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• January 14, 2009 11:06 a.m.

  I just found out yesterday that yet again I am misscarrying.This is my 4th misscarriage in the last 10 years without a live birth. I am so frustrated and depressed what do I do now? I have had so many tests that all come back normal. My heart is broken. I yearn for a baby in my arms. I feel like I am broken.

  - LT

• January 11, 2009 5:52 a.m.

  H EVERYBODY GOD BLESS YOU ALL.I have had 3 MC in just over 1 year I am turning 42 this year 2009 and hoping for a healthy pregnancy this year.

  - SHARLENE

• January 8, 2009 11:55 a.m.

  I am wondering...does anyone have any insight to the potential risks if we become pregnant before having a "regular cycle"? I have done the "expectant managment method". I am wondering if my levels are back to normal, do I need to wait? Thank you!

  - Dana

• December 22, 2008 9:53 a.m.

  It has been only five days, my water broke on Thursday and I lost my baby on Friday. I have uterine fibroids and the doctors believe that this may be the culprit. But I am angry at God, why did give me such a special gift only to take it away. I am angry at myself, there were moments when I was seriously stressed out, did I do this to my baby, did I kill her? I don't know if I would ever get over the grief. I am also terrified that I will never be able to have another baby, my partner left me when we found out that I was pregnant and I know that I will not be ready to date for a while...I know that I am not ready, I was not ready when I was pregnant with my daughter and I'm certainly not ready now;but I digress. The doctors say that I should have surgery to remove them about a year before I try again, but I can't even think that far ahead. I just want my daughter back.

  - Daisy

• December 16, 2008 5:42 p.m.

  I posted on this site in May, after my miscarriage with our first baby. Our due date was yesterday and in thinking over the last 7 months, I've been overwhelmed at the support of so many other women who have gone through the same thing. So many friends remembered the due date yesterday and sent messages to us, despite the fact that my husband and I are pregnant again and expecting a baby boy in April. Know that the lost baby can't be replaced and is very much one to grieve and miss and remember and love, but that there is also hope ahead. We've learned a lot through this loss about how to grieve and be with others in sorrow, about God's faithfulness and goodness despite the brokenness of the world, have grown closer in our marriage, and so many more things through this and I think our first baby was a wonderful big sibling for our little boy- he has taught us so much and for a life of 50 days in utero, has made quite an impact on the world and on his family. We love our first little one and there will never be a Christmas where we don't think of him or her, but the legacy he or she gave us will go on. I pray for peace for all of you and that you will find one day that your babies represent gain in your lives and hearts as well.

  - Sarah

• December 13, 2008 11:20 p.m.

  I found out that I miscarried in late October at my 12 wk. ultrasound appt. My husband and I were so excited to see how it had grown in the last 4 wks., only to find out that our baby never developed past 9 weeks and the heartbeat was gone. I had no symptoms that anything was wrong. I was completely in shock. I had to have a D&C the following week. We are still completely crushed. We started telling people at 9wks after a great ultrasound at 8wks. We were so embarrassed and felt foolish for telling people so early. Having to go back and tell everyone at work and all of our friends and family was the worst. I felt like such a failure. Two other women in the office are pregnant and it's a constant reminder of what will never be. A lot of women did open up to me about their own miscarriages and sadly enough, those were the only stories that made me feel any better. Two weeks later a close friend started miscarrying at home. Her husband was out of town so I went and sat with her for a little while. I described the whole D&C experience for her so that she wouldn't be completely in the dark. I kept thinking that maybe I had to go through my experience so that I could be the one to help her through hers. I hated being the one with that knowledge, but now we are all in this secret "club" together and we can reach out and share so that we can carry our friends through when it happens to them. I wish I had known it was a 1 in 5 chance. Thank you for sharing your stori

  - Marie

• December 10, 2008 8:34 a.m.

