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  • With Mayo Clinic health education outreach coordinator

    Angela Lunde

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  • Alzheimer's blog

  • March 19, 2013

    Gratitude is the one pill everyone should be prescribed

    By Angela Lunde

30 comments posted

Alzheimer's Caregiving

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A new pill is available that's likely to improve your energy and resiliency, enhance your immunity, lift your mood, offer you greater feelings of joy, and improve compassion toward self and others. And it has no side effects.

Will you take it?

In a posting a couple of weeks ago, Raymond offered thanks to his wife for attending our conference and shared how it fed her spirit, and as a result his as well. He spoke of the love he and his wife still have for one another and the acceptance that resonates in their home. Raymond said he has a memory problem and now depends on his wife. However, gratitude was Raymond's prevailing message.

Gratitude is that pill.

Many of us probably don't think about gratitude all that often in our day-to-day lives. Although most of us will habitually focus on what's going wrong-the feelings of rejection, the losses, hurts, our imperfections. It's easy to draw our attention away from what we have and into that dark place of what we don't have, or think we need.

Being grateful doesn't mean we deny what's wrong or difficult or unfair in our life.

Robert Emmons, professor of psychology at the University of California-Davis, and one of the foremost authorities on the topic of gratitude, says, "To say we feel grateful is not to say that everything in our lives is necessarily great. It just means we are aware of our blessings."

Gratitude shifts our focus from what our life lacks to the abundance that's already present. The truth is that each that each of us has something good in our life that millions of others don't. And when we are regularly mindful of what we have to be grateful for, we can be happier, more resilient, our relationships strengthen and our burdens often lift. Gratitude enriches human life, no matter what our situation.

Today, research is charting evidence that gratitude opens the heart and activates positive emotion centers in the brain. When we focus our attention on the things for which we're grateful, the blessings in our life, we can actually change the way neurons in our brain are wired. Ultimately, this means that with practice, we can cultivate positive states of mind.

Sarah Ban Breathnach, author on the topic of gratitude, writes, "Real life isn't always going to be perfect or go our way, but the recurring acknowledgement of what is working in our lives can help us not only to survive but surmount our difficulties."

Dr. Amit Sood, director of research & practice and complementary integrative therapies at Mayo Clinic, says, "Without gratitude, happiness is not accessible."

No doubt though, gratitude doesn't seem to come as easily as grumbling, so it really does take practice. There are many methods to develop the practice of gratitude.

A gratitude journal is one way. It consists of writing down a few things each day for which you are grateful. Some days it may be the basics-your home, a friend, the flowers you bought yourself to brighten the room, your health, your pet, a comfortable bed to wake up in. Breathnach's book "Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude" is one such tool.

Now back to Raymond. He's not denying he has memory problems or that he is becoming more dependent on his wife, yet this is not what he chooses to focus on. Raymond chooses gratitude. He is grateful for what he has-the capacity to love and feel love, grateful for the ways in which his wife lifts her spirit and his, and grateful for the bond they continue to share. Clearly, Raymond chooses the gratitude pill.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." - Melody Beattie

30 comments posted

blog index

  • April 11, 2013 8:03 p.m.

    to Sandy, a diagnosis is a thing in this moment. And have to do in other time again. But it is not sure for four years. It takes away the chance to be better. It takes away the chance to do therapy. When I think, it is and I say this every day also. So it will be all time in this way, all the four years. But the human with this disease is a human. Your husband is without his job. He lost the job, he lost everything as a man. And he have not to do like a man does. So he is mental isolated. He has do speak with other men. And do anything like a man does. The man has not the same idea as you. And so he is alone with his problems. He has fear, feels not like him. He is without safety as a man. And so he does nothing. But now the information for the brain cells will be less. And so they go down. He has to find anything he likes to do, speaks with other men. So the brain cells will be better work. I wrote a book Rediscover Recovery Practical Reference. I am a therapist and a caregiver for a long time.

    - Susanngab

  • April 5, 2013 8:15 a.m.

