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• May 8, 2012 12:20 p.m.

  I've had a temper since I was a kid but it never was a problem until recently. Lately my anger can become intense and is often directed at the people I love the most...and who love me. I've never physically harmed anyone but lately I'm worried that if this gets worse I could. I'm 57 and in a very stressful period of my life. I have a great wife and 3 great kids, one of whom is profoundly disabled. Since her birth 20 years ago I have gradually become more emotional about everything....both in a positive and negative way. The nature of my job dictates that I cannot express my frustrations easily to those who cause them. Instead I end up taking it out on those I love. My level of self loathing for doing so is putting me in a very dark place. As men society teaches us to be strong and "muscle trough" tough times... Its not working for me. I need help. I hope I can find it.

  - Mark

• April 25, 2012 8:40 a.m.

  I really need help.... I have never been so angry in my life. Anything and everything sets me off. I have a husband who is really nice and so forth but he pushes me so badly. I will ask him to stop and warn him I am getting angry but he still doesn't stop so i explode physically. I have never done this with another person in my life. In fact I was the one beaten nearly to death and i don't understand why I am doing this. I know what it is like so why am I putting another human being through this anguish? I have cried for hours about it because I am not like this. He is a great person and I don't deserve him if this is going to continue but i can't stand the thought of losing him. And I try the cool down method but he makes me angry all over again. I told him I wanted to seek help but he doesn't think it will help and when he says okay go he also says he isn't going ti come with me. I had a extremely hard life but he didnt have any hardships and I feel he should learn how to deal with me when I am learning how to deal with my anger. I think I am ruining him because he has statted cursing and other things, if I don't get help soon we are going to be crazy. Please help me!!!

  - Joy

• April 22, 2012 1:17 p.m.

  I am a 26 yr old female, I have had anger management issues since I was a small child. I feel like even when I have gained some clarity, and taken two steps ahead ... something happens and I am pushed two steps back. I too get infuriated almost to a point of rage, when I feel someone is intentionally causing me pain. Whether it be mentally, physically or emotionally. I know not everyone is bred the same, I know that not everyone has my values or thought process. I will say though, that it's ten times worse when it's someone close to me and it is done repeatedly. I have graduated from breaking glasses and cell phones up against the wall to now, getting frustrated to tears. Restraining myself from rippin' my partner a new one. The counting method isn't helping & I really need some alternatives before I catch a case....

  - Avierre

• January 22, 2012 1:04 a.m.

  A typically oversimplified solution which assumes people's problems are grossly simplistic. For people with real anger issues, they are flooded with angry reactions throughout the day. It hardly seems plausible to take a "time out" when one is overwhelmed, because one would be in that "time out" state constantly. The "take a time out" advice is the most inane, unhelpful and irresponsible drivel spread by people who don't really understand the problems of people with real emotional issues. People with these problems need REAL advice pertinent to their problem, not amateur water cooler talk like this.

  - Lenny

• January 15, 2012 10:01 p.m.

  Thank you for this forum. It helps to know I'm not alone. I've had an explove temper since I was young. It hurts me and everyone around me. I've tried counseling, reading/researching, not meds. I don't want to be medicated. The anger happens when I feel someone is intentionally hurting me, i.e., playing mind games with me. I know it stems from my sister's mental torture of me growing up. But now I'm married. My spouse has admitted that he has tried to intentionally hurt me. BUT even still, I should be able to control my temper. I wish I had the answer... I must be honest, though, I never really tried to put any managing techniques into practice. I am starting to really realize the triggers, mental reactions, and physical effects of my anger before I explode. I will try some techniques now such as walking away, taking a break, singing a song in my head maybe. I have to. It's really gotten worse. Pray for me.

  - Jennifer

• December 28, 2011 6:57 a.m.

  Go ahead and type your e-mail -- say anything and everything you are feeling -- DO NOT HIT SEND for 24 hours--save in Draft!!! You feel better because it is out there and even better you can still send it if you are feeling the same way 24 hours later. My Draft is full!!!!and I have only sent 1 original and to this day don't regret it.

  - abby

• October 26, 2011 8:39 p.m.

  I use things like "oh well," "how important is it!" innocent until proven guilty." and the all time good one, "this is a sick person, how can I be of help." and the serenity prayer. These all work for me at different times. Hope this helps. Anger is hurtful to everyone.

  - anne

• September 12, 2011 10:31 p.m.

  Reading all of these typos and grammatical errors in everyone's comments makes me even MORE angry.

  - KLW

• August 31, 2011 2:04 a.m.

  I returned to work in a busy pharmacy after being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. MY dept. manager is a multi tasker and would always be on my case I have worked in the pharmacy for 19 yrs. After 10 months with no feedback from talking to dept. manager I sent a letter to store manager. That very day she would not sign me in to work on the computer. We had a loud disagreement and now they are trying to find work outside the pharmacy. I have spent the last 2 months doing meaningless jobs and passing the pharmacy every day. I was humilited and disciminated against. I now have to take time away from work as my depression and anxiety have gone to levels I hav/nt had for almost 3 yrs. I am so angry that they have put me thru all this nonsense just to see me fall apart. My dept. manager is now telling pharmacist that I am endangering their liscence. I have never been called aside to be told my work is below what is expected. I can/t sleep and just curl in a ball wanting this to go away.

  - Louise

• July 24, 2011 10:02 a.m.

  I tend to get very angry when I feel mistreated. For example if I have an argument with someone, i generally get over it quickly. If trhey bring it up again, I get very angry and sometimes lash out verbally at them. When I get mad I "blow up" quickly and am over it quickly. When I was young, i got picked on a lot. I often lashed out at my persecutors. I am concerned it is still with me.

