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• May 24, 2013 12:54 p.m.

  i have a real bad anger problem and i am about to lose the only things n my life that matter the most to me. I need help but i cant afford it. My wife trys and trys to help but is at a point where she no longer can help. this Oct. will be our 7th ann. and i dont think we'll make it.I beg for help and cant get it because i have no money. What do i do , I'm so lost and confused.

  - Nic

• April 23, 2013 5:19 p.m.

  I have read many books that are helpful on this subject, although I, too, am here looking for more information. For some of your specific questions, though, I have found answers in books, and not on the internet. (Perhaps because the information in books is not free, they save the best jewels of information from there; but you can still get them at the library if you have a good one). Never stop seeking answers and a better life, until you get to where you are trying to go. Don't give up, even when articles like this one don't seem to grasp the size of the problem. One book that is helping me with some of the issues that others of you posted about, is "Crucial Confrontations". It's a book with a lot of research behind it, which spells out step-by-step a way to approach a conflict that exists when someone keeps letting you down, over and over again. It helps to address the pattern of behavior, since they always seem to have an excuse for this one incident. It has a similar book, same authors, called "crucial conversations", for when you know it's a really important conversation, but the other person has not failed to follow through on a commitment. It helps with other types of important discussions.

  - Sarah

• April 16, 2013 9:27 p.m.

  I too have a spouse who will not apologize or initiate a reconciliation. Even worse, he will not discuss an argument. Problems just magically disappear in his world. Sadly, I have become overly energetic in trying to resolve issues. This never helps and I am left so very frustrated. Weeks can go by and he just waits for me to get tired of living apart. I care about him and have built a life with him after many years of marriage but I just don't know if I can have such a superficial relationship much longer.

  - Denise

• April 3, 2013 11:27 a.m.

  My husband is financially irresponsible and overdraws his bank account then does nothing about it. Since we're married he expects me to cover the overdraft fees when the bank doesn't wiave them. I can't stand his lack of responsibility and yell horribly at him when this happens. Suggestions other than divorce, he is also currently out of work now for over a year and not looking.

  - Marie

• March 4, 2013 9:12 p.m.

  I seem to be the one who do the reconciliation, even when my wife is wrong. I really want her to apologise when she is wrong, but she wouldn't. it is always me who must initiate forgiveness eventhough I am innocent. thats disgusting, I hate it. At least she owes up to make me see that she realises his mistake. Often I wait for her to admit her wrong, and I can wait for weeks, but she wouldn't. I suffer and I don't like to continue on living like that I simply initiate the process of forgiveness. I'm fed up. What shall I do? Ignore, ostricise, run away, devorce?????? I don't know

  - Blake

• February 18, 2013 10:50 p.m.

  I ve beeen married for 2 years and everytime I fight with the mrs. I fined myself getting more and more enraged at her. I would love to divorce her but cannot cause it supposed to be better or worst. What do I do I am beginning to hate her. As much as I love her

  - anger

• February 1, 2013 6:45 p.m.

  Im 24 and have extreme anger issues normally leading to phisical outbursts. I have been with my mrs for nearly 3 years now and we have a 11 month old boy ... I love them both more than I can put into words. I have been 2 various different places to try and get it sorted but no one seems to be able to help me change the outcome of my anger and im worried that if it doesnt change it will affect my boy aswell as the damage its allready done to my relationship with my mrs. we are currently living apart because of it it is stsrting to own my life. I have never been violent towards any other person apart from my mrs and dont know if this us signifcant. I really need someone to help me get my life back I just wana be happy with my family and give them a good life

  - Andy

• December 28, 2012 3:27 a.m.

  And I thought I was the senislbe one. Thanks for setting me straight.

  - Rosalinda

• December 20, 2012 10:01 a.m.

  I appreciate this thought, but if the person is right in front of you it's hard to take a deep breath and not to say what comes to your head. Of course there are ways to react calmly and rationally, but not always easy!

  - Sandy

• November 8, 2012 9:05 p.m.

  It is true. Never act on an impulse. I read on an article that there a a few things in your life that you you will regret or can"t take back. One of them is the words that are spoken. I read here that someone suggested to take a walk, and that is what I did today. There is someone making me an others on our group,uncomfortable by her actions and comments to the point of everyone wants to give up. Today when I woke up I still felt furious and decided to walk to clear my mind and make some meditation and ask God to please not let this person stir my soul. Give me peace and clear my thoughts......Later when I felt I haven't thought about that person for 15 whole minutes or more I felt a great relief and happy. My day was better after that.

