Connect with an expert
Pregnancy and you
With Mayo Clinic certified nurse-midwife Mary Murry, R.N., C.N.M.
Miscarriage brings silent anguish
Almost 25 percent of all pregnancies are lost to miscarriage, for many reasons. I'm not going to go through them here. What I want to talk about is what happens to those 25 out of 100 women who lose their baby.
When we discover that we are pregnant, we don't think of zygotes, embryos or fetuses. We think of babies. We think of sons and daughters. We start planning the minute we know we're pregnant. So when a woman miscarries she loses a baby. It doesn't matter if she is 7 weeks or 15 weeks.
The feeling of loss is real and it is painful. Some women feel guilty. If they hadn't done this or that the baby wouldn't have died. Maybe they weren't real excited when they first found out, but became accustomed and more positive. She can feel that it is punishment for her initial negative feeling. We need to let go of that guilt.
Whether or not the pregnancy is going to make it is determined in many ways the minute the sperm and egg unite. There is little a woman can do to cause a miscarriage. It happens because it was meant to. That doesn't make the pain any less.
People will often say things that are hurtful without meaning to. "Thank goodness you weren't further along." "You're young, you can have another." Things to that effect. Then there are the people who won't talk to you about it because they don't know what to say. You know women who are due when you would be due. You see baby clothes you would have bought. Your due date comes and you cry through the whole day, in private, in silence.
It is only after you have a miscarriage that you find out how many other women have suffered a miscarriage. We just don't talk about it with anyone. This is when the silence can end. These women know your sorrow, your loss. Talk to women who know your sorrow and loss, and share your feelings. You can do it here, or on other sites just for women who have lost babies. You will find a community of women who understand.
Add to del.icio.us
Digg This
Add to Technorati
Stumble It! Back to posting index
Thank you for the article and for everyone's words of support and stories. I started miscarrying on Sunday - my first pregnancy - I was at 10 weeks. Ultrasound showed blighted ovum. My husband and I just feel so empty and deflated right now, but reading this article and everyone's words have helped. Thank you.
Thank you to all the women who post such personal stories about their hardships with miscarriage. I never knew how common miscarriage is and how many wonderful women and couples have to deal with this pain. I am 31 years old and currently miscarrying our first pregnancy. We went to our first prenatal appt at 9 weeks and upon ultrasound i can tell the Dr was having a hard time seeing the baby. She called it Blighted Ovum or empy sac and i never heard of that. i didnt know what she was talking about but we knew it wasnt good. she immediately sent me for blood work and further ultrasounds which i continued repeating every 48hr for 10 days. The unknown was complete anguish! After the last ultrasound the Radiologist and Dr confirmed there is no baby and probably failed around 7 weeks. So, at 12 weeks we decided D&E was best option because i hadnt even yet begun the physical symptoms of misccariage. I couldnt wait. I felt the need to start having some closure and also be safe in hospital procedure. 10 days later i am still bleeding and cramping. it is getting better. My hormones and emotions are completely SAD and depressed, i have to take it half day at a time right now. It is so difficult - many tears of a sad, lonely, empty feeling that my baby is no longer with us. I feel so bad for my Husband as he is the strong, positive one that is trying to keep us ok. We have faith and will only be stronger thru this so the only thing bright right now is hope and faith for future! Take
Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories. I, like most of you, just experienced a loss and find it amazing that I had no clue what to expect. I just turned 40, with two healthy children. This was my first miscarraige and don't know anyone who has ever had one....until now. I was 12 weeks and had an ultrasound that confirmed the baby did not make it. It was explained to me that I was pass the pregnancy, with a very heavy period and cramping. What was to come was so very upsetting. I just wish someone would have told me what to expect so I could have prepared myself for "the passing of the pregnancy" and the emotional toll it took. Good luck to all of you and keep up the good work of help us deal with this tragedy.
I just lost a pregnancy in my 8th week. I really dont know what to feel and how to deel with it yet. I read all the post and am amazed at how many women go through this.
It feels terribly sad but hoping that it will end soon for all.
