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• January 25, 2013 11:59 a.m.

  My brother was killed in a car accident.I was 13 years old when my brother died at the age of 18 .My brother wanted to stay that night at home and we played video games.The last day with my brother.His friends called him that night,and several times he asked me-"Should I go or should l stay"?!I wanted him to stay!At the end he decided to go out with his friends, and he said something to me -"See you and l love you sis!I never saw him again.It's been nearly nine years since he left us.I don`t feel him around me anymore.Oh my God,i miss him so much that hurts.This month for the first time a realized,I will never have him again.He is really gone.I am finding it hard to let him go.Maybe it's because I don't want too!

  - Nermana

• January 16, 2013 4:29 p.m.

  My husband took his own life on Oct . 26, 2012. I found him lifeless on the floor of our spare bedroom. He overdosed on prescription pills. The morning of his death, he had a doctors appt and his doctor was supposed to refer him to a mental health counselor or psychiatrist. My husband overdosed on his anti-anxiety meds prescribed by this doctor. Autopsy results still have not been released. I am overwhelmed with grief. We didn't have any children, so I am pretty much alone in this. He was close to his dad and his dad is mourning in his own way. I moved in with my sister and her family the day he died and I haven't slept in our house since then. I plan to sell the house. I can no longer live there without him.....too many memories. I cry every day and yes, some days are better than others. This is my new normal. I joined a suicide survivors support group called HALOS and I love it. It's wonderful to have shared experiences with others because I think our grief is slightly different.

  - Nicole

• January 4, 2013 10:38 p.m.

  My brother commited suicide almost 9months ago. i miss him everyday. I loved him dearly and wish I could have spent more time with him. I was with him the day before he died. I feel so guilty that i didn't listen to him more closely and took him more serious. I don't know why I did't see how desperate he was. The next day he was gone,i will never forget him. I love him so much. God bless him I hope he is happy in heaven. He must have been really suffering on earth. Till we meet again rest in peace. We will love and miss you always. Your sister. Madeline

  - Madeline

• December 28, 2012 4:29 p.m.

  I recently loss my father and while dealing with that my son was murdered. I cannot describe the pain of the loss of my father but my son was totally different. I find that mentally I'm still in denial, as though my mind is attempting to block out all the painful memories but you know it's real. how do you deal with it, prayer and speaking to someone who also has loss a child in the same or similar manner. In all, wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy

  - Mick

• November 29, 2012 10:52 a.m.

  I lost my daughter 2+ years ago. My son-in-law remarried five days before my daughters birthday -just last week. Going to the wedding was very difficult, I cried through the entire wedding and still now so depressed. This is a hard transition for me to get past.

  - Jeanne

• August 20, 2012 6:54 p.m.

  So.....2 years ago my boyfriend committed suicide and today I ran across this blog because I put in, "How long does the after affects of a loved one committing suicide last?" And this is what I have to say...I believe it will never leave...I believe you do find a new normal that you begin to live. It is always there, but becomes more tolerable. I wish I did not have all of this in my heart...the pain...but it is there and there is still beauty in the world through the gray it has become...sometimes I still see a rainbow

  - Jill

• August 20, 2012 3:42 p.m.

  My boyfriend of 6 years committed suicide in July 2012. I was the last person with him and less than 24 hrs later, he chose to end his life. I am tormented by grief and I feel incredibly guilty that I missed the warning signs. They were right there and I even questioned him when he was giving things away. But his answer made sense, and I accepted it. He left us a video message and a written message but I still want to ask him why he didn't reach out, tell us how much pain he was in. We all tried to help but no one knew he was so distraught. I feel so guilty. I can't do the things I did before because I feel tremendous guilt. How can I even think of carrying on as before, when he is not here. His life was so complicated and dramatic and chaotic and his death has been the same. I know others have gone through this and have found a way to carrying on, but I don't know how. I try but I get so overwhelmed by my emotions and my desperate need to touch him, hold him and apologize for not being there more for him. I love him so much, but he is gone. My friends tell me that one day I will be able to carrying on again and I need to live my life and live for him too. But I feel so guilty. He said to me that this has nothing to do with me, I am the greatest and he wants me to be happy. But how when I am the unhappiest I have ever been in my entire life. I love you Tim. Forever!!!

  - Ann

• August 14, 2012 11:04 a.m.

  how many children do you have? reading the article above that question was listed as one of the triggers that bring back the pain. it is a question I do not know if I will ever be able to answer without tears welling up. just reading it made me cry. I have see the discomfort of people as they look horrified and back away from the tears that spring to my eyes when they ask how many children do you have and I say two, one passed away. will that question always hurt ?

  - diane

• April 8, 2012 6:39 p.m.

