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    Mary M. Murry, R.N., C.N.M.

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  • Pregnancy and you blog

  • May 23, 2012

    Pregnancy advice: How to handle unwanted comments

    By Mary M. Murry, R.N., C.N.M.

14 comments posted

During pregnancy, you're sure to be warned about many things — deli meat, caffeine, sleeping flat on your back. In fact, I often think that unsolicited comments, stories and advice are perhaps the most prevalent and dangerous side effects of pregnancy. Wouldn't it be nice to have an early warning system?

"Incoming! Run for your life!"

For example, it can seem that everyone has something to say about your tummy, whether you want to hear it or not. One person will tell you that you're too big and must be carrying twins or, at the least, you're wrong about your due date. The next person might tell you that you're way too small and can't possibly be due when you say you are. No one ever tells you that you look just the right size and that your baby is growing exactly the way he or she should.

All of this can wreak havoc on your thoughts, causing you needless worry. You might start to doubt your due date. You might wonder whether something's wrong with your baby. You might convince yourself that you really are carrying surprise twins or that your baby will weigh 10 pounds.

So how can you protect yourself from these kinds of remarks? Putting your fingers in your ears and singing, "La la la, not listening, not listening," is one way of dealing with it. Of course, that could open the door for comments about your mental health.

Instead, you might want to patiently let the person pause for breath and then say, "Thank you for your concern. Isn't this lovely weather we're having?" If the person wants to continue expressing his or her view, feel free to end the conversation and excuse yourself.

If you've been bombarded with these types of comments and they've gotten you worried, share your concerns with your health care provider. He or she can reassure you about your due date, the size of your baby, the number of babies you're carrying — and anything else you might be worried about.

The next time you see a pregnant woman, remember that her emotions are on a wild roller coaster ride. Be sure to tell her that she looks beautiful and her tummy is just the right size!

14 comments posted

blog index

  • March 2, 2013 10:14 p.m.

    This is my first pregnancy. I have been given advice by relatives that ultrasounds can cause miscarriages, autism, and hearing problems. I have had one ultrasound and my healthcare provider wants to do two more ultrasounds. My healthcare provider said that ultrasounds do not harm babies. It's hard to know what is fact. This article has helped me see that many women get advice when they are pregnant and sometimes it is hard to know what to do or how to feel about the advice.

    - Amber

  • January 30, 2013 1:12 p.m.

    I am in the 3rd trimester. I know my due date in March is correct, but I just worry my baby will be on the tiny side. People keep telling me I'm too small. I try to eat more, but sometimes I get nausea. They also give me advice on all kinds of other things like the birth plan. It's nice to know other people are experiencing the same annoying thing.

    - Elizabeth

  • January 17, 2013 1:58 a.m.

    With all my pregnancies I've aylaws just felt a bit fat' until I actually started getting a small bump at around 18 weeks I am also 6 weeks 1 day preggo but with my fith baby!! I have gained a little bit of weight but that's only cos I'm eating better than before, good luck congrats!!!

    - Riska

  • January 15, 2013 7:42 a.m.

    I asked my doctor how soon a prnecagny test can detect prnecagny and he said 10-14 days after conception. Most tests are about the same, some just will catch a lesser amount of HCG. Usually the box will say how early you can test, however, if you test too early it will come up negative even if you are pregnant. You can always go to the dollar store and buy 10 of them for the price of 2 of the expensive ones, they are just as accurate.

    - Robert

  • December 26, 2012 8:00 a.m.

    Thank you for posting this Blog!! annoying comments have been one very frustrating part of pregnancy for me. I work in health care around a lot of people. They think that they can say whatever they want!! All I am trying to do is mind my own business and get through my workday. These comments that people make are very rude and distracting! People need to keep their mouths closed unless they are going to say something nice!!!

    - Breanna

  • December 3, 2012 11:35 a.m.

    Michelle, you are in a sticky situation. I think you are wise to start now developing a plan for future insensitive comments she will make. Talk with your husband and work together to make a "script" for the future. If you are ready for the hurtful comments you will be able to respond calmly and firmly. You may want to speak to her in private letting her know that what she said is hurtful. Approach her as a team, a united front. I hope this helps some. Let us know.

    - Mary @ Mayo

  • December 3, 2012 7:57 a.m.

