I'm not offering advice. I'm asking for it, and sharing what I've learned. Forgiveness is often addressed in terms of dealing with hurts caused by the actions of those you love. But how about this? Often, the one we need to forgive is NOT a loved one. They are often someone that we despise. Not an I love yet hate you relationship, simply an I despise you situation. Who do I despise? The co-worker who sloughs off her work on me and leaves work knowing that I will stay until it is done. My anger stems from a combination of sadness and grief. Say what? Yes, I grieve my loss of family time. I am sad that I am unable to detach from the work environment. I seem unable to leave it undone knowing it will cause problems if it is not done timely. When a person I love hurt me, I had a desire to forgive that person. I've been pretty successful in doing so, even though old hurts do re-emerge from timt to time. Forgiveness takes work. It starts with a decision (to forgive) and continues as a process. Forgiving someone that I don't like promises to be even harder than forgiving someone I love. Why do I need to forgive her (co-worker)? My life will be better. My anger is simply a tool that she uses against me. She plays the sympathy card with people. "I've got a pacemaker, I've got a brain tumor, I've had pituitary cancer, my husband left me, my cat died, blah, blah," It leaves me cold. I feel anger that my family, my time my life may be slipping out the door. How do I forgive

  - Jean

• June 15, 2012 4:11 a.m.

  Sometimes, I feel like I mean nothing to my friends. I might drive 100 miles for them, steal for them, cheat for them and what do I receive? Nothing.Last night, when I was forced to be separated from them at a concert I had to run to the restroom because I nearly broke down on the spot. Sometimes, I might even question if they are the right people to be around at all. But in the end, when looking back at all the GOOD things we have done-first shopping trip ever, birthdays, travels- I know I'm grateful for every moment. I've had some of my greatest milestones in their presence and help like my first dance with a guy, and I know there will be more up the road. I'm still very frustrated about last night, not just for the money wasted but the disappointment.I almost feel like confronting them this time instead. But at 17 I know I don't know everything, and whatever I might say tomorrow could affect me for the rest of life. Maybe there are no regrets, just lessons learned but some lessons are harder than others. I don't know. In the end all I sincerely do want is just what's best, FORGIVENESS. It's going to take a little while to get there but for every bit of bad there's been a ton of good. The act of leaving this comment alone is relieving the stress. I can sleep a little better now. Whatever happens, happens even if it doesn't seem meant to be. For now I am trying my very hardest to put on a sunny outlook and look on the bright side.

  - andrea

• May 29, 2012 10:23 p.m.

  Forgiveness and Grieving Grieving is a process through which we come to terms with the pain & loss we feel People use resentment & anger as a sheild to push back the sorrow pain the shame we feel. Shame is often overlooked when dealing with ones hurts and needs to forgive.Shame exposes our inner most self, we feel vulnerable. We are most vulnerable when we think we need the esteem of others to be validated as a person.Scott Peck inhis book, "The Road Less Traveled" makes the distinction between one who is esteemed based & at the mercy of others, and one who accepts & love his/her self. Loving ones self is nor narcissim; narcsicists really don't love theirselves). Self love is accepting and respecting the self one is. Doing this frees to grieve & release ourselves from whoever and whatever has wronged us. Stuck? Unable to forgive? a good therapist can help! I spent five years in therapy working through my abusive childhood; at one point I couldn't believe what I was recalling. If not for the confirmation of one of my siblings, and that of a neighbor, I would have thought I was crazy! The greatest lesson my therapist taught me: "The healing is not complete until the forgiveness is done." We forgive to heal ourselves, if it leads others to healing so be it - -if not, we aren't responsable for the otherperson(s)choice to stay ill. We forgive to free & heal ourselves. That is good. By the way, until I forgave my parent

  - Richard

• May 29, 2012 9:33 p.m.

