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• June 19, 2012 7:09 p.m.

  what do you do if after 5 years of being cancer free all removed then it comes back bigger and worse and then into remission,you live in fear of every ache and pain that it's back then what?

  - debbie

• June 12, 2012 10:01 a.m.

  I have learn as a survivor of lung cancer. I have to research and keep up with my type of lung cancer. Most of all be around people who can be a vital support system for you.I have also learned, how cancer can be harder on family members than the patient!!

  - Dinia

• April 29, 2012 11:41 p.m.

  Thanks Sheila for your post. I am still cancer free. Yay!! But Jan 2nd I was in the ER with a herniated disc. April 4th I found out my disc herniated because I have an infected bone in my spine. Osteomyelitis. I am now on an 8 week pic line antibiotic, 3 times a day. I have been in pain since Jan 2nd, lost 30 pounds and I use a walker. Hopefully, I will be able to get back to work in June. After what I have been thru, I don't want to even think of doing dental work! I am only 56 and I will need full dentures or implants. Estimated around $5,000.00. I don't even want to know what the out of pocket cost of my 2 back surgeries will be.

  - Susan

• April 28, 2012 10:40 p.m.

  Susana (November 28, 2010) - In eight short days I’ll be 70 years old so having someone compliment me on my appearance is reaffirming and I don’t allow it to remind me of the cancer. When someone asks how I’m feeling, I always respond with: “I’m good. How are you?” That seems to deflect the conversation away from the cancer. People just don’t know what to say and if we think back to before we were diagnosed, we would have done and said exactly the same thing. It’s only now that we know better so try and cut them some slack. We’ve become ultra-sensitive, and understandably so, but most people are doing the best they can and their comments are certainly not meant as a personal affront.

  - Sheila

• April 28, 2012 10:04 p.m.

  Susan - Several months have passed since your posting so I’m hoping that your 3-month follow up was good and you decided to move forward with the dental work you needed. I was disturbed that your oncologist would actually give you a “death sentence” if your cancer returned. The more time passes, the more chance we all have for survival. We’ve heard from so many cancer survivors, sharing how they beat the odds, and we have to believe that our future can also be bright. Research is ongoing and new drugs are always becoming available. Maybe it’s time for a second opinion.

  - Sheila

• November 17, 2011 12:16 a.m.

  I think the comments about this article have been very very helpful. I have TNBC with one lymph node affected. I had a lumpectomy, 8 chemo treatments and 36 radiation treatments. I finished radiation a year ago and have been doing the 3 month check-up. My tumor markers have been around 5, I have been told that is very very low. I have also read that the tumor markers are not very reliable. As I get close to each 3 month check-up, I am sure I have cancer someplace, only to be told during my check-up that I was crazy, I am in excellent shape. I wish there were better answers and better ways to find out answers. Why do I have to wait 3 months to find out I am in excellent health? Why does my oncologist tell me that I need to think positive? I have been told, by my oncologist, that if my cancer comes back it will kill me. What is positive about that? I need to have dental work done, implants and dentures to the tune of $5,000.00. How can I spend that kind of money when I could be dead before I pay it off? Am I going to have to wait 5, 10 years before I feel it is "safe" to spend $5,000.00 on my teeth? What do I do?

  - Susan

• November 4, 2011 5:12 p.m.

  I finished my (very long) treatment in January 2011 after mastectomy/reconstruction.I think this is one of the most reassuring articles I've read on the whole"waiting game" thing.I've experienced every feeling of all the other contributors- the best way I can deal with those feelings is to focus on each individual day, make the best of that day and be glad that I'm still here to enjoy it.Yes, waiting IS terrible and people who have never had the illness find it difficult to understand our anxieties, but we're all still alive so let's not one waste precious minute on wasted worrying.

  - Valerie

• September 28, 2011 2:12 a.m.

  I had stage 4 lung cancer that had metastisized to stage 4 bone cancer and stage 4 lymphoma , this was 21/2 years ago. i wint through 3 rounds of chemo and 25 radiation treatments , then they removed two ribs and my upper lobe of my right lung as well as some lymph nodes. i went through a lot of recovery and i am back at work. i consider myself to be a very lucky man, yet still every new pain i get in my body scares me to death, which i am sure is normal.and believe my i do know how lucky i am , my oncologist said i am on of his best outcomes of his career.

  - clint

• September 22, 2011 1:18 a.m.

  Why not smoke some pot?

  - woody

• August 12, 2011 12:30 p.m.