I am 35 and was pregnant for the first time. I had a miscarriage last week at 9 weeks. I'm devastated and can't stop crying! I haven't told many people (we held off) but now that I've told a few people, I'm completely shocked at how common it is! I'm almost mad that people don't talk about it more. I don't smoke, I don't drink much, I exercise, I'm not overweight...I guess I figured I would be okay. It's seems like a very cruel trick of nature, to let you be excited for 2 months only to have to rush to the hospital with uncontrollable bleeding and a broken heart...
thank you for your article. I lost my twins at 12 weeks minus 1 day. I had twin to twin transfusion, so neither one could survice. They were identical little girls. I underwent one d&c, a month of spotting, and then more bleeding, only to learn I needed a second d&c. it prolonged the nightmare for no reason. I think of my twin girls all the time. this was the second miscarriage in 1 year. I don't have twins in my family but I always always felt I would have twins. So from the beginning, I thought it was meant to be. Now I am so confused... It has been 3 months.. and I feel so down, but it's a subtle, lingering, behind the scenes melancoly. A silent hurt... I notice when I have a moment to myself, I cry still... I hope it goes away at some point. But I just wanted to share my story to let you know that you are not alone, and not misunderstood. Not the way society may lead you to feel. I wrote a blog. writing seems to help me. Feel free to visit it and share your story with me/others, write a poem, share a thought, whatever you'd like. I feel the more we break the silence, the better the healing. I send you all my wishes for healthy, happy babies and peace in your hearts. http://createhealing.blogspot.com/
I'm 43 and just had a miscarriage. I had 2 miscarriages prior to having my son who will soon be 12. At 43 I thought those days were over and wasn't planning on having any more children although I always wanted more. It was a huge surprise to find out I was pregnant and I was worried about a million things but thought what a surprise blessing and it must be fate. Of course when you miscarry everything changes and excitement and worry turn to grief and confusion and for me some anger. I never dreamed of having another child but then I was forced to think about it and all of the wonderful things that came with it all to have it taken away. I'm grateful still because in all of my pregnancies I prayed for a healthy happy child and I know that those babies that passed wouldn't have been so they are better staying in heaven with all of the other little angels. I was grateful for the chance to have another child but for me it will end. Prior to having my son I grieved for my losses but knew I would eventually have a happy healthy child and I did. I guess this time at 43 I feel the loss even more because I won't be trying again and the dream has to die with the baby. I say keep the faith and also wait to try again until you feel you are emotionally ready. Sometimes we try too soon after an initial miscarriage. Our minds and bodies need time to heal. It is helpful to share my feelings and I pray that each of you get strength and courage and know your chance is still coming.
To Violet,
There is something called inevitable miscarriage. Your twins were going into this state and the Doctors should have explained this to you. There are good abortions and bad abortions. So there is no judgement to be made against you whatsoever. While this may not alleviate your pain, just know that you did nothing wrong. You were experiencing or about to experience an "inevitable miscarriage". All my love and prayers to you during I'm sure a still difficult. I just lost my child on Friday. I miscarried after eight weeks. Grieve all you have to. Don't hold back.
Juliana.
Shayna,
I also had a miscarriage on Friday. I was eight weeks along and I did not even know I was pregnant until the doctor came in and told me that I was pregnant, but there's no heartbeat. I felt that I experienced all the issues after the fact. Maybe I did something wrong, I should have known that I was pregnant, maybe if I hadn't been doing this or that, then things would have been different. This is my second miscarriage in 9yrs. I currently don't have any children and this makes it even more painful. The first time was an ectopic pregnancy, so I was a bit more practical with that one, but this time around, the baby was in the right place, but still didn't make it. Right now, I'm an absolute mess. The father of the baby and I are no longer together and I'm really having a hard time coping on my own. I can't function at work, I'm crying all the time and I feel that my world has been ripped from around me. I gave my baby a unique and special name.I felt that it was a boy. This might sound weird, but giving the baby a name has made "his" existence more real and more substantial. Somehow I feel that this was the right thing to do for me to help me heal better. I've learned in life that every individual is a person and deserves to be recognized as such. So a baby, from the time of conception, that has a heartbeat, is a human being and should be regarded as such. Writing this has made me feel better. All my love to all the women going thru this diffic
I just had a miscarriage on friday, it was our first pregnancy, its soo hard to deal with, because my husband is military so he is deployed and wont be home until oct..so its been hard, i was only 2 and a half months along but, he/she was our baby and now we nolonger have him or her..i just wanted to say that reading the other comments have helped me so thank you..and i pray that some day we will have our baby..
