Alzheimer's disease

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• March 5, 2011 7:26 p.m.

  My friends husband has not been able to carry on a conversation for weeks- to months now. last night we started singing at the table after dinner and we had about a 30minute to 45 minute conversation with him through song, it was simply amazing, he picked up a tune and sang the conversation and would point to one of us and we would sing and point back to him. My friend and I were in tears after as it was the first time in so long to have communication!

  - emily

• February 3, 2011 10:48 a.m.

  My mother-in-law has had Dementia for about 5-6 years. Mom's doctor suggested to put her on Aricept and Namenda three years ago. It has helped quite a bit. My husband and I have cared for his mom almost 4 years and 3 years in her home until recently, when we moved her into our home. I have been her chief caregiver and have learned what to say and what not to say and what not to do for her. I find that if she can do something, I let her do it. But if she needs help with operating the dishwasher, washing machine and dryer or fixing meals or making coffee, that's where my husband and I step in to help her. She doesn't like to be treated like a baby. She is very comfortable in our bedroom which is on the first level. She can retreat to her bedroom if I am busy or if she needs some quiet time to nap or get on her treadmill. I made the mistake of taking her for shoes one day and she insisted that she had enough shoes. I also went into her closet and took dirty clothes out to wash and she was very upset with me, so I learned not to do that. She wants to do her own sorting. However, I know that she can't see well and has her own system to keeping track of dirty clothes, so I have to let her alone. My husband and I have never taken any classes to care for a Dementia patient, but we really should. It is not an easy task. But we love her so much and convey that to her often and she knows if we have a confrontation that we still love her no matter what.

  - Mary

• February 1, 2011 8:41 p.m.

  My husband and I took my Dad in late October. He had been diagnosed with beginnings of senile dementia. We watch him daily go down hill. We have a new adventure around every curve. We have weepy days, we have days that his sense of humor is back - if only fleetingly. We take him to the senior center every morning, picking him up at noon. As others have said it is sad to watch a loved one slip away so quickly. We can only do our best at making him feel loved, wanted in our home. To make his last days the best that they can possibly be for him.

  - Judy

• February 1, 2011 12:56 p.m.

  This blog really helps me. Thank you. I don't know many answers. My family follows my lead and just lets go and lets John do as he pleases. He will put on clean clothes. I just try and enjoy each day as much as possible and do what I can.

  - Jean

• January 31, 2011 2:44 p.m.

  My husband was finally diag. with dementia this past summer. Not before the doctor put him on antidepresents. This caused him to go almost crazy, landed him in a ward at mental hospital. He refused to take the mind altering drugs he was sent home with and at first I was upset with him for not taking them, but he actually stopped his behavior that made me afraid of my own husband. He is now on Aricept alone and I can't see where it works or not, I don't know what to expect at all. We made a promise along time ago that we would not let each other go into the nursing home. He gets around as yet, hates to take baths, hair cuts, I shave him. It hurts so much to see the man I love going away from me a little every day. I am not sure if I even know this man that I am living with . I have no help that I can trust, and it is really hard. Haven't been out of town for four months, and bairly out of the house. Everyday is a new day, alot of days he won't even get out of bed, the next he gets up dresses himself. He sits in a chair with his eyes shut most of the day, doesn't want me to make any noise. I really hope I can keep my promise to him. I told I need for him to get up and walk because when his legs give out I will have no choice. It is almost something I cannot cope with, last year we were on vacation and now he doesn't want to leave the house. He has lost 65 lbs since last summer and the doctors aren't concerned. Seems to think it is from the dementia.

  - Donna

• January 31, 2011 9:34 a.m.

  I am a 91 year old with a son who is 62 with dementia affecting his short term memory, language etc. He wants to stay with me but physically I am not strong enough to cope with caring for him full time. The only info I hear is care by children for their elderly parents--this is the reverse. How do I cope? He needs my full attention--what things can we do together?

  - mother

• January 30, 2011 11:05 p.m.

  I am greatful to everyone who shares their stories especially the one of the man who showers with his wife I think that is totally awesome and so touching I have been doing a lot of crying broken and happy to have my mom she is a little stubborn and still don't like to see my son running around but I am getting better at leaving her with my adult kids I have attended some support groups and am going to talk to a young man studying at USC.God is using him to help me.I want to take my mom to Texas to see her sisters and my sister soon she will be unable to travel like that It makes me mad that family don't care but I figure we all have to give our own account to the Lord.I am so blessed to have my honey and my kids to help me with my mom she either wants to fight with me or wants me to lay down with her she is so funny.She loves Spanish music one thing is for sure pens and Napkins beware when this lady is around oh and kids toys my husband says she is like whodeney I know the spelling on that is wrong but I am sure you get the point all I can say is enjoy them when they have a good day.And I hope and pray all of you out there get all your blessing for your tremendous heart.God Loves a Cheerful giver.Goodnight.