  - z.Eugene

• November 6, 2012 11:28 a.m.

  I am a 27 year old father of two young boys, having issues with my 5year old son.I keep getting so frustrated so fast over little things,that I've lost my temper to the point of physically abusing him like slaps to the head and yelling at him.I instantly feel horrible for what I've done to the point of wanting to end my own life so there's no chance of me ever hurting him again.I know that this would do more harm than good to him in the long run from living life without a Dad.So that is just an unrealistic way to escape my feelings of being a horrible Dad.I am trying to educate myself with various research on ANGER MANAGEMENT & STRESS RELIEF self help techniques.But feel like I've read it all and my problems still exist unchanged. So how do I stop myself from those self damaging thoughts and actions that are harming everyone involved? Without having too use medications that make me feel like a emotionless person void of all feelings? " Angry Dad "

  - Will

• August 22, 2012 8:50 a.m.

  The father of a young boy was concerned about his son’s frequent angry outbursts. He had talked with the boy about this over and over again, but the outbursts continued. One day, the father gave the son a box of nails and a hammer and told him to pound a nail into the fence each time he felt angry. At the end of the first day, there were 30 nails in the fence. The boy pounded nails into the fence every day. Each evening he and his father talked about how many nails the boy had pounded into the fence. The number of nails the boy pounded decreased day by day until one day he came to his father and reported that he had not pounded a single nail into the fence that day. The father was pleased and instructed the boy to, now, each time he wanted to pound in a nail, he should instead remove a nail. The boy continued to remove nails until one day he went to his father excited to report that all the nails had been removed from the fence. Again, the father was quite pleased. Then he took the young boy by the hand and together they walked to the fence. The father asked the boy what he saw. The boy showed his father all the holes that remained in the fence. Then, the father explained to the young boy the damage done leaves scars that can never be fully restored . . . .

  - Jean

• July 14, 2012 1:52 a.m.

  I wholly agree that one should not take action through anger without allowing for time to let the anger fade, because it almost certainly will fade, or at least dwindle, resulting in a diminished motivation to react in ways that may be extreme and risky. Here's the catch: This does not only apply to the emotion of anger; the same goes for feelings of elation or excitement or joy. When we make plans while angry we are told that we should sleep on it, or give ourselves some time to think on it (again, I do agree on this point), but what about when we make plans while under the influence of more positive (or at least more pleasurable) emotional states? Should we take advantage of these moments because it is a time when we are inspired and a time when we have a desire to make plans that are healthy and enriching to our lives as a whole? Or should we proceed with caution, as we should while angry, while under the influence of these emotions because we know it to be a temporary thing? Thoughts???

  - Cameron

• May 8, 2012 12:20 p.m.

  I've had a temper since I was a kid but it never was a problem until recently. Lately my anger can become intense and is often directed at the people I love the most...and who love me. I've never physically harmed anyone but lately I'm worried that if this gets worse I could. I'm 57 and in a very stressful period of my life. I have a great wife and 3 great kids, one of whom is profoundly disabled. Since her birth 20 years ago I have gradually become more emotional about everything....both in a positive and negative way. The nature of my job dictates that I cannot express my frustrations easily to those who cause them. Instead I end up taking it out on those I love. My level of self loathing for doing so is putting me in a very dark place. As men society teaches us to be strong and "muscle trough" tough times... Its not working for me. I need help. I hope I can find it.

  - Mark

• April 25, 2012 8:40 a.m.

  I really need help.... I have never been so angry in my life. Anything and everything sets me off. I have a husband who is really nice and so forth but he pushes me so badly. I will ask him to stop and warn him I am getting angry but he still doesn't stop so i explode physically. I have never done this with another person in my life. In fact I was the one beaten nearly to death and i don't understand why I am doing this. I know what it is like so why am I putting another human being through this anguish? I have cried for hours about it because I am not like this. He is a great person and I don't deserve him if this is going to continue but i can't stand the thought of losing him. And I try the cool down method but he makes me angry all over again. I told him I wanted to seek help but he doesn't think it will help and when he says okay go he also says he isn't going ti come with me. I had a extremely hard life but he didnt have any hardships and I feel he should learn how to deal with me when I am learning how to deal with my anger. I think I am ruining him because he has statted cursing and other things, if I don't get help soon we are going to be crazy. Please help me!!!

  - Joy

• April 22, 2012 1:17 p.m.

