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• April 15, 2013 12:25 a.m.

  My beloved husband Dwayne was diagnosed with non-small cell carcinoma (lung cancer)which we were told was very aggressive in May 2012, this was the primary cancer and then it was established he also had secondary bone cancer which was in his ribs, spine, thighs, & pelvis and it had also spread to his liver and his lymph nodes. He was Stage 4!! This was terminal! Emotions??? Will how do you feel when you have drawn the short straw?? Noone wants to be told "this is it" so I will go along with of course you will beat it as to me hope was all he had & I was not going that away from him but inside Disbelief,Anger Sadness...then after the initial diagnoses the journey began of getting his medication to the right levels along with the 4 rounds of Chemotherapy(palliative only)for his organs and lymph nodes and then 5 days of radiation(also only palliative)for the bones.He responded so well to the Chemo that his tumor in his lung shrunk by 90% & his lymph nodes & liver by 50% but then he became breathless.After a course of antibiotics he was still really unwell we were told he had pneumonia so after 6 days in hospital he was allowed home but his energy levels had lowered so a wheelchair came with us. Then 2 days later after a restless night & him saying he had the worst night ever he just collasped & died. 51 years young.It was October 31 2012. We were told the chemotherapy was going to give him a few extra months,We got 6 mths.RIP my hun. The tears a

  - Gail

• March 16, 2013 11:42 a.m.

  My husband, Timothy, died of prostate cancer on August 6, 2012. He was mis-diagnosed for many months - the urologist thought it was an infection. There were many hardships in those months. The oncologist was very hopeful for his case, even though he was stage 4 when diagnosed, but then it turned very aggressive. We miss him dearly. He was saintly, joyful, loving peaceful man. We had 3 children - the youngest is in college. I am grateful that we had that time, at least. Even so - I feel terribly lonely at the thought of the years ahead of me. He was only 61, and I was 57 when he died. It seems terribly "unfair", when I compare it to the way I would have wanted our lives to go...But with the way it unfolded, I have had to accept that sometimes it is simply a person's destined "time" and nothing will change that. There have been sacred dreams expressing his love and reassurance to me directly, and through my children and friends... Even so, my heart feels broken and i miss him so very much. I am relieved that his suffering is over now, and he has found peace... It just does not change the fact that i miss him so much. I do try to find some joys in life... We have been blessed in so many ways - but I was having a rough time of it recently... Well-the one thing is that last week i went on a very strict diet, and I think it made the grieving almost more than i can bear... So please take good care of yourself if you are now grieving. God bless you all...

  - Mary

• March 12, 2013 12:03 p.m.

  I am awaiting a diagnosis of posible myeloma. I am a 53 yr old woman that was dx. with fibromyalgia 10 yrs ago. I have been disabled since August 2008. I have been told that my symptoms were some of the worst ever seen although I am active, take deep massage and never consider my pain level to be a 10. In other words, I'm a fighter. No whining! But now as I await further testing and results I find myself grieving. Frozen. I'm afraid to get excited about my first CBC which was normal. Other blood test are not back yet. I got onto this dx. via kidney/bladder study in which I have had 14 months of off and on infections. In my CT scan they found bone marrow to be sugestive of myeloma. I know this is fatal and harsh treatment just by un-promised time. Can one have MM with a normal CBC. Trying so hard not to be so encouraged that I fall harder later. What a roller coster ride. Any input would be appreciated. Thank You and God Bless.

  - Barb

• February 28, 2013 12:18 a.m.

  @Mary -- Please accept my condolences for your loss. I know you heart is breaking at the moment and I am sure you miss your husband terribly. But I want to believe that you will find the strength each morning to rise up and have your life. I lost my best friend nearly thirty years ago and I still miss him and have dreams about him. But I try to move forward. Please believe that I am lighting a candle in my heart for your and your family

  - Kevin

• February 8, 2013 9:07 a.m.

  My husband went to the Dr. last Oct. The Dr. took and Xray. He was diagnosed with an inflammation on his rt. lung. A week later because of the pain, we went right to emergency. My husband was diagnosed those two days with small cell lung cancer. Bone Cancer and it had spread to his spine. My husband thru ten radiation treatments and died two days after the chemo was suppose to start. The Dr. told me the chemo could cause my husband to have a tortuous death. Immediately I put Bob into comfort care. He died Jan 31, 2013. Just over a month from the first diagnoses. We had our first Dr. for 20 years. Of course we never went back to him. My husband died in my arms. I am in shock and sorrow.

