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• May 15, 2013 10:55 p.m.

  I am a liver cancer survivor who hasn't experienced survivor guilt, so I'm no expert. I just wonder whether it helps to remind yourself that you are not the cause of anyone else's cancer and that your death would not help anyone else survive.

  - David

• November 26, 2012 12:35 p.m.

  I had ovarian cancer just over 6 years ago, I was 29.I lost my uterus,ovaries and what felt like my youth.I was instantly in menopause.I was told that the cancer did not spread and the doctor was certain she removed it.I only had to have 6 chemo treatment which lasted 8 hours every 3 weeks. Once the treatment is all done and life should get back to normal it doesn't. I've had to deal with the "why me" in so many unanswered questions. I lost my faith in God and everything I believed in. Because of the menopause it put a strain on my marriage and it's hard not having the desire to want to be with my husband. He is the only lucky thing in my life. When I started my weight loss journey I was having a hard time - I would loss than gain. I knew a lot about food and the connection with our bodies but food had become my friend, the same friend that had a hand in my cancer. I weighed 250 pounds when I had my surgery. Being the first in my family to have cancer has not been easy. I felt like I shouldn't complain because it could have been a lot worse.When ever I tried to talk about it my feeling that is exactly what people would say do me "oh don't worry it could have been a lot worse". Well it was worse enough for me.I've had some even tell me to get over it. Its been over 6 years and I am starting to realize now that I need to talk about this so I made an appointment with a psychologist today and I will get better.I wish the best for all who are going through thi

  - Ada

• September 23, 2012 6:22 p.m.

  A sense of guilt or quiet-discomfort creeped over me recently. This while I was reaching-out to and building a friendship with a new friend. I have history of Hodgkins Lymphoma x2 and CLL. My friend diagnosed this year with lymphoma. His 3rd time. Me, I became a better, and much more fun friend when I stopped focusing our friendship vs his illness.

  - Glen

• September 6, 2012 2:07 a.m.

  I found out by accident that I had kidney cancer, a tumor in the right one. With in two months had all the xrays, diagnosis and surgery to remove it on January 19th 2012. I did not have chemo or radiation as they do not work for this type of cancer. I was told that I had a golf ball tumor grade 1 and 2 removed with clear margins. Essentially I am cancer free and a survivor. I am 28 years old! For me to find this and go it alone through the whole thing was bad enough, but to find out I am cancer free and others dont live it makes me feel so guilty. Why me? What do I have to give that someone better could have stayed on this planet and done? I feel so lost and alone. I wish I knew why I was spared and saved. Then 3 months later to the date a woman I cherish dearly gets breast cancer and is in chemo and radiation. I got it so easy with my surgery. She lost her hair, has 4 great kids, and me, I am just a broke college graduate trying to find my way in life. Survivors guilt sucks.

  - Amber

• September 5, 2012 10:01 p.m.

  I was diagnosed with Stage 3B colon cancer (at 37 years of age) in December 2011. Mid-December I had 12 inches of my colon removed. I completed 12 rounds of chemotherapy in July 2012. A little less than a year before my diagnosis, a church acquaintence (also a young mother, 2 years younger than I, also with 2 young children) was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer. She fought and fought and had difficulties every step of the way. We became much closer after my diagnosis. She passed away 1 week ago. I cried on her own mother's shoulders after her death. I didn't know what to say, but the tears were partly for the loss of a friend and wonderful person, and partly because I felt guilty for even being alive, much less doing so well and in remission. Her mother hugged me tightly, said "she loved you. I love you. Please be happy." I know she meant that. And I know that is what my friend who has passed on would scream at me as loudly as possible. She would not want me to feel guilty, but to be happy and live life to the fullest. There is definitely comfort in realizing that no one else blames me, and that they truly are happy for me, but it is still difficult to know exactly how to feel and act.

  - Jennifer

• August 26, 2012 12:40 a.m.

  I was diagnosed with colon cancer in November of 2010. At the time I was diagnosed with cancer my father was dying of brain cancer. I had surgery for my cancer mid-December of 2010. Four days after my surgery my father was admitted to the same hospital (same floor) for his cancer. Two days later he died. I was at his side at the time of his death. I have yet to get over the guilt of surviving colon cancer while my father died of brain cancer.