I was just wondering for some advice about how to help a friend who has been through numerous miscarriages when I myself am now pregnant. I do want to be there for her but I feel the site of me might do more harm than good at this point. She is in my prayers every night and I admire her strength so much, I just wish I knew what to do for her. Thank you all for sharing your stories. I think every woman knows a family member and friend who have been through this and instead of the seemingly typical attitude of dealing with things silently and alone, it is nice to see women uplift each other and embrace one another.
Is it possible to under go postpardum depression after a miscarriage? I think so. To some extent I am going through a depression similar to that. We lost our baby 6 weeks ago at 5 weeks along. We had been trying 2 1/2 years I'm 25 years old. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and we have wanted a baby for so long. I new something was wrong all along, I am a nurse. I felt it. The few weeks my husband and I shared "expecting" was the best time in my life..I can say even better than my wedding day. It hurts bad....my husband took care of me through the d&c but now he seems mad about the situation...a cold shoulder towards me. I am very emotional right now..between getting my period for the first time since and I am already ovulating a second time it's making me emotionally nuts! I feel bad that I snap at him and get moody at work and change feeings from second to second..I am sorry about that. I am trying. I just ask my husband to be patient with me and I know he is going through his own hurtful feelings. My in-laws don't call any more to see how I am it's like everyone thinks I am fine since it's been 6 weeks. Thank you for listening.....God bless.
I am miscarrying at the moment. This is my second in less than a year. Last year I found out I was pregnant and miscarried on Mothers'Day. I wasn't suppose to get pregnant I had my tubes tied after going through a abusive relationship. My husband and I wear thrilled to find out we were expecting again. It's hard to have faith anymore to try. My husband is now thinking of getting a vasectomy. I already have 4 children and I feel horrible my wonderful husband will not have any.
There are so many touching experiences shared by women. I thank you all for being open and helping each other.
I know after a miscarriage it is often scary to face another pregnancy. We trust our body to do what it is supposed to do. When we miscarry, we can stop to trust our bodies. It let us down with our baby, will it do it again? It is harder to tell people and it can take longer to get excited. No one wants to be hurt again. It can be hard to let go of guilt and the hurt and the mistrust. Listen to other women and take heart in their strength and courage. If you have had repeated miscarriages with no birth in between, you might want to have a consultation with a reproductive endocrinologist or a maternal fetal medicine doctor.
Know you are all in my thoughts.
I am 36 years old and have been pregnant 3 times. I just had my 3rd D&C yesterday, each one was due to miscarriage. At this point I feel that I have given up hope of ever being able to carry to full term. My first pregnancy (a boy) miscarried at 14 weeks, my second at 5 weeks, and my third at 11 weeks. The doctors have run chromosome testing on the first, and will on the third as well. Statistics say that there is a 25% chance of miscarriage for anyone who becomes pregnant and that goes up to 28% after the age of 35. I have lost 3 out of 3, and now I can't seem to help but blame myself for these losses. The only thing that has seemed to get me through at all was naming my children. My first I named Caleb, my second I named Faith (they couldn't tell me the gender), and I'll name the 3rd when the testing comes back and I know what gender he or she is. I doesn't make the pain go away, but I've found having a name makes others understand a little bit more.
Thank you for such an important article. And thank you to all the women who have shared their losses. I too was amazed at how common it is, and never realized this until after my miscarriage (first pregnancy). It was violent and horrible and the first time I had to go to the hospital for anything. I had to have the D & C. It is like a personal torture that not many others understand. Some of us are lucky enough to have great husbands and/or supportive family, but I know women who had to suffer alone too. And yes, the dates that go by....like mother's day and the due dates, oh, they are so hard. And then the early gifts, and impulse buys of the tiny baby booties..... I have been blessed with another pregnancy, but it is harder to be excited, and of course we don't really want to tell many people yet. So I am excited and yet at the same time so cautious to get too excited. What a confusing time, huh? You strong women are in my prayers........