  It's been almost three months since I had my miscarriage and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it like it just yesterday. I wss almost 10 weeks, I had a feeling something was wrong, on sunday i fetl pregenant(feeling hugely fatigued and my breast hurting) then monday morning when I woke all the symptoms were gone. I tried not to pay attention but I started bleeding and once I saw the blood I knew my dreams of becoming a mother was over. I went to the ER and they confirmed it by ulrasound. My family was no support, my grandmother was yelling at me for crying. My doctor told me that I can try again in three months which would be the new year. The closer it gets to the new year the more mix emotions that I feel, excited that we can try again but fearful that is could happen again. my husband and I were going to tell our 4 year old son that he was going to have a sister or brother on Christmas Day.

  - Andrea

• December 9, 2008 12:54 p.m.

  Once again I would like to thank everyone for contributing their experiences and their pain. As women we differ in many ways. This event seems to bring out a commonality among us. I read such pain and suffering in the posts and I also read support. Fear of another miscarriage shouldn't be downplayed. It is very real and women have not had future pregnancies because of that fear. Find support and resources so the fear may not have to be the deciding factor about future pregnancies.

  - Mary Murry .com

• December 8, 2008 11:01 p.m.

  I work in the Emergency room and of course all types/kinds of situation caome throught there every twelve hour shift I sign up for. I've posted on here before and this is around the time last year I was about to find out I was expecting. Needless to say I had a rough patch a couple of days here and there but I turned my sadness into helping someone else through a difficult situation. Needless to say a lady around my age was devastated that she was miscarrying. There wasn't a need for an ultrasound she had a very weak urine pregnancy test and her blood work came back to what we expected they call it a "Missed Abortion" or "Spontaneous Abortion". She cried the entire time and I just had to share with her that I knew how she felt and asked for permission to hug her . She was very receptive and I could "feel" the hurt she was experiencing so much that I was on the brink of tearing up. Not becuase of my experience but because of the compassion and realization of the way she was feeling. I'm not sharing this te recieve kudos I can get my daily dose from my two children and loved ones I have and simply go into work to see appreciative faces of a gentle hand. I'm simply sharing that although we don't know why this has happend to us and it is a "loss" we are ina position to help another person, or couple along the way.

  - Eileen

• November 30, 2008 3:12 p.m.

  I am in the midst of a miscarriage. Such an inadequate word for this devastating experience. I was 11 weeks. Miscarriage never crossed my mind - I was clearly spoiled by first two successful pregnancies. I started spotting and an ultrasound in the ER revealed an empty sac. My children, my husband, our friends, and relatives were all excited about this new little one and we were constantly planning for our new baby and wondering about what her or she would be like. I had no idea what miscarriage really meant until now. My heart is broken. Most people don't know what to say. Our culture seems to minimize miscarriage the same way it does childbirth. These HUGE experiences of women ( and their partners) that are historically weathered in silence. I'm outraged and feel so alone.

  - jenoa

• November 29, 2008 9:05 p.m.

  I finally feel I am not alone. I know miscarriages are a "common" thing and know many people who have had them.Some days are harder than others, but not a day goes by since I had the miscarriage on Sept. 23. We were 8 weeks pregnant, and only knew for 2 weeks. We weren't really trying, but since I have endometriosis we decided to stop birth control so that we could start trying. It took only 4 months before I got pregnant. I am 27 years old, and this was my 2nd miscarriage. The first one was last year, but we didn't even know I was pregnant until after I had the miscarriage. I wasn't at a loss then because I didn't really know. I didn't have the excitement, plans, and dreams. This time, we did. We had just began to tell everyone. We thought it was perfect timing. I'm a teacher and the baby would've been due in May, my grandfather just passed away and my family was so excited. I have a really good friend who is pregnant and our due dates were only two weeks apart. Now, she finds it hard to talk to me about the pregnancy. I told her I wanted to hear about it. For some reason, it's becoming incresingly hard to hear about it, to be joyful about her ultrasound picsand to be excited for others when they show me photos of their new babies.At first, I kept telling myslef it wan't meant to be, but it's getting harder to believe that. Everywhere I look I see babies and pregnant women.I guess I just needed to write my thoughts to feel a bit better, thanks for listening. :)

  - Mindy

• November 25, 2008 12:31 p.m.

