- With Mayo Clinic health education outreach coordinator
Angela Lunde
read biographyclose windowBiography of
Angela Lunde
Angela Lunde is a dementia education specialist in the education core of Mayo Clinic's Alzheimer's Disease Research Center at the Abigail Van Buren Alzheimer's Disease Research Clinic in Rochester, Minn.
Angela Lunde
The transfer of information about dementias, as well as understanding the need for participation in clinical trials, is an essential component of the education core.
Angela is a member of the Alzheimer's Association board of directors and co-chair of the annual Minnesota Dementia Conference. She is a member of the Dementia Behavior Assessment and Response Team (D-BART), a multidisciplinary outreach service assisting professional and family caregivers in understanding and managing difficult behaviors often present in dementia. She facilitates several support groups, including Memory Club, an early-stage education and support series, and more recently, helped to develop and now deliver Healthy Action to Benefit Independence and Thinking (HABIT), a 10-day cognitive rehab and wellness program for people with mild cognitive impairment.
Angela takes a personal interest in understanding the complex changes that take place within relationships and among families when dementia is present. She is particularly interested in providing innovative and accessible ways for people with dementia and their families to receive information and participate in valuable programs that promote well-being.
"Amid a devastating disease, there are tools, therapies, programs and ways to cope, and it is vital that families are connected to these resources," she says.
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Alzheimer's blog
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April 17, 2012
Negative thinking can take the joy out of life for caregivers
By Angela Lunde
I appreciated a recent comment from Marchelel, who validated Lucille's feelings of guilt around placing her mom in a nursing home. Marchelel told of her own struggle with placing her mom in a nursing home until she realized that she was part of the problem.
For a long time, Marchelel believed that she ought to be taking care of her mom. But at some point she changed the conversation in her head. Marchelel says that she was able to move her mom when her thoughts focused on the additional care her mom would receive, and the mother/daughter time they would get back again.
Last week, I attended a conference featuring Amit Sood, M.D., associate director of Complementary and Integrative Medicine and chair of Mayo Mind Body Initiative at Mayo Clinic.
He talked about the concept of retooling your inner dialogue and building resilience. Like Marchelel, the road to resilience and greater joy may lie in transforming the conversations we have in our head. Let me share a bit of what I learned.
Our mind seems to be wired to focus on what's wrong, or what could go wrong. This leads to stress. Furthermore, stress results from an interface between the actual events in our life and how we perceive them (our thoughts).
As caregivers, there are many things you can't change or control. Yet, each of us has the option to control our perceptions and ultimately feel more joy in our life.
Dr. Sood explains that there are two key elements of perception that directly impact our personal well-being — attention and interpretation.
At times, our attention will be on external things such as seeing our loved one rummaging through old papers, or noticing a dog walking outside our house, or a new flower that has sprouted in our garden.
Or, our attention can be internally focused where our mind is aimlessly opening up open files of unresolved issues we have stored in our mind.
Research studies suggest that our attention will instinctively focus on threats and imperfections first. These can be external such as seeing an accident on the road ahead. But all too often our attention is internal in the form of hurts, guilt, regrets, worries of the past, and fear for the future.
Dr. Sood conceptualizes these threats of the mind as attention black holes — a combination of negative thoughts, rumination, avoidant responses and often catastrophizing. These black holes take over our attention, and consequently draw joy away from our life.
He's not suggesting that we never worry or that we should not think about the challenges that lie ahead. He's simply stating that we spend excess time in negative patterns of thinking. This robs us of joy and a bit more ease in our life.
The good news is that we can decrease stress and increase resilience by retooling the mind. Dr. Sood offers many pearls for daily practice. Here are some examples:
- When you awake (first thing), think of five people you're grateful for. Alternatively, make a collage with photos of five people you're grateful for. Spend a few minutes thinking about the blessings they each offer you. Doing this every morning provides an immediately available alternative to negative ruminations that often fill our head before we are even out of bed. This is the practice of Joyful Attention.
- Take a walk in nature each day if possible. Look closely at the details of a tree trunk, the petals of a wild flower, listen closely to the sounds. Just by being in nature you are engaging a part of the brain associated with joy. This is the practice of Joyful Attention.
- When you're out somewhere, look at the faces of the first twenty or so people you see. Smile, and say to yourself, "I wish you well". Remember, you're channeling attention away from the ruminations of the mind and practicing presence. Try it and see if you feel any differently. This is the practice of Kind Attention.
Like any new habit, it may feel awkward, tedious and even silly at first. But if you're open to it, you're beginning to make space for greater compassion, acceptance, love and forgiveness.
To find out more about Dr. Sood's book, "Train Your Brain, Engage Your Heart, Transform Your Life", go to http://www.amazon.com/Train-Your-Brain-Engage-Heart-Transform-Life/dp/1452898057
"Control of my thoughts, regular meditation, exercise, and "time" to adjust have helped me come to a certain amount of tranquility."
