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• April 11, 2012 3:45 p.m.

  I just read a few comments posted by women, it allowed me to refelct on how my wife might be feeling and struggling with. We have been together for over 12 years. I will admit it took me 2 years to finally get help, i stopped drinking and I have controled my anger, and I have never been abusive. But I am plagued with what I have done, my past feels as if the Grim Repper is following me. I more than anything would like my wife to forgive me, not only is it painful to see it consume her but painful for me to know she's having a hard time forgiving me. I thank God that I am a changed person and greatful that I am a better person. I would love nothing more than to live the rest of our lives happy and in love. For all to know, I AM TRULY SORRY FOR THE HURT, PAIN, ANGER THAT I HAVE CAUSED, JULIE PLEASE FORGIVE ME! Love Your Husband

  - D

• March 7, 2012 6:30 p.m.

  Forgiving yourself and others starts with accepting the truth of who you are. It drops the barrier between you and your heart. If you can't face that truth about you, you likely can not accept that you deserve to be forgiven.

  - Gerry

• January 24, 2012 7:27 p.m.

  After almost 20 yrs and a long journey i find while I jave in some aspects forgiven my husband for years of verbal and at times physical abuse it has not released itself from my mind. I struggle when there r still times he lacks empathy and xompassio.. I find myself dissappointed. We have been through 10+ years of counseling. I have been at the bottom of the barrell and back to the top. I refuse to loose my self steem again. How do I move on...god has blessed me beyond belief...3 beautiful daughters....a beautiful home....the goodness the country provides...a wonderful job and church....but manu times I look at my husband and think how can i ever get past the pain to love u like I know any human needs to b loved. Like my parents love each other....I can't imagine living another 20 yes with him nor without him. He knows how i feel as well....:(

  - laura

• January 19, 2012 3:56 p.m.

  I find that compassion leads to forgiveness - almost automatically. True compassion - the recognition of pain and suffering in another - opens the heart to forgiveness. If we remember that "there but for fortune (or the Grace of God) go I" we can tap into our compassion and realize that sometimes we are caused pain when the action has nothing truly to do with us. We don't need to accept or trivialize the pain, or even understand from where it came; just the awareness that we all have pain and suffer can open that door.

  - Kathryn

• January 12, 2012 7:09 p.m.

  Everyone is going to experience relationships that hurt them. The best solution is to make those emotional losses unimportant. The most vulnerable are those who have too few relationaships. If you have an ample number of relationships that work for you, then those that do not are not important and easy to forget and forgive if nessary. This may mean that you have to give your time to those that need it, and fret not for those that don't.

  - Steve

• December 21, 2011 3:29 p.m.

  If I did not forgive the person who hurt me I would have been in an emotional hell ,but I chose to forgive him and move on I was married for twenty three years and I thought that I was at my pinnacle of my life when my world came crashing down. My husband told me that he never wanted me that he knew that I could have helped him get where he wanted to go in life house car and a decent way to earn a living,We had it all and he treated me like the very dust on the ground I was hurt deeply so I left him with every thing and started over at the age of 40. To make a long story short i trusted God to be my comfort and he lifted me up so I could have forgiven my ex and turned around and nursed him when he was dying i took care of him till he died and even buried him So please every one out there PLEASE forgive because it is the only way out of an emotional prison.Live ,love and be blessed

  - judy

• November 8, 2011 4:31 p.m.

  Forginess is like the truth that set one free from his or her past. till i was 31 i hard this ill-feeling for my late father who abundan my mother when she was pregnant with me, it was like i was chain at any time i hear his name or his name came to mind. the resentment toword my father was so hard i could not let go. this resulted in a behavoir that i describe as extreem reserved, and an awefull hate for every man on earth. I could not relate well and could not make much freinds,again any form of wrong against was met with wild antagonistic behavior. this continue till i understood and cought the revelation 'shake of the dust from off your feet at back of his house'- i cant carry the guilt of my father no more, i had to shake it off. yes and that was it, i am free now i have even named my second born atfer him, although i do not carry his name myself. its (forgiveness) one gift that i could give him.