  I am a 26 yr old female, I have had anger management issues since I was a small child. I feel like even when I have gained some clarity, and taken two steps ahead ... something happens and I am pushed two steps back. I too get infuriated almost to a point of rage, when I feel someone is intentionally causing me pain. Whether it be mentally, physically or emotionally. I know not everyone is bred the same, I know that not everyone has my values or thought process. I will say though, that it's ten times worse when it's someone close to me and it is done repeatedly. I have graduated from breaking glasses and cell phones up against the wall to now, getting frustrated to tears. Restraining myself from rippin' my partner a new one. The counting method isn't helping & I really need some alternatives before I catch a case....

  - Avierre

• January 22, 2012 1:04 a.m.

  A typically oversimplified solution which assumes people's problems are grossly simplistic. For people with real anger issues, they are flooded with angry reactions throughout the day. It hardly seems plausible to take a "time out" when one is overwhelmed, because one would be in that "time out" state constantly. The "take a time out" advice is the most inane, unhelpful and irresponsible drivel spread by people who don't really understand the problems of people with real emotional issues. People with these problems need REAL advice pertinent to their problem, not amateur water cooler talk like this.

  - Lenny

• January 15, 2012 10:01 p.m.

  Thank you for this forum. It helps to know I'm not alone. I've had an explove temper since I was young. It hurts me and everyone around me. I've tried counseling, reading/researching, not meds. I don't want to be medicated. The anger happens when I feel someone is intentionally hurting me, i.e., playing mind games with me. I know it stems from my sister's mental torture of me growing up. But now I'm married. My spouse has admitted that he has tried to intentionally hurt me. BUT even still, I should be able to control my temper. I wish I had the answer... I must be honest, though, I never really tried to put any managing techniques into practice. I am starting to really realize the triggers, mental reactions, and physical effects of my anger before I explode. I will try some techniques now such as walking away, taking a break, singing a song in my head maybe. I have to. It's really gotten worse. Pray for me.

  - Jennifer

• December 28, 2011 6:57 a.m.

  Go ahead and type your e-mail -- say anything and everything you are feeling -- DO NOT HIT SEND for 24 hours--save in Draft!!! You feel better because it is out there and even better you can still send it if you are feeling the same way 24 hours later. My Draft is full!!!!and I have only sent 1 original and to this day don't regret it.

  - abby

• October 26, 2011 8:39 p.m.

  I use things like "oh well," "how important is it!" innocent until proven guilty." and the all time good one, "this is a sick person, how can I be of help." and the serenity prayer. These all work for me at different times. Hope this helps. Anger is hurtful to everyone.

  - anne

• September 12, 2011 10:31 p.m.

  Reading all of these typos and grammatical errors in everyone's comments makes me even MORE angry.

  - KLW

• August 31, 2011 2:04 a.m.

  I returned to work in a busy pharmacy after being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. MY dept. manager is a multi tasker and would always be on my case I have worked in the pharmacy for 19 yrs. After 10 months with no feedback from talking to dept. manager I sent a letter to store manager. That very day she would not sign me in to work on the computer. We had a loud disagreement and now they are trying to find work outside the pharmacy. I have spent the last 2 months doing meaningless jobs and passing the pharmacy every day. I was humilited and disciminated against. I now have to take time away from work as my depression and anxiety have gone to levels I hav/nt had for almost 3 yrs. I am so angry that they have put me thru all this nonsense just to see me fall apart. My dept. manager is now telling pharmacist that I am endangering their liscence. I have never been called aside to be told my work is below what is expected. I can/t sleep and just curl in a ball wanting this to go away.

  - Louise

• July 24, 2011 10:02 a.m.

  I tend to get very angry when I feel mistreated. For example if I have an argument with someone, i generally get over it quickly. If trhey bring it up again, I get very angry and sometimes lash out verbally at them. When I get mad I "blow up" quickly and am over it quickly. When I was young, i got picked on a lot. I often lashed out at my persecutors. I am concerned it is still with me.

  - John

• July 7, 2011 5:49 p.m.

  I just regret too much for i was controlled over my anger, to a point of hurting my husband, hurting our relationship which is not supposed to be. Now i realized that anger is really to be controlled before anything worst can happen. I love my husband very much especially our children. Thanks for this article, it really helps me. I want to help myself to control with anger.

  - empong

• June 21, 2011 4:42 p.m.

  i dont understand how control angry my myself with other i am hot tempreate please tell how control my myself give addive how talk people not angry myself how stop angry bunger ourtburts self

  - sana