  I am going through the loss right now as I sit here. I started spotting yesterday and ultrasound showed the baby to be small and no detected hearbeat, I am almost 11 weeks. I have had two perfectly easy and normal pregnancies. My boys are 10 and 6. We were all in love with our baby. We knew the baby should have fingers and toes and eyelids and kidneys that would start working. We knew I should feel baby move around my oldest sons birthday and find out the sex by Easter. Baby was a part of our daily life already... and we waited to tell until we were at 8 weeks just to be on the safe side. Now I worry about my age, I am 35. It took us a year to get pregnant. I am scared to try again, the year of trying was disappointing but this baby is a dream and a promise and endless possibilities I will never be able to hold. It hurts. I have always wanted three. I count myself lucky to have the two wonderful boys I have. I think the simplicity of those pregnancies made me forget about how fragile life is in the begining. I know God has a plan and I trust Him with my life and my children. He brings peace to my heart. I know my child is in His hands.

  - Jenna

• November 22, 2008 12:16 p.m.

  I have the most amazing 13 yr old. The pregnancy was easy. Motherhood has been easy. I wanted a second child right away and have thought about it ever since, but I got divorced 10 years ago and the timing has not been right. I recently remarried and we are ready to share a child together. We got pregnant in March, at the same time my brother and his wife found out they were pregnant with their first. I miscarried naturally at 6 weeks; tomorrow would have been our due date. I have to say that was one of the most emotionally painful events I have ever experienced. I was deeply saddened for so long. Six months later, my brother and his wife had twins. After a very scary pregnancy and a month and 1/2 in NICU, they brought home two beautiful, healthy girls. Four days after my nieces were born I had a positive pregnancy test and thought what perfect timing for me to get pregnant. But 2 weeks and 5 days ago, I miscarried for a second time. This time at 9 weeks. I don't know why. The mystery bothers me. My doctors say since I have gone to term with a pregnancy, the odds are still on my side for a fourth pregnancy to go full term. We are eager to try again, but I am afraid there is a problem and the problem won't be fixed due to the fact that insurance won't cover the expensive testing ... and if I have a third miscarriage, ugh!, not so sure I can go through it again. I know in my heart we will have a 2nd child, but I just don't know what it is going to take, emotionally, physically.

  - -k-

• November 11, 2008 7:55 p.m.

  WHen I found out I was pregnant I was over joyed even though my partner did not want anymore kids he had one and I have two teenage daughters. It was a baby that ws going to be a part of us both. After losing the baby one week after finding oout we never really talked about it but he has been percautious at times with birth control. This past week when our baby would have been at least two months old he brought the subject up. I was suffering alone but maybe he was too and didn't know how to express himself. I cry sometimes but I'm reminded of what could have been with the type of career I have. It's devastating and even though our baby didn't make it and I assumed he was glad about it, it obviously bothered him too. It seems as though we want to try again and I'm ready but to go through a miscarriage I would rather not ... this is a great forum I wish I knew of it a year ago I suffered in silence.

  - Eileen

• November 9, 2008 2:52 p.m.

  I lost my baby in July and now it's November and I find that while I do well in "everyday life", I still hurt so much I almost can't breathe sometimes. I have a supportive and wonderful husband and family and I keep wondering why I don't just move on. But not a day goes by that I don't think of my Evangeline. I'm tired of crying. I miss her so much. I'm trying to work through this (never thought I would ever use that cliche) and maybe this talking/writing will help. Just searching.......

  - Sophia

• November 4, 2008 10:17 p.m.

  I survived my miscarriage called a 'blighted ovum' last Thursday.Had spotted for a week before,with increasing cramping.Finally the u/s confirmed what I feared:dashed dreams,no baby and a gestational sac to get rid of.I waited 4 days to see if I could pass it naturally and spent one night in the hospital on oxytocin drip as I had severe bleeding/clotting.But by Monday the u/s confirmed I'd passed it!So that was a lucky break.I had been 11 wks with this first pregnancy so it was devastating and a huge learning curve.But my husband has been supportive and even says I've been taking care of him well too thro this all!(he's grieving too)It is true that women who have been through mc's are very supportive and good to talk to.Very many of them have went on to have a healthy family.I feel that God still takes care of us all with bleeding hearts and is a prayer away,ready to help us.take care.