My husband and I were totally shocked yesterday when we excitedly went in for our first doctor's appointment at 9 weeks with our first child, with whom we tried for a year to become pregnant. When the doctor was performing the ultrasound, we could tell something was wrong as she seemed a little off. She didn't raise any alarms, but then sent us to the hospital for a more thorough ultrasound. There was no doubt something was wrong as the technician was pretty quiet and kept searching for what seemed to be too long. I said, "Aren't you supposed to hear a heartbeat at this point?" She just nodded. She couldn't even really find an embryo, just a possible gestational sac. It was/is such a shock to us. Now, I can't stop weeping. All our plans seem to have dissolved. And I feel so sad that I can't erase my husband's obvious pain. I just want to move on and start trying again, relieved in a way that at least I can get pregnant. But it's heartbreaking to think I'll likely have to undergo a D&C and wait a few cycles after that to start trying again. I'm just relieved we didn't tell very many people. I wouldn't be able to stand their looks of sorrow at this time.
For Emily (April 1st posting)...My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage. It was heartwrenching and I wept for days (I was about 9 weeks). I was lucky to become pregnant so after, but was terrified of the possibility of another loss. My 3 year old daughter said what everyone else was thinking "I hope this baby doesn't die too". Yes, me too. At that moment I remembered that like each person, each pregnancy is different. And at that moment, while I was still feeling the loss of our pregnancy, I started celebrating the life within me....and felt joy again. Your lovely little girl was a soul you created and loved...you had dreams for her, you knew what her birthday would be, I'm sure you could picture her in my your mind. Please always hold that little girl in your heart (as I do mine from 15 years ago), but welcome the new life within and know that your experiences, while painful will make you a wonderful mother and a good friend to someone who experiences a similar loss. My third pregnancy produced a wonderful son who will soon be 14. I wish you the best of luck.
I began to miscarry on Friday with slight bleeding. After blood tests and a vaginal ultrasound it was found that there was no heartbeat, when the HCG levels and the number of weeks (5 1/2) would indicate that there should have been. About a week before I started to spot, I felt that there was something different and even though I didn't say anything to my husband he SAW that there was something diffent with me and how I was acting and reacting to life, I guess. Since it was my first (pregnancy and miscarrage), I really didn't know what was happening. I have to be comforted knowing that God and my body will do what's right and best for me and my baby and that some day I will be fortunate enough to be able to try again.
We had a miscarriage Sunday. We had thought she might be pregnant and tested once but it was kind of + and kind of - so we were planning to retest in a weekk or so. It turns out she was about 10 weeks along. I was out of town and my wife went through the process all alone. We hadn't "spread the news" of our impending pregnancy to anyone because we were not 100% sure. We have told some family and friends of our loss. We both seem ok emoptionally, sharing with friends and family has helped. Understanding that life is so amazing and the body has a way of knowing when things are not going right and ends up in causing a miscarriage is also something that I now marvel at in terms of life. It is amazing. I wish everyone a healthy physical and mental recovery who has gone through this same process.
i miscarried about 2 months ago. I really want a baby and the pain and hurt is still there. This was my first one I am only 20. We are trying again but sometimes i stop and wonder if this is too soon and am I menatlly ready to try again? I already think I am pregnant again I am already starting to have the symptoms. I am just so scared.
I lost my baby girl in November, just after Thankgiving. I was 12 weeks (though she only lived to be 9 weeks). I had to have a D&C and the entire experience was very heartwrentching for me. My husband and I decided to have the tissue tested to see if we could find a cause for the miscarriage. It turned out she had triploidy syndrome and it was nothing that could be helped. I'm still baffled by the comments I hear and how the subject makes people feel so uncomfortable. Although in my head I know that she is in Heaven and she's in a good place, in my heart I'm still aching and no one seems to understand that pain. I'm now 5 weeks into my second pregnancy and terrified that something could be wrong. I haven't allowed myself to be happy. I haven't opened the door to our "baby" room since I miscarried. I just pray that come December I'll be holding my baby in my arms and that he/she will be healthy.
My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you ladies who have suffered a loss. I know how painful it is.
For the past 1 1/2 years my husband and I have been trying to start a family. In those 18 months we have miscarried four times. I am 30 years old. I had all the testing done after our 2nd loss & we were treating the diagnoses during the last 2 losses.
