Alzheimer's disease

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• April 9, 2011 12:09 p.m.

  To determined caregiver. I understand how you feel. My Mom, who is 85 yrs old, has this awfull disease and she treats me the same way. She is in an assisted living home, and I bring her medication, depends etc. She seems to treat me well when I am there visiting, but when I leave she complains about me, and it seems that I can't do anything right. I feel really bad because she doesn't treat my brother that way. It's only me. It's hard for me to accept that it's her sickness because we were so close before she started getting sick. I keep trying to analyze why it's just me that she treats that way. I pray that when I go to see her that I do and say the right thing so she won't get so upset with me after I leave. From reading the blogs, it appear most everyone has accepted the disease and I hope and pray that I can do the same thing.

  - Jane

• April 9, 2011 12:07 p.m.

  To determined caregiver. I understand how you feel. My Mom, who is 85 yrs old, has this awfull disease and she treats me the same way. She is in an assisted living home, and I bring her medication, depends etc. She seems to treat me well when I am there visiting, but when I leave she complains about me, and it seems that I can't do anything right. I feel really bad because she doesn't treat my brother that way. It's only me. It's hard for me to accept that it's her sickness because we were so close before she started getting sick. I keep trying to analyze why it's just me that she treats that way. I pray that when I go to see her that I do and say the right thing so she won't get so upset with me after I leave. From reading the blogs, it appear most everyone has accepted the disease and I hope and pray that I can do the same thing.

  - Jane

• January 21, 2011 5:45 p.m.

  Really moving comments here. I've been following a few caregiver sites and have found some very compassionate and...I must say, stressed out folks. Good luck to everyone. It's a tough road, but hopefully filled with many bright spots.

  - Allison

• October 29, 2010 2:01 p.m.

  Thank you so much for all the information you provide! It's really helped me- I'm researching how to become a caregiver for my elderly parents. I found this website, ShareWIK.com, which has offered a lot of helpful suggestions and information. I just wanted to pass it along to anyone who might be interested. ShareWIK stands for Share What I Know, and the site offers information from doctors and other experts as well as stories and advice from people who've had to go through the pain of 'parenting your parent.' http://www.sharewik.com/videos/1705225 (This links to a really interesting video featuring several individuals who share their experiences) http://www.sharewik.com/blogs/item/tips-for-a-smooth-transition-from-independent-to-assisted-living (This links to a blog post by a woman who shares her experiences transitioning her mother from independent to assisted living. Very insightful.) Hopefully you find these links as helpful as I did!

  - Allie

• October 24, 2010 2:14 a.m.

  If you are here because you or someone you care about, suffer from caregiver stress. Then I have something exiting to share... The fact that caregivers are the absolute #1 group of people that suffer form chronic stress. And me being a person that cares deeply about the well being of others. - I'm a therapist by trade and by heart. I felt that it's important that caregivers get access to the care THEY need, to be there not only for their loved ones - but for them selves as well. And I know of a really effective stress reduction technique. It's an audio assisted form of meditation. That literally, in minutes, start taking the edge of. And over time can restore you to your sanity and sense of balance in your life. So I have put up a sample on on my website for you to try. It only takes you 15 minutes to try out. And I truly hope it will bring back some peace to your life and give you some of your strength back. I can't guarantee that this will work for you Some of the people I have introduced it to, didn't experience any noticeable relief. But most did, and that's whats important and they love it :-) That's why I'm sharing this here with you. In the hopes that it will help out where it is most needed. At my website you can even have the sample sent to your email if your are too busy to try it out now. In honor of the job you have taken upon you and in friendship. Martin Go to my site and give yourself some much needed care. www.solidfoundation.dk/caregiver

  - Martin

• October 20, 2010 8:31 a.m.

