Stress management

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• August 5, 2010 9:36 a.m.

  I appreciate the question. Life is not fair, it is random and the only control we have is our response to life. The stress surrounding the thought that we have any control can be overwhelming. Let the control go and do the best in each moment come forward. If you are interested in my Fired Up! How to Succeed by Making Your Dreams Come True blog at http://firedupnow.com/blog.

  - Snowden

• August 4, 2010 10:24 p.m.

  Great post on stress. Please keep the awesome info coming. We shouldn't accept another day living anything but the life we deserve. Discover the most effective natural supplement for stress.

  - Stress Medication

• June 20, 2010 6:05 a.m.

  People often complain about their life. Their expectancies does not go with what they desire. It builds a stressful daily life to handle. They should count small blessing instead rather than keep on complaining.

  - Stressless06

• June 6, 2010 4:45 p.m.

  Thank you for changing the title. Enjoy reading the blog.n

  - sue

• June 4, 2010 7:05 a.m.

  Great and simply put. Thanks Mayo for all your helpful info. I need to remind myself not to sweat the small stuff, and let go of things out of my control. My mum died recently and I gave myself permission to grieve, sleep a lot withdraw. In the past I'd "stress" about "unfairness" and be moody, irritable, be a pain to myself and to be with. Realizing this was Not helping change the situation - (although it made me feel good to bitch for a short time) I now try to take positive action - talking, writing, planning action steps and remind myself that everyone's life has set backs, "unfairness", illness, death, financial challenges, and the people who accept that seem to cope much better.

  - wenD

• June 2, 2010 4:29 p.m.

  Thanks to Mary, Kathleen, Lynn and others for their feedback that the original title of this blog "Life isn't fair — get over it" was clumsy and missed the mark. Our intent, which obviously wasn't well communicated, was to emphasize that there are creative and positive ways of reacting when life isn't fair. We think you'll find the new title more appropriate. In addition, we obviously agree that painful and complex issues such as cancer and bereavement can't be dealt with by blindly marching forward. Our message is simply this: Emotional healing is a process, and we can choose to participate in this process with support from loved ones and, sometimes, professional help.

  - Ed Creagan

• June 2, 2010 3:19 p.m.

  Right On!!!!!!!

  - Whitey

• June 2, 2010 1:01 p.m.

  I was suprised to see how many bloggers looked at this blog in such a negative way. It reminded me of many people looking at the same glass; some seeing it half empty and others half full. I, for one, will continue to look to Mayo for medical advice as well as real-life support, sometimes even spiritual support. It has been a life saver to me many times over in the past.

  - carol

• June 2, 2010 10:14 a.m.

  Continue to look to Mayo for "medical" advice...continue to look elsewhere for spiritual, real-life support. Center yourself on useful words from an inspiring source....each of us reacts differently and must choose what works for us. All of us experience adversity...not all react the same.

  - Deb

• June 2, 2010 7:16 a.m.

  No one is immune to challenges and heartbreak. I have found that if I can identify the things that "feed my soul" and do them on a regular basis, I can handle obstacles much better.

  - Louise

• June 2, 2010 4:54 a.m.

  - The words "get over it" are to be found nowhere in the doctor's message. - Life is reliably unfair in some way to all people. To that end, I expect to deal with disease and pain in my life. To think it unfair when it happens, and it will, is to fail one of life's "stress tests." - There is much in life to be grateful for. Count me as one of those who appreciates your timely, wise and honest messages, Dr. Creagan.

  - Paul

• June 1, 2010 5:37 p.m.

  As others have said, this is true in principle. However, being told this is not helpful when someone is facing serious illness or other traumatic life events. Each time I read this blog I'm struck by the writer's tendency to oversimplify and by his insensitive and condescending tone. While I am sure this is not intentional, perhaps it's time to get someone else to take over...may I suggest a mental health professional?

  - Ann

• June 1, 2010 2:47 p.m.

  Life isn't fair and we need to stop expecting it to be fair - that's the "get over it" part. I think most people do want to dust themselves off and move on...but sometimes when you are knocked over it is hard to even imagine what comes next, let alone dusting off and getting on with it. Especially when it is something that happened to a loved one, and indeed, there is not a lot you can actually DO. You can only be responsible for yourself, which is pretty hard for a spouse, parent or even best friend to "get over." You lost your job? Stand still long enough to figure out why, then dedicate yourself to looking for a new job. Fine, if I'm the one who lost the job, but in my case it is my husband who lost the job. About all I can do is encourage him and no matter what I say, he thinks it is a putdown. He has to do this himself...but the lost job changes things for the entire family, not just for him. What am I supposed to get on with? It feels like my hands are tied.

  - Susan

• June 1, 2010 10:44 a.m.

  The secret to happiness is to face the fact that the world is horrible. --Bertrand Russell

  - Alan

• June 1, 2010 7:35 a.m.

  Anab01, you should call the Advice Nurse too, if you want my advice!

  - Carol

• May 31, 2010 7:35 p.m.

