- With Mayo Clinic health education outreach coordinator
Angela Lunde
read biographyclose windowBiography of
Angela Lunde
Angela Lunde is a dementia education specialist in the education core of Mayo Clinic's Alzheimer's Disease Research Center at the Abigail Van Buren Alzheimer's Disease Research Clinic in Rochester, Minn.
Angela Lunde
The transfer of information about dementias, as well as understanding the need for participation in clinical trials, is an essential component of the education core.
Angela is a member of the Alzheimer's Association board of directors and co-chair of the annual Minnesota Dementia Conference. She is a member of the Dementia Behavior Assessment and Response Team (D-BART), a multidisciplinary outreach service assisting professional and family caregivers in understanding and managing difficult behaviors often present in dementia. She facilitates several support groups, including Memory Club, an early-stage education and support series, and more recently, helped to develop and now deliver Healthy Action to Benefit Independence and Thinking (HABIT), a 10-day cognitive rehab and wellness program for people with mild cognitive impairment.
Angela takes a personal interest in understanding the complex changes that take place within relationships and among families when dementia is present. She is particularly interested in providing innovative and accessible ways for people with dementia and their families to receive information and participate in valuable programs that promote well-being.
"Amid a devastating disease, there are tools, therapies, programs and ways to cope, and it is vital that families are connected to these resources," she says.
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Alzheimer's blog
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July 13, 2010
Blame the disease, not the person, when caregiving gets frustrating
By Angela Lunde
A while back Jewels wrote a bit about her caregiving role. She said she's caring for someone who "wakes up cloudy about what happened or who he talked to yesterday...", and that she "has to remind herself that this disease is not who she cares for, but something the person with dementia has to deal with." I think I know what Jewels was trying to say and I have another perspective that can be helpful.
The anger, frustration and impatience you often feel as a caregiver is normal and you've every right to own those feelings. Yet when you fully accept Alzheimer's or a similar dementia, you can begin to separate the disease from the person and the person from the behaviors. If you're able to do this, you can move toward knowing that the real truth is this: It's not the person you love with dementia that you're angry or frustrated with, it's the disease.
Each of you in a caregiving role can have feelings of anger, frustration, impatience or resentment. But when you place the blame where it belongs — which is on the disease and not on the person — healing can take place. And by accepting that you can't change the person with the disease, you can gently and with compassion transform yourself.
Please share your thoughts and experiences.
81 comments posted
July 15, 2010 1:46 p.m.
I can really relate to this article. I think that I have begun to develop an understanding of the disease but unfortunately my brother still doesn't seem to get it. He thinks that if we threaten our Mother with being put in a care facility that she will cooperate or change her behavior. I know he is only reacting out of his frustration but I really wish he could try harder to understand that you can't apply logic to an illogical situation and expect that all of a sudden a light will come on for our Mother and she will change. I can see how this horrible disease can really tear families apart. Thanks so much for this great newsletter and the articles. It is a really important link for me to other people in my situation.
- Karen
July 15, 2010 1:30 p.m.
My husband has Parkinsons along with several other debilitating diseases, falls often and can't be left alone. I have had a caretaker partime so I can go take care of my 95 yr old mother who as dementia but don't have one right now so can't find time or energy to do for both, and both are jealous of time I spend with the other one and the hurtful remarks even about each other, much less toward me sometimes just about get me down. Praise God, I can still go to church for help and strength.
- ann
July 15, 2010 1:24 p.m.
Linda, I so agree with your comments and experience as my dad, sisters and I also receive the same from our mom. Although we know it is the disease it is hurtful when she lashes out in words or action. As you mentioned talking about old times or singing really help our time together. My mom loves the old hymns and remembers every word - it calms her spirit. Thanks Angela for your advice and tips.
- Dee
July 15, 2010 1:23 p.m.
I can't give my husband a kiss, tell him I love him, and leave. I know the disease is causing the behaviors that drive me up the wall, and I pray every day for patience and a sweet spirit...but when he for the second or third time dumps the trash out of the trash bag and deposits all of the nasty stuff into the trash can, I find it very hard not to feel real anger and frustration, lose my temper, raise my voice, and do all the kinds of things I know I shouldn't do. Fortunately, he forgets it all very quickly; I don't.
- Betty
July 15, 2010 1:21 p.m.
I liked this article. And it is so very true. I know the behavior is the disease and not my father but it is good to have a reminder. I espcially took alot from the last paragraph about placing blame and acceptance. I wish my family members could understand this.
- Katie
July 14, 2010 7:10 a.m.
While I know in my head that I am dealing with my mother who has dementia, the hurtful words still hurt. Once I finally acknowledged my own true feelings, I began to better handle my reaction to her caustic remarks. Being a nurse who has worked with dementia patients for a long time does not help when the "patient" is one's own mother. What has worked for me is to shorten the length of my visits. I attempt to keep the conversation to old memories, which is fun for her and interesting for me, our visits go well. When the "bad behavior" starts, I know that it is time for me to say, "I love you," give her a kiss, and leave.
- Linda
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81 comments posted