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• April 26, 2012 6:48 a.m.

  Making the decision to not accept defeat - to get up and fight - not someone else, but whatever adversity we are facing.

  - Marg

• April 18, 2012 11:17 a.m.

  D-man talks about "knowing you have another fight in you". To take on a fight, you have to believe not only that you can win, but that you can do it without giving up your soul. Most of those I've met that call themselves "resilient" are fighters, and are willing to inflict pain to win. When inflicting pain is repugnant, then "winning" is meaningless, at best. So for me, resiliency is to be able to "suffer the slings and arrows" without taking up arms. To some, this might look like giving up, but I try to pay attention to the people and situations that offer comfort, not conflict.

  - Robaire

• March 28, 2012 5:25 p.m.

  I think that the source of the survivors is a combination of all: spiritual energy, mental fortitude, creativity and perseverance, and of course to love and feel loved and to have the support of your family or loved ones.

  - Carmen

• March 28, 2012 5:06 a.m.

  Getting knocked down and feeling the need to get back up again, knowing you have another fight in you... That is how I see it. I get knocked down multiple times in a day sometimes. It can be the smallest things that come out of nowhere or a decision I was waiting for that did not go my way that floors me, who knows. Resiliency is getting up, wiping yourself off and moving on with your life. I think I'll always have one more fight in me, and at times getting up is the toughest thing I have ever done, at least it feels like it... I have always felt better after getting up, always. I am grateful I have another fight left in me today!

  - D-man

• March 7, 2012 11:04 a.m.

  Positive energy, Creativity.

  - Lauren

• February 17, 2012 6:34 p.m.

  Dr. Jack Block wrote first on this, if you're interested. But resilience can be described as a fixed trait if your intent is that of the personality psychologist. If you wish to understand actual behavior, it is better to understand resilience as an attribute that while having a fixed range (high, med,low) it is still a range within which the so-called trait can vary tremendously. And to the extent that you restrict discussion of a personality trait as something that inherently does not vary over time, you've artificially constrained discussion based on a false presupposition.

  - Catherine

• January 16, 2012 6:07 p.m.

  This is areal I have a friend,really not me.My friend comes from a horrific abusive childhood.Alcoholic father,watching sibblings physically abused,and no memories before 10 years old.A bad marriage and she relives events everyday,and talks repeatedly about these events no matter what anyone is talking about.I very much care for her and wish I could help,it is so negative and she gets upset if you ask her to stay on the positive.Any ideas,she was in couselling for 3 years,but it was not a good experience as even the counsellor would fall asleep and essentially not hear her!! Amazing!!

  - Lee

• January 16, 2012 10:47 a.m.

  I think faith in God and who God made you to be and confidence in that helps you become more resilient. being a go getter and being a 'tough cookie' with a gentle forgiving heart also helps. compassion, wisdom and knowing the facts and being a problem solver and not a victim or problem maker will help as well. gratitude for simple blessings is also a virtue as well as patience with others as well as yourself. that is it. also don't let circumstances rule you!!! take positive action on them!

  - joanie

• December 31, 2011 2:08 p.m.

  Perseverance and strength are great if you've got them, but what if you don't? I suggest brainstorming solutions without limits. If you don't want to move ever again, make a game out of trying to remain completely still as long as you can. Tomorrow, if you still feel like you don't ever want to move again, try to remain completely still even longer. It may make you itch to want to move. If you're too tired to clean the kitchen, stay in bed. But think about a genie cleaning your kitchen. Imagine in detail what that genie is doing, step-by-step. Is the genie cleaning the floor with wet socks on her feet? How funny! But, you might be able to do that. Is the genie sitting down on the kitchen floor after washing just one plate? That could be done... Also, brainstorm on how you can reward yourself after getting tasks done. Play in a puddle in a rainstorm? That's free. Try to sing and dance at the same time like a real pop star? Write 'I hate cleaning the kitchen!' until you fill a whole piece of paper? Pound your pillow as hard as you can for five minutes because you hate always having to do chores? All these rewards are pretty much free. And fairly safe. Try to be really flexible in how you do things, and you may be able to get more done, happier, than you might expect.