  I'm being told to get over it too. I have chronic pelvic pain & each of my 14 doctors seen my problem through their specialty, I chose the obgyn route & had my 4th surgery to get no relief, since no one knows what my problem is, I'm being told just to call in when I need pain killer refills. the search is off for answers. I guess when they have no clue what to do, you get the suggestion to get over it.

  - Di

• May 31, 2010 2:06 p.m.

  Donna--The doctor expects the prescribed medication to hold his pain to a somewhat tolerable pain level. If it doesn't the patient should (in my opinion) give the prescribing doctor this feedback, and comply with re-evaluation as indicated. If he was uncomfortable with his care provider(s) second opinions can be helpful. Taking others medications is asking for trouble on many fronts. Do you know how he fell off the roof in the first place? Falls in general are not unknown to be related to other underlying condition(s) that a primary medical doctor can help identify. I have no connections what-so-ever to the Mayo Clinic. Many health centers and health plans have "Advice Nurses", I have used them in the past with reasonable success. This is a stressful situation all right, good luck Donna.

  - Carol

• May 31, 2010 10:40 a.m.

  Hello, Sorry to bother anyone but my oldest son who is 35 yrs. old, fell off a roof and broke a rib bone at the sternum. He was admitted to the Hospital and they gave him moriphine and in the interim Tramadol for the pain. They couldn't rap it because a person needs to take deep breathes to help prevent pneumonia, so when they discharged him, he went to walmart and got the prescription for 5mg vicodin filled and also got a rib brace. A Rib Brace, exactly what the hospital told him could cause pneumonia. He has since taken some 10 mg vicodin and now is out of pain medication. I keep telling him to take the Ibuprophen and there is still going to be pain until it heals. He says the pain is so bad that he can't hardly stand it anymore and I suggested he call 911 and have them take him back to a hospital and ask for a nerve block which is one remedy to ease pain while he is healing. He refuses saying all he wants me to do is send him some money by western Union so he can by some pain medication from someone where he lives. He doesn't understand the concept of "I don't have the money to send you". What is a Mother supposed to do with this kind of situation? Any other suggestions? Thank You!

  - Donna

• May 30, 2010 9:44 p.m.

  Jobless, 17 years old, long parentless, unable to cut it in school due to a learning disability, angry, my (later) spouse sat on a bench in Central Park far from his original home in Puerto Rico. Sol he'd find out was sitting next to him. Sol, a elder man befriended him and taught him how to count his blessings. My spouse learned from his new friend the cross he carried was smaller than he had thought. Sol was the sole survivor of his family who had all perished in the holocaust. When my spouse moved west Sol told him--If I never see you again, we will meet again in heaven. My spouse says he always thinks about him.

  - Carol

• May 30, 2010 5:26 p.m.

  I agree with the point being made with the article. It's the title that's the problem. "Get over it" sets the wrong tone, and it colors what you read after it. Maybe the writer or editor chose the title just to get attention from readers? I think a much better example of triumphing was the one they used on Grey's Anatomy a few weeks ago -- about the Whos in the How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Despite what happened to them, they came out and sang. That's how I'm trying to approach my life, health problems and all.

  - Mary

• May 30, 2010 5:05 p.m.

  theoretically/theologically, I agree with the author 100%. I also believe that empathy is a huge need and completely valid request of those who are struggling with adversity. I don't think these 2 views have to compete with each other. In fact, I think in large part, the ability to accept the adversity as fact and to look for the growth in the experience is only possible if empathy, support, and spiritual hope are present. Dealing with pain, fear, mortality, and altered lifestyle are not 'small' trials. In these times we need encouragement, practical help, love, and hope. Sometimes the 'growth', or at least the recognition of it comes only after the trial. In fact, in the author's illustration, the jockey rode another horse---it doesn't say he didn't feel disaapointment, rejection, injustice beforehand--or even at the same time. He kept going though in spite of those feelings. If can be very difficult to do so, and requires loving support of people and God. Perseverance is necessary. Love & support are indespensable. One cannot cancel out the other.

  - tam

• May 30, 2010 3:10 p.m.

  Please remnd me not to visit the Mayo clinic should I need cancer treatment. Very poor taste, Dr. Creagan.

  - Kathleen

• May 30, 2010 1:19 p.m.

  I guess I would say that it's not a matter of "sucking it up" or the doctor being insensitive. It's a matter of choosing joy in the midst of the hand you're dealt. While our familly endures incredible medical adversity, we choose to live each day as the gift that it is.

  - Barb

• May 30, 2010 1:17 p.m.

  David and Beth are right. It's mindblowing to me that this doctor is an oncologist and would post something as ignorant and insensitive as this. If I were his boss I would fire him.

  - Lynn

• May 30, 2010 10:08 a.m.

  I totally agree with David! I can understand the point, but I don't think this post is appropriate for a medical website. The last thing people like me -- who face significant health challenges -- need to hear is "suck it up and get on with life". We're already trying to do that, thanks!

  - Beth