  - Linda

• July 30, 2012 3:07 p.m.

  I am a survivor entering my 5th year in Nov. Since my diagnosis I have lost 3 people close to me to cancer. With each death I cried and wondered, why did I survive and they are gone..All 3 were younger than I. In the quiet time, I realized life is like that..sometimes things seem unfair. But I determined to live the best way I can in honor of those I've lost. Survival guilt is really tough, but you must keep focus forward, not back in sadness and dismay.

  - Lyn

• July 20, 2012 4:56 p.m.

  I'm 48 years old, and I'm a three time cancer survivor. I lost my lower leg at age 3 to rhabdomyosarcoma, had Stage 2 breast cancer at age 35, and Stage 3C ovarian cancer 20 months later at age 37. The ovarian cancer was the worst. I had wanted children so badly. I had genetic testing done, and I don't carry the BRCA mutation, and there is no immediate family history of breast cancer. It was discovered I possibly have Li Fraumeni Syndrome. (I wasn't able to afford the difinitive tests to determine if I did have the syndrome.) But since I've had 3 primary, separate cancers, I was told it is likely. It's been 45 years, 13 years, and 11 years since my diagnoses. During my own treatments, and surgeries, I lost 2 family members, and a close friend from cancer. I don't know why I was spared. I didn't realize I was feeling survivor's guilt until recently. I was deeply depressed for a long time. It's taken me many years to come to terms with the aftermath of my ovarian cancer. The other cancers I dealt with, but the ovarian cancer knocked me to my knees. Thank God, I'm back standing again, and I'm taking things one day at a time. I'm learning more about survivor's guilt, and now I have hope to overcome this.

  - Teresa

• July 6, 2012 2:15 p.m.

  I am seeking some info about sereve constipation and I've just stumbled upon this blog! A good read which I thought to be of use. I will return to allow myself the opportunity to stay longer.

  - Joyce

• June 19, 2012 3:44 a.m.

  I'm 24 years old and I have survived grade 3 triple negative breast cancer twice. The first time I celebrated my remission, but after the second time...I haven't recovered emotionally yet. I never thought "why me? I'm too young for this." instead, through great suffering I had a life changing meaningful experience. And now that it's over I have a hard time with normal life. Before and during cancer treatment I was ambitious, graduated suma cum laude with honors and completing masters courses. I even did clinical rotations through the hospital I received treatments in. But I realize something now: I was prepared to die. Perhaps too well. I was told I had a 50-70% chance of not making it through the next two years...but here I am without sign of disease. And instead of being grateful, I feel lost. I was ready to die. And now that its over, all of my dreams seem meaningless. Most days are good but I feel guilt for being alive. I should be grateful! But instead at times I feel ashamed and without purpose. Something inside of me is morning my survival. Is this normal? I have prayed and that is what is helping me the most. That God would help me find new purpose in life. That the most meaningful time in my life isn't over and that it's okay to have dreams again, and not be afraid of what cancer can take away from me.

  - Megan

• June 13, 2012 6:22 p.m.

  I'm not really a survivor because I'm stage 4 Pancretic cancer. I've had no treatments and am about to celebrate 2 yrs of life. Normally my condition would be a 3mo life span. I'm so blessed yet feel guilty.

  - Lorin

• March 17, 2012 10:22 a.m.

  I am a colorectal survivor in my 2nd year of remission. Lately I have been more emotional, uncertain and scared of whats next; couldn't put my finger on it. Too busy to see it. In the past 2 weeks, 2 members of my family have passed with cancer. I had been the model nurse, caring family member, focusing on their wellness/ unwellness and supporting loved ones during the past year since they were diagnosed but now that that role is over... WHAM I am so scared. Is this going to be me?,Is this what is going to happen regardless of all the work and energy I have put toward healing?, have I really beaten it? , maybe I don't have it beaten?. and the big one why me and not them? WHAM.

  - J

• March 17, 2012 10:21 a.m.

