Cancer

Free

E-newsletter

Subscribe to Housecall

Our weekly general interest
e-newsletter keeps you up to date on a wide variety of health topics.

• July 8, 2012 8:56 p.m.

  I found out I had uterine and cervical cancer the same day my husband of 19 years told me he wanted a divorce. And shortly after the separation, we filed tor bankruptcy. Within one week of my diagnosis, I moved with my two young kids to an apartment, and a week after that, had my first surgery. I was out of work for months, and my parents moved 1000 miles to help out. I had the support of fabulous friends and even my ex. It was real hard for the first 9 months following the diagnosis.(the hardest part, for me, was the constant appointments. I couldn't get away from my cancer and its effects, ever! Once I wasn't at the doctors so often I was much better.) Since then, I've changed some things in my life for the better- I work less and spend more time with the kids. I worry about money less often, I'm content with less, and I don't sweat the small stuff. I have a loving and supportive boyfriend. I'm excited about the future!

  - kelly

• June 20, 2012 8:24 p.m.

  Continued, again... He was always banging on the wall. When I went to him, he would say he wanted to fall on the ground, stuff like that. He wouldn't let us wash him, and I had to hold his one moving hand not to touch his diaper, while my mom was trying to bathe him. I am sorry for the details, I just need to explain. It was really hard. He wouldn't listen to yelling or normal talking; but we all lost our temper many times. I feel so guilty about that because, he wouldn't say why he did all these things. We thought he didn't have a reason. Then, a few days before I left, he said that it hurt him, a lot. He said that for the first time, at least in my presence. Also, one time we were bathing him, and he hit me for trying to hold his hand, that was common, but my aunt asked him how he could do that. He tried to hug me with his one movable hand. I cried so much; he could still recognize me and he was sorry. These two incidents showed me so much, I felt so guilty, so stupid. I couldn't move from his bedside for the days I had left at home. Then, I had to leave, and two weeks later he was dead. I am telling you all of this because I can't really talk to my friends about that. I've shared similar concerns, but they wanna be supportive and say that we did our best. I am afraid we didn't. I am really confused, and it hurts so much that I look for different outlets. I thought maybe somebody here would understand better, say something, even to reproach me. Sorry for the long message

  - Monica

• June 20, 2012 8:05 p.m.

  Continued from previous comment... I think, we were doing a good job of being supportive up to the point when he became immobile. I was away from home during this transition, but I would call every singe day to check on the whole situation. Then, I didn't notice, but now I go back to a single incident that makes me fear that this was an often occurrence. My father had started to lose some sense of reality at the time, I think. So this one time I was talking to my mom on the phone and he wouldn't stop calling her wanting something random, I could hear. She asked me to hang up, so she could give him what he wanted, but she didn't hang up by accident, and I could hear her yell at him. I know it was hard for her, because besides him, she was probably seeing the worst of it; she was his main caregiver, but that was still too much for me, and I yelled at her about it. Still, I wasn't there to control that. When I went back for X-mas the father I knew was no longer there. He was basically a child, as I already explained. I am afraid that not only the disease got to him. I don't know whether this yelling cases weren't too frequent, maybe that made him aggressive, and it kills me to not know. It tortures me to not know whether we worsened him or not. At first I was really calm with my father, because I remembered the incident I described. However, as I stayed more at home, I saw what it was like to be at home with dad being like that 24/7. To be continued...

  - Monica

• June 20, 2012 7:54 p.m.

  Hello everyone! I don't know where else to write about this. I am not a cancer patient; my father was.He died a few months ago. We lost him to brain tumor. It was an ugly death. He lost total control of his body and his thoughts. He basically became a child in his actions- aggressive and unyielding. He lost touch with reality. The reason I am writing here is that I feel we didn't do a good job of supporting him and relieving his pain. I am tortured by this thought. My father was a strong and lively person. He used to make jokes about losing control of his body. He never complained that it hurt or something like that. It hurt seeing the life being sucked out of him. We knew he was dying. I think his strong behavior and the knowledge of his impending death got us so used to the thought that we felt he was used to it too. I think that we knew we were gonna hurt after he passed, and we were okay with that, so that we didn't burden him, but we forgot he was going to be in pain before his death; pain that we had to alleviate. I am afraid we didn't manage to this. As I said, he was strong; the strongest person I've known. I feel that he allowed himself to just give up on life for the first and final time in his life after I moved out to go to college. I went back home a month later, and he had started using a wheelchair and not going to the bathroom alone. Progressively he became totally immobile. I am gonna continue this to a second comment. I'm sorry, but I am desperate

  - Monica

• April 29, 2012 10:10 p.m.