  - frnc

• December 31, 2011 11:20 a.m.

  Life is not a set of destinations. It is a constant ride-in and out dark and light places. Sometimes what we are here for isn't revealed until much later in our lives-later than we would like. In the meantime, practice, perfect yourself for the big game waiting for you in the end. Both my parents had horrendous childhoods-abuse, alcoholism, poverty, etc. Not until their late 50's are they now realizing their glory as amazing grandparents. It wasn't easy. They worked 50+ years at putting the horrors behind them, healing them and becoming the better people that they worked hard for. Some people can rebound each circumstance w/o event but some need time-. If you keep working at it-reading helpful books, watching helpful tv shows, taking classes to better yourself, surround yourself w/ good, positive people, do what you enjoy-even if it's just feeling the sun on your face one beautiful summer day. Eventually you will get to your light at the end of the tunnel. Karma. What you put out is what you get back. Do your best everyday. Sometimes it may only be getting out of bed but other days it may be volunteering to help others. The road till your end is long, it is a mixed bag, but open your mind to the little things that are put in your life to enjoy, appreciate them, take joy and strength them. Don't underestimate the help a good doctor and/or anti-depressant can give. If you can't find a good Dr or med, keep going to a diff. Dr. until you find the help you need

  - dlb

• December 21, 2011 11:07 a.m.

  For Kris that posted on October 19th - you already have resilience :) Look at what you have been through and here you are still on this earth living. Give yourself some credit.

  - Shelly

• December 20, 2011 2:02 a.m.

  The sincere will and desire to rise above the hurt! Personally, resilience was given when I **actually** ask for it. If anyone wants something, the first attempt is asking for it. This shows how much they really want the requested. Being in a stressful and hurtful situation is not wanted- plain and simple. Its the desire to survive the pain, that's the crucial first step to overcoming it!!!

  - NP

• December 19, 2011 9:55 a.m.

  I have witnessed that people who have a religiousness faith, practice it on a regular basis seem more able to handle stress. Those who meditate seem to cut down their stress too. Take time to enjoy family and make many friends to spend time with too. Find friends to do work activities. This can be fun too. Have work parties and have simple meals with such gatherings or get a plate of food from the local grocery store.

  - Paul

• December 5, 2011 3:13 a.m.

  We all have to deal with life struggles and being pushed beyond our limits. Pushed to our breaking point. We are knocked down over and over, some people get up, dust themselves off and move forward. Each time we get knocked down our resiliency is tested. There are some who quit and never get up again, some that lay there and wait for someone to help them get up, and those who never stop getting up and never quit. Those who stand on the side of the road looking for hand out and those who stand outside of home depot ready to work for it. What makes a person give up on themselfs, quit trying, and expect others to carry their weight? Each one of us has a choice. I've been push to my breaking point, at least thats how I felt. But I realize now that I never stopped getting up and kept moving forward until I found the way out. Even when I thought I could not take anymore, I kept getting up! Where there's a will there's a way....

  - Rene

• November 30, 2011 5:36 a.m.

  People that demonstrate a belief in there ability to succeed, have an optimistic viewpoint, and a tenacity for life 'go the distance'. I'm appreciative of people who strive for the best within themselves with a sense of humility and compassion for others.

  - Rick

• November 15, 2011 9:41 a.m.

  Resilience is aquired through practice. Listen to your thoughts. When going through a hard time take note of what activities relieved your suffering for the moment. You will want to revisit these activities next time you find yourself in need.

  - April

• October 19, 2011 1:16 a.m.