  When we don't forgive, we harbor resentments and grudges that effect our nervous and endocrine systems. The so called "flight or flight hormones wreck havoc on our bodies and we live in a constant state of low intensity war. This lifestyle weakens our immune systems, making us vulnefrable to a host of disease processes. It can cause amisreable life or an untimely death. There are a host of reasons folks do not forgive, and in my work and life experience I have noted what acall hte BIG 3. Reason 1. We confuse forgiveness with saying its O.K. Forgiveness is anything but that. Forgiveness is letting go of an emotional anchor. Forgiving does not condone, or approve of a conduct. It does release YOU from bondage toward the one who has wronged you. You are ste free and you may well decide to have no further association with a particular person because they are toxic, addicted, or untrustworthy, and thats O.K. Often what keeps us from forgiving is the second of the BIG 3- Resentment. The energy of resentment is wanting something we aren't going to get -and unsatisfied demand. The truth is that in many situations we may never receive the love, apology, recompense or contriteness we want, nor will we ver be able to retaliate in a manner that brings us satisfaction. We have to let go and put all the unrequited wants, desires for vengence and pain behind us. This brings us to thelast of the BIG 3 unwillingness to grieve. Grief is a process of letting go (continued)

  - Richard

• April 11, 2012 3:45 p.m.

  I just read a few comments posted by women, it allowed me to refelct on how my wife might be feeling and struggling with. We have been together for over 12 years. I will admit it took me 2 years to finally get help, i stopped drinking and I have controled my anger, and I have never been abusive. But I am plagued with what I have done, my past feels as if the Grim Repper is following me. I more than anything would like my wife to forgive me, not only is it painful to see it consume her but painful for me to know she's having a hard time forgiving me. I thank God that I am a changed person and greatful that I am a better person. I would love nothing more than to live the rest of our lives happy and in love. For all to know, I AM TRULY SORRY FOR THE HURT, PAIN, ANGER THAT I HAVE CAUSED, JULIE PLEASE FORGIVE ME! Love Your Husband

  - D

• March 7, 2012 6:30 p.m.

  Forgiving yourself and others starts with accepting the truth of who you are. It drops the barrier between you and your heart. If you can't face that truth about you, you likely can not accept that you deserve to be forgiven.

  - Gerry

• January 24, 2012 7:27 p.m.

  After almost 20 yrs and a long journey i find while I jave in some aspects forgiven my husband for years of verbal and at times physical abuse it has not released itself from my mind. I struggle when there r still times he lacks empathy and xompassio.. I find myself dissappointed. We have been through 10+ years of counseling. I have been at the bottom of the barrell and back to the top. I refuse to loose my self steem again. How do I move on...god has blessed me beyond belief...3 beautiful daughters....a beautiful home....the goodness the country provides...a wonderful job and church....but manu times I look at my husband and think how can i ever get past the pain to love u like I know any human needs to b loved. Like my parents love each other....I can't imagine living another 20 yes with him nor without him. He knows how i feel as well....:(

  - laura

• January 19, 2012 3:56 p.m.

  I find that compassion leads to forgiveness - almost automatically. True compassion - the recognition of pain and suffering in another - opens the heart to forgiveness. If we remember that "there but for fortune (or the Grace of God) go I" we can tap into our compassion and realize that sometimes we are caused pain when the action has nothing truly to do with us. We don't need to accept or trivialize the pain, or even understand from where it came; just the awareness that we all have pain and suffer can open that door.

  - Kathryn

• January 12, 2012 7:09 p.m.

  Everyone is going to experience relationships that hurt them. The best solution is to make those emotional losses unimportant. The most vulnerable are those who have too few relationaships. If you have an ample number of relationships that work for you, then those that do not are not important and easy to forget and forgive if nessary. This may mean that you have to give your time to those that need it, and fret not for those that don't.

  - Steve

• December 21, 2011 3:29 p.m.