My heart is broken over the many losses we've had to endure. One of the worst things is that people just don't seem to understand the pain of loss. They think "miscarriage is common" ... so that should make it easier to deal with. Well, it doesn't.
We received the news 2 wks ago that there was no heart beat at 9 wks along. This is our 2nd miscarriage in 2 years and it is so devastating. The anger, hurt and confusion all blur together. I dealt with the first miscarriage in every wrong way possible and am trying to deal better, whatever that is, this time. The stupid things people say still shocks me. Each of my pregnancies I was 9 weeks and miscarried around 10-11 weeks. There are always one or two friends out there that are willing to listen, make sure you find them, it will help get you through. And, don't shut your husband out, they are hurting too. Thank God for my husband, and I know I am truly blessed for the man I have, without him I could not bear this. May God Bless all of you with mercy and grace to get through this.
I just lost my baby at 13 weeks from blighted ovum. It was heart wrenching to watch on the ultra sound and see no baby even there. I don't completely understand what happened, and right now I am in shock as I just found out yesterday. I don't know how people can deal with this grief more than once. I loved this child and now I must let him/her go.
Violet, no one is going to judge you. This is a board about loss not judgement. You are still hurting I hope the best for you and your family. Kelley
I lost my baby at 9 wks (although the ultrasound to confirm miscarriage showed 8 wks). I couldn't believe that it happened, since I already had one healthy son. I wondered what I did, or why it happened. My husband and I each have a son from a prior relationship, and we wondered "could this have been our daughter?" We are now pregnant again, and I am 11 weeks along. We haven't told many people yet since we are being very cautious. I am trying not to get too excited yet as I am praying that this one goes well. What does help is to remember the lost baby. We purchased an angel figurine and we often pray about the baby at church. Our boys are only 7 & 8 and we haven't told them about the miscarriage or abuot this pregnancy yet, and we will wait until at least 12 weeks when the risks are lower. My heart goes out to all the women who go through this once, or multiple times. We are very strong and in sharing about our situations, we can help to heal. Thank you for helping me do so as well. It gets a little better as time goes on.
I am still so sad and angry. I lost my baby a week ago at an early 6 weeks. I am even surprised by how much this hurts. It was my first pregnancy and a very wanted and already loved baby. I am still going through the physical loss as I have started bleeding again this week-what a nightmare this has been. It helps to read the comments posted because I feel like I am going crazy sometimes with all the grief. -Tara
Thank you, everyone, for your vulnerability. I lost our baby at 8 weeks, on the day of my 27th birthday. It was a horrendous experience, and my husband and I spent the day crying and grieving. I've still had moments of grief and guilt, and I totally agree that you never forget about him/her because it is already your child. We named our baby Xiwang, meaning hope, because even in the midst of the grief, God filled us with a hope that is unexplainable. That's not to say that it's easy, but it's okay. It's still hard every month to find out that we're not pregnant yet, to have expectations dashed, but there are good things yet to come, whatever that may be. Women like all of you have been such an encouragement to me, as you honestly struggle through such a hard loss. My prayer is that all of us would be not only physically healed, but find emotional healing as well.
I miscarried almost 3 yrs ago. Doesn't seem that long ago though. Only 8 weeks along, but I was amazed at how I had instantly bonded and was so excited when I found out. It was unplanned and I am diabetic, so I did and still do feel guilty about it. I know it wasn't technically my fault, but it is still hard. All the "what ifs" and "I should haves". Especially hurt when the father actually abandoned me when he found out I was pregnant. I went through it all alone, as my family lives in another city. Tried to be tough. My family was supportive, but they could not know the pain. Even now, I think about it most days. I am reminded whenever babies are around or discussed. I am high risk with age (40) and my medical condition, so I know my odds of having a child are very low. But at the same time, I don't know if I want to take the chance either. I don't think I could survive another miscarriage. It is emotionally such a painful thing, and I think it always will be. I'm glad to have a space here to say some of these things that I can't discuss with my family and friends.
It has been over a year now since I lost my pregnancy at 8 weeks. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him/her. I have two beautiful boys at home and was counting on a little girl. I am going to be 40 this year and would still love to keep trying but my husband keeps telling me that I am too old to have another baby.