    Gratitude gives us the power to look and feel within ourselves even in the most difficult circumstances...sometimes we have to dig hard but eventually we can find a turning point.

    - Beth

  • March 28, 2013 9:32 a.m.

    Wow! I was again led to this entry in answer to prayer. I have been struggling with the ongoing changes my husband is showing, and my feelings of frustration. He will be 58 next month, and we have had the AD diagnosis for 4 years. Life is not fair with this disease...for any of us! But it is important to remember and celebrate the bright moments--like he knew my name this morning! :)! What a treasure that was. I too thank the Lord that I am able to wake up, to provide care for him, to work out side the home part time, to provide care to others as an RN and to share faith with others. This is a journey of life...and I am grateful.

    - Sandi

  • March 27, 2013 6:53 p.m.

    Yes, with my husband's memory problem, I have been grateful for many things: every morning I thank God that I woke up; every night, I thank God that I was able to go through the day with understanding and patience. I am grateful for my son who assists me in looking after my husband. I am grateful for friends and colleagues who remind me take care of myself, so that I will remain strong to continue taking care of my husband. I have decided to walk again the Camino de Santiago de Compostela this year , and this time, I will take my husband with me. I sincerely believe that the daily walking, the people he will meet in each day's walk, the sunshine (and maybe the rain), the peaceful and friendly environment will help both of us retain our health and faith in the goodness of life.

    - Paola

  • March 27, 2013 2:34 p.m.

    RE: Graitude. I still think that pushing the positive on others is not thoughtful. However I do subscribe to being grateful regularly for occasions or conditions of good, loving times however irregular THEY may be. But please don't push positive thinking on a glum friend; being supportive might just be all they need.

    - chloe

  • March 27, 2013 12:06 p.m.

    Part 3 Mom's Journey Three nights ago as I'm sitting by mom's bedside waiting for the nurse to administer her 8 o'clock meds; at 9:30 the nurse still hasn't come. I walk down the hall and ask (to make sure) if mom has had her meds for the night. I tell the nurse that she is getting sleepy. I am told the staff is short-handed and she will get to her as soon as possible. I can't keep her awake any longer. About 10:30 mom turns over and goes to sleep. I keep sitting there by her side. At almost 11 o'clock the nurse finally comes in...she addresses my mom at the foot of her bed by calling her name and saying she's here to give her her meds (remember, my mom is very hard of hearing, as I have mentioned and, she is asleep). The nurse then switches the bright light on above her bed, pulls down the covers, pulls up mom's shirt and gives her an injection. Thankfully, I am still sitting there. Of course mom wakes up and looks from the nurse to me with alarm and inquiry. I reassure mom that everything is okay and she is able to cope and remain calm. What would have happened had I not been there? Furthermore, what does happen all the times I am not there? Alzheimer's is a disease. It is not a psychosis. The go-to treatment is with psychotic medications in all forms. Black-box labeling warn against treating the elderly with such medications. It is detrimental to them in so many ways, but it is done.

    - Paulette

  • March 27, 2013 11:48 a.m.

    Part 2 This is just the beginning of mom's long journey which, to this day has not ended. Finally, being deemed "fit" to reenter the community, Mom was refused by the Alzheimer's facility from which she came-- because she was no longer a "flight risk." This is puzzling for me since 90% of the thirty-or-so-bed facility were confined to wheel chairs! Let me say that at least half of her detainment at the hospital was due to the impossibility of finding a placement for mom. For the first 6 weeks, she was being assessed by the facility that had her "Baker Acted." The facility monitored her behavior to insure that she complied with their "good behavior" status before they would accept her back. However, after 6 weeks, was finally denied by them. If an Alzheimer-approved facility cannot deal with Alzheimer-related outbursts, what options are there? Denials ruled the day for her release. Facility after facility would not have her -- many had a "waiting list," others clearly would not accept her because of her "history." However, finally, she was accepted at a non-Alzheimer's facility. She has been there a month. We were informed last week that she was not a good fit for their facility. The nursing director said, "Your mom needs to be in a facility that can deal with her dementia-related illness." (Well, yeah, wasn't that where she was in the beginning?) We have made ourselves available to assist with her c

    - Paulette

  • March 27, 2013 11:42 a.m.