  I was diagnosed with aggressive large B Cell non-hodgekins lymphoma in 2005, had surgery to remove masses that were blocking colon then chemo. Had recurance one year later, had surgery to remove more masses in colon followed by chemo, then tried to donate my own stem cells for a stem cell transplant, but was unable to so one of my brothers was a match. I received his stem cells in 2007, and now am bach for my 6 month check, next year if all continues well I will go to yearly check ups. The problem of worrying about if it returns all the time isn't really living, but it is our nature to have doubts and it is a protective way to cope if it does return we are slightly prepared. But for the most part I try to live as I don't have cancer now. Don't get me wrong it has changed my life forever, I look at life differently than most people my age. but I am not going to let cancer rule my life. If I let it I am not really living then I may have just as well died. God has blessed me with more time on this earth and I want to use it to the best I can. Also for the person talking about being more tearful, I don't think it ever goes away because I believe its because of what you have been through and when you hear of someone careing about you or someone hurting you can feel for them and know what they are going through. I know I watch movies and can cry where I never used to. Its all a part of living through what you did. Don't be embarrassed about it, you have feelings you didn't have bef

  - Linda

• May 24, 2011 12:02 p.m.

  i am stage 3b melanoma. I have been cancer free 3yrs, but feel like i am just waiting for reoccurance. I live my life in 4 month intervals as i see my Dr, every 4 months. Its hard to go on with life if i am constantly reminded of the threat of cancer with each Dr. visit. Don't get me wrong, i am grateful for being Ned! I feel like i am wishing time away as i anxiously wait for my next appt.

  - linda

• May 13, 2011 12:52 a.m.

  this is a great article, I was in the waiting for the next move and tomorrow I will find out if the cancer has returned or if I'm on the fence again. Loved the true feelings that came through on the article, because these are all the feelings that I have had and struggle with each and every day...thank you for sharing this with us

  - Diane

• April 20, 2011 6:59 p.m.

  Some how my page got cut off. It ended saying i feel like a bozo! I don't know how i'm suppose to feel. I hope someone can share their experiences. God Bless Linda

  - Linda

• April 20, 2011 6:55 p.m.

  I was diagnosed with limited small cell lung cancer in Dec 2010. I am fortunate as the cancer had not spread outside my lung except to 1 lymph node. I had 4 cycles of chemo and 25 radiation treatments at the same time. My cancer is considered "aggressive" so my Dr's fought back aggressively. My last ct scan which was just done this past March,2011 showed the lymph node is completely clear of any cancer and the walnut size tumor in my right lung has shrunk to smaller than a pea. I am very grateful! I am about 7 1/2 weeks out of my treatments. I too have the "now what fear". I am now in the process of having a MRI done on my brain (to make sure the cancer did not travel there) and also a PET scan. I read here where many stated their lives will never be the same and i totally agree. I want my old life back, i want the old Linda back, but i know that will never happen. I have good days and then i have days where i just feel like crap. A bundle of nerves. I do have symptoms of "chemo brain" and i hate it. I cry at the drop of a dime! Somedays i can hold pretty good conversations and say the right words, as to where i have days i am just a complete bozo. I am not sure how long these episodes will last and if they'll ever completely go away. I have read where some people say after 6 months to a year. My response to that is "are you serious"? I am not sure if what i feel is normal. How do we know at this point what is normal? Sometimes i feel l

  - Linda

• March 21, 2011 9:16 a.m.

  Im just getting done with radiation for prostate cancer ( my Gleason score was upper 6)and am still experiencing the after effects. Like everyone else has said, its the waiting phase, not knowing if your cancer free. How long should I wait to have my PSA checked? I dont have an appointment for three months, is there a way to find out sooner?

  - greg

• March 10, 2011 7:11 p.m.

  I was diagnosed with breast cancer right before Christmas. I have been biopsied and had surgery. I am have been waiting 3 weeks to get the results back from one more test which will determine the path of my treatment. Waiting is hell. In my heart I know the test is necessary, but it is so hard to wait it out. I find the things that help are keeping extremely busy and being with family. Sometimes I even forget about the cancer.

  - kathy

• March 4, 2011 7:44 p.m.

  I have Follicular cancer. My first set of two chemos gave me 2 1/2 years before a lymph node reswelled and I had two more chemos. I am 1 1/2 years since my second set and "wonder" if this type of cancer will continue this way or will it change in the future to a more active type. Anyone familiar with this??

  - Richard

• March 4, 2011 12:01 p.m.

  Thank you. I thought I was the only one in worse shape as a survivor than I had been when I was unaware of the cancer. The overwhelming fatigue still puts me in bed against my wishes a lot of days - and I am nearly 8 years out from the end of my treatments. I feel guilty because I cannot do "my share" of anything. I wish I could be sure that one day I would not feel so horribly tired.