As much as I want a little girl, another little boy would be great. I always wanted 3 children, so maybe we will keep trying but if my husband isn't on board then that makes it a little more difficult. My heart goes out to all women who have suffered through this. Like someone else stated ....."A Mother Never Forgets!!!"
I really enjoyed reading this article. It's wonderful when other women can share their losses with each other because losing a baby/child is such an awful loss. I suffered two ectopic pregnancies in 1996 and 1997 at 8 weeks and 10 weeks respectively. I had heard of miscarriages but I've never heard of an ectopic pregnancy. Some women with scarred fallopian tubes are prone to having them but I was a healthy 26 year old with a normal reproductive system. When it happened the second time, I was really at a loss for words and understanding. I had to endure two laparoscopies and was stitched with staples the first go round, and dissolvable stitches the second time. Neverless, my husband and I decided to wait out 1998 and start again in 1999 with a specialist. My son is now 8 1/2 years old and a blessing for sure but like one commenter stated, at times, you wonder what would they be like had they survived. My heart goes out to all of the women who've posted comments. Please stay strong and know that you'll be blessed again. Thank you.
I am still hoping to have another baby (I know the chances are close to zero) in the hope that it would take some of the pain and give my daughter a sibling. But after reading these other comments I am afraid I will never get over what happened with my twins. It is like a nightmare but it happened in the real life. It is painful to see other pregnant women and newly borns. I was looking up online for advices for depression and anger management (I am angry at my husband for wasting 2+ years of my time where I could have babies) when I came across this site. While moms who had miscarried have really no reason for blaming themselves I feel guilty although rationaly my twins had no chance. Thanks for listening.
Thank you for the article and all the ladies who have posted their stories. To be honest I lost my twin girls to abortion and not miscarriage but please read on before judging. I realy wanted to have another baby (I already have a girl) badly. I had to convince my husband for 2 yrs that we are not too old for having another one! Then there came the twins. After initial worries (we both work and don't have any family close) we got very excited about the twins and told my daughter about them. She was all excited to get 2 baby sisters. Since I was already 41 I did a CVS at Cedars Sinai. After a week they said the sample was contaminated and offered to do it again for free. Long story short I went for ultrasound 3 wks later. The doctor said that one of the girls had almost no amniotic fluid and so it is already not developed as it should. They asked me if I had noticed leakage. I hadn't noticed it. They said it is hard to tell. And so since they were identical twins they said that the destiny of one will affect the other one as well. They did not give much hope for them to survive even if they were not miscarried. I also had a monster as a boss named Nancy who put me under tremendous stress at work. I complained to her. She said: "it works for me". Complains to her boss didnt work either. We decided that it was beyond us and termin. the pregnancy at 16 wks. After more than 2 years I go through severe depressions every month when I am reminded that my twins are not there
Thank you for the article and all the previous comments. I suffered a miscarriage just four weeks ago, and found it to be much more difficult then I ever could have imagined. The love and support of family and friends helped a great deal, yet I still felt that no one completely understood what I was going through because they hadn't experienced a miscarriage. Since then, I have been doing well, but had another difficult bout this week with grief. While I'd like to emotionally move on, I am comforted to know that doing so is difficult for many other women as well.
When someone in my family gets pregnant we do not have baby showers or get excited. We are a family that has alot of lost babies late in pregnancy. I lost two babies shortly after they were born. I had children in between loosing them. I was determined to have a baby and was pregnant for 4 years straight. It is still painful to think about the baby girl Marissa and boy Hayden. Having to have a birth certificate then a death certificate in the same day is just crushing.I do have two healthy, smart and beautiful children now. I would be lost without them. I missed out on the joys of pregnancy. The way the world works pregnancy and everything about it is so in your face. People see it everywhere when they are grieving and the remarks from family and strangers still astonishes me. Then I meet a lady in the store who sees me buying formula and tells me about her loss. I do not tell her about my losses...I just listen. Sometimes that is all you need to do. Thanks for listing. KM
My daughter miscarried two years ago, it was called a blighted ovum. She had had an MRI not knowing for sure that she might be pregnant and then not knowing for sure that it was the MRI. She of course blames herself, thinking of course that she shouldn't of had the MRI. She doesn't talk about it much just comes up from time to time how old it would be now if it had gone to full term. She has had a new baby girl this January and both are fine.