    Today I made a decision to bring my mom back home again. Mom has Alzheimer's. One year ago we brought mom home to live with us when her failing memory made it obvious that she no longer could live independently. After nine months her constant care became too much to handle for my daughter and I. When a facility with an Alzheimer's unit came available, I admitted her there. For 2 1/2 months we struggled to keep her in that facility because of her outbursts of combative behavior. Then the inevitable happened. She was involuntarily expelled by the Baker Act law. My mom is 91 years old. She was totally compliant with her arrest and oblivious to what was happening to her. Yet, the Baker Act was enforced. To see her being arrested by law enforcement and carried away in a sheriff's patrol car 25 miles away to a hospital psyche unit was devastating. This hospital confinement was not short-lived. My mom was legally kept at this facility for two months. During this time, her medications were adjusted and tweaked to lessen the severity or curtail her outbursts. While in the hospital her mobility was limited. Most days she reclined in a geriatric chair or lay in bed without activity. Although she was able to walk before she was admitted, she was incapacitated after her discharge. Mom left the hospital unable to get up without the aid of a two-person assist, as well as, a blood clot in each leg and, the dreaded MRSA virus from infected skin tears. This is just the beginning

    - Paulette

  • March 26, 2013 2:22 p.m.

    Great article. Thanks so very much. I am a 93 years old male caring fore a 93 years old wife. I find my best source of assistance within myself; being grateful for the opportunity God has give me to care for her. My second source of inspiration and assisstance comes from articles and postings on line by both institutions and individuals.

    - Ed

  • March 26, 2013 10:03 a.m.

    I'm grateful for this message from Melody and for the many helpful messages from the great Mayo Clinic. Getting these timely bits of information from the research and practice of the esteemed folks at the Mayo Clinic is quite incredible. What a blessing!

    - Jerry

  • March 24, 2013 3:09 p.m.

    In our holy book there are at least 2 verses that show the symptoms of Dementia.(Alzheimer) 1- mankind! if ye have a doubt about the resurrection, (consider) that we created you out of dust, then out of sperm, then out of a leech-like clot, then out of a morsel of flesh, partly formed and partly unformed, in order that we may manifest (our power) to you; and we cause whom we will to rest in the wombs for an appointed term, then do we bring you out as babes, then (foster you) that ye may reach your age of full strength; and some of you are called to die, and some are sent back to the feeblest old age, so that they know nothing after having known (much), and (further), thou seest the earth barren and lifeless, but when we pour down rain on it, it is stirred (to life), it swells, and it puts forth every kind of beautiful growth (in pairs) 2-it is allah who creates you and takes your souls at death; and of you there are some who are sent back to a feeble age, so that they know nothing after having known (much): for allah is all-knowing, all-powerful

    - Mohammad Ali

  • March 24, 2013 2:51 p.m.

    Hi, I'm a Muslim and we read in our holy book , Quran, that:and remember! your lord caused to be declared (publicly): "if ye are grateful, i will add more (favours) unto you; but if ye show ingratitude, truly my punishment is terrible indeed."

    - Mohammad Ali

  • March 24, 2013 11:58 a.m.

    Thank you Melody & Angela for your article. I agree that Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. Even during the roughest of days & nights, I'm grateful for the hope & joy of a new tomorrow.

    - Judy

  • March 24, 2013 1:54 a.m.

    Todays articles were a wakeup call for me. It put my worries into perspective and awakened my awareness of all that I have to be grateful for as I watch the changes Alzheimer's makes in my beloved husband. Thank you.

    - Lois

  • March 24, 2013 12:42 a.m.