  - isaac

• October 21, 2011 12:51 a.m.

  i am struggling to forgive my husband. We have been married for 7 years. he has been faithful but not loyal. when his family would come against me, he never stood up for me. he always made excuses of why they did what they did and said the things they said. until finally o the day came when I exploded on him and his family and even his 2 kids. eventhough it wasn't their fault, I wanted his attention. all this years all i wanted was for him to 'protect' me. and he didn't.

  - LUPE

• September 27, 2011 2:52 p.m.

  CONTINUED! This has been so stressful for me. I love my family and I know they would not purposely harm anyone. He feels differently. I know that we all were at fault for being overly intoxicated, that was the main factor. He says they attacked him and I remember bits and pieces of what happened and it didn't happen the way he said. I told him he needs to forgive so we can move forward. I forgave him for all the hurt and pain he put me through but he only cares about himself. He has not seen his child who is the main one suffering. He has also hurt me by being dishonest and sneaky before the incident. He never excepts responsibility for his actions and he is making my life miserable. He is living his life but angry that my siblings have moved on from the situation. I'm the one taking the fall for the situation and I did nothing. My siblings claim he deserved what happened and my sister had bruises. I am not perfect so please don't judge me. I am a God fearing woman and I know we all have to be accountable for our actions. I prayed for forgiveness from God and I am at peace. I pray that my boyfriend can forgive as well. I just want to move on from this nightmare.

  - Silvella

• September 27, 2011 2:32 p.m.

  I was deeply hurt emotionality by my boyfriend. He abandoned me when I was pregnant over five years ago. His excuse was we were not married nor a couple so he didn't feel the need to stand by my side. I forgave him and we ended up starting a relationship. Here is the problem, my family never forgot the pain I went through so it was really hard for them to except him because they felt he was going to hurt me again and that he was very selfish. However, the still welcomed him and he became apart of the family. My siblings still had underline issues with him. We all would go hang out together on many occasions. One particular night I am ashamed to say (but I need to be honest and get it out) drinking was involved and my sister and my boyfriend got into a physical altercation. My sister hit him in the head with a high heel shoe. My brother tried to stop the incident and my boyfriend tried to protect my sister as well as stop the mess. My boyfriend ended up driving drunk and crashed my truck. I was supposed to be in the truck but thank God I was not in the truck. My boyfriend was injured but he is okay now. he has a scar on his head above his eyebrow. He was so angry and wants revenge in the way of bodily harm. when he got out of the hospital he took me through so much to where I thought I would have a break down. I was not responsible but he didn't want to look at me. We love each other but he doesnt want me to talk to my family around him or even go anywhere with them.

  - Silvella

• September 8, 2011 6:33 a.m.

  Praying for the person who offended me & asking God, our heavenly Father, for my healing has helped to let go of much anger and resentments and bitterness. I have been deeply wounded by many -- a dad who sexually, physically and emotionally abused me, a Mom who didn't protect me from the abuse, a family who denied the truth, friends who couldn't let go of their own judgments placing blame on me for their own actions. This is not a perfect world. And yet faith, love, forgiveness and hope are a few of the gifts I have received from our good God who sacrificed his own Son on the cross so that I might have forgiveness! An awesome gift I have pondered for many years. I would not have done the same. What a blessing to have that example of love, so different from my birth family. I benefit today from the love of my family of choice, my Christian friends and family who accept and love me for who I am -- God's precious, beloved child, such a treasure to Him he sent Jesus to heaven to prepare a place for me and all believers! I wear a cross with Jesus shedding tears, running down his face feeling with and for me. What an exquisite representation of the cruelty I face and the loving empathy he offers. Join the only real family and find an eternal support group! Ask God for forgiveness for your messes and mistakes and let him begin that miraculous inner transformation to be more like Jesus Christ. You will never regret your action.

  - Jill

• September 4, 2011 12:46 p.m.

  I believe that forgiveness can be learned at any point in life. Forgiveness can be shown in how you live your life. I am trying to take it one day at a time.

  - Karen

• September 4, 2011 12:45 p.m.