  - cfc

• November 3, 2008 2:06 p.m.

  Deana~ We have such a similar story. Everything for us was as you described it. Our's happened 10/23 and we did not have a D and c, but all the feelings you talk about we have felt. Things are getting easier day by day. I have good days and bad days. My husband seems to be handling it better than I. I keep telling myself that brighter days are ahead. What I have learned from this is that we have no control. We have no control in how long it takes to get pregnant, if our baby makes it to full term etc... I am taking this lesson with me as we begin to think about trying again in a few months. Remember, brighter days are ahead!

  - Amanda

• November 3, 2008 12:11 p.m.

  My husband and I got pregnant on the first try. We were thrilled. I talked to and pray with our baby everyday. We couldn't wait for our first doctor's visit (Oct.27th). I smiled as the doctor discussed the list of do's and don'ts thinking yes we are right on track. Shortly after our feelings of joy were shattered as we looked at a monitor with our baby yet no sound of a heartbeat. I don't think I was fully aware of how connected I had become to my baby in just 10 weeks. I just had a D&C Friday(Oct 31st). I had pain until Sunday night and then I started to feel pretty normal. I turned to my husband in bed and burst into to tears. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL NORMAL. Today I woke up with only a minor pain in my left side and a hint of bleeding. Quickly every indication that my baby was just living inside of me is disappearing. Emotionally, this will be a part of me far the rest of my life. I will never get to hold my baby, but my undertanding of a mother's love was born that day our child was conceived.

  - Deana

• October 29, 2008 9:58 a.m.

  My first pregnancy ended 40 years ago at 12 weeks. My first son was born 15 months later, followed by three more miscarriages and another son. I still grieve for those four lost children even as I celebrate my adult sons. We didn't allow parents to grieve their lost children in hte 60's and 70's. It wasn't until I read about a special park in the metro area for memorials for lost children that I was able to acknowledge the loss and fully grieve. Now on the day that would have been a lost child's birthday, I give a gift to a local charity, unnamed except in my heart. It does help me and honors that child that I have yet to meet.

  - Jane

• October 26, 2008 10:26 p.m.

  hey everybody i am 28 and just lost my baby after only 16 weeks i just dont undersatnd y this happen to me i have three other children and never had any problems with them i didnt have any symtoms of havin a miscarriage at my dr. visit witch was a month ago every thing was fine my blood was good tha baby was good i had a sonigram done to see how far along i was and tha baby was moving around and had a good heart beat i no pains no nothin i had very little spotting and only when i went to tha bathroom i went to tha dr.and they didnt find a heart beat for tha baby so i was sent to the er and after waiting to be seen for 6hrs wen they did the sonigram they saw my baby but it didnt have a heart beat and i am just heart broken the dr. said that tha baby was to small to be 16 weks and that it must have died shortly after my first dr. visit but i think thats just a way to take the blame off of them for making me wait so long before they saw me cuz i know i felt my baby move just days before dont know what t think the only thing i know is that my little Jaden Gage is gone ut at least i got to hold him and spend time with him even though he was only the size of my palm i dont know how i will get through this but thanks to all becouse ready ur stories really helps my god bless u all and be with u in ur time of need

  - sandra

• October 23, 2008 5:52 a.m.