Helen — blog reader
24 comments posted
May 27, 2012 9:12 a.m.
Be formal in control of my thoughts, regular mediation, exercise and time. Make Money Online Home Based Business
- Joseph
May 7, 2012 1:02 a.m.
my husband and i have had long term insurance for years. yes, it is scary thinking we will end up in a bad assisted living and nursing home, but we would rather live in a nice place rather than at home where the only visitor we'd have would be the meals-on-wheels person and we would not have anything to do if we couldn’t drive. i visit local facilities about every other year or so to try to keep track of what's happening. my daughters live in ca and ky and we "cant" investigate those places. since it's almost a given that we will need a facility to move to (unless the world ends in dec) i think it is my responibility to try to find a nice place for my husband and myself to live when the need comes. i am 72 and he is 65.
- betsysue
April 27, 2012 4:52 p.m.
I agree with Mary Lou and Katie. For those of you in a very dark place, ask yourself if it is time for a care center. My mother isn't there yet, but she will be when it gets too hard to care for her adequately.
- Suzanne
April 27, 2012 1:47 p.m.
My Mom has been in a nursing home for 3 weeks now. She ended up with a broken bone requiring rehab... which is how my Dad could accept the move. Unfortunately she also ended up having a stroke the first day in the nursing home. It is so very hard to see her like this - but I am comforted by knowing that my Dad know really understands the value of her being cared for so well there. This is nothing he would have wanted to do, but his attitude about the value of the nursing home has significantly improved. I do not know if Mom will ever be able to move out of the center. And while I know Dad doesn't want to acknowledge that yet... I also know he has greater acceptance of it as a very valid choice. And I think he has peace knowing the care she is receiving.
- Katie
April 26, 2012 12:10 a.m.
After six years of caring for my parents, and the last three years of giving my mom 24/7 care in our home after my dad passed away, I made the decision to move my mom to a small group home just ten minutes from our house. She is with caregivers she knows, and I felt that it was time to give us the mother/daughter moments again that this article described. I felt so reinforced reading this since I just went through this process without the benefit of knowing it was documented. I was always wrestling with guilt as an only child about giving my mother the best care possible vs. recapturing the retirement we never had. My parents came to visit us one week after we moved into our new home six years ago and both got so sick that they never went back home. One day my husband and I were following two ambulances to the hospital, each one carrying one of my parents. We chose to sell their home and our other home and consolidate everything to take care of them. My husband has been phenomenal through this whole thing and has treated my mother as his own. It is only after I made this decision and moved her into her new abode that I see what it cost him to have my attention split all the time. I see his face is so much more relaxed, and we are able to have complete conversations and spontaneous moments again. I so recommend that anyone caring for a loved one with dementia use this method to discover joy and find the abundance of life again.
- Mary Lou
April 25, 2012 9:53 p.m.
As soon as I wrote down the words, "I wish you well" (as a way to remind myself to think it toward those I meet) the words spoke to me personally saying, "I wish YOU well." It was lovely. Thank you for that.
- Donna
April 24, 2012 10:56 p.m.
how many of us know what interpretation means, ha. not me, there's a good laugh. many "christians" are in church, should contact a local church to inquire if someone could relieve us caregivers a few hrs. a week. contact the minister directly or a hospital regarding volunteer groups, or humane resources of your county for relief, make that call. or even ones to visit a few hours a week for you!
- sandra
April 24, 2012 10:43 p.m.
read entire article and enjoyed it very much. this advise i can and will do. made me feel better already, as our world is so worrysome as is my ill spouce. good advise, i can think of a few more up beat ideas. thxs
- sandy
April 22, 2012 3:28 p.m.
I read these postings with sadness that all of us, the caregivers and the patients, must deal with such incredible challenges for so many years. On the whole,the patients with dementia do seem happier than the caregivers and can take medication for mood problems which I don't want for myself since I must stay alert and in touch with reality. Once again, let me urge you to find a good support group for caregivers. It's a life-saver for me. When I leave, I feel revived for the month.
- Ella
April 22, 2012 12:03 p.m.
My 4 sibs and I TOTALLY support each other and it helps when the pain of caregiving overwhelms you When you have those sad times, let it out sob scream whatever But don't linger and let those emotions control YOU. It is not easy. We are in our 5th year living with dementia and seeing our loving mom deteriorate. It sucks for all of us .These are really good tips to get YOU back to being YOU and put them in your coping arensal. Add this experience to your resume of life.
- Carolyn
April 21, 2012 12:05 p.m.
