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• November 4, 2008 10:17 p.m.

  I survived my miscarriage called a 'blighted ovum' last Thursday.Had spotted for a week before,with increasing cramping.Finally the u/s confirmed what I feared:dashed dreams,no baby and a gestational sac to get rid of.I waited 4 days to see if I could pass it naturally and spent one night in the hospital on oxytocin drip as I had severe bleeding/clotting.But by Monday the u/s confirmed I'd passed it!So that was a lucky break.I had been 11 wks with this first pregnancy so it was devastating and a huge learning curve.But my husband has been supportive and even says I've been taking care of him well too thro this all!(he's grieving too)It is true that women who have been through mc's are very supportive and good to talk to.Very many of them have went on to have a healthy family.I feel that God still takes care of us all with bleeding hearts and is a prayer away,ready to help us.take care.

  - cfc

• November 3, 2008 2:06 p.m.

  Deana~ We have such a similar story. Everything for us was as you described it. Our's happened 10/23 and we did not have a D and c, but all the feelings you talk about we have felt. Things are getting easier day by day. I have good days and bad days. My husband seems to be handling it better than I. I keep telling myself that brighter days are ahead. What I have learned from this is that we have no control. We have no control in how long it takes to get pregnant, if our baby makes it to full term etc... I am taking this lesson with me as we begin to think about trying again in a few months. Remember, brighter days are ahead!

  - Amanda

• November 3, 2008 12:11 p.m.

  My husband and I got pregnant on the first try. We were thrilled. I talked to and pray with our baby everyday. We couldn't wait for our first doctor's visit (Oct.27th). I smiled as the doctor discussed the list of do's and don'ts thinking yes we are right on track. Shortly after our feelings of joy were shattered as we looked at a monitor with our baby yet no sound of a heartbeat. I don't think I was fully aware of how connected I had become to my baby in just 10 weeks. I just had a D&C Friday(Oct 31st). I had pain until Sunday night and then I started to feel pretty normal. I turned to my husband in bed and burst into to tears. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL NORMAL. Today I woke up with only a minor pain in my left side and a hint of bleeding. Quickly every indication that my baby was just living inside of me is disappearing. Emotionally, this will be a part of me far the rest of my life. I will never get to hold my baby, but my undertanding of a mother's love was born that day our child was conceived.

  - Deana

• October 29, 2008 9:58 a.m.

  My first pregnancy ended 40 years ago at 12 weeks. My first son was born 15 months later, followed by three more miscarriages and another son. I still grieve for those four lost children even as I celebrate my adult sons. We didn't allow parents to grieve their lost children in hte 60's and 70's. It wasn't until I read about a special park in the metro area for memorials for lost children that I was able to acknowledge the loss and fully grieve. Now on the day that would have been a lost child's birthday, I give a gift to a local charity, unnamed except in my heart. It does help me and honors that child that I have yet to meet.

  - Jane

• October 26, 2008 10:26 p.m.

  hey everybody i am 28 and just lost my baby after only 16 weeks i just dont undersatnd y this happen to me i have three other children and never had any problems with them i didnt have any symtoms of havin a miscarriage at my dr. visit witch was a month ago every thing was fine my blood was good tha baby was good i had a sonigram done to see how far along i was and tha baby was moving around and had a good heart beat i no pains no nothin i had very little spotting and only when i went to tha bathroom i went to tha dr.and they didnt find a heart beat for tha baby so i was sent to the er and after waiting to be seen for 6hrs wen they did the sonigram they saw my baby but it didnt have a heart beat and i am just heart broken the dr. said that tha baby was to small to be 16 weks and that it must have died shortly after my first dr. visit but i think thats just a way to take the blame off of them for making me wait so long before they saw me cuz i know i felt my baby move just days before dont know what t think the only thing i know is that my little Jaden Gage is gone ut at least i got to hold him and spend time with him even though he was only the size of my palm i dont know how i will get through this but thanks to all becouse ready ur stories really helps my god bless u all and be with u in ur time of need

  - sandra

• October 23, 2008 5:52 a.m.

  I had a miscarriage October 11, when the OB could not detect a heartbeat anymore for what was then supposed to be my 14th week. You're all correct in saying that this is the most painful thing we have had to endure thus far. I miss my child and even knowing from the ultrasound that it was likely he or she had a serious health problem doesn't make me love him or her less, or make the pain more bearable. I want to try for another child (I have a 6 year old), but I'm also terrified to have another miscarriage. Losing a child was my biggest fear and now that it has happened...there are some days when I can function and some days when I just can't get the strength to get up and resume "normal" life. It helps to know that there are others who know what I'm going through. I hate it when well-meaning people ask me if I've "accepted it yet". I don't think people understand that losing a child, even if it was "just" a 12-week fetus, breaks your heart all the same and makes you a completely different person. I keep thinking, maybe I did something wrong, maybe it was something I ate...but going down this route doesn't give any answers, or comfort. So I just keep thinking that maybe there's a reason for all of this, and that maybe one day I will know that it was for the best. Take care, everyone.