  I believe that forgiveness can be learned at any point in life. Forgiveness can be shown in how you live your life. I am trying to take it one day at a time.

  - Karen

• September 1, 2011 4:09 p.m.

  Two things to consider. (1) Forgiveness is a process, not a singular moment. The decision to forgive is the first step of a process that might take a very long time. (2) Decisional forgiveness is that first step, the choice to forgive and let go. Emotional forgiveness is the end result of the process, when you actually feel the benefit of forgiveness. We often use unforgiveness to keep ourselves safely distanced from hurt. That's not necessarily a wrong thing, but long-held unforgiveness can have painful consequences, emotionally and physically. By exercising decisional forgiveness, we put ourselves back in the "driver's seat" of the process of forgiving, and then can move toward emotional forgiveness at our own pace. Jesus has been cited in the conversation. When Peter asked Jesus how often we are to forgive, Jesus told him 70 times 7. In Jesus' time and culture, that was like saying, "as long, or as often, as it takes."

  - cjb

• September 1, 2011 12:02 a.m.

  I thank you all for your insight on forgiveness. I must be very honest, I actually did not know the true meaning of forgiveness. As I sat down for dinner, my husband apologized over and over and asked for my forgiveness. I never responded. I didnt repond because I truly didnt know how to forgive. So, I decided to google forgiveness and stumbled on this page. It was meant. I now realize that if I can just forgive, these angry feelings and vengeful feelings will go away. Im going to make an attempt to forgive him, not because he asked, but because I want to be FREE! I deserve it!

  - T

• August 27, 2011 5:54 p.m.

  Forgiveness seems to come down to 'giving' rights back to the one I feel so angry toward--rather than 'giving' another injury, only this time to HIM, I elect to 'acknowledge his right to choose' his own behaviors without imposing my judgments on his choices. I was furious he behaved badly because we treated him well when he was a boy; his dad and I doted on him, as did his brothers. He was everybody's Golden Boy. That was then and this is now; it doesn't mean I get to judge [read: control] how he treats his son. I think I'd have handled it differently [read: better]. Fact is, he gets to raise his own children. More important, I wasn't there -- my information is second-hand and was provided by someone very angry with Chris at the time. I'm weary of being angry, don't want to live like this, and choose not to hold onto my strong disapproval that was gained from, possibly, a biased source. Even if it were so, he still gets to raise his own children without guidance from me. So I'm releasing him and me from the Hell I created with painful anger; am seeing a professional well equipped to teach me better coping skills; and hope to be better prepared the next time that capital A Anger rears its head.

  - Kate

• August 11, 2011 1:59 p.m.

  When trust is violated and you begin to see what is happening..she denied what her actions were saying. I thought she was my friend. She had my secrects, thoughts, ideas and she used them against me, and she has a boyfriend and other men in her life she did not have to do this to me...I know I am not the first woman to be betrayed by her friend but I am having trouble forgiving her...he just happens to be there...anyone man I would have been involved with.. it would have been him.She has to have them all. I just didn't see that in her. As I look back (20/20rule) I see things. Maybe I should realize that she is sick and definitely needs forgiveness and understanding but I am having a very hard time finding peace with this. Neither one will ever admit to this...she is just so transparent with the guilty actions. I try to keep positive thoughts in my mind but sometimes I go back and the hurt is there again. My heart is truly hurt.

  - Suzanne

• August 7, 2011 4:59 p.m.

  When I was a newlywed, my two sisters were still in grade school and junior high. My mother left them and father for a different marriage. My youngest sister was devastated, and now nearing 60 years old, still cannot forgive my mother, who has been dead a year. She is so bitter and constantly fighting depression. Our middle sister moved on long ago, and neither of us knows how to help our "little sis." I know that forgiveness has to be a decision that only the hurt individual can make. She's carried this heartache for over 50 years! When will she put this burden down? Mother, who died with Alzheimer's, was plagued with what she did and was constantly asking the question, "Was I a good mother?" I said to mother, "Not always, Mom, but no one is perfect. You did the best you could."

  - Marijo

• July 28, 2011 10:52 a.m.