  I am a colorectal survivor in my 2nd year of remission. Lately I have been more emotional, uncertain and scared of whats next; couldn't put my finger on it. Too busy to see it. In the past 2 weeks, 2 members of my family have passed with cancer. I had been the model nurse, caring family member, focusing on their wellness/ unwellness and supporting loved ones during the past year since they were diagnosed but now that that role is over... WHAM I am so scared. Is this going to be me?,Is this what is going to happen regardless of all the work and energy I have put toward healing?, have I really beaten it? , maybe I don't have it beaten?. and the big one why me and not them? WHAM.

  - Jacqueline

• January 1, 2012 1:23 p.m.

  Thanks for all those postings- I never read about anyone else with cancer experiencing this feeling! I knew survivor`s guilt really badly (which led to a serious depression) after the suicide of my mom and to a lesser extent after my two bouts of a rare kind of leukaemia (luckily, I didn`t suffer much and I`m totally fine now but I wouldn`t have survived without medicine and modern hospital technology, hygiene etc.) I`m really happy and grateful to be alive and I try to help other cancer patients but it`s always hard to tell whether I do it out of a sense of gratitude, moral obligation, inner necessity or guilt. Anyway. What has helped me a lot, strangely enough, was the encounter with the son of a Holocaust survivor who had a similar, if stronger, feeling "it`s so improbable to be alive". (I`m NOT comparing surviving cancer to surviving the Holocaust because luckily I didn`t lose my faith in humanity and no one tried to kill me- it was just very good to meet someone who had similiar feelings.) As a good friend of mine said: "You don`t have to understand everything", there are things I don`t understand but it`s good to feel understood. I`m looking forward to 2012 and to life!

  - Eva

• November 30, 2011 8:06 p.m.

  lol---I need to make a correction to my blog last night! I had Hodgkins lymphoma not non-hodgkins. I must have been having a chemo brain moment. Gotta laugh!

  - angela

• November 29, 2011 10:08 p.m.

  I was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins lymphoma stage 2A in May 2006. After 4 rounds of chemotherapy and just before starting my 20 radiation treatments my father was diagnosed with double lung cancer. He was only 66 and I was 43. We were treated by the same great doctors and even went to lunch with my mom after radiation some days. My father developed pneumonia during his second round of chemotherapy and died the following January after only 6 months. While my father lay dying in ICU a well-meaning family friend commented that it would be just like my dad to have made a deal with God-"his life for mine"! I was very close to my dad and believe that was very possible. The guilt of that is at times impossible to bear though my mother and husband have assured me that God does not make deals. I feel very blessed to be alive and healthy almost 6 years later but also wonder why did I live and others do not. I have to believe that God is not ready for me but look forward to seeing my father again one day. Until then I try to appreciate all that I do have and try to encourage others both patients and their families with my experiences. I teasingly say that I have been given a "two minute warning" and will not put off today what I might like to do tomorrow! May God bless you all and thank you for listening.

  - Angela

• November 16, 2011 7:47 a.m.

  I was first diagnosed with Non Hodgkins follicular Lymphoma in 2005 and had chemotherapy first time round, it has returned 3 times and the 2nd time the chemo had a very very bad effect on me and I was lucky to be alive. I have recently had more chemo and a stem cell transplant. I have been bald and debilitated 3 times and my body has been through so many changes, but I managed to cope and be independant very well for the past 6 years. But now there is a change, yes!, I feel incredibly guilty and sad as my best friend , who had cancer at the same time, died when hers returned, My Uncle was in the next ward to me and did not survive, and I also lost 3 cousins, my brother in law and one of my clients. It has become quite overwhelming.And I was loath to go to anymore funerals. On my last treatment I was in hospital 12 weeks, and since my return home I have felt alien and detatched,and especially guilty that I am still here when they are not, but also guilty about my frame of mind when I should be ecstatic at having survived all the treatments when they did not.It has had a profound psychological effect as well as physical, the feeling of 'why I am I still here'when they were such wonderful people with families too.

  - Rosemary

• October 28, 2011 2:36 p.m.