  I had a miscarriage October 11, when the OB could not detect a heartbeat anymore for what was then supposed to be my 14th week. You're all correct in saying that this is the most painful thing we have had to endure thus far. I miss my child and even knowing from the ultrasound that it was likely he or she had a serious health problem doesn't make me love him or her less, or make the pain more bearable. I want to try for another child (I have a 6 year old), but I'm also terrified to have another miscarriage. Losing a child was my biggest fear and now that it has happened...there are some days when I can function and some days when I just can't get the strength to get up and resume "normal" life. It helps to know that there are others who know what I'm going through. I hate it when well-meaning people ask me if I've "accepted it yet". I don't think people understand that losing a child, even if it was "just" a 12-week fetus, breaks your heart all the same and makes you a completely different person. I keep thinking, maybe I did something wrong, maybe it was something I ate...but going down this route doesn't give any answers, or comfort. So I just keep thinking that maybe there's a reason for all of this, and that maybe one day I will know that it was for the best. Take care, everyone.

  - Ellen

• October 22, 2008 6:02 p.m.

  Does it seem to anyone else like after you lose your baby, everywhere you go there are women who are either pregnant or have tiny infants? I just lost by first baby at almost 11 weeks. It was the most physically and emotionally painful thing that I've ever had to endure. A couple days ago I decided to come out of hiding so I walked around Target and saw (no exaggeration)probably ten or eleven new moms with their infants. I felt so empty and sad. To make matters worse, my midwife just called me to say that I have abnormal cells on my cervix and it might be cancer. I don't even know if I have the capacity to feel anymore...I'm so numb. This baby was a complete surprise and I cringe everytime I think of the tears I cried wishing the pregnancy would just go away. I felt ashamed and was scared at the prospect of being a single mother. Now that my little cricket is gone, I feel so much remorse for not drinking in every moment that I had her. Other women who have lost their babies told me the pain never really goes away but it dulls over time. In the meantime, just trust in God and he'll see you through.

  - Amber

• October 22, 2008 5:03 p.m.

  This does help a lot to know that I am not the only one who gieves. I just had a D&C done yesterday. This pregnancy was not planned but I had weeks to bond with my baby. I felt fine after the procedure and I didn't even cry. But then today hit and all I do is cry!!!! I hurt inside so bad. What maks matters worse is that my friends tell me that at least I have my two boys. I am greatful for them and they are my life but that doesn't make the pain go away.

  - No name given

• October 21, 2008 11:15 a.m.

  I just found out that I am carrying an empty gestational sac. I was 11 weeks and was so excited. It took us a very long time to conceive our first child and this time it happen on the first try. We thought this was to good to be true and as it turns out it was. I just had a D&C as I wanted to begin the healing process as soon as possible, easier said then done. My husband and I want so much for our son to have a sibling. At 8 weeks we bought him a big brother t-shirt and began to tell the world. I hate when people tell me that at least i have one child. One, two, or three does not diminish the loss that I feel. I wish I knew how long these feeling of sadness will continue to creep up on me. I am fine one minute and then the next i am a crying basket case. I know only time will heal my mental health and my heart, but sometimes it is hard to keep in mind that there will be a light at the end of this tunnel. In the meantime I have taken some time from work not to deal with the physical, but to allow myself the time and freedom to deal with the anguish. I am very blessed to have an extremely supportive family, friends and a boss who are allowing me to walk through this process as I see fit, excepting of me taking it one day at a time and having patience with me. My thoughts and prays our to the rest of you as you move through your own journeys.

  - Kelly

• October 20, 2008 11:32 p.m.

  My sister had twins. She miscarred one (the doctor called it a disappearing twin). And now at 16 weeks she started to have cramps and spot. We were told by the Er that the other twin has now died. Something about the 1st twin's blood blocking fulid that the 2nd twin needed. Since a DNC can be performed only before 14 weeks, and the baby would 'spontanously' pass out of her system only after 20 weeks We are left in the middle. The dr's plan to induce her in the next 48 hours if the doesn't work they said they would do some sort of advanced DNC. In the mean time my sister now has to explain to her 4 year old son, why he won't be a big brother right now. This hurts so much. I don't know how to help her. I voluntered to make the burial arrangements the pastor is helping me. Thank God for him! I thought of the headstone and came up with "You never knew this world, but this world will never forget you little one". I have no idea if this is appropriate or not. I'm just lost right now.

  - tina