  Cancer is the ultimate equalizer: men, women, young, old, around the corner or across the country we are all the same. We are not encumbered by race, creed, ethnicity or political persuasion because we have come to understand that we are all the same, sharing the same pain and fear of the unknown. If there are no support groups in your area, think about how you might be able to start something yourself. I’m not sure how you would begin but maybe start by contacting the American Cancer Society for guidance, or your local hospital administrator. Even if the group is small, you’ll each have someone who understands what you’re going through. We all deserve compassion and validation and who better to give us what we need. Sheryl, perhaps you can offer some advice here.

  - Sheila

• April 29, 2012 10:02 p.m.

  Lisa (July 22, 2010) - Your story reminded me of a school friend of my daughter who ended up living out of her car while undergoing extremely painful treatments, and the unpleasant side effects, while her family refused to even acknowledge her situation. Fortunately, my daughter realized what was going on and sent her hotel money until her treatments were finished; then moved her across country to provide a safe, healthy environment during recovery. Remember: we are not failures because we got cancer. Amazingly, even in this day and age, there is a stigma surrounding this disease. Some people are still afraid that exposure will somehow put them at risk. Perhaps it’s their own fear that makes them view us as weak, when we are anything but. I'm hopeful that your life is back on-track and you've found support in the many good people that are out there.

  - Sheila

• April 29, 2012 9:37 p.m.

  Linda - I'm only now reading your post from last year and hope more than anything that you’ve been able to find some solutions for yourself and your family. There are too many stories like yours but it’s often difficult to make suggestions because where we live and what facilities/doctors are available is different for each of us. A free publication I picked up the last time I visited my oncologist “Caring4Cancer” is also available as a website http://www.caring4cancer.com and offers so much excellent information. One of the areas they discuss is financial support. There are many pharmaceutical companies that can assist with providing drugs at little or no cost depending on your circumstances. No one should go without treatment and there are resources the cancer patient.

  - Sheila

• April 5, 2012 1:06 p.m.

  so far not for the better that i can see. i am still so angry. the first two years i appeared to sail through but after that the reality hit me. the boob job had really failed. boyfriend left. job was never coming back and my hair was falling out for the second time. i also had a brain inoperable brain aneurysm. i am going into therapy in hopes for a positive change but it doesn't always turn out like a bed of roses and i doubt i am alone in that fact.

  - Karin

• February 21, 2012 12:07 p.m.

  I was diagnosed with DCIS in my right breast on my 4th wedding anniversary and told the entire breast was full of cancer and I needed a full right mastectomy on my 48th birthday! Wow, did it change my life! My husband and 20 yr old son were my biggest supporters, but I had fantastic friends too! I had a year of chemo and radiation...missing work, sick as a dog, hurting to walk...the Kojack look became me too! I am a very sarcastic person so I cracked jokes thru it all. My hubby had all my friends and his motorcycle club in the lobby to congratulate me when I came out after my last radiation, then we went to lunch. I couldn't have done it without him. I spent last year in reconstructive surgery which was awful but I wanted it and it was worth it for the end result. I'm closer to my family and close friends. I thank the powers that be for them. I'm a volunteer for the American Cancer Society and Relay for Life now! I lost some wonderful friends along the way and I'm still in touch with some that are fighting the good fight. Chemo and early menopause have affected my memory so much that I can hardly read anymore, words fail me, my memory isn't there anymore...I don't feel like I'm myself; I have insomnia and hot flashes...BUT I'M ALIVE AND IN REMISSION. Cancer picked on the wrong b*tch!!!

  - Jenyfer

• November 15, 2011 6:11 p.m.