  I am a Uterine Cancer survivor and was caught early and no chemo was needed but must have follow ups every 3 months for the next 2 yeas At the time of my diagnosis my sister was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and required chemo and radiation plus a double masectomy. I feel so guilty that I had it so easy plus she seems angry with me because of what happened to her and I just fell awful. If I could change places with her I would do it in a heart beat. At thiss time she is done with treatments and so far doing well but her feelings towards me have changed

  - Deborah

• October 27, 2011 9:20 a.m.

  I am a breast cancer survival person and thank God everyday for giving my the chance to live. This second innings of mine helped me not to take life for granted but to live life each minute, each day with a purpose. It has changed my perception towards life, death, God in a strange sort of a way. I would feel anxious to hear about people who could not survive for long due to various reasons. But I would console myself by focusing on the positive aspects. If I am being given a second chance then probably God wants me to serve some purpose. I take this opportunity to educate people to go in for mammography once an year or do some self examination of their breasts once a month. It has now become easy for me to talk about my illness and how I have coped with it. I reassure patients that their anxieties, fear, worries are real and they are something which even I have gone through. But one should never give up and take this illness as a challenge. Winning or losing is not everything but the manner in which we play the game is important. It applies to our life too and it is the way I came out of my illness as a positive and a better person.

  - Shyamala

• October 23, 2011 10:32 p.m.

  I have a friend I met after we were both diagnosed with breast cancer. She is in the same profession as I and her daughter goes to the same school as my sons. I am 3-1/2 years out and she will hit the five year mark in December. She just recently found out the cancer is in her liver. When I saw her recently she was wearing her head scarf again and walking with a cane. It devastates me. I took for granted my health and I feel ashamed that I haven't appreciated my recovery. I am horrified that she may soon die. She is one of the strongest women I know and has a beautiful little girl who will need her. I hate that anyone has to die because of this horrible disease.

  - Sharon

• September 19, 2011 10:49 a.m.

  My friend and I were diagnosed with ovarian cancer within 3 months of each other. She was staged at 3B, me at 3C. The circumstances surrounding our diagnoses were very different and we were treated at different facilities. She passed away 6 months ago and I am a 1.5 year survivor. I live with guilt everyday as I see her family and friends on a regular basis and I see the pain they are in. I wish I could take that away.

  - Janelle

• August 29, 2011 9:26 a.m.

  My Skin Cancer was discovered and removed and I was cancer free in less then 4 weeks. I can not understand why My cancer is gone so easily. Sure it was found very early, but why mine and not someone else?

  - Kathy

• August 18, 2011 12:59 p.m.

  I'm in the UK and have been searching the internet about loneliness after cancer and guilt as a survivor. I have had a mastectomy following Invasive Lobular Cancer. I didn't need radiation treatment or chemotherapy. I will have hormone tablet treatment for about 5 years when they find a tablet that doesn't give horrendous side effects. My problem is I feel terribly guilty as I know so many women going through chemo, with terrible results after their tests etc, etc. I can't shake the guilt I feel for not having to go through this. Why???? Why did I get such good results when my friend has to go through radiation, chemo and there are no further tablet treatments to help her?? Then I feel so lonely about all of this. I talk to friends, my family and they all think I should be happy I've got good results, which I am. They just cannot see the reason for feeling guilty or lonely? Will it ever stop?

  - Mags

• July 22, 2011 8:31 p.m.

  I try to explaine this overwhelming feeling of guilt and fear to my husband and friends and they look at me and make me feel like I'm crazy,I should be all happy that I'm a surviver and not get myself down about other people. I am so glad to see on here that I'm not alone and smebody out there understands how I feel! Thank you!!

  - Deb

• July 7, 2011 4:56 p.m.

  This has been a source of huge guilt for me. I lost a friend to breast cancer - we were both diagnosed at the same time, same Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma, both BRCA-2 positive AND oddly enough, both Triple Negative. She had a violent reaction to her first round of chemo and ended up with a staph infection that ultimately took her life. I made it through chemo fine. Another friend that I work on the same team with just lost his sister 2-weeks ago to her 3rd bout of breast cancer. It's hard...

  - Georgia