  If I did not forgive the person who hurt me I would have been in an emotional hell ,but I chose to forgive him and move on I was married for twenty three years and I thought that I was at my pinnacle of my life when my world came crashing down. My husband told me that he never wanted me that he knew that I could have helped him get where he wanted to go in life house car and a decent way to earn a living,We had it all and he treated me like the very dust on the ground I was hurt deeply so I left him with every thing and started over at the age of 40. To make a long story short i trusted God to be my comfort and he lifted me up so I could have forgiven my ex and turned around and nursed him when he was dying i took care of him till he died and even buried him So please every one out there PLEASE forgive because it is the only way out of an emotional prison.Live ,love and be blessed

  - judy

• November 8, 2011 4:31 p.m.

  Forginess is like the truth that set one free from his or her past. till i was 31 i hard this ill-feeling for my late father who abundan my mother when she was pregnant with me, it was like i was chain at any time i hear his name or his name came to mind. the resentment toword my father was so hard i could not let go. this resulted in a behavoir that i describe as extreem reserved, and an awefull hate for every man on earth. I could not relate well and could not make much freinds,again any form of wrong against was met with wild antagonistic behavior. this continue till i understood and cought the revelation 'shake of the dust from off your feet at back of his house'- i cant carry the guilt of my father no more, i had to shake it off. yes and that was it, i am free now i have even named my second born atfer him, although i do not carry his name myself. its (forgiveness) one gift that i could give him.

  - isaac

• October 21, 2011 12:51 a.m.

  i am struggling to forgive my husband. We have been married for 7 years. he has been faithful but not loyal. when his family would come against me, he never stood up for me. he always made excuses of why they did what they did and said the things they said. until finally o the day came when I exploded on him and his family and even his 2 kids. eventhough it wasn't their fault, I wanted his attention. all this years all i wanted was for him to 'protect' me. and he didn't.

  - LUPE

• September 27, 2011 2:52 p.m.

  CONTINUED! This has been so stressful for me. I love my family and I know they would not purposely harm anyone. He feels differently. I know that we all were at fault for being overly intoxicated, that was the main factor. He says they attacked him and I remember bits and pieces of what happened and it didn't happen the way he said. I told him he needs to forgive so we can move forward. I forgave him for all the hurt and pain he put me through but he only cares about himself. He has not seen his child who is the main one suffering. He has also hurt me by being dishonest and sneaky before the incident. He never excepts responsibility for his actions and he is making my life miserable. He is living his life but angry that my siblings have moved on from the situation. I'm the one taking the fall for the situation and I did nothing. My siblings claim he deserved what happened and my sister had bruises. I am not perfect so please don't judge me. I am a God fearing woman and I know we all have to be accountable for our actions. I prayed for forgiveness from God and I am at peace. I pray that my boyfriend can forgive as well. I just want to move on from this nightmare.

  - Silvella

• September 27, 2011 2:32 p.m.

  I was deeply hurt emotionality by my boyfriend. He abandoned me when I was pregnant over five years ago. His excuse was we were not married nor a couple so he didn't feel the need to stand by my side. I forgave him and we ended up starting a relationship. Here is the problem, my family never forgot the pain I went through so it was really hard for them to except him because they felt he was going to hurt me again and that he was very selfish. However, the still welcomed him and he became apart of the family. My siblings still had underline issues with him. We all would go hang out together on many occasions. One particular night I am ashamed to say (but I need to be honest and get it out) drinking was involved and my sister and my boyfriend got into a physical altercation. My sister hit him in the head with a high heel shoe. My brother tried to stop the incident and my boyfriend tried to protect my sister as well as stop the mess. My boyfriend ended up driving drunk and crashed my truck. I was supposed to be in the truck but thank God I was not in the truck. My boyfriend was injured but he is okay now. he has a scar on his head above his eyebrow. He was so angry and wants revenge in the way of bodily harm. when he got out of the hospital he took me through so much to where I thought I would have a break down. I was not responsible but he didn't want to look at me. We love each other but he doesnt want me to talk to my family around him or even go anywhere with them.

  - Silvella