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  • Stress blog

  • May 17, 2011

    Are you living in the moment?

    By Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

8 comments posted

You've read about the importance of living in the moment. You understand that the quality of your life depends on the choices you make and how you respond to life's challenges. But are you living your life that way? Or are you being held back by the past?

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If the stress in your life is more than you can cope with, get help right away.

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Let me start with the issue of forgiveness. The fact that so many people have posted comments on this topic shows how pervasive and complicated it is. It's clear that if you don't forgive that person who injured you or your family, that person will burrow a hole in your soul. Obviously, that's not healthy.

However, without some sort of spiritual energy or peace or karma, it is very difficult to close that chapter and move on without feelings of bitterness and resentment. Of course, time does help, and the input of professionals. I'd like to hear from you if you've been able to extend that olive branch and offer forgiveness.

Another recurring challenge is the issue of multitasking. This was brought home to me recently when I participated in a wonderful conference addressing leaders of industry, education and local government. Almost all of the attendees have advanced degrees and are major players in their professions. As the session began, I noticed that nearly everyone in the room was furiously checking emails or texting, unable to set aside their business concerns even for a morning. As the opening speaker began speaking about stress and burnout, only gradually did they raise their eyes to the podium.

How ironic that these professionals were taking time from their busy lives to learn about stress and burnout and yet didn't have the common sense to turn off their devices of torment. Are we so imprisoned by the technology? Have we lost the ability to focus on what's in front of us? Is multitasking keeping us from being fully present in the moment?

8 comments posted

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  • October 3, 2012 4:36 p.m.

    Recently while travelling, I looked around me at all the other people waiting for the flight and noticed that there was only ONE other person who was not head-down, disconnected from reality and consumed by their phone or game or laptop. Well, the two of us started having our conversation there in the waiting lounge and we ended it up at our destination airport, and I discovered such an interesting, humorous and wonderful person, which not only made the travelling time pass quickly, but also lifted my spirits and gave me a sense of connection. Try and get that from an electronic device. This is what people are missing now, no one hardly takes anyone else in, they are so consumed in their own worlds. These devices are meant to assist us in communicating to others - far from it I think. All that is achieved is disconnection from the real world of other people.

    - Denise

  • May 29, 2011 1:13 p.m.

    I think that we do have to turn off the technology. For example, when I go to a film I turn off my Blackberry; I need to focus on the screen as my research is in film. If I am totally absorbed in a complicated narrative, I go back and see the film again. This is especially the case when I want to write about the film or make primary notes on it. As for forgiving, somtimes that is not possible especially if the relationship is very toxic and has a very negative effect on you. Then, no matter who it is, you may have to end the relationship. I know this goes against the norm, but you must ensure that your relationships are healthy ones for you.

    - Barbara

  • May 25, 2011 8:51 p.m.

    For many years, I confused forgiving someone with forgetting what someone did to cause me harm or pain. A healthier response, at least for me, was to forgive--to pardon someone else's behavior--but to remember that I must set boundaries to guard against being hurt by certain types of behavior from other people. Separating forgiving from forgetting has been very useful for me.

    - Donna

  • May 24, 2011 11:47 a.m.

    Thanks for the post reminding us all to take a moment for the moment. Remaining in the moment is an art, freeing ourselves from the constant distraction of the mind takes practice. Being forgiving with ourselves takes compassion. Remaining (mindfulness), free from distraction (meditative awareness), and compassion are vital not only for our happiness, but for those around us as well. When we become more mindful, aware, and compassionate, we find an inner contentment that can help those who we work with or live with to also find that contentment. What better way to selflessly serve others than to to give ourselves the gift of a meditation or contemplative practice which benefits others! Thank you again for this blog-post. May it benefit all who read it

    - Jerome

  • May 24, 2011 11:41 a.m.

    This is the biggest topic of our generation. The reality is we can only do one thing at a time in the present moment. Yes we all have multiple task to do both professionally and personally. We all start things, put them down for a period and start on something else and come back to the unfinished stuff as deadlines approach (and change!). In the moment however, we can only do one thing and whatever that is, it deserves our attention--fully. If you decide to attend a conference or listen to a speaker, be there fully and not thinking about the past (what was done) or the future (what might be done) but the present moment. That's where life takes place, in that moment. If we are constantly distracted by the past and future, we miss the very moment we actually have some degree of control over. The past (forgiveness for instance) is deep but more worrisome for me is thinking about the future. I try to remind myself the future has not happened yet and the thing I am worried about may never happen. The present moment is all we have and you should ask yourself who is in charge of your present moment thoughts? The answer is you and you can only change or focus thought in the present moment--never in the past or in the future. Think of it this way: The present moment is never the past or the future. If your thoughts are focused in either one, you ARE NOT in the present moment. Fight to get back to the here and now by reminding yourself of where you are at this moment.

    - Rob Rizzuto

  • May 22, 2011 8:22 p.m.

    Living in the moment, forgiveness and multitasking--I too find these three topics worth spending some time thinking about, researching, and reflecting on how they impact my life. After reading this post I took a little time and went off to find the study that I recalled hearing about a few months ago on multitasking. Happily I found the specifics of what I was remembering: Tal Ben-Shahar, a Positive Psychology professor at Harvard at the time of his PBS special and 2009 DVD "Happiness 101" cited a study done at the University of London in regard to Multitasking. The subjects kept their email turned on while doing other work that required concentration. The study demonstrated the suject's IQs decreased by 10 points in this situation. For context Dr. Ben-Shahar cited findings that when people have been up for 36 hours without sleep they also lose 10 IQ points, and when humans smoke marijuana they lose 4 IQ points. This information helps me when I have work to do that requires concentration, I am better able to turn off the distractions and focus for awhile.

    - Anna Marie

  • May 19, 2011 11:13 a.m.

    When the person needing forgiveness is yourself, it is almost impossible to separate your own actions from your self worth. I found the only way to experience forgiveness was to accept the fact that God forgave me and more than that I don't need. On multitasking: what is even worse is to see grade school kids texting instead of talking and playing with their friends.

    - carol

  • May 18, 2011 5:16 p.m.

    Thanks for a good post. Forgiveness is hard, but such a blessing to the person who gives it. I'm a lot better at it than I used to be, thanks to a few years of working on it with a professional. A big part of my ability to forgive now is being able to separate another person's actions from my own self-worth. I also know that with time, hardships fade away and positive things will come...but only if you let go of the hardships. It's true that the only thing in life you can control is you and your reactions.

    - Juanita

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