  I am writing this email in hopes that it will help to change somebody's life. My husband's fiancée passed away 17 years ago from rare form of Leukemia. She was 22 then. They were young and planning for wonderful life together and she wanted a child so bad Then, one day she didn't feel well and they went to a hospital. She was diagnosed with Leukemia and had to undergo several cruel surgeries that disfigured her face; and chemotherapy. She was in a lot of pain, and died in pain. Her screams could be heard from the entry to the inpatient oncology unit. My husband was devastated. They offered him to attend support groups, but he wouldn't do that. He couldn't cry either. Time passed since her death, but he could not let those emotions out. One day he was driving his sister to work and he heard Anita Baker song, " I Apologize". He went to the store, bought Anita's CD and was listening to this song for several days, listening only to this song. And then he decided to write a book in memory of his fiancée. The name of the book is " I Apologize", by Bradley Booth. All the emotions and untold feelings he poured into this book. This book is a work of fiction, but it based on real events and all the feelings of grief and disbelieve of what happened are reflected in this book. I read the book and I cried from overwhelming emotions and understanding how hard it must be to live through such a tradegy. It took my husband 17 months to write this book.

  - Irena

• March 17, 2012 1:14 a.m.

  On July 27th 2010 I lost the love of my life to suiside. It has almost been 2 years now , and I still think of him all day, every day. I believe he is watching over me. A gardian angel if u will. I'm convinced its him. I'm now in a happy relationship and am moving on the best I know how. We will meet again when my journey on earth is done.

  - Stefanie

• March 15, 2012 5:42 p.m.

  Yes. Thank you for this. We are coming up to the 1 year anniversary of my 16 year old daughter's death. She died very suddenly last April 4 because of complications of her extreme physical disability. It was and is devastation to have to live without her. Starting a blog has helped me to have a place to share photos of her and to write what is hard to speak to others about. Thank you for writing about this.

  - Jody

• March 9, 2012 12:31 a.m.

  Very useful, I'll have to share this with some people I know. management stress

  - Nate

• February 26, 2012 6:34 a.m.

  Hello Dr Creagan, I lost my mother on January 8. This blog was great timing for me. Although I founded a company which makes a stress management supplement, supplements are only one of many tools to help deal with the daily stresses of life. They certainly cannot prepare you for extremely difficult stresses such as the loss of someone special. These enlightening blogs are very helpful. Thank you!

  - Alain

• February 20, 2012 10:13 p.m.

  Yes i a can agree when you say that this does affect everyone and just moving on is hard, but when at times we think about or say i wont every be the same and things wont be normal. its true they wont be the same and thats where i agree with you. we as people must accept the fact we cant change what has happened and that we must try to be strong an move on as best as possible.

  - brian

• February 20, 2012 1:38 p.m.

  My oldest daughter died when she was 5 years old. Fifteen years later, I still struggle with depression and how the loss has effected me. My life has changed forever and there are many blessings from having had her the five years that I did. She taught me so much about compassion, patience, the gift of appreciating the small things in life, and how very precious life is and that we never know when something can be taken from us. I find solace in knowing that she no longer suffers and is with God. To make the loss more intense, I had lost my Dad just two years prior to her death and then my husband and I divorced about 5 years after the passing of my daughter as he sought a relationship with another woman outside our marriage. I was crushed and the only word that came to mind was "LOSS". Time does help and things EVOLVE with time but never will I be the same. In addition, I have two other healthy and wonderful children who I have shared in the parenting . Days go on and then whether you see another child with similar hair color, or in a wheelchair, a certain song, a holiday, another sad parent, etc, the emotions are all over the place. My two other children have been now primarily living most of the time with their Dad close by and this has also changed things and only affected my feelings of loss to be greater. Some days, I wish that I could have gone in my daughters place and yet life is not fair and we can sometimes only take things moment to moment.

  - Pam

• February 18, 2012 1:09 a.m.

  I came home from work one evening only to find my 42 year old husband dead on our living room couch. No conversation, no good bye. Just gone from my life. I feel guilty when I am able laugh or when I make plans for my future. It feels like I'm not be faithful to him. It's been 4 months now. Death is such a painful part of life. I know I will go on because of the love and support from my family. I know my love for my husband, our 18 years of marriage and the experiences we shared together has made me a better and stronger person. Our 19 year old dog passed away several weeks before my husband, who was devastated by this loss. Their ashes were mixed together and ultimately buried in the same grave site as my husband's younger brother who had also died suddenly five years ago. I grieve for them all, but am assured that the three of them are all happy to be together again.

  - Sharon

• February 16, 2012 9:22 p.m.

  My husband died 4 years ago. We were so fortunate to have had some good talks before he died and were thus able to say what we needed to say to each other. Because of this, I thought I'd be prepared for his death, but that was not true. One is never fully prepared for the loss of a loved one! The first year without him was very difficult, even though I had loving friends and family who regularly checked up on me and a job as a teacher that kept me very busy. I attended a number of group therapy sessions on grieving. At the first session I attended, one of the participants commented, "This is the best place to grieve. Only those who have lost a loved one can truly understand what you're going through." How true! I also found comfort in attending church services. However, it is through the passage of time that the intensity of grief has faded somewhat. I still think of my husband every single day. The tears and sadness come less often now, though, and I know from experience and through my husband's words to me before he died that I will get through those sad times. It also comforts me to know that my husband is in a better place, free from pain and sickness. He lives on in my and my family's memories.