    I too am extremely grateful for the Alzheimer's/Dementia conference on March 2nd. My husband has frontotemporal dementia (FTD)for at least 5 years. I attended a session by 2 Mayo doctor's on FTD and FINALLY was told how to communicate with my husband and what not to do or say! Our lives have been much more peaceful and harmony has been almost restored to our marriage. He'd been so obstinate and argumentative from the dementia. We still have some challenging days but not as often. Thank you Mayo Clinic for helping me regain some of my sanity!!!

    - Martha

  • March 23, 2013 10:39 a.m.

    what does any one think of coconut oil

    - booker

  • March 23, 2013 12:18 a.m.

    Hi. I am a relatively young caregiver, 47. My husband is 62, diagnosed with MCI 2 1/2 years ago. After further diagnostic tests we learned he has Alzheimer's Disease and operates on about 1% of his hippo campus. One of his symptoms is that he lives in denial about the diagnosis and his symptoms. Oddly enough, my husband was a teacher, union president, and 20 year administrator in our state's mental health system, specifically at 2 hospitals and coordinating/supervising services at 36 rural mental health clinics. To add to our interesting situation, my mental health history is littered with diagnoses. Our marriage suffered for about 7 years until I found proper care and specific life strategies. God truly prepared me in many ways to meet a number of challenges on this journey in dementia care. One of those ways is through innumerable settings and people who encourage cultivating this "attitude of gratitude." One person in particular, my dad, often said, "I was sad I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet." Sure hope that helps someone as much as it helps me.

    - Jenny

  • March 22, 2013 6:55 p.m.

    It's interesting that I read this today. As I was on my way to work, I thought how lucky I was that my husband had a wonderful day care he enjoyed going to and I could go to work and do something I enjoyed doing. My husband has dementia, he fractured his hip in january and it's been a really difficult time. It did feel good to be "grateful" for something.

    - kathy

  • March 22, 2013 11:22 a.m.

    I am so thankful that I could read your blog today. I really needed tohear this today. Thank you so much

    - Anne

  • March 22, 2013 10:47 a.m.

    Practice of gratitude has temporary,ephemeral but nevertheless,real effects.

    - sanjit

  • March 22, 2013 4:41 a.m.

    Very well written article! In addition, I recently learned a lesson about gratitude/happiness. I have been planning to move for about a year, and decided that I would not buy any more clothes until I moved, (because of having to pack more items). I learned that I am happier not having additional clothes, etc., and it has reduced my stress level, i.e. (having to try on clothes, put them in your closet, wash them, iron them, etc.). Of course, people need enough money for food, rent, etc. but more "things" do not bring gratitude/happiness.

    - Lee

  • March 21, 2013 11:03 p.m.

    Shortly after my husband was diagnosed with a chronic disease, I attended a workshop where the phrase, "Attitude of gratitude" was spoken. I shared that with my husband and my sons and, after that, every day we found something for which to be grateful. It lifted the burden of caregiving, and made the entire five years during his illness very special for all of us. I am grateful for the "attitude of gratitude". Mary

    - Mary

  • March 21, 2013 8:17 p.m.

    This reminds me of ACTS. Adoration... Contriton.... Thanksgiving and... Supplication... God Bless All the caregivers and those they care for.

    - JoeK

  • March 21, 2013 5:10 p.m.

    What a wonderful article. This applies to everyone, and was especially what I needed to read today. Thank you.

    - Carole

  • March 21, 2013 2:11 p.m.

    Wow! Who would have thought that on the day I walked away from my job of 20 years that I would read an article on being grateful. Amazing! Each day of this horrific year, I was told to thank God for my job; at least you have a job. Well, I do not want "at least" a job. I want to be happy and feel like I have a sense of purpose. I also don't want to know that I could have spent the next 10 years griping and complaining when happiness was just around the corner. Either way, I agree that true happiness can only be found in being thankful. Who knows? This next chapter of my life could be just as awful, but clearly not as awful as others. I can face it with a smile, being thankful for the blessings I've received and keep receiving beyond my wildest dreams. Or I can continue to be the grinch who keeps complaining because life did not go my way. Really? How short-sighted? It could be worse. Thank you, God for my blessings (and this wake-up call)!

    - Angela

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