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• April 17, 2008 1:48 a.m.

  Is it possible to under go postpardum depression after a miscarriage? I think so. To some extent I am going through a depression similar to that. We lost our baby 6 weeks ago at 5 weeks along. We had been trying 2 1/2 years I'm 25 years old. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and we have wanted a baby for so long. I new something was wrong all along, I am a nurse. I felt it. The few weeks my husband and I shared "expecting" was the best time in my life..I can say even better than my wedding day. It hurts bad....my husband took care of me through the d&c but now he seems mad about the situation...a cold shoulder towards me. I am very emotional right now..between getting my period for the first time since and I am already ovulating a second time it's making me emotionally nuts! I feel bad that I snap at him and get moody at work and change feeings from second to second..I am sorry about that. I am trying. I just ask my husband to be patient with me and I know he is going through his own hurtful feelings. My in-laws don't call any more to see how I am it's like everyone thinks I am fine since it's been 6 weeks. Thank you for listening.....God bless.

  - Jen. R

• April 14, 2008 2:16 p.m.

  I am miscarrying at the moment. This is my second in less than a year. Last year I found out I was pregnant and miscarried on Mothers'Day. I wasn't suppose to get pregnant I had my tubes tied after going through a abusive relationship. My husband and I wear thrilled to find out we were expecting again. It's hard to have faith anymore to try. My husband is now thinking of getting a vasectomy. I already have 4 children and I feel horrible my wonderful husband will not have any.

  - Lorraine

• April 11, 2008 3:46 p.m.

  There are so many touching experiences shared by women. I thank you all for being open and helping each other. I know after a miscarriage it is often scary to face another pregnancy. We trust our body to do what it is supposed to do. When we miscarry, we can stop to trust our bodies. It let us down with our baby, will it do it again? It is harder to tell people and it can take longer to get excited. No one wants to be hurt again. It can be hard to let go of guilt and the hurt and the mistrust. Listen to other women and take heart in their strength and courage. If you have had repeated miscarriages with no birth in between, you might want to have a consultation with a reproductive endocrinologist or a maternal fetal medicine doctor. Know you are all in my thoughts.

  - Mary Murry Mayo Clinic

• April 10, 2008 10:38 a.m.

  I am 36 years old and have been pregnant 3 times. I just had my 3rd D&C yesterday, each one was due to miscarriage. At this point I feel that I have given up hope of ever being able to carry to full term. My first pregnancy (a boy) miscarried at 14 weeks, my second at 5 weeks, and my third at 11 weeks. The doctors have run chromosome testing on the first, and will on the third as well. Statistics say that there is a 25% chance of miscarriage for anyone who becomes pregnant and that goes up to 28% after the age of 35. I have lost 3 out of 3, and now I can't seem to help but blame myself for these losses. The only thing that has seemed to get me through at all was naming my children. My first I named Caleb, my second I named Faith (they couldn't tell me the gender), and I'll name the 3rd when the testing comes back and I know what gender he or she is. I doesn't make the pain go away, but I've found having a name makes others understand a little bit more.

  - Dee

• April 9, 2008 10:57 p.m.

  Thank you for such an important article. And thank you to all the women who have shared their losses. I too was amazed at how common it is, and never realized this until after my miscarriage (first pregnancy). It was violent and horrible and the first time I had to go to the hospital for anything. I had to have the D & C. It is like a personal torture that not many others understand. Some of us are lucky enough to have great husbands and/or supportive family, but I know women who had to suffer alone too. And yes, the dates that go by....like mother's day and the due dates, oh, they are so hard. And then the early gifts, and impulse buys of the tiny baby booties..... I have been blessed with another pregnancy, but it is harder to be excited, and of course we don't really want to tell many people yet. So I am excited and yet at the same time so cautious to get too excited. What a confusing time, huh? You strong women are in my prayers........

  - Alice

• April 8, 2008 11:17 a.m.

  My husband and I were totally shocked yesterday when we excitedly went in for our first doctor's appointment at 9 weeks with our first child, with whom we tried for a year to become pregnant. When the doctor was performing the ultrasound, we could tell something was wrong as she seemed a little off. She didn't raise any alarms, but then sent us to the hospital for a more thorough ultrasound. There was no doubt something was wrong as the technician was pretty quiet and kept searching for what seemed to be too long. I said, "Aren't you supposed to hear a heartbeat at this point?" She just nodded. She couldn't even really find an embryo, just a possible gestational sac. It was/is such a shock to us. Now, I can't stop weeping. All our plans seem to have dissolved. And I feel so sad that I can't erase my husband's obvious pain. I just want to move on and start trying again, relieved in a way that at least I can get pregnant. But it's heartbreaking to think I'll likely have to undergo a D&C and wait a few cycles after that to start trying again. I'm just relieved we didn't tell very many people. I wouldn't be able to stand their looks of sorrow at this time.

  - MVP

• April 7, 2008 12:29 p.m.

  For Emily (April 1st posting)...My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage. It was heartwrenching and I wept for days (I was about 9 weeks). I was lucky to become pregnant so after, but was terrified of the possibility of another loss. My 3 year old daughter said what everyone else was thinking "I hope this baby doesn't die too". Yes, me too. At that moment I remembered that like each person, each pregnancy is different. And at that moment, while I was still feeling the loss of our pregnancy, I started celebrating the life within me....and felt joy again. Your lovely little girl was a soul you