    Iam eight months pregnant and its my first pregnancy, some times i get annoyed of peoples comments that a young woman is pregnant yet it is my actual size but am old coz i finished university two years back am now working and married.

    - APHIA

  • November 17, 2012 8:31 p.m.

    I had a miscarriage earlier this year and my ridiculous mother in law had the nerve to tell my me and husband that she didn't want to get excited about the pregnancy becuz "I lost the last one". I was totally pissed and turned off by her comment. Everytime my husband spoke with her she felt the need to mention that we shouldn't be too excited because I lost the last one. When I was 4 moths preg,she says to me"oh you're holding on to this one,huh?" I've decided to avoid her @all costs to keep my sanity! I don't know what to do when it's time for my shower. I have a gut feeling something ignorant will fly out her mouth and I won't be able to control my anger and disgust. Any suggestions?

    - Michelle

  • October 18, 2012 6:14 a.m.

    People do feel the need to be in your business much more when you are pregnant. They don't think that what they say can hurt us or alarm us. Keep moving forward Cathy, one day at a time. Learn all you can about parenting. Stay focused on the new life inside of you. Walk away if possible when people start talking about things that upset you. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally and that will help you care for your baby.

    - Mary@Mayo

  • October 6, 2012 1:26 a.m.

    I am 37 and this my first pregnancy after two abortions. I am also HIV + and it was just a miracle that i got this pregnancy. I don't intend marrying the father of the baby. Yet people are so concerned about the fact that i will be a single mother and what it will do to my reputation that it it is getting me pissed. I just wonder why they can't just let me be. I have been in several relationships and once the man gets to know that i am HIV+, he opts out. I wonder how many men i need to expose my status to in this life. I pray to be a good single mum.

    - Cathy

  • October 5, 2012 4:39 p.m.

    Bravo to Ms. Murry for keeping me entertained whilst doing pre-pregnancy research! I am considering purchasing your book on pregnancy provided it contains the same amount of humor featured in your articles.

    - M

  • July 5, 2012 1:51 p.m.

    This is my second pregancy and everytime in the evening when I go out with my daughter for evening walk, one of neighbour and her mother-in-law starts commenting, "oh ! your tummy looks bigger day by day, is it a boy ? or your are hiding from us, are you sure ?..., oh ! its a sixth month now ... when is your due date.... Both of them keep an eye on me more than my husband and my parents... I am really sick of all these and feel like punching both of them... this gives me stress and now i stay inside most of the time just to avoid them. But my daughter wants to be out in the evening since its a summer. Advise me please.

    - Jyoti

  • June 11, 2012 1:12 p.m.

    Since I look very young most people assume this is my first pregnancy and I'm new to pregnancy and all things to do with babies. I now find it funny when people try to tell me I'm too big or small or how I should or shoudn't breastfeed b/c its too hard or easy. Its even funnier when I'm almost 30, married and pregnant with my 5th child, instead of the young expectant, barely twenty year old most people assume I am. I've had an epidural birth, twins with a c-section, VBAC and natural, and now plan on another natural birth. I breastfed ALL my babies for up to a year or more. I don't claim to have seen or experienced evetything, but I've been through a lot.....all my pregnancies and deliveries were different. I even have had people tell me that I gained too much weight and I would never take it off. My oldest is 8, my twins are 5, my baby is 20 months. I've always gained about 50lbs during my pregnancies, 70lbs with the twins and I always make it someone close to my prepregnancy weight. In the 8 years that I've been having kids, I've only kept on 10lbs. At 18 I was 130lbs and my regular weight is now 140. All women and all pregnancies can be different. The only info and opinion that should be taken to heart is the one from your medical professional.

    - Ebony

  • May 24, 2012 12:19 a.m.

    Since moving to Asia a few years ago, I'm sick of people telling me what to eat, what not to eat, what to do, what not to do. I feel that everyone I meet feel that they have a right to share their thoughts and that I should follow them. It's my first pregnancy but I myself am in the healthcare profession, yet people keep telling me I have no experience and why am I so stubborn to not listen to them, their reasons are mostly superstition and some are down right absurd but cultures are different and I respect that, I just don't want it affecting me. It's causing me way more stress than being pregnant should be. I want to enjoy my pregnancy, but I can't even have a refridgerated drink when it's over 30C outside without having people comment on how I "shouldn't" be having cold drinks when I'm pregnant... *sigh*

    - christina

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