  While we are waiting for the cure, my book,"Everything Will Be Alright: an Alzheimer's memoir" , which donates proceeds to Alz. research, continues to offer advice for living with the disease ( based on the 11 years that my husband and I shared it). Inspirational and practical advice helps people meet the challenges with love.reCxDj

  - glory

• October 12, 2010 7:38 p.m.

  My mom, at 85 has Alzheimer's and together we are learning and fighting this together, she unknowingly, me knowingly. Thank you all very much for your comments, you have shown me there are other persons out there experiencing these same things, my mom is unfortunately one of those persons who shows a nasty attitude towards me and me only, I'm the sole caretaker, being the last of nine children ,eight alive. My mom is at the stage where I bathe and dress her, feed her and take her to the bathroom, I hardly sleep at night, I sleep lightly waiting to hear when she needs to go to the potty, yes she wears pampers, but still is determined to go to the potty, so I get up with her.. We have a caretaker, someone from her church who comes in regularly to help, my mom treats her as a blessing and me as a cure, this hurts deeply, but I push this aside, I know she needs me, even when she's fighting me.do you know what she calls me.."Satan", she calls me Satan, everytime she does, it cuts deep, but I smile and continue on, I need to , she needs me.. I use every opportunity to give thanks to God for giving me the opportunity to take care of her, I give her massages, loving pats ,tell her I love you, say to her we are on this journey together until the end, I try do everything to make her life beautiful . Your posts with your personal experiences have been a great help, again I say thank you all and we are not alone,thank God..

  - determined caretaker

• October 7, 2010 3:12 p.m.

  My mother died from this disease and now my husband has been diagnosed with the same. I am drawing on our inner strength, patience, and love to see us through. What a rollar coaster, as we share our coat of many colors.

  - Nelda

• September 24, 2010 9:49 a.m.

  How does one deal with an 88 year old man, my dad, who refuses to seek medical help, does not see how his anger and hatefulness is affecting those of us who love him. I am his 64 year old daughter, only child, who took the responsibility of taking away his vehicle and now he curses at me and will no longer talk to me on the phone. My heart breaks. He and my step-mother live 12 hours away, their care is managed by my step-brother and his wife who are absolute angels. I can handle his hatred, it is the disease, but does anyone have any suggestions regarding how to convince an AD person to submit to medical help? He is so verbally abusive, I don't know if a doctor would tolerate him in their office, but we need help.

  - Carol

• September 21, 2010 8:36 p.m.

  Joyce, you lost your husband only less than a year ago - you haven't gone through a year of all the occasions that a year brings, so don't be too hard on yourself. Grief is a lifetime, but it just doesn't hurt as much a sthe years go by. Losing someone is very personal and you will feel better when you don't even expect it. I lost my sister 5 years ago and I didn't feel better for a long time until I finally started sleeping without crying and thinking too much. You just seem to go through life without feelings - just numb. I pray that your sadness lessons soon.

  - Jane

• September 14, 2010 6:47 p.m.

  I lost my husband last November 22nd an still today I have my crying spells and miss him so much. When and do you ever get over the loss and move on? It seems it is taking me so long to recover and start my life without my husband. I keep busy but still there are those times when the tears just roll.

  - Joyce

• September 14, 2010 5:20 a.m.

  my dad has ALZ, and it is my mother that I feel sorry for- she has him 24/7, I am the closest sibling, yet 1 & 1/2 hours away- she refuses to move from their 4 story old home, what to do? But, my dad is mellowing, which can be a blessing as he has always been critical and unloving-

  - kris

• September 13, 2010 10:14 p.m.

  I often read these blogs (with a few tears shed for all of you out there & me too), but I haven't written before. My situation is so much like Sheri and Caregiver Daughter...after 6 years of care and the gradual decline, I am selfish enough to not want to let my Mum go, I love her more than anything else in the world. I try to keep a sense of humour (but it is hard lately) and I consider her personality changes in this way: Mum is "Dotty Jekyll" and "Mrs Hyde" is her rather nasty alter-ego (a monster from the id...for any fans of the movie Forbidden Planet). However as long as there is any spark of her lovable wonderful real self, I will cope with Mrs Hyde as best I can, and consider myself lucky to have had & still have a mother like her!