  - Ellen

• October 22, 2008 6:02 p.m.

  Does it seem to anyone else like after you lose your baby, everywhere you go there are women who are either pregnant or have tiny infants? I just lost by first baby at almost 11 weeks. It was the most physically and emotionally painful thing that I've ever had to endure. A couple days ago I decided to come out of hiding so I walked around Target and saw (no exaggeration)probably ten or eleven new moms with their infants. I felt so empty and sad. To make matters worse, my midwife just called me to say that I have abnormal cells on my cervix and it might be cancer. I don't even know if I have the capacity to feel anymore...I'm so numb. This baby was a complete surprise and I cringe everytime I think of the tears I cried wishing the pregnancy would just go away. I felt ashamed and was scared at the prospect of being a single mother. Now that my little cricket is gone, I feel so much remorse for not drinking in every moment that I had her. Other women who have lost their babies told me the pain never really goes away but it dulls over time. In the meantime, just trust in God and he'll see you through.

  - Amber

• October 22, 2008 5:03 p.m.

  This does help a lot to know that I am not the only one who gieves. I just had a D&C done yesterday. This pregnancy was not planned but I had weeks to bond with my baby. I felt fine after the procedure and I didn't even cry. But then today hit and all I do is cry!!!! I hurt inside so bad. What maks matters worse is that my friends tell me that at least I have my two boys. I am greatful for them and they are my life but that doesn't make the pain go away.

  - No name given

• October 21, 2008 11:15 a.m.

  I just found out that I am carrying an empty gestational sac. I was 11 weeks and was so excited. It took us a very long time to conceive our first child and this time it happen on the first try. We thought this was to good to be true and as it turns out it was. I just had a D&C as I wanted to begin the healing process as soon as possible, easier said then done. My husband and I want so much for our son to have a sibling. At 8 weeks we bought him a big brother t-shirt and began to tell the world. I hate when people tell me that at least i have one child. One, two, or three does not diminish the loss that I feel. I wish I knew how long these feeling of sadness will continue to creep up on me. I am fine one minute and then the next i am a crying basket case. I know only time will heal my mental health and my heart, but sometimes it is hard to keep in mind that there will be a light at the end of this tunnel. In the meantime I have taken some time from work not to deal with the physical, but to allow myself the time and freedom to deal with the anguish. I am very blessed to have an extremely supportive family, friends and a boss who are allowing me to walk through this process as I see fit, excepting of me taking it one day at a time and having patience with me. My thoughts and prays our to the rest of you as you move through your own journeys.

  - Kelly

• October 20, 2008 11:32 p.m.

  My sister had twins. She miscarred one (the doctor called it a disappearing twin). And now at 16 weeks she started to have cramps and spot. We were told by the Er that the other twin has now died. Something about the 1st twin's blood blocking fulid that the 2nd twin needed. Since a DNC can be performed only before 14 weeks, and the baby would 'spontanously' pass out of her system only after 20 weeks We are left in the middle. The dr's plan to induce her in the next 48 hours if the doesn't work they said they would do some sort of advanced DNC. In the mean time my sister now has to explain to her 4 year old son, why he won't be a big brother right now. This hurts so much. I don't know how to help her. I voluntered to make the burial arrangements the pastor is helping me. Thank God for him! I thought of the headstone and came up with "You never knew this world, but this world will never forget you little one". I have no idea if this is appropriate or not. I'm just lost right now.

  - tina

• October 15, 2008 10:11 p.m.

  I find much comfort in all of your posts.. Thank you for making me feel like I am not alone. It has been a few days since I had a miscarriage. It was our first pregnancy & we were overjoyed - we told everyone. Now I relive the experience each time the phone rings & I must tell everyone I am ok - even though I am not. I don't think I have ever felt this kind of emotional pain before - EVER. I feel like a failure. I fear getting pregnant again although I do so desperately want a child. Two people in my family are pregnant as well (we were only a few weeks apart) and I just don't know how I am going to deal with that.... I love them and am still so excited for their families but I just can't help to feel - WHY ME?! Although I miscarried early (7 weeks) I already felt connected to this child & was so looking forward in the holidays. Now I just feel so empty and hopeless. I know I will be ok one day and I am still hopefull for the next time. But every time I go to the bathroom I am reminded of what happened a few days ago... I wish the bleeding would stop. My thanks again for allowing me to share my heartache & find comfort in your stories. All my best.