  - John

• July 7, 2011 5:49 p.m.

  I just regret too much for i was controlled over my anger, to a point of hurting my husband, hurting our relationship which is not supposed to be. Now i realized that anger is really to be controlled before anything worst can happen. I love my husband very much especially our children. Thanks for this article, it really helps me. I want to help myself to control with anger.

  - empong

• June 21, 2011 4:42 p.m.

  i dont understand how control angry my myself with other i am hot tempreate please tell how control my myself give addive how talk people not angry myself how stop angry bunger ourtburts self

  - sana

• June 10, 2011 8:41 a.m.

  yesterday i was just soo mad to our maid i even hurt her twice. and today my son drives me realy realy mad too and it end up also to hurting my kid. now after a few hours im calm, i told to my husband what i did yesterday to the maid and to our son, he was so mad at me. and i felt so e-mature at my actions. feeling so bad 4 my self.... but when ever i am on pick of my anger i just cant help it but to hurt right away to whom i am getting so mad.

  - bangs

• May 7, 2011 5:43 p.m.

  I get so angry at home with kids, I am so much better than i was, 2 of my kids no longer live with me because I felt it better they were not around me, my anger comes from a trormatic (spelling) childhood, I have been given med's and they work, but as i feed my baby cant take them right now, I hate the anger just coming and going, I have tryed to stay away from what does my head in, and I have talked until I'm blue in the face, nothing but med's takes it away, it makes me so sad, because it's not the person I want to be, I ask every day for peace of mind to deal with things but it seems there is no peace for me, i fell torchered everyday

  - Nikki

• March 18, 2011 2:03 a.m.

  I learned from everyones perspective, here. The one from mark which expressed how anger is really a disquise for sadness & fear intrigues me and makes sense. I really like that philosophy.

  - wendy

• March 11, 2011 5:27 a.m.

  this really helpfull thanks so much.

  - syeda

• February 22, 2011 9:26 a.m.

  thanks for helping me and others control our anger i can do better now awesome

  - tatum

• November 3, 2010 12:14 a.m.

  He who anger you, conquers you

  - Brian

• September 11, 2010 11:20 p.m.

  OHK I AM ONLY 13 YR OLD AND I HAVE AN BAD BAD TEMPER AND TODAY I JUST GOT MAD AT MY GRANNY AND MY CUSSIN FREND AND MY GRANNY REALLY LKE THINK SHE NO EVERY LITTLE THING AND SO SHE DID NOT WANTA LET ME TALK SO I WAZ GETING REALLY REALLY MAD AND I COULDENT DO NUTHIN BUT CRY BECAUSE SHE WOULD YELL AT ME IF I TRY TO TALK BACK AND SO I JUST WALKED AWAY Y SHE WA STALKIN BECAUSE I WAS TRYING NOT TO CURSE AT HERE BUT I REALLY NEED TO LET MY ANGER OUT.

  - tINIQUA

• August 23, 2010 7:46 p.m.

  Sandy, I hear you. I learned the hard way that anger never helps anything, but managing it I'm not sure works either. A Buddhist monk taught me that anger is a false emotion, that it's just a cover for sorrow or fear. In our society, it's no surprise that men would avoid showing their sadness (like by crying) or admitting they're afraid. But behind every show of anger is a sadness or a fear, so this monk taught me to dig underneath the anger. Even when I decided to try, it wasn't easy, and I was looking for my own sorrow or fear. If you're dealing with an angry man, it may help to realize this man is suffering, and find a way to help him explain what he's suffering about. It won't be easy, and it won't be quick. But getting angry won't help matters either. As my monk said, getting angry at an angry person is like throwing gasoline on a fire. I don't know, it's really complicated, but for me, looking for that sorrow has helped a lot. I've written about it, at www.marknassutti.com

  - Mark

• July 12, 2010 11:38 p.m.

  after reading others comments i realized we 're all female who are doing the trying. i have two men here that need the control, men don't own up to fault, why? when one of them is angry he confronts you, gets confrontational scares me. his anger is out of place for the situation, help?

  - sandy

• June 22, 2010 1:57 p.m.

  When you are angry, walk away, take a break and leave the issue for a time. Then when you are calm, look at the issue again. Often I find it is not as serious as I thought. NEVER SEND AN E-MAIL, MAKE A PHONE CALL, SEND A LETTER OR FAX WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY!!!!!!!!

  - Barbara

• June 20, 2010 9:18 p.m.

  Even myself if you want to be relieved from a certain feeling, what I mostly do was to scream it out then a laught afterwards. It is funny if you realize it after you do it. It helps a lot to be relieved from stress somehow.

  - Stressless06

• June 9, 2010 10:31 a.m.

  Recently, I had to do an at home Iodine Loading test. Any bright ten year old could do this test and fill out the appropriate forms. But I was stressed each time I tired to do it. After the third unscusscessful try, the staff at my doctor's office offered to do the paper work for me. The problem was I was angry and stressed each time. I was stressed when I started to do the paper work the fourth time, so I took them up on their offer. The moral is, don't do anything detaled when feeling angry. count to ten, get a good night's sleep and calm down..

  - Barbara A

• May 27, 2010 5:16 a.m.

  It is better to be calm, think of some other thing, divert thinking and move away from the scene- after some time one realises that getting angry, shouting will not only make a person do unwanted things develope negetive thoughts, better to be calm and cool. Some times one tends to beat small children in the house for silly situations happened in work place or other area but an innocent child has bear and take the punishment.

  - Pai