- With Mayo Clinic nurse educator
Sheryl M. Ness, R.N.
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Sheryl M. Ness, R.N.
Sheryl M. Ness
Sheryl Ness, R.N., O.C.N., is a nurse educator for the Cancer Education Program at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn. She helps inform patients, families and caregivers about services and resources to help them through the cancer journey.
She has a master's degree in nursing from Augsburg College. In addition, she is an assistant professor of oncology at the College of Medicine, Mayo Clinic, and is certified as a specialist in oncology nursing. Sheryl has worked for more than 20 years at Mayo Clinic as an educator. She has a keen interest in the importance of the quality of life and concerns of people living with cancer.
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Living with cancer blog
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April 22, 2010
Tips for talking with your children about cancer
By Sheryl M. Ness, R.N.
It's never easy to talk with your family and friends about your cancer diagnosis, but when you have children it's even more difficult. Over the years, I've worked with many parents who have wanted to know the best way to approach the subject with their children.
Some ideas to consider:
- Take in mind the age and maturity of your child. What do they relate to? What might work for one child, may not work for another. If they're at the age when they're reading books, you may want to get a book that describes what cancer is in very simple terms. If they're an older child or teen, they really just need you to be honest with them and give them facts, while at the same time reassuring them that you'll be there for them.
- Describe any physical changes that might occur during treatment, such as hair loss, fatigue, loss of appetite, etc.
- Let them know that you'll communicate openly with them as best you can about what's happening.
- Keep a daily routine if possible as children find much comfort in this.
- If you have more than one child, try to schedule one on one time with each of them to make sure to keep those special moments together. You'll find that it's during these moments that they might talk about their fears or ask questions they might have been too shy to ask in front of others.
It might also be a good idea to look for resources to assist you in communicating this news; such as books, DVDs, peer support groups, and even weekend camps. Most of all, be supportive and open with their questions and concerns. Keep the lines of communication open and continue the hugs, love and support.
Please share your experiences and suggestions.
6 comments posted
October 28, 2010 4:18 p.m.
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- Cyndi
June 14, 2010 2:35 p.m.
I always had wondered how my dad feels when he was diagnosed of lung cancer... he never told us how he feels, but i can see it in his face that he is so depressed. maybe he just wants to look strong and feel strong for us. i talked to him about it, he said, i don't want to be the reason that you cannot reach your dreams... i miss you, daddy... http://www.about-lung-cancer.com
- Anne
May 4, 2010 6:30 a.m.
We have to be really careful while education kids about cancer. Avoid showing them pictures of cancer victims or any kid of graphic, as it can have a really -ve impact on the child. The best way to fight cancer is by spreading cancer awareness.
- Avi
April 30, 2010 1:18 p.m.
I'm 49 years old and was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer 08/06. I have three girls the oldest 15 years old and the youngest 11 years old. Keeping them worry free is hard. As much as I talk to them, they still have many fears. Living life with out me and being cancer free themselves. Disease is hard enough to except has an adult but for children it's just too hard. I would not be here today if it was not for them. They are my strength and my focus for tomorrow... Exercise and a good diet and lots of LOVE from my family.
- Debbie
April 29, 2010 2:53 p.m.
I'm 49 and was diagnosed with stage 3a breast cancer 12/09. My husband and I talked to our 15 year old daughter from the beginning. She would have sensed if we were not telling her the truth. We've used a lot of humor along the way and that helps a lot. When I am scared or am having a particularly hard time with anticipation of surgery or with the chemo, I talk to my husband privately. I'm sure she can sense the bad days, but I don't want her to be burdened with all the details. I try to do as many of our usual activities with her as possible, but I also ask her for more help than before. I can see her growing to be more responsible. Because she is a teenager she has lots of socializing to do with friends. I know she is doing O.K. when I hear her talking happily with her friends on the phone. I know she will always remember this period of our lives, but I don't want cancer to dominate her life (or mine for that matter). I think this approach is working. Cancer is terrible but I am not going to let it keep our family from enjoying the time we have together as much as possible.
- Anne
April 27, 2010 3:48 p.m.
two comments Sheryl. My husband's mother side are from Southern MN and Northern IA and are Ness'. Please e-mail me and let me know if you are related. Emotional support and finding it and finding the right kind is so important. One finds it in the most unusual ways.
- M
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