  - Sylvia

• January 30, 2011 3:09 p.m.

  my doctor instructed me to do what ever works !!! I am using butter laced with marajuana on the bottom of his cookies. so far, it helps calm him down. medications seem to have an adverse affect.

  - barb

• January 29, 2011 9:32 a.m.

  Some have trouble getting their loved one to shower,etc. If husband and wife, this may work. It did for us. I suggested we shower together! After 60 years of marriage and 80+ years, there are no secrets. We especially enjoyed washing each others backs.

  - paul

• January 29, 2011 8:24 a.m.

  I too like Marty retreat to the bathroom when I feel overwhelmed with the AD situation. I take a nice hot shower and try to compose myself to cope with my emotions. The addition ofbe chocolate is a wounderful idea. This addition would truly be a spa experience, GREAT IDEA.

  - Carole

• January 29, 2011 6:24 a.m.

  My husband's doctor told me yesterday that after a 3-week stay in a Long Term Acute Care hospital that he would return to his nursing home with hospice care. I knew this is what the future would bring after some terrible times, but it was still a blow. He stills knows me most of the time, eats well, but sleeps most of the day and night. He was been a nursing home resident for six months and his health has deteriorated rather quickly. Ended up in the hospital with a drug-resistant kidney infection. I have had hardly any help from family members, but God provides. I have been going to a support group for caregivers and have learned a lot about coping with this disease. Now I have to move on to a new phase of our lives. The doctor says it is only a matter of time before he has another "incident" that will probably end his life. I am grateful for the years we have had together and have prayed for grace to handle this final phase. Betty B4b8KN

  - Betty

• January 28, 2011 5:43 p.m.

  Hi Nancy, that was such an encouraging post regarding that Alzheimer's website and ibrbc.net. My mother recently was diagnosed with Alzheimer-like illness. She isn't currently taking anything. I am desiring to try natural remedies instead of Namenda or Aricept. I have been praying for God's direction. We are currently looking for a caregiver that can read the Bible to her, talk, go on walks, cook, etc. She needs companionship and encouragment. Watching t.v. isn't the best for people who suffer with neurological illness. They need stimulation with crossword puzzles, reading, thinking/cognitive games. I thank you again for sharing your husband's situation. We can only rely on our dear Lord for strength, patience, and grace.

  - Sandy

• January 28, 2011 4:01 p.m.

  I am the caregiver for my Mom, she is in the middle stages of AD. I have a inside dog that I've had for a long time. She hates him and is tryin to kill him.Any suggestions as to what I can do??

  - Sue

• January 28, 2011 1:11 p.m.

  We moved my partner to a nursing home 5 months ago. He hates it. Each time I visit I take him out to shop or eat. He is always upset when we return to the nursing home.I cared for him in my home for three years. 24/7 was too much since I was only caregiver. His family unwilling to help. My heart is broken, I appreciate reading from others, knowing I'm not alone in this journey

  - Maria

• January 28, 2011 9:32 a.m.

  My mom has dementia and has been in a nursing home for two years. My siblings and I feel blessed that she adjusted very well and most of the time she gives me the sense that she feels safe. On a rare occasion when she tries to resist something I suggest I will ask her permission to do whatever the action might be ( comb her hair or change her clothes) or I ask if she could help me with a task. Both of these techniques have worked well for me because it goes back to mom wanting to participate and be helpful . When she is at my home for lunch I deliberately leave small task she can handle and requires some thought(clothes folding and dish washing , even wrapping coin) and I can see how our visit gives mom a sense of accomplishment. It is a wonderful feeling for the both of us. When mom first moved to the nursing home my interaction with mom changed because I didn't know how to adjust. At some point I realized she is still my mom and didn't change she just can't always remember. She still wants to share her thoughts and is precious doing so. I believe because I lightened up our visits are more enjoyable. Blessings to all care givers.

  - Elaine

• January 28, 2011 5:46 a.m.

  I brought my dear Mother from Oklahoma to NYC in 2001 when it was clear to me she couldn't live alone. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's that September. Bad month, no? I kept her here with me until her death last month. We had a few hospital stays but her decline was slow until the final months. She knew who I was and her name until the last day. I am grateful I was holding her when she passed.

  - Karen Lee

• January 27, 2011 10:05 p.m.

  Andrea, Try putting her regular underwear on top of the depends.....that's what I do for my hubby. Ann, try buying Gorton's beer batter fish fillets in the frozen section....very much like the fish you get when eating out at a fish & chips place & easy in the oven on a cookie sheet.

  - Nancy

• January 27, 2011 9:52 p.m.