  I think that resilience is tied into self esteem. When you have self esteem you are more resilient and able to plan, set goals,and accomplish them while coping with life's up and downs. I also think that resilience allows you to be able to finish your goals that builds self esteem and helps you to not become discouraged when things get tough. People who have had poor role models like me at a young age,alcoholic codependent parents, or have had a major trauma like rape or molestation may or may not have the resiliency to cope with life's ups and downs. My mom was an alcoholic and my dad looked the other way. My brother was the good son and my other brother was the lost child. My one brother the hero, is a slave to his job and the brother who was ignored is laid back and spends times with his family and kids. I was scapegoated and raped as an adult. I finally have found a good psychologist and have forgiven the people who have hurt me. I am now left with building the self esteem I have never had. I know I need to love myself. Then I will be able to set realistic goals that I can accomplish and that will help me become more resilient. I have spent my life sabotaging myself. How do you start building the self esteem that you never had because you were scapegoated all your life by your parents, brothers and others outside your family? Self esteem is what will give me resiliency. Are there any pearls of wisdoms or suggestions?

  - Kris

• September 29, 2011 4:20 p.m.

  I am a therapist who works with individuals who suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I trained at the VA hospital with veterans. We know more about resilience now than ever before. Often, to heal from a traumatic event, we need safe coping skills, hope (often found in spirituality, empathic support, and talking about the trauma in a safe environment. Resiliency CAN be environmental, but it doesn't explain why one sibling turns out one way while another commits suicide. We do know that hope plays a large factor, as does the emotional support one received as a child. If a child grows up feeling supported in times of trouble, they usually feel hope of recovering. We have learned that Veterans who develop PTSD usually had depression at a younger age, or a traumatic incident or childhood. They have an overworked amygdala that constantly emits cortisol leaving them in a state of constant hyper-arousal. Impulsivity can trigger depression, and witnessing or experiencing trauma can be debilitating. From my personal experience of working with traumatized individuals, the one common trait that plays a part in recovery is hopefulness. However an individual learns or is taught to have hope is a curious matter, but it does factor into resiliency. We all have moments of feeling hopelessness, but often it passes if we aren't impulsive or don't have poor coping skills. But we cannot as a society teach young men/women to be warriors and expect them to be the same without help.

  - Lynn

• September 29, 2011 9:23 a.m.

  I have found that, like a young tree, resiliency is not "being strong against", it is the ability to "move with". In the book of Eccles. a very pragmatic verse states that there is a time for everything. A time to grieve, a time to dance. Grieve when it is time. Dance when it is time. Move with it. Let yourself be guided even into the deep valleys. That is resiliency. When you are weak, you are strong.

  - ~ Lisa

• September 18, 2011 12:38 p.m.

  Thom - thank you. I am you, you are me. I know I can achieve, accomplish, impress, but only for so long and then I throw in the towel. I feel as though I sort of "fake" who I am, just for the sake of the moment or where I am in my life at any one given time. Right now, I am so down and out it is literally painful. My thoughts race with unreasonable irrational, roller coaster views of every thing from the commercial I just watched about age defying make-up to wondering why I can't get off my ass and clean my kitchen. My heart pounds with anxiety, I cannot sleep at night. I tried seeing a psychiatrist, but she could only give me encouragement and "positive" words which doing even go into one ear, let alone out the other. I hate feeling like this and want nothing more than to sit in my house and do nothing. I don't know why, I can't explain it. I take antidepressants, I try to be grateful for what I have, who I am, but nothing seems to lift me out of this.

  - Chérie

• September 12, 2011 5:38 a.m.

  I usually was resilient and helped my family through a lot of tough times ( like 7 deaths in one month). I did this for over 4 decades. Then my health broke just in time to be faced with half a dozen bad things at once with no support. I found myself not able to be the resilient one any more. Even a person who often sees the silver lining in a cloud can have a serious set of circumstances that knocks them down. It isn`t so much the person themself. It`s the whole mix. Anyone who believes otherwise is just hoping for a false sense of security. God bless anyone who`s struggling. All I can say is try to hang in there.