  - Rebecca

• February 12, 2011 1:30 a.m.

  I need someone to help me finding some answers. I had rectal cancer. After coloanastomosis and j-pouch, my life is a nightmare most of the time. bathroom visits 10 to 13 times a day is insane. How could i improve my condition? Imodium does not work anymore. Diet does not either. What can i do. Please if someone has some advise let me know. Thanks

  - keila

• January 22, 2011 2:09 p.m.

  I certainly respond to Annette's email. I had Stage II melanoma 32 months ago, excision and a sentinel lymph node biopsy that was clear, and was told my prognosis was good. My entire family assumed my cancer was over. 27 months later I had a recurrence in the lymph node right by the prior site, requiring more surgery and the removal of 17 lymph nodes. Again I am told I have "no active disease." I don't know of anyone who hasn't experienced cancer can understand the anxiety and fear surrounding the "what if's." My husband thinks I am just being pessimistic in being worried, and being unable to share this with him is very isolating. Thank you for this site and the ability to vent!

  - Joyce

• January 18, 2011 4:34 p.m.

  My medical oncologist says my prostate cancer will come back a third time. She says exercise will not prevent that but will help me through the next treatment. Any suggestions on a best exercise program?

  - Gene

• December 25, 2010 11:07 p.m.

  Here it is Christmas Day and I am in Hawaii. After my last set of treatments, I decided to leave the northeast of the USA and go to a warm and beautiful place in Maui, Hawaii. It is very calming and healing here. Not having any children, spouse or parents I made a big decision. I have duplicated the type of doctor here that I need. This will be a six month stay and then return to New York where I will have the doctors there review my tests etc. that were done in Hawaii. I feel very different since being diagnosed with Cancer and am trying to live a better life that has a good eating program, exercise and mental build up. Sure I am depressed some days but I do meditation and prayer to help me through these time. I hope you all will try to do the same.

  - Diana

• December 16, 2010 11:45 a.m.

  This post is for MLee. It is so hard at the beginning to wait for results... wait for tests...wait for the plan. However, until your cancer team fully understands your diagnosis, it is normal to be in this place of waiting. Understanding your individual situation will help your team recommend the best treatment plan for you. You may need to have a biopsy also prior to fully understand the type of breast cancer you have. Keep having faith, ask questions and be direct with your fears as you talk with your doctor. This will help you understand your treatment pathway. It might be helpful to also talk with someone else who has been through a similar experience. Ask your doctor or nurse if they have a mentor program or support group available in your area. I wish you the best outcome possible!

  - Sheryl

• December 7, 2010 6:28 p.m.

  I am days away from my first colonoscopy after having gone through chemo, radiation, an ostomy bag - the whole nine yards. I think back to when I got my diagnosis 15 months ago, thinking I would never make it. After sleeping through the holidays last year because of treatment, having issues with "the bag" to having my skin peel from radiation, I am now walking four miles a day, doing exercise videos, and getting my strength back. To all of you who have gone through it like me (colon cancer at 42) or worse, it does get better. I do it in a meager attempt to get the old "me" back, although the experience has made it impossible. But now having gone through it all, my biggest challenge is to NOT live the life I did before. It's to live a better and more meaningful one. In body, I will never be the old "me," but it's trying to create somehing new that is the challenge. I want to live life better this time around - more meaningful, more experiences. The problem is trying to do it with the same set of circumstances (job, etc.) as existed before cancer happened. I'm also worried everything I am putting in my mouth is going to cause it all again...

  - Cha

• December 5, 2010 6:16 p.m.

  I am a month out from finishing treatment for stage IIB, grade 3/ triple negative breast cancer. I have battled more depression and anxiety since the treatment than any I experienced during. I think of it like the marathon runner who finally crosses the finished line. Many times they collapse on the ground once they finish. During treatment you are battling for your life. The shock of the diagnosis can be surreal and you have to be strong during the battle. When its over, you have more time to think about it and the side effects of treatment are magnified when you are supposed to be "done battling". Everyday I feel good at some point, but everyday I feel bad too. It is a small window of good. My faith has always been strong and I know there is a reason for everything. The fear that this disease will return is very strong and overwhelming. Knowing that I am 43 and have so much life to live makes me want to live life to the fullest everyday. However, how do you do that when your body is your prisoner? I pray for strength and I want so much to not be physically limited. My job is physically demanding and I have been self employed for 13 years. I don't know how I could ever support myself or my children again from where I stand now. I pray that time will heal my body, my mind, my heart, and my soul. God bless everyone!

  - Penny