  - Diane

• September 13, 2010 9:24 p.m.

  I agree with you Annette! We are soldiers in this terrible battle called AD. You as well as all of us have every right to feel sorry for ourselves at times. The way I look at it is no one grows up thinking this is what I want to do with my life (unless you do this for a living - they are the angels) I am a daughter not a spouse and those are different shoes that we wear. It has not been a good few days and I am so afraid of what is happening. When I should feel relief that this battle may be ending, I am afraid of losing her. How can I be so selfish! I know in my head my Mom will be better off, but my heart won't let go. Thank you again for letting me unload. Please keep my sister and me in your prayers as you will be in mine. Good Night. Here's to another day!!!

  - Sheri

• September 13, 2010 11:41 a.m.

  I generally feel sorry for myself and after reading all your comments, I still do, however it's good to know that I'm not alone in this battle and that there are others out there who feel the same as I do. Sheri I too receive no help from the children, but I consider this a small problem and choose to ignore it. (Too many other issues to consider) I try not to dwell on it, as it only makes me angry. Pam I have, like you, been married for a long time (29 years) and understand completely your feeling of loss and emptyness. This disease is so lonely. Mary, you are so lucky that you still have the kind, sweet man you married. Thank you for your empathy. Thank you all for your empathy and kind words. Each one of you fights a different battle, but in my eyes you're all angels. Let's soldier on!

  - Annette

• September 11, 2010 9:25 p.m.

  What advice do you have when your loved one cannot read, care for or bath herself, hear well, speak coherently, does not know who you are, does not know who she is, misses her parents, cries....yet as you tuck her into bed says thank you dear. The advice I would like is how to cope with the other 23 hours and 59 minutes. Thank you. This is my sixth year.

  - Caregiver daughter

• September 11, 2010 6:28 p.m.

  I'm surprised that Gail could talk so clearly and logically since her disease has progressed enough that Don has to help her get dressed. I'm dressing my husband who has had Alzheimer's for twelve years and he can hardly say a word. He still knows what he wants to say but can't get it out. However, that is why he suspected he had this terrible disease to begin with, the inability to find his words. I am his 24/7/52 caregiver and he is going into the final stage. He hallucinates often, thinking little men are behind everything who are trying to rob us. He has recently started on an antidepressant and that has helped but hasn't completely removed the problem. This has been the hardest thing yet I have had to deal with. Some days it is constant (and nights too). Our church has recently started a Men's Ministry just for my husband. One man comes one day a week and stays with him 3 to 6 hours and gives me a break. This is a wonderful relief.

  - Sue

• September 11, 2010 1:02 p.m.

  When my sister and I first became aware of our mother's condition with AD she had suffered a stroke. We talked with the Doctor who indicated that she probably would have a series of mini-strokes and than one that would/could be fatal. This could occur over the next year. The year passed and things seemed to improve but not for the better. Mother became aggressive - more medication- sun-downers and time to go home. I did not live close to my sister and could only talk with her on the phone. Seemed like nothing really wrong with mother per conversation - but as my sister told me she forgets your call and reverts to her typical pattern. I prayed many times that the Lord would just take her home and out of this world. God listens but the timing he controls. Having gone through a divorce and four and a half years later my sister tell me she can not take care of mother any longer. Six months after I remarried my new wife is confronted with a mother-in-law mental condition. In two months mother is living with us and yes life changed. In 1988 finding Alzheimer's assistance was difficult. But we at time forget someone is watching over us although we are unaware. A change of job, a wonderful hospital (Albuquerque), evaluation of mother and the Doctor says --your best bet is to take her off of every medication she is taking. Days improve. In 1994 mother left us. I thank God didn't listed to me. My wife learned to love my mother. My wife now has AD

  - Jim/

• September 10, 2010 10:34 p.m.

