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• May 18, 2013 8:16 p.m.

  Oh, and no one in my family knew about the sexual abuse for 12 years after it started. I told my parents when I was 24. Apparently, I still hold myself accountable for "allowing" it to happen; that I haven't forgiven myself. That's true. As a result of how I was raised and the sexual abuse, I lost love and peace. And, I'm waiting for love and peace to arrive.

  - KCR (Karl)

• May 18, 2013 8:11 p.m.

  Immy, That is so true. I'm a survivor of sexual child abuse by someone akin to Jerry Sandusky; someone who used the same "grooming" methods as Sandusky. There is so much hurt that's still not fully resolved at my age (47). On top of this, I come from a dysfunctional family where both parents were stoic, undemonstrative, emotionally unavailable. Yes, they put a roof over the heads of us kids and did their best. However, both of my parents brought unresolved trauma they experienced themselves into their marriage. As the youngest of three, I was "abandoned" when my Dad elected to attend seminary school when I was three, all while still working his full-time job. When he became a priest, he had a parish, also worked his normal full-time job, and had several other interests that weren't family-focused. Needless to say, I *know* how I ended up being sexually abused. The man who abused me "recognized" I was a lonely kid looking for love. Growing up, and into my early 30's, I never remember my parents telling my siblings and I that they loved us. So, before even the abuse started, I felt like I could walk off the face of the earth and it wouldn't matter. I never thought I'd live to see the day I turned 25 or 30. Today, I still don't have a lot of close interpersonal relationships and still haven't gotten married yet. I always pick the wrong woman and feel like most everyone cannot comprehend when I've been through or the feelings I feel.

  - KCR

• April 24, 2013 6:47 a.m.

  Family relationship stress is the worst especially when it is coming from a passive-aggressive daughter-in law and grandchildren are involved. More of my friends are relating to this same situation. Is this becoming a "control trend"? Tough one to face and let go on many levels.

  - Cathy

• April 4, 2013 11:17 p.m.

  Hurt precursor to anger. Abuse during childhood difficult to let go, because pain difficult to access. And even when aware of pain, difficult to face. Takes an unusual amount/type of courage.

  - Immy

• April 2, 2013 11:31 a.m.

  At nearly 60, I am a perennial beginner jogger. A minor lifelong dream was to become an actual runner - one of those persons who can achieve an actual "running" rate of speed, on foot, and maintain a nearly effortless, efficient glide for miles. Every time I started to jog/run I injured myself. That's once or twice a year for more than 45 years. Each injury - feet, ankles, calves, knees, hips, back - would set me back... ok, flat-out stop me in my tracks for weeks or months. Then I'd start over from scratch... except I'd be a little more fearful of yet another way I might hurt myself "this time". Because I had never, ever gotten to the stage of being able to run (as opposed to jog along, clunkily), I usually did not learn from a given injury. That is, I had no idea why it had happened, so I had no idea how to avoid/prevent it next time. There was always a next time. I acknowledge the fact that I repetitively failed to have perfect and complete prescient knowledge, including proprioceptive knowledge of how any possible incipient injury would feel. I also acknowledge believing "no pain, no gain" - so, many times I made injuries worse by "pushing through".... until I finally realized/admitted that I wasn't _getting_ through the latest damage, and was only making it worse, or compounding it with additional injuries. Now, actual running has receded beyond an asymptote or "event horizon" - death will come before my declinin

  - Kevin

• March 7, 2013 1:44 p.m.

  ".... if you hold onto anger and resentment, these fiery coals will burn a hole in your stomach and drain your soul." Thank you, Dr. Creagan for those wise words. They are right on the money! We have to let go -- we have to let the past BE what it is: the past. We have to let those who've hurt us off the hook -- for the sake of our own sanity and health. We've all been disappointed by someone, someone has failed to live up to our expectations. Some of us have even been abused or attacked or ripped-off. But we have lives -- God-given lives of our own -- and we deserve a second chance. And the ONLY way to move on and take that second chance and have a better quality of life is to LET GO of the past and forgive those who've hurt us or abandoned us or, yes, even trashed us. Thanks for the encouraging words and the practical tips on how to make it happen.

  - Linda

• March 4, 2013 9:42 a.m.

  Stress disturbs your wellness and can damage your life. It affects your family, friends... I know coz my wife was so stressed, about work, home, even me. Every single day we were fighting and negative atmosphere was in our bedroom too. To be honest 'the bad time' is in the past now. Finally we live in harmony.

  - Denis

• February 26, 2013 9:34 a.m.

  I pray for that person I have a resentment against and it seems to dissipate (30 days) resentments only keep us in a prison. I choose to be free.

  - Joanne

• February 21, 2013 12:43 p.m.

  ..."On the other hand, if you hold onto anger and resentment, these fiery coals will burn a hole in your stomach and drain your soul. Another key message in the comments was the need to maintain your physical fitness, as well as your spiritual fortitude. Pilates, yoga, stretching, calisthenics, and techniques for mindfulness and and living in the moment are powerful antidotes for the miseries and setbacks that can beset us."... All of that is true and wise. Although it's also a little austerity minded. We do not know the hands that are dealt to others. Therefore, these suggestions should be maintained as positive suggestions and not judgmental declarations about those that have been dealt emotional, physical, or developmental lethal blows for which there is no recovery. Your words of wisdom are heard by those that survive, not by those that fall. The remedy or anesthetic for those less fortunate is kindness (not mere niceness, but true kindness in thought and deed). My suggestion is to be kind to each other, especially those less happy than ourselves. If we can muster it. Which we cannot.

  - Rob

• February 20, 2013 10:52 a.m.

  This is so very true. The Bible speaks of this and actually it is forgiveness that is at the very heart of true Christianity. That God was in Christ Jesus, reconciling men to Himself. Jesus Christ died for sin so that those who trust in His death, burial and resurrection can have peace and forgiveness from God. Our Creator God has heart of forgiveness for His creatures. He calls us to confess our sins to Him and repent. He delights in mercy and forgiveness. Those who believe in trust in Him for forgiveness will find healing and a heart to forgive others. We all need forgiveness at one time or another. And we all need to forgive those who sin against us, as well.

  - julie