  - Kim

• October 14, 2008 12:13 a.m.

  I am 29 and just started trying to have a family. I went in for my annual physical and went out knowing that I was pregnant. I was thrilled and shocked all in one. I came home with my positive pregnancy test and wrote a note to my husband from "Your wee one" I still have both. Over the weekend I started bleeding horribly. On Sunday I went to the ER to get things checked out. I came out of ER with the possibility of falling into the 0.1-0.5% of the population with a bicornuated uterus (heart shaped) as well as a blighted ovum (no embryo). That was a shock to say the least. Of course I was excited from the get-go and told everyone about the baby since it was our first. Now... I am having to inform everyone that I had a miscarriage. This is tough. The doctor warned me that this could happen, and that I should refrain from telling anybody, but when you are excited, you don't think miscarriage will happen to you. It did. It seems like more than 25% of the population has to suffer through this like we all do. It is hard, but thank you for writing and sharing your own personal stories.

  - Kristi

• October 3, 2008 2:40 p.m.

  Ladies I must say thank you for being so open about your experiences. I am 33 yrs old and this is my third miscarriage... I went to the OB/GYN clinic on Monday where they sadly informed me and my husband that my pregnancy is not gonna make it. I was 8 wks at that point. And this was gonna be our first child. We just celebrated our first year wedding anniversary and were so excited about Baby Baubles. Now I dont know what and how to feel right now. The nurse from the clinic called me two days ago and told me that my blood count is still doubling. So I have to go in for another ultrasound on Monday. As far as we were told, they got no heartbeat on monday yet they are telling me my bloodcount is still doubling as if there is a possibility my baby could still be alive; they then went on to tell me not to get my hopes up because it may not mean anything. I feel that my baby is gone. My breast and stomach have deflated and I am in horrible pain. The doctor told me that I will pass my baby naturally but if my baby is dead, I just want them to give me something to speed up the process. This hurts so bad and I feel less than a woman. I don't know what to do right now cause I'm crushed. Don't know how to face my co-workers or family members who knew about the baby....I am just devastated and don't want to even try to have kids again for fear of being let down again. Yet in my heart I want kids so desperately.

  - Shay

• October 1, 2008 5:37 p.m.

  Bitty was the name my husband gave to our second conception soon after we learned the happy news of our very much wanted second baby to be. I wrapped the faintly positive test in a white box with pink and blue ribbon and gave it to him Father's Day. Bitty had a song. It goes like this, "He gave me you...He gave me you...Opened up the Heavens, Angels brought you through..." I knew I was pregnant immediately, long before I could even take the early detection test. My breasts swelled and were covered with blue blood vessels. I even had a belly right away. BUT, my appetite was huge. Opposite of what had been with my daugher. I had no aversions. I figured it was just "a different pregnancy," or a boy. My mother is close to me. She was visiting and attended my first ultrasound with me and my husband. The technician was friendly at first, telling us she'd detected her sister's twins. Then, as she got to work, she was silent and stone faced. We all knew something wasn't right, but we didn't ask. She got up, said she'd be back after my films were read, and returned 20 minutes later with a box of tissues and my doctor on the phone. We scheduled a D and C the next day after a night of intense crying. Before my mother left to return to Texas, I asked her to take with her the ultrasound picture that I had requested from the doctor. I didn't want to ruminate too much. Of course I wonder if it was the caffeine, the lifting, you know, but I am a Christi

  - Laurel

• September 26, 2008 12:05 p.m.

  I am 38 and since January 2007 have had 3 miscarriages. The last one was 2 months ago. I already have 2 beautiful children, whom I adore, but can't stop feeling almost desperate for another child (I joke with my husband that I would love to have twins!). I am obsessed with understanding why these miscarriages occurred. Other than having sustained high levels of stress, mostly from my job, for the past 3 or so years (could this be a factor?), I feel I'm a very healthy person. And so far, the basic tests have shown the same. My Dr. does not think I should try to get pregnant anymore (at least until/unless I find some answers). Also, my husband doesn't want to try any longer, and I don't blame him, but I'm not ready to accept that this is the end. The hardest thing about this is that 2 of my best friends in the world - my sister and sister-in-law, both have new babies. My sister-in-laws' baby was born 2 weeks after mine was due. I'm supposed to go celebrate her 1st birthday with them tonight. Now, even though I love my family and their babies so much, I find it almost too painful to be around them. It's good to read your stories and know I'm not alone. I hope every one of you (and I) eventually have a success story to share. Maybe I'm too stubborn, but I just can't give up for any of us.