  This newsletter has been such a blessing to me! I retired as a nurse 2 yrs ago to care for my husband with Alzheimers. He is 63 & has had it for 6 yrs. We found some soothing nature videos set to Christian music at www.Alzheimersvideo.com. We also use ibrbc.net for 24/7 beautiful Christian music. He is most calm with music on instead of tv. I keep M&M's & mountain dew on hand; his favorites. I take a couple of hours before he is up to pray & read my Bible. We shower together & got a hand-held shower. He enjoys rides in the car. I stay in touch with friends on facebook & retreat to the garage if I need to cry or get away for a phone call. One day at a time, God's Grace is sufficient. The new higher dose of Aricept 23mg has made a difference in his level of functioning.Hope this helps someone!

  - Nancy

• January 27, 2011 8:53 p.m.

  My husband and i have been caring for his mother for over two years in our home. My mother-in-law has spells where she shakes, her eyes roll, and she gets really white, almost grey color. She can't dress herself, or shower. She doesn't know how to get ready for bed. I had to start putting pullups on her because she was wetting herself. She is still eating pretty good, but doesn't drink much liquid. My husband has three brothers that are still living, but only one will take her. And he lives in Tenn. My husband had bladder cancer surgery last August so his brother took his mom to Tenn for two months. I don't like to have her change her living place because i think it confuses her. She never talks, can't get words out, trys to say something and just can't get it out. I have always said if a grand kid came by to visit her once a month they would only have to do it once a year. But they never come by at all. We can't get out of the house to do anything by ourselves because someone has to be here with her every minute. I spent from 2003 to 2008 taking care of my mother. She died April 2008. Her mind was sharp but her body was racked with ol arthritis. I know one thing for sure losing your mind is alot worse than losing your body. I could never put my mother in a nursing home, she died of kidney failure and i took care of her in her own home 24/7 for the last nineteen days of her life. The hospice people told me she wouldn't have gotten that care in a home.

  - Georgia

• January 27, 2011 8:23 p.m.

  I think of what Ann asks about food and it makes me think of feeding picky toddlers. If they are eating peanut butter and fruit you've got the necessary nourishment that veggies would give, don't you? My husband is becoming less interested in food also, so I try to mix up what I serve: simple and easy to serve. The beef stew had veggies in it but their nutrient value is in the gravy now, right? I make a lot of soups with the same idea. get the value of the veggies into the broth. Fruit will do fine. My AD wants to eat five bananas in one day so I have to hide them! The big issue for me is being clean and dry! I'm learning to use shirts that button so I can ease them off when he won't let me pull them over his head; he wants to keep on the warm one even if it is wet! I try to think of what someone else might do and my daughters with young children are a good help. But at three am it's just me. I hear you. This is the most frustrating job I've ever had!!! But I still want to be the one doing it. If the meds knock him out, then I can sleep. If I'm not rested I can't do this job at all, so it's a trade-off. Hard choices we have every day, don't we!!

  - G.Jane

• January 27, 2011 7:26 p.m.

  Iv been helping my dad take care of my mom for the past year and even though I work every day in a nursing home when it comes to taking care of mom and dad it hurts to see her declining and my dads hopelessness at watching it happen I keep reminding myself that each good day is great and the bad ones will be better tomarrow.

  - Jo-An

• January 27, 2011 6:25 p.m.

  My husband has FTdementia and Alzheimers. He was always a good eater and I am a good cook, but now I have difficulty making a meal he will accept. Says he isn't hungry, but we could go out for fish and chips and he would eat a two piece order without any trouble and we could do that daily! And he won't eat vegetables at all. We take vit/min supplements and he likes peanut butter and fruit. Any hints?

  - Ann

• January 27, 2011 6:19 p.m.

  My father has dementia and has been getting progressively worse for several years. He is ambulatory, dresses himself, eats and sleeps quite well and can converse in a limited way with others. He has always taken good care of himself, but now he refuses to take showers or to get a hair cut, seldom shaves,etc. When strongly urged to do so, he will change outer clothing but seldom changes underwear. I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions for helping him better perform the activities of daily living? He is 98 years of age.

  - Angie

• January 27, 2011 4:40 p.m.

  My mother passed away 2 years ago - and my father has Alzheimer's - it's mild right now. I love the conversations we do have because I'm the one who's able to "hear" what he's trying to say. I know who means when he mixes up wife/mother/daughter/sister - I know who he's talking about. I love to hear every one of his stories though they can change a bit from day to day. I dread the day when I won't be able to hear them anymore.

  - Victoria

• January 27, 2011 4:32 p.m.

  One more thank you. Reading of what may come helps me live each day my spouse and I can have together. Remembering my father's struggles and hearing of the neighbor's problems can only strengthen the bonds we still have. One day at a time. We are the same age and my physical strength weakens as his mental faculities decline.

  - Jean