  I am working on forgiving my husband's family for sneaking into the hospital 8 days before my father in law died and having him change his trust in the ICU. I had known and loved these people for over 30 years. The hurt and anger this has caused has certainly taken a toll on me and my family. My husband had prostate cancer, and I believe stress had a hand in it. The worst part is, we still have to have dealings with them, and I have to learn how to keep them out of my life and not let bitterness destroy me. As a Christian, I have certainly not always behaved in a Christ-like manner concerning them. But, I am learning that when I speak badly of them, I am only making myself look bad, and Proverbs says that if I feed my enemy, I will be heaping burning coals on his head. So, I am making it my mission to try and forgive them, and not speak of them. Then, they have no power over me, or my life.

  - Sue

• July 25, 2011 8:17 a.m.

  to the man who said this Dr was being unprofessional by posting a Christian comment-.. the bible validates science( not the other way around) and God is the author of forgiveness and loveand it has been scientifically proven that applying the truth of the Word of God brings healing, considering that most doctors will tell you 80% of all disease is 'psychosomatic'or spiritually rooted.If that offends you, go live i na non Christian country.

  - sp

• July 17, 2011 12:14 a.m.

  The story of Jesus is really the story of forgiveness. When we are caught up in our earthly lives, it can be a monumental task to overcome the hurt. Believing in an immortal spirit makes it easier.

  - No name given

• June 19, 2011 11:14 p.m.

  There are times when I try to suppress the hurt by ignoring the situation and moving on with my life. Pride is deceitful to the truth! You may have heard the old say: Pride comes before destruction. It’s true, it’s self-destruction that is. Anytime we think about the situation (or pops into your mind). That’s your conscious letting you know it’s time to forgive. Some view forgiveness as a weakness; yet, it’s actually a strength. Forgiveness is a selfish act. When thinking about forgiveness, you are asking yourself to release any grudges, guilt, shame or hurt from your life. Sometimes we place more attention on how others will respond to the act of our forgiveness. The reality is that we cannot "control" how others think of us. Truthfully, the other person has already formed negative thoughts/impression about us anyway. It's important to focus on how forgiveness will bring healing to you. If the other person decides at that same moment to heal then that’s an added bonus. However, you are not responsible for their thoughts and behavior-only yours. Forgive and then you can truly move on with life liberated.

  - Paul

• May 23, 2011 7:25 a.m.

  If you can agree with what Jesus said on the cross,"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do", it will help with forgiveness. If you prefer scientific evidence,if can be found in Simon Baron-Cohen's book, "Zero Degrees Of Empathy",which sets out to explain differences in brain circuitry. It may also help to be grateful that the Director has not cast you in the role of villain in the divine drama,and that, even though it is very difficult,there is an oppurtunity here for spiritual evolution, and you may eventually find that you are also grateful to your oppressor for helping you, if you are on a quest to "Know Thyself"

  - Regina

• May 1, 2011 5:08 a.m.

  Do good unto those who would hurt you, pray for those who would use you. Turn the other cheek. The Christ was very special, how can we every apply that stuff when someone hurts us? This same guy turned over the tables and threw the money changers out of the temple in anger. We don't have to be nice to everyone. For the little things we need to forgive and move on with others. For some of the stuff I have read we can forgive ourselves for being justifibaly angry and commiting to move on. I could never forgive someone for hurting a child, it is just too evil. I could look at them in a different light. They are animals. Animals could attack your baby and you would be angry but you could maybe see they were just acting like animals. Some people have not reached "human" intelligence even though they have the same bodies as those who have it. These people need to be in a cage and others need to be protected from them. If they do really, really bad stuff then they should be "put down." You don't have to be around people that are evil. It is OK to stay away, and forgive them for being animals and not knowing what they are doing, but you don't have to put yourself around those animals in the future. Its an analogy but I think it is the seed of getting to find a way to understand the blatant evil in the world. There is a book called Rays of the Dawn by Dr. Thurman Fleet that has a whole chapter on Forgiveness that was helpful to me.

  - Mark

• April 26, 2011 8:00 p.m.

  thank you very much!!!!

  - rj