  - Leslie

• September 25, 2008 10:36 a.m.

  I know I'm not alone, but it certainly dosen't make me feel better. I'm 37, we've been trying for 4years. I had 3 miscarriages (5wks and 7wks). I should be 8wks now but after ultrasound yesterday I learned that I have an empty gestational sac. There is no baby. I had been put on progesterone about 4 weeks ago and I had high hopes. I kept it together until we got on the elevator. Then we stopped on every floor. One stop we picked up a young mom and her infant daughter. I wanted the earth to swallow me up. My dr thinks the miscarriage should happen within 2 weeks. The last time this happened I took the medication to expidite the process. I don't think I can take that pain again. I'm not giving up. WE should not give up. I'm not feeling sorry for myself and neither should you. We need to stay focused but not become obsessed. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

  - No name given

• September 19, 2008 9:10 p.m.

  I lost my sweetheart somewhere between the 18th and 20th week. I had a dr. visit on the 18th week 6th day and there was a heart beat. On my 20th week (June 14,2007) there was no heart beat. They called it a "missed miscarriage". I've had every test known to man and everything has come back "normal."No Answers... All this technology and i have no answers, no baby, and no assurances that this will not happen again. It's been absolutely devestating. Sometimes I just want to lay on the floor and just sob. My husband and I have decided to try again. Even though I'm scared I want children so I will try again. It's definetly a comfort to hear everyones story and that many have gone on to have more children. Keep the Hope and Faith. May God Bless all of us and our sweet babies... All my love Yvette

  - Yvette

• September 18, 2008 11:00 p.m.

  I am 29 years old and this was my first pregnancy. I miscarried at home about a week ago at 13 weeks. I began spotting the week before. The doctors told me that was a normal occurance. The miscarriage happened so fast with no other warning signs. The doctors are puzzled. I was in the office one week before with a healthy heartbeat and then all of a sudden, I gave birth. Thankfully, they have decided to run blood tests on me next month and they are also testing my baby this week to see if they can figure out what went wrong. I feel the same way someone else did in a previous post. Our pregnancy happened so easily, the first try. I feel guilty for thinking it was so easy. I have such a fear right now that I am never going to be able to carry a baby to full term. No matter how many success stories I hear, I feel better for a little while, then the negative thoughts come back. The unknown is so scary. I feel so empty right now. It's hard to believe that I am not pregnant anymore and I will never get to hold my baby. It hurts so bad to see other women who are pregnant, due around the same time as I was. I try to tell myself to be happy for them, but I am still somewhat resentful and I hate feeling this way. It is nice to hear other stories and to know that I am not alone. Family and friends try to cheer me up, but people who are going through this very same thing now help me more than anything. I want to thank everyone for the stories and good luck in the future.

  - Mary

• September 17, 2008 11:42 a.m.

  I... I am a doctor. And I can't tell you how much reading your stories has touched me. First and foremost, my husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year and having lived in first person what it's like to desire a child so much the 14 days between ovulation and menses seem like 14 years, I can truly begin to understand what an incredibly big loss a miscarriage is. We've been "tricked" into thinking we're pregnant twice, only to find out 2 or 3 days later it was not so (very, very early miscarriages, quite possibly), but the point is the loss is devastating. In med school you learn about this 25% of pregnancies Miss Murry mentions, see miscarriages at the hospital, attend these patients and never, on the least of levels, get to comprehend or understand what it means to these women. To you. I used to say (and many drs say it), "But, hey, it happens to 25% of pregnancies, it's common, it's nature's way of avoinding longer lasting pains for all the family, it's normal, another pregnancy will come, come on!"... I only thought this before, never ever said it, but please, if you give me the chance, let me ask for your forgiveness and pray all doctors/nurses/health professionals/insurance people/etc. seek to understand. Pray it never happens to them.

  - Maria

• September 10, 2008 9:36 p.m.

  I miscarried over the weekend at 11 weeks. I feel so awful! it was an unexpected pregnancy, so at first I wasn't exactly thrilled. but at my first OB appointment, we got an ultrasound, and I really started to get excited. My husband was of course ecstatic. we already have 2 children, 12 and 5 yrs. My baby was kicking, and had a really strong heartbeat. Three days later, I had light bleeding. The drs checked everything out, and said that I was fine, and to just take it easy. We got another ultra sound, and the baby was kicking, and the heartbeat again, was strong. I felt relieved. The next day, I started bleeding again, and the instant I stepped into the er, I started to miscarry. I feel so guilty for not being very excited at the beginning. I almost feel as if I am being punished. It is difficult to imagine that just the day before, my baby was fine! I have so many emotions right now, I don't know which way is up. I got my blood checked today. Won't know what's next until tomorrow

  - Stacey

• September 7, 2008 9:25 a.m.