I had a miscarriage in 1976, in February. It was so devastating at the time, that I wrote about my feelings, feeling grief over losing Todd/Christy. I am now 67, but still think that the baby would be a certain age now, and what might our lives have been? There's still a space within you that would have been filled by that child in some way.
"A mother never forgets" resonates as I read through these comments. My friend lost her baby during her eight month of pregnancy. Those words were said by the priest at the funeral. I cannot possibly imagine what women who lose their baby at 1 week, 1 month or 8 months may feel, but I believe that pain doesn't care how far along you were. Do remember that there are many of us out there to mourn with you, listen to you, and whether we have the right words or not, share a piece of our hearts with you. To all the beautiful women who have experienced this personally or through someone you love, my heart goes out to you all.
My sister miscarried three times, only to finally have a little boy. I shudder to think what must go through her head when people ask, "When do you think you're going to have another?" My thoughts are with anyone who goes through this.
I lost my first pregnancy last February at 10 weeks. We were devastated, and had to "un-tell" many people. Counseling helped, but when I got pregnant again in August, I think both of us held our breath until about 17 weeks. We just didn't know. It took a while for me to feel I could be excited safely. Like others, I learned about so many friends who had miscarried after. We've tried to be honest when people ask us "is this your first?" and talk about the miscarriage, because we feel it honors our lost child more than not discussing it. The loss stays with you, though.
I also lost a baby in November. We had just told our family over the Thanksgiving holiday only to retract it the weekend to follow. It was and is horrifying! Now as my husband and I are trying again... it's almost harder to be excited.
It is something that stays with you. I miscarried in November. One week before Thanksgiving when my husband and I were going to tell both of our families. The holidays were hard with the inevitable questions..."so when are the two of you going to start a family?". I just couldn't talk about it. But it is amazing how may women I know that have miscarried...and of course I didn't find out until afterward. I confided in one friend who told me about all the others. She had miscarried three times herself before having her first child. It is painful and depressing, I'm tearing up even as I write, but it helps to know there are so many other people out there feeling the same way. Hugs to you all.
I had a miscarriage last spring. I was 36 and it was my first pregnancy ever - after a lifetime of wanting so bad to be a "mommy", and two years of actually trying and enduring fertility treatments. The grief we felt at the time of the miscarriage was nothing compared to the grief we felt as the due date approached. I wish the medical community was more tuned in to the emotional aspects of infertility and miscarriage. I have endured many family deaths and other emotional distress in my life, and none of it compares to the grief of infertility and miscarriage. Each month, you muster up the strength to be optimistic enough to try again. And each month, you grieve the loss of that hope when your pregnancy test is negative again for the umpteenth time. It usually seems like about that same day when you'll read a news story about a child who was abused, neglected, or even killed, and you can't help but to wonder "why did that person get to have a child? and why can't we inste
Thank you for the article. I am now 72 and lost my first pregnancy many years ago. I was fortunate enough to have two healthy children and now have grandchildren and great-grandchildren, but I still inwardly mourn that long-ago loss, and wonder "what might have been". We do heal, but the memory is always there.
The article was very comforting. It is good to know that the range of emotions that I am feeling are normal. I keep feeling like I am okay with my miscarriage, but then something small and seemingly insignificant brings it all to the surface again. This article makes me feel more courageous about sharing my feelings with others, that there are people out there to talk to.
Thank you for a beautiful article. The loss of a baby is always very difficult. It takes time to heal - even if the loss is very early on in the pregancy. My heartful prayers to all those moms who are reading this who's heart is still hurting.
Post a comment
About this site
·
Site help·
Contact us·
e-Newsletter·
Site map·
Reprints and permissions
Privacy policy
updated Feb 8, 2008
Terms and conditions of use
updated Sep 20, 2007
LEGAL CONDITIONS AND TERMS OF USE APPLICABLE TO ALL USERS OF THIS SITE. ANY USE OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES YOUR AGREEMENT TO THESE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF USE.
© 1998-2008 Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research. All rights reserved.
Home 
47 comments posted
Read comments | Post a comment