  - Louise

• September 9, 2011 11:42 p.m.

  i think that people who are of the resilient type personality have been given more strength than the average person.ask someone who has just realized that after many years is a lesbian.and i will now find out who my real friends are after they read this!

  - Annette

• September 6, 2011 1:21 p.m.

  lol hey that was capped at like 1500 characters :0 lol... my bottom line is this... yes my passed away in 2005 having thought i was an alchaholic because i was painfully thin from the trauma i had endured of which she did not know because she had her own to deal with. i split with my husband of 8-9 years in 2007 and the road ahead of my 2 daughters and i was traumatic as daddy was suicidal and we began our journey, me at age what about 29 just over a quarter of a mil in debt... my girls were emotionally shattered and it has taken 5 painstaking years to say we did it!!! we have just about paid off all debts, my girls have blossomed into wonderful confident children... how do we do, it's not strength or courage or resilience... it's borne out of sheer necessity! we do what we must to survive... my girls and i had a 5 year plan and kept reviewing it - it was multi-layered covering aspects like finance, spirituality, self confidence, even building up wardrobes lol but we dreamed a little each day and now we are living our dream... we decided to build our castle, to reach for the stars and that our future was unwritten... and here we are today happy to share the 'secret'... "YOU HAVE THE POWER TO DREAM BIG AND LIVE YOUR DREAM" no matter what the nightmare of right now holds, just believe xxx

  - Tash

• September 6, 2011 1:11 p.m.

  my lil welcome to the real world was pretty much a welcome to 'heart break hotel'.. at the age of 24 i lost my brother in a tagic car accident. my mother was diagnosed with cancer a month to the anniversary of h-and-go is death so it was literally a case of putting your mourning on hold to 'be there' or 'live each valuable moment' with a loved one faced with a terminal illness... by that point in my 1 year marriage i realised my husband was a compulsive gambler and being a 'new mommy' i had to make a very difficult choice an leave my family and mother who needed me to save my 'marriage' and 'new family unit'. the guilt i carried was profound.. my mom was a fighter though her illness had her touch and go just about every 2nd month so the trauma of going through that 'loss' and emotion so often was difficult to say the least. back at home my now ex-husband's gambling condition worsened and he chose every major turning point in my mothers illness to throw another heart wrenching 'truth' at me like babe i know this is difficult for you but i have to tell you something... boom! there goes not only my ONLY possible pillar of support in my spouse but now also the grocery budget! How do u juggle trying to 'help someone through an addiction', 'watching your mother die from a distance knowing if it got really bad you wouldn't even be able to say goodbye' and the very immediate 'what am i going to feed my 3 year old child'... here i am today not just having survived but thrived

  - Tash

• August 15, 2011 4:35 p.m.

  Cat I hope you feel differently today than a year ago when you posted. I was in your shoes once not too long ago. Humanity can be horrible to others. They take without asking. I hope so I found something better to identify myself with besides my awful parents. Some find religion and God and that's good, but some of us find something in between the hatred and the good. Our survival is strong and won't let us give up because we hope for something out there that is better than what we've experienced. When i look at the sky and see the stars and the moon and sun i hope. The trees and flowers and flying birds and animals are so beautiful, and so i hope. Nature loved us first; it gives and gives and we receive. We don't realize it because we focus too much on "humans" and what they've done to us. But, there is something greater to identify yourself with that we can see. I am like a river of lava that makes more essential earth because I am a great mother that has given so much to my children in hopes they will develop more of themselves in their children as well. I don't know you Cat, but all of us are like the universe in many ways. You may be the shining star ever so loyal to those around you or maybe you're like a blade of grass shimmering in the sunlight adorning the landscape. You are something more than what was done to you. Think about the beauty you possess that is like the beauty you see around you. Identify yourself and reunite with your universe and live.

  - Rubi