  - Mary

• February 5, 2013 7:41 p.m.

  Thank you, Maria....I am very glad if any of my postings were beneficial to anyone, especially if they brought any comfort/hope. I would like everyone to know, that while everyone's situation is, of course, different...that we are all united in our feelings of grief, loss, fear, etc. You can decide to give in to the despair and pain...and live what is left of your life in a state of perpetual grieving. Or you can choose to LIVE that life....with some sense of hope and expectation of happiness once again. Yes, this is very hard, for some....it certainly was, for me. But, I have found a sense of peace with his death, acceptance, if you will. I find happiness in life once again...and so can all of you...use whatever resources you have within yourself to consciously strive to be happy, take joy in even small things. You will always miss the one you have lost...but the wrenching ache of it does ease if you do NOT dwell on the pain. The lost ones would wish us to be happy again, correct? It is rather a disservice to them for us to NOT appreciate the life we continue to have, that was denied them...LIVE your life to honor them. Blessings to all of you, and wishes for happier days ahead!

  - Kathleen

• January 28, 2013 6:15 a.m.

  my dad is terminelly ill only when im there he moans very loud he cant talk what dose this mean

  - debbie

• January 22, 2013 6:14 p.m.

  Anything positive ever happen?

  - Evie

• January 2, 2013 10:44 p.m.

  My Bro Scott found out he had stage 4 glioblastoma in 05/2010 he lived 17 months to 10/2011. Before this diagnosis he was a easygoing/funny guy. After a couple brain surgeries his demeanor completely changed. He became fearful and suffered panic attacks. He did not want to die. However in the 8th month of his 45fth year he succumbed to his disease. I miss him and wish I had spent more time talking and visiting with him in previous years. All I can say is try to live your life to the fullest, because you never know.

  - Steve

• November 30, 2012 9:49 a.m.

  My mom was diagnosed with the Lung Cancer more than a yr ago. The cancer has already metastasized to her brain, bones, and kidneys. When my sisters, my brother, and me heard this from the Dr. it felt like everything just stopped. She is still battling this condition at this time. She went through a week of radiation therapy, and almost 3 months of chemo. Watching her go through it was the worst. Me and my sisters are all nurses, but now, everyday we encounter a cancer patient we always tell them that before we never understood what cancer is...we've read it in our text books, but we were all clueless on what the patient really goes through. Seeing my mom battle this disease everyday is very humbling. I know me and my siblings are all in denial stage, we know what is coming, but we refuse to even talk or think about it. We just live life everyday like it's the last day. We thank God everyday for each day that we get to spend with our mom. We are unusure on what the future will bring us, but there's one thig we are sure about. Prayers and faith had made us go through this change in our life.

  - Lei

• October 21, 2012 12:11 a.m.

  My husband just passed away from Metastatic melanoma brain cancer. He was diagnosed last November. We knew that the prognosis was very poor, no cure. He also had widespread cancer. Sometimes I would wake up weeping from my dreams. I took care of him for 10 months. I quit my job and devoted all my time to him as I knew that time was precious. I am so sad that he has passed even though I knew it was coming. It is something that you can't totally prepare for. I will say that I always felt that I should be positive with him regarding treatment and fighting the disease. He never wanted me to give up hope for him so I didn't. It made it easier for him. I always told him there are miracles everyday and that's what we were going to work towards. I pretty much just figured out what he needed mentally to deal with this and so I said what I thought he wanted to hear. Once they are gone, that's it, so it is important to say all that you want to say and then some. I felt that I continually wanted to tell him that I loved him and I did that.

  - Sue

• October 19, 2012 6:37 a.m.

  Medical treatment is hlhgiy standardized across the world. The exact same procedures, medications, and treatment offerings are available in Tokyo, Shanghai, London, New York, and every other major city. There is no difference.

  - Resanovich

• September 25, 2012 2:07 p.m.