  I'm 29 and in our first pregnancy, we found out at week 11 that the baby had no heartbeat. We later found out through ultrasound it stopped developing probably at week 6, but I had no symptoms of miscarriage. I'm nearly 12 weeks and still have no spotting/cramping, etc. I want to start bleeding and get through this. For 2 months I'd check my underwear every time I went to the bathroom, praying for no blood. Now I pray for blood. I wonder when my body will recognize the baby is not there. My husband and I are devastated. I always used to think how sorry I felt for those women who miscarried, especially on their first pregnancy since they don't have a child to prove they can actually sustain a pregnancy. I now feel like I've been putting on a charade for the past 5 weeks. I still have a few pregnancy symptoms. I don't want to be around pregnant women, especially a family member who is due around my due date. I know the loss is probably for the best, and my husband and I want to try again in a couple months...but I don't know how I can get excited in the next pregnancy. This is so cruel. I'm so thankful to hear other people's stories and know that I'm not alone, and that I will probably have a healthy baby...someday. We got pregnant after 2 months and I thought to myself, It can't be this easy. And it wasn't.

  - Julie

• September 7, 2008 12:05 a.m.

  Hey to all. So very sorry to read about each and everyone of your losses. I too suffered a miscarriage in June. It was very devistating, we had been trying to get pregnant for 4 years. I was so excited when it finally happened. Started spotting the day after I took a positive pregnancy test and continued spotting (lightly) for 6 weeks. At 9 weeks had an ultrasound and found an empty gestational sac. My HCG levels were still high. I was so confused, my heart was so broken. Had to have medication to have miscarriage. I, like many of you felt so sad. People have no idea how emotionally wrenching going through this is unless they have been through it themself. Know that you all are not alone, their are people who know how you feel and exactly what you are going through. Don't lose your faith in God. His plans are perfect and He will give us strength to endure. I am praying for all of you. God bless all our angels in heaven. He has a rocking chair for each one. :)

  - Kim

• September 3, 2008 12:44 p.m.

  I had ectopic pregnancy in June,three days before my 34th birthday. I was about 5weeks. My husband and I have been trying for two years now.We were so happy and excited, but 24hrs later I have to had laparoscopy surgery with my left tube being removed, where the fetus has implanted. I was in shock! The first 4weeks was unbearable. My mood was down. I felt so sad and bad that this happen to us.I tried to tell myself that thing happen for reason.We wanted to have children so bad.I am scare about our future ability to conceive with just one tube left.My husband has been so supportive and he promise us that we will get pregancy again. I hope he right about that.I always feel confident about a lot of things but went come to be able to conceive a child am not so sure about that not with just one tube. I am so glad to be able to read about other's stories and know that am not alone. Thank you so much for sharing your stories. SL

  - SL

• September 3, 2008 7:50 a.m.

  I am 40 and I had a miscarraige three weeks ago but still mourne the loss of my baby. This baby was unplanned but not unwanted. Although I was very upset in the beginning when I found out that I was pregnant, I knew from the beginning that I wanted to protect my baby. My womb feel empty and my heart aches. I feel guilty when I look at my two wonderful children who are 11 and 16. I feel guilty that I wanted this baby so much despite the fact that I am blessed with a wonderful husband and children. At the moment I feel that I want to try again but I know my husband don't want to. I am scared that he will have a vasectomy without my knowledge. I know that getting another baby will never replace the one that I have lost but I was looking forward to enjoying this gift of God. Niqua

  - Niqua

• August 31, 2008 2:54 p.m.

  I am 26 years old, and I already had 2 miscarriages in the last year.. I have no children. I was told by my doctor that I should do a TORCH Test, which I did, the results were good, negative for all the viruses, except that CMV reoccuring may be possible since the resurlts showed that I had the Herpes Simplex Virus sometimes in the past, and the CMV can couse miscarriages. I was not aware that the frequent cold sores could be the couse of my misccariages. I have focused on getting my immune system back on track and hopefully my tird pregnancy will not be a complicated one. The pain od loosing a baby is something that cannot be described, my heart goes out to all the women who have gone throught what I have. I pray to God that he blesses me with my baby soon.

  - Aida