Thank you so much for posting this blog. I came in at Mothers at the end of my rope today. Being her caregiver for 2 years now, some days i get up dreading the day. I realize my attitude is pretty negative and needs to change. Resentment takes an exorbitant toll on ones life...physicaly, mentally, emotionally, spiritualy. I choose not to be angry or negative but choose to work on the good dr's suggestions.
- Hattie
April 20, 2012 6:49 p.m.
What is "the Alzheimers gait"?
- Suzanne
April 20, 2012 4:33 p.m.
I agree negative thinking is non-productive, and shortens our lives. As a caregiver 24/7 I can only scratch out random bits of time for me. The majority of my life is spent taking care of my mother. I've been doing this for nearly nine years, I have forgotten what it is like to go to the mall, to shop and to sleep in. I am holding on, but my grip is slipping. Suggestions are great, but for me, not realistic.
- Nanci
April 19, 2012 9:24 p.m.
I'm a 24/7 caregiver to a husband who has early onset AD. His was noticeable at age 53 and he had to retire at 55. He is now 68 and completely helpless as far as being able to do anything for himself. However, he stills enjoys life and is usually happy. I'm very thankful for that. I found myself being depressed in taking care of him especially these last five years when I retired because I realized he could no longer be by himself. The winter months have been extremely hard for me. I had never suffered with any depression until the last two or three winters when I have been in the house pretty much all the time (and alone) taking care of him. My Pastor (we get CD's from our church) said in one of his sermons talking about our tasks that the Lord gives us and doing them well. It got me to looking at the job I have as caregiver in a more positive light. I have been much more content and less stressed when I started looking at things this way. Hope this works for someone else.
- Sue
April 19, 2012 8:37 p.m.
hi, Nick, I can so identify with you... there are times I feel so frustrated I want to scream... I try mto meditate every morning, then carry a positive thought/image with me during the day I can fall back on... another thing that helps me is a hobby - like gardening, just 5 minutes feeling the dirt on my hands is calming and puts things back into perspective.... What I am struggling with right now is how to explain/get across that I need time away and am considering someone from respite care to come and stay with him.. we don't have any family close by... he thinks he is perfectly able to tace care of himself - besides dementia he is insulin dependent. I hope and wish you can stay positive, sometimes I just try to think "I want to do this for/with him" instead of "I have to". My prayers are with you.
- dietgard
April 19, 2012 8:33 p.m.
Hi Nick, I get so frustrated and angry, for me it hits when I go to bed I too am a caregiver, it can be SO HARD! I am taking a deep breath right now and sending you and sending myself some love
- Diane
April 19, 2012 7:59 p.m.
Hi Nick I understand what you are going through. I to am in a bad position, We must find a way to be ok, need to smile just a little. Try hard ok.
- Bob
April 19, 2012 5:51 p.m.
I am a caregiver and I am hurting so very bad. Frustration , anger.
- nick
April 19, 2012 3:37 p.m.
I love this week's message. Years ago I was introduced to cognitive behavioral therapy. I have gotten back to doing the following 3 things and it is transformative. When I first wake up, before getting out of bed, I thank God for as many specific blessings as I can think of. And when I am out in public I look at each person and think, "What does this person need that I can help with?" ("Be kind, for everyone is carrying a burden.") Usually it is something very simple like helping someone with a coat. Before going over to help my mother, I remind myself of the wonderful person she used to be. Yes, trying to think positive thoughts instead of negative ones makes a world of difference.
- Suzanne
April 19, 2012 1:32 p.m.
My joy comes from the contacts I have through my laptop. I have several pastors I am in touch with in Africa and India. I write to them adding prayers for them. This has been my joy for the past four years. I suffer from Pulmonary Fibrosis even as I am a carer for my husband who has late onset hydrocephalus. This has affected his memory and cognative abilities.
- Anne.
April 19, 2012 1:28 p.m.
As a Licensed Alzheimer Coach, caring for and coaching the families, we stress the same concepts and I am glad to see this written in such a beautiful way. Changing our perception of this horrible disease and building a relationship (even ones that seem to be irreparably damaged) is the key to saving ourselves as the caregivers. Thank you for this article!
- Janet
April 19, 2012 10:52 a.m.
I am goining to try this; thanks!
- Sherry
April 19, 2012 10:46 a.m.
Not so sure about this. Will try some of it and let you know.
- Susan
April 18, 2012 10:12 p.m.
Thanks for pointing out Dr. Sood's books and approach. I've been also been fortunate to hear and meet him in person and have his books. When I do creative work my mind feels so much better and I feel like I have accomplished something. I have not felt this kind of fun and accomplishment from caregiving in the last 5 years...the first 5 years was different and more fulfilling. I must find a way to make the caregiving satisfying for both of us and have a tie of being creative. Any comments or ideas? Why can't we make it into a creative game? Thanks.
- Kristina
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