  My mother was diagnosed with uterine cancer and had a histerectimy. The doctor stated that there were not visible signs of cancer but recommed chemo to fight the cancer that was in her blood stream. The doctor also stated he wanted to start the chemo early before it showed up anywhere else. My mother started her chemo in August and with chemo the cancer has spread; the doctor says that he her bone marrow could not take anymore chemo and the cancer was spreading to fast so they stopped it and sent her hmoe to die. I would like to know if there are any others out there who has had this type of cancer? I am just dumb struck, one minute she is okay with no signs of cancer and the next she is dieing. Could someone please tell me something? -cynt

  - Cynthia

• September 6, 2012 8:05 p.m.

  My husband is currently getting chemotherapy for prostate cancer. He has had surgery, a recurrance, radiation,a recurrance, hormonal therapy, a recurrance, clinical trial, didn't work, and now chemotherapy. We have been through a lot. It is so important to be able to discuss our feelings together. Cry, laugh, cry, and then live life as best we can. There is a determination on both of our parts to make every day count as much as possible. My suggestion is for those in our situation who face what looks like insurmountable odds to reach out to friends and family. If you reach out to them, they in turn will be a support to you. It is awkward for most people to know what to do but once you make the first step it is a relief to them and they will become comfortable and most likely want to be with you. The important thing is not to feel alone. If you have a Faith that can be hugely helpful but even if you don't it is a comfort to know that we are all on this planet for a finite amount of time and our last days, weeks, or years, need not be spent in solitude, dispair, or complete sadness. Whoever mentioned the fear of seeing oneself in the mirror when they look at a person struggling with cancer is right. But maybe if they see that life goes on until it ends and that life can be good until it ends it won't be so threatening. I hope I made some sense.

  - Gretchen

• August 30, 2012 3:10 p.m.

  I had to leave everything behind, and walk the streets alone so utterly alone it has been agonizing in ways I have never known. I also want to say to watch and care for two loves of my life was also agonizing, and yet there were gifts along the way for I saw the will to hang on and fight together until the end. I also found out along the path what it means to be a "man" a human being, a lover of my love's, and no one can ever take that from me. Regina was diagnosed with uterine cancer, and went through chemo, and radiation. The radiation destroyed her intestines to the point they had to remove 18in of it so she could have a bowl movement of some type. Then they had to place tubes in her kidneys because the cancer spread there so they could drain the poisons out of her system. Two weeks later she died at home in my arms. Jennifer was diagnosed with Hepatitis C and Cirrhosis of the liver. She also had C.O.P.D., diabetes, Asama, angina, along with all the complications of those combinations which at times was overwhelming for us both. I have to say both women kept their faith right up to the end, and I am glad for that for they had a peace about them.

  - yendor pt.2

• August 30, 2012 2:37 p.m.

  I'm not sure where to start. I'll try not to miss spell anything..lol. I have buried two wives in the last nine years, and find myself in terrible agonizing physical and emotional pain over both. The last one died on March 6th 2012, and the first one died on August 17th 2003. Just having gone through her 9th year sense she died, and the feelings are sometimes just as fresh and when it happened yet I thought the first wife...Regina, and the feelings of loss, dis-pare, loneliness...were going to kill me physically obviously they didn't. Now after burring my second wife...Jennifer her children decided to throw me out of the house making me homeless which has only compounded my pain, loneliness, dis pare, resentment-anger. I love there mother more than life it's self gave up everything for her last two years so they all could be together for some old amends to take place. They promised there mother on her death bed they wouldn't throw me to the streets yet in the end they did, and some how they have to live with that. I would understand if I were doing drugs or was uncontrolled emotionally or abusive in some way yet I wasn't, and asked on numerous occasions if they were going to give me some time to recover before I left they said yes of course we love you. Yet just 3 short months later they came to me and said; you have two days to pack your stuff and leave. So I had to leave all my wife's things behind taking only our wedding bands which I wear together on the same ring finger.

  - yendor

• July 16, 2012 8:09 a.m.

  we found out 3 weeks ago that my father had pancreatic cancer...they opened him for the whipple procedure this past friday and found more cancer on his liver that is incurable...my father will only be 55yrs old on the 30th of this month...i am his only child...granted im 33yrs old...but this is all very quick and very hard to process...he is being quiet...withdrawn...doesn't want to talk about it...yet seems to be in good spirits and his old self from time to time...they are giving him 6mths...maybe a yr with the option of chemo at this point...i cant get over the fact that i am losing my father and have no idea where or how to start accepting this within myself

  - angel

• July 5, 2012 12:04 p.m.