  I am now listed as a survivor. My cancer has been in remission for 5 years. Reading the blogs and comments here has reinvigorated me to get back into shape. I was 39 years old when cancer struck, and I kept my condition hidden from my family and work partners. No one noticed until I started missing work and our Major demanded a Doctor's note as to why I was taking so much time off that anyone found out. After that, I found I had the full support of my family, friends, and work partners that I could go through my chemo and radiation whole heartedy. I hope and pray that anyone wanting information on coping with cancer will visit this site and take inspiration from it. I know I have, as I had Colon, Upper GI, and another tumor between my stomach and lung during my treatments. I am a 20 year Police Officer, but more than that, I am a survivor.

  - Colin

• October 2, 2011 8:49 a.m.

  i have invasive lobular carcinoma and a very abusive family of origin. i have never married and live alone with two cats. the last thing on god's earth i want is a bunch of jeering fanatics in some church or other cheer leading me on as if i am in some sort of olympic contest to prove that i " can handle whatever god throws at me and what ho how are things today .. jollying along with the merry old cancer are we god really cares you know and by the way i am expecting my seventh just stopped breastfeeding the last one pregnant again you knwo ho ho is not exactly what i want to hear when my life expectancy is now forty two months .. please realise that other people don't want, have not asked for and would feel utterly revolted by your grinning mania when they are literally on their death bed. thank you

  - julie

• June 3, 2011 1:42 p.m.

  My family connections have definitely become closer. My husband is my rock. Some folks are uneasy about talking about my not so good prognosis. My husband and I can discuss it all. I will say that although I still have a spiritual connection to nature, I've pretty much dismissed the idea of an omnipotent god. I was taught that God keeps his eyes even on the sparrows. Well,, the birds around my house hit the windows and die on a regular basis. I see good people suffer and can't believe this god anymore. Some friends are now closer yet some have drifted and I understand that.

  - Cheryl

• April 7, 2011 7:32 p.m.

  2 Years ago my Husband lost his Job & our insurance. In 2010 I got Triple Negative Breast Cancer! How Brutal. I was 19 & Pregnant when I found my Bio mom dying from it. She was 46. She never shared if I had family or a Dad. Now its my turn! And I'm near her age. I'm longtime Married with Daughters & grand babies! How Hard it is to do this SO poor. And down on our luck! No money, decent car, gas or meds for needful help or relief! So Brutal! I'm alive. With no quality of life! Those 3 Brutal Chemo Caused me so many hardships and overwhelming pain! From head to toe! You Think having Bad teeth before was hard!? Worse so Now! Migraines for now 32 years! I can't trust my body. I can't trust my hands, feet, legs, knees Etc.. Horrible nueporgtyh. Prickly Hot flashes like dozens of pins & needles poke me all at once.No sleep. No decent food. And soon my Husband's unemployment will run out. We'll have Zero income! I feel like a burden and am hopeless! Is there any Life, management or healing? I'm not finding or feeling any.. Does it get any better!? I also had 35 days of radiation. Sore Ribs that stick out and Hurt! And my Chemo port that hardly worked. It Throbs there Every since. During this my Surgeon Quit! To run for State Senate. My main Dr. Quit & so did the radiologist. Pure Sadness, pain and endless problems Galore! I'm Alive but I did it for my Dear husband! I hope it can get Better! But How?Anyone do it without money & needful Meds.? I'm on Nothing!

  - Linda

• February 11, 2011 5:53 p.m.

  I've had cancer three times, starting in 1998. The first one was thymoma, the thymus gland next to the heart and lungs. It had spread, stage III and left me somewhat debilitated. After a 50% chance of survival, all the chemo and radiation, I survived and raised my children. Then 7 years later I got breast cancer. So I had a lumpectomy and went through radiation again, which was not so bad. Then I got thymoma again recurring in my lung. The first dr said that she could just buy me time with chemo, but I went to the only dr in the US who specializes in thymoma, who I had gone to 11 years earlier and he and his surgeon did chemo and surgery to remove the lung and I'm still here. They had to take part of my heart, because it had spread onto it, but it still works. I'm telling you all this because I was really affected mentally by all the chemo. After the last treatment, I sat on the couch for 8 months. I had no motivation, energy, focus, couldn't plan or complete anything. I had chemo brain, it was foggy and my memory was impaired. I went to a dr who does brain-imaging and had a full workup. The scans show that I have chemo-induced ADD. There is visible damage on the scans where ADD shows up. I never used to have it, but now I do. With that information, I now take an ADD medication which has made all the difference. I feel human again, I feel like myself. My brain works, I can get things done. I just want people to know that this happens.