  Virginia Satir's poem made me think. The word cope, made me think... Thinking I don't want to ever cope again (have in the past, not lately:), thinking more...because in every moment, there is a brief feeling, thought, desire ect., then that moment is gone...the new moment is now here and on it's way out. I won't ever get that last moment back as it was & that moment was in my life for a reason. To me every second, every moment is a treasure because it is/was a second, a moment & I am living it! I, as all the caregivers here as well, as all of the AD people here have moments, all for each special reason. We are doing what we are doing, because in the "We" care! And we are "Living" each moment. Coping to me, means/represents giving up and giving in, believing nothing will ever get Any better, Nothing will be ever be good, so don't expect anything better! Ever!(Which can be un-proven in the next fleeting moment, proof good things can & do still happen, relish, delight in it,...for a moment :).. There can be & there are good moments! Cherish! Nurture! Could try to explain more, just revised Virginia's poem for me, in my head and thought it might help others in a bit more positive way. Blessings to all. "Life is the life we are living at this moment, there may not be a next. It is what it is right now. The way you live it, Is what makes the difference."

  - Ranay

• September 10, 2010 9:34 p.m.

  I was very sorry to read Annett's blog and what a hard time she is having. My husband has had alz. for 6 years, but in that time he hasn't become what she describes her husband has become. He is certainly confused etc., but is still curteous and happy to please. Maybe he's in the minority, but he's easy to look after considering his length of time into the "journey".

  - mary

• September 10, 2010 9:15 p.m.

  Um, yea lol! I am in that same type position as a caregiver. Though to probably many of you, for me to think this was funny might make you upset or angry that i took it that way? I was just so caught up in the sweetness of the whole conversation I started to tear up then when I read she called him Michael, I just lost it. I am sorry if that might upset some, but I found this to be honest and uplifting and so true!!!!!

  - Ranay

• September 10, 2010 3:07 p.m.

  ok so i am back again...i should have read the comments first but I was just so relieved that I could unload my feelings. This goes to Annette and Pam: I was there in your shoes. I had watched the Alzheimers Project and felt that while it as trying to do a service it did not present an accurate portrait of a caregiver. Where were the sleepless nights lying awake wondering if YOU could take another day. For my sister and myself, I feel that we have been to hell and back! My Mom was abused for more than half her life and that is what she's remembering at times. With medication those episodes are subsiding. It's very hard to see this happening before your eyes and not being able to help. I am praying for you both!

  - Sheri

• September 10, 2010 2:21 p.m.

  I am a caregiver along with my sister for our Mom. I happened along this blog when I was wondering am I doing everything I can. Our Mom is in-home ( she lives in my home) hospice with a wonderful staff. Half of my siblings do nothing-no calls, cards or visits. I know that the time I have with Mom is limited but sometimes I just want to scream. I don't understand this disease. I wish so much to hear my name from her lips. She stares at me like she is trying to tell me something. I tell her it's ok if she wants to go home if she is tired, but I get no response. In my head I know the normal course of this disease will take her to God, but why does my heart not want this? I feel that I have been grieving but the process is not complete. I keep hearing this disease termed the long goodbye but even that is understated. With all this being said, I can tell you that this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but this was the most precious gift I have been given. I have learned so much about my relationship with my husband, children, my sister and her family as well as myself. I also have learned more about my Mom than I ever thought possible! Thank you for letting me unload!

  - Sheri

• September 9, 2010 7:47 p.m.

  I am having trouble coping with my spouse AD. She is constantly angry, upset and denies being ill with AD. She just wishes to sit and sleep. Give me some advice please

  - Nick

• September 9, 2010 7:42 p.m.

  I am heartbroken over my spouses condition. I am caregiver and cannot afford high priced daycare. She is constant ly angry and upset.

  - No name given