  I have posted before and mentioned the waiting for recurrence is so hard! Well, my wait may be over had a biopsy but the test came back inconclusive! How can that be? it is a cancer cell or it isn't.I had three different areas (lymphnodes) light up how can it not be a recurrence? Has anyone else had this experience? Waiting 2 months for another biopsy seems so long it was a VERY FAST GROWING CANCER teh first time. I am so scared. and I feel so alone I am crabby and frozen I can't move forward on even the most basic things.

  - erin

• May 6, 2012 3:17 p.m.

  My wonderful momma passed this last wed may 2, 2012. She was 81, but very funny and made everyone smile around her. She was diagnosed with gallbladder cancer on apr 16 with extended to pancreas, liver and nodes. On wed may 1 her biggest fear happened, she had a big stroke. She knew it. She was paralyzed, couldn't speak but looked at me in desperation for hours. I can't seem to get that fear in her face out of my memory. I'm so so sad. Can't stop crying. Someone must have some advise cuz I'm falling apart. Never before lost a loved one. I just wanna be alone. Help.

  - Linda

• April 26, 2012 11:13 a.m.

  @ Erin, I so understand! Last spring upon diagnoses of a blood clot in my liver and tumors in several organs Carcinoid cancer, my world stopped, but no one elses did. I was shocked at the lack of response and concern from from my family coworkers and friends. Everyone was too uncomfortable talking about it. But I needed to. When I tried to talk to my spouse I just got the you're going to be fine response. This was harder for me than hearing I was ill and made me feel more alone. I learned a great lesson through this. You are holding up a cancer mirror to their faces and its too difficult for them to look to see if it might be their own face staring back in that cancer mirror. Mayo has a great program and book taught by Dr. Amit Sood, "Train Your Brain Engage Your Heart Transform Your Life". It is a course in Interpretation Therapy. It helped me a great deal.You can download the book and workbook from Amazon. My doctors at Mayo sent me to talk with his wife who is also on staff there and it just clicked for me. I understood then and it helped me to understand myself and my family better. Good luck to you and know that we all understand.

  - Darlene

• April 17, 2012 1:43 p.m.

  i have cancer en cuirasse, very rare, it's a stage further on from breast cancer. it's subcutaneous growth that tightens up the skin of your chest and surfaces as pink lumps as it grows. does anyone out there know more than that? i've had it already for about 4 yrs.

  - annie

• April 13, 2012 11:43 p.m.

  This is for Karen It took me surving a year before I bought my first thing for NEXT Christmas. When first diagnosed I prayed and bartered for just one more of everything. and prayers or not Karen please just think about today and then tomorrow and then maybe next week and then who knows. It is hard there have been times where the waiting is so difficult I have thought of the short cut but then I think of that grandson I lived to se born and again I start with dealing with one day

  - erin

• April 13, 2012 11:30 p.m.

  I am terminal Thymic Carcinoma am just waiting for the recurrence.It usually comes between 1-2- years I am 2 1/2/ yrs out. all my friends say that is great! and it is, it is just for me it seems that must mean I am just that much closer to the recurrence. When first diagnosed I went thru a bit of shock but not much else..it is the waiting I find depressing anad I become edgy especially as it grows closer to my 3 month check up. My biggest problem is I have no one to talk to about my feelings and fears. I have a husband and two children they dont want to sit around and discuss it ..ever!! So I go on with my life acting as though nohting has happened, nohting is wrong with me. I look pretty good (except the oxygen hose hanging from my face) so even all my friends can forget about me without feeling guilty because I look so good!! That can make me angry. I would just like to talk and have some one look me in the eye as I discuss my fears and needs. I do not want sympathy or expect them to be a problem solver just listen and look and me as a friend not something to be afraid of. What I hear from many is it scares them, makes them sad,makes them worry. I deal with those feelings everyday !!!!1 Can't they for just an afternoon? O.K. my rambling is done Thanks for listening lol

  - erin

• April 13, 2012 8:55 a.m.

  my cousin has terminal cancer-I would love to know comforting words, thoughts, actions to let her know how much I love her. Can anyone offer suggestions? Thanks so much!

  - Lil

• April 7, 2012 2:56 a.m.

  how would a nurse care for a patient during the grieving

  - Agyei