  - Sue

• February 16, 2012 6:51 p.m.

  I have not lost a child but I recently lost my father and my significant other. It has been harder to deal with losing my friend than anything I have ever been through. No one loved me the way he did and I know that I will never have that same kind of love again. I thougth I coud handle anything but I have found out that that is not true. I can't stop thinking about him. He was the only person that made me feel important and special and secure. I miss him and I don't know how to move on.

  - Connie

• February 16, 2012 11:33 a.m.

  My husband of 62 years spend 37 days in the ICU after a gall bladder operation,, turned out that was not the cause of his illness.. shortly thereafter he was infected with an ICU blood stream infection,, and died with severe sepsis.. I spend every day with him... One year has passed and I still can't believe what happened to him.. walked into the hospital and never left. .ICU doctors at a teaching hospital never concluded what his problem was ...Pryor to this he was healthy... family and friends are supportatve but its very hard to move on .. I sometimes expect to see him... you just have to accept what is .. is. I don't know if anyone can really help you...I just pray to God to take care of him.

  - Dawn

• February 16, 2012 12:32 a.m.

  My original loss was during childhood. My 2 brothers and I all had congenital defects. My brothers both had liver defects and I had a heart defect. Both of my brothers died during childhood, one at 6, the other just before his 12th birthday at Christmas time, after suffering for 3 years. When not in the hospital he lived in a hospital bed in the living room so he could see out the front window. I always knew I was not expected to survive childhood because at the time the only cardiac surgeon in my city had a mortality rate for the type of surgery I needed at 100%. When I was 12, I was sent to Houston to dear Dr. Denton Cooley, who saved my life. I was not able to grieve for my brothers because I could not upset my mother, so grew up with guilt and anxiety. It seems since then I have had serial grief, losing my dear father when I was young, and others. I have never felt I deserved the happiness others enjoy. Now beyond middle age I am alone. I have never had a doctor who understood, and I must say only recently I realized that I suffer from PTSD. I came to the conclusion after reading some recent articles about research being done regarding the end result of childhood stress and anxiety, especially from illness. Of course there is no therapy available in my city....

  - Kathy

• February 15, 2012 9:37 p.m.

  My husband of 47 years died totally unexpectedly on his birthday 3 years ago. Music , songs that we enjoyed and beautiful scenery still bring on sudden tears that are uncontrollable. One day at a tome is my motto, too and I give thanks for my wonderful children and relatives. The ache never goes away..he was my best friend .

  - Valerie

• February 15, 2012 9:03 p.m.

  My husband had Gall Bladder surgery on Dec.5. When we went back for his check-up the doctor told us his gall bladder was cancerous-very rare. They ran more tests and found he is in stage 4 of liver cancer-also very rare! He had a pressure sore on his butt so big they cut the top 1/2 away and a bump on his leg before he went for gall bladder surgery was black when he came home. They operated and had to cut all the way to his tendon to finding good flesh, then do a skin graft from is thigh! I wanted him home, not in an institution, so Hospice is helping us, BUT neither of us has accepted that he is terminal, he looks so good, his appetite is good. It's hard to comprehend something is inside eating away at his liver and NOTHING can be done due to his other 2 problems. Just thinking that he will wither like a cut flower is unbelievable! We have been married 52 3/4 years and together 24/7 for 25 years. I REALLY don't know how to act other than give him lots of love. Do I bring up death this early or wait until he starts to get weak? I'm lost!!

  - Ruth

• February 15, 2012 3:46 p.m.

  I have a friend whose dog died a few days ago. Married, they have no children and the dog was the apple of their eye. They are both quite distressed and I would like some advice for them. I have another friend whose dog is dying and his wife has been on a medical journey that has taken them from the world of chemotherapy to organ transplant. Coping with this as their children grow up and leave the nest and the dog dying after spending over 10 years with them is quite difficult for them. Again what can you suggest for them. I want to help, or at least suggest something that might help.

  - Muriel

• February 15, 2012 8:50 a.m.

  I lost my 13 year old daughter in May and my husband almost 3 years ago to cancer. The pain of each loss is so unbearable. I thought I could handle the pain of lossing my husband since we know that one day that might happen but when my daughter passed away, a piece of me passed away. I will never get over it, never forget her. I find some comfort in knowing she is at peace and having fun playing in heaven. This kind of pain is unimagineable. My heart has been broken and will never mend completely. Getting help has been a blessing for me and without my church family and close friends I would not be able to go on.

  - Angela

• February 14, 2012 12:01 p.m.

  I lost my wife to ALS coming up on six years in April. I never thought I could llive the rest of my life without her. She was my life but life goes on. Nights are very difficult even after this long. I have no interest in another gal. Just 19 when she graduated from college and we got married. Married almost 50 yrs. So not interested in another. But I'm blessed with loving family and friends and still farm. This helps and my church family is so suportive. Hurt but thankful. When I look around and see all the broken marriages and families. This makes me thankful for what I had and have.

  - Roger