  - Cynthia

• January 23, 2011 6:51 p.m.

  I am a 2 year survivor of HER2 positive invasive ductal carcinoma (breast ca.). I had neo-adjuvant chemo, 1 year of the life saving Herceptin, surgery and 6 weeks of radiation. The diagnosis was a total shock since there is nearly no cancer and no known breast cancer in my family and I was diagnosed at 36. My life is very different now. I have always found joy and been grateful for the simple things in life, but even more so now. I am a bit more selective in the company I keep. I choose to sorround myself with positive energy. My outlook has been for the most part positive but lately I struggle. My family relationships are damaged, with the exception of one brother- who is genuine in his support and love. My parents respond by not dealing with my diagnosis/treatment/survivorship struggle at all. I have openly tried to communicate with some of my family members and get no response. I acknowledge that I need some sort of support, but the hospital setting groups are not my style. The cancer society meetings tend to be mostly elderly people who want to air their laundry list of "issues" and I find that these types of meetings are not constructive for me. I have tried several venues, but really struggle with finding any sort of group for younger survivors. Journaling and just writing this blog really is therapeutic! Perhaps I can connect with someone this way. I want to be as positive, proactive, and as well versed on health and medicine issues that I can

  - Karen

• January 5, 2011 11:50 a.m.

  ALMA - WHAT an attitude.....wonderful and such an inspiration to many....YES, everyday is a blessing, to be able to get up and enjoy each and everyday, no matter what it brings...I wish you well and here are some gentle (()) hugs for you! Happy New Year for us and many on this site....sharing our stories allows each and everyone of us to "be heard" to inspire and jubulate others....as I've been told, I'm a human anti-depressant....look to the positive and keep your faith! :-)

  - Stephanie

• December 29, 2010 8:17 p.m.

  Hello Cancer Sisters And Brothers,,,I've been dealing with Multiple Myeloma for 14 yr.s. And I have to say that EVERYDAY is a Blessing for me. I was one of the youngest to have this type of Cancer. I was 33 at the time.This type of Cancer affects the elderly the most.I was Healthy,Young, full of Life. With three children a husband and my whole life ahead of me. Then one day I'm in the hospital for back pain.They did a day of testing. the next day they gave me and my family the news.!!!! You have CANCER! Its Multiple Myeloma. They also told me that I also had Pneumonia & Kidney failure.Talk about life Changing! But, I had my family to think about. I had to Fight this. I was not gonna lay there and just let it take over MY LIFE, MY BODY.Don't get me wrong..it was hard.I was scared,to say the least.I thought I was gonna Die. But,I did what the Dr.s asked. I felt like a ghinnie pig. Test after test, then they said a B.M.T would help.So I was given a high dose of Chemo daily while i was admitted in the hospital Then had a stem Cell transplant, two weeks later. In Nov.of 96 Since, I'm not saying its been easy. But I'm here. I'm ALIVE!!! and that's all worth the aches and pains for me.I need a complete hip replacement,I also walk around with 7 broken vertebraes. They recently found a tumor in my neck, treated it with radiation & gave me intravenous chemo,for 8 months.and now I'm in remission. Yes my Life has changed,But I have control of THE CANCER It DOES N"T Have ME!

  - Alma

• December 15, 2010 7:19 a.m.

  James - lay it on me??? Give me some specifics, do you have family friends, etc to talk with, do things with? What type of cancer? What outside interest do you have? Hobbies? Let's chat, you won't be depressed conversing with me on here!!! I'm here, will listen and can support you.... :-)

  - Stephanie

• December 11, 2010 2:28 p.m.

  Hi 23 month cancer free and depression is getting the most of me I feel worthless and cant seem to find ho to get past it my life is filing apart so many things have changed in my life and am confused about them not shear to deal with it

  - james

• December 9, 2010 7:38 a.m.

  Victoria - I am speechless, saddened and presently crying reading your post...my heart goes out to you and your family and friends. She has blessed us all here with her words and upbeat fighting spirit...I felt personally connected to her, perhaps because I have a 12 year old son, and just absolutely love children and people...I loved her karizma, outlook and enjoyed writing her to hear about her "view" of things at such a young age...((((((hugs))))))) to you. If there is anything I can offer please let me know. May the good lord comfort her and may her spirit continue to be spread through each and everyone she has touched so deeply.

  - Stephanie

• December 7, 2010 12:03 p.m.

  Sorry it has taken me so long, but Tori would of liked you to know that she is in a much better place, reunited with her dad at last. She passed away November 12th with all her family and close friends with her. We are all devastated but know she is happier now. Thanks for all your kind words and prayers. XoXo

  - Victoria

• December 1, 2010 2:19 p.m.

  Albert - Thank you for your words of wisdom....yes, so true and moving forward will just make the past quietly fade away, in it's own time, with everything some wounds take a little longer to heal but we're all HUMAN! Hope your Thanksgiving was enjoyable and to all on this blog we are thankful for many things. Tori and Victoria - How are you darlings doing? In my thoughts and prayers and well wishes...xoxo

  - Stephanie

• November 20, 2010 1:43 a.m.

  I CAN ONLY TELL YOU WHAT I DID.Don't look back just go forward and injoy your life.If my cancer came back,well i'll keep doing the same thing.don't look back.BE STRONG FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR FRIENDS.THEY WILL LOOK UP TO YOU WITH RESPECT.

  - Albert

• November 16, 2010 7:42 a.m.

  Dorothy - Hmm, you sound very much like me, and Tomax can can some nasty side effects...what your describing I can tell you I had same, then went on Femara, which also had bad side effects. Since my tumor was large (7x10cm) until chemo shrunk it, then I had bilat mastcmy, expanders and rads (2006), I was only on Tomax for 3 months then it was changed, what's very curious is that everytime I had a surgery I stopped the Femara for months and I found that side effects went away and when I had my periodic bloodwork everything always looked great and I felt wonderful and looked good too, beefed up my sun exposure and Vit D and it just gave me more and more energy...how long have you been on Tomax? How's your blood pressure too? Family history? I know that when "my body" found it's own niche, I just took off, running my own Landscaping business and being busy and active as well as physically fit helped me thru it all, however, that changed in 2008 and just one complication after another set me back some, but I'm back to getting this 47 year young body where it should be, I won't settle for less, positive is all good and you keep that focus...where are you located, shame we can't buddy up and be support system for each other thru this race, huh? If posting gets you thru it then so be it...more power to us!!! Weight gain is side effect, there may not be too much you can do there, but you need to speak with your Onc Dr. to see what options you have! Hugs to you!!! :-)

  - Stephanie

• November 16, 2010 7:30 a.m.

  Erin - Your welcome, what you posted is all very normal and it's just a transition you'll go thru, sorting, thinking, changing, all normal....depression can hit very hard and it could take one small event or thing to set it off, be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up and yes, believe me, I got tired of a lot as well. Even 4 years out now with all the surgeries, complications, abuse, divorce, loosing my business (my passion) and my sons, loosing friends, family and sowly isolating myslef from quite a bit, loosing a job, fighting with the state for help, denied disability, unemployment and so on...god, I could write a book, somehow I still am managing to "hold on" to reality and push thru it all, probaly because that light at the end of the tunnel is small, but I can see it and am reaching for it daily....no one tells you "all" you'll actually experience and they can't, it's as individual as your finger print and dna....you'd have to walk in my shoes exactly to really know and understand but it is therapy to be positive and take things on a daily basis, if it's not inyour control to change, then it has to run off your back like water off a duck's kazooo...smile more, laugh outloud, watch a funny movie and cry when you want to, take time for yourself and the things you enjoy regardless of "who" or "what" goes on around you...I try and do see all things comming together, and everything happens for a reason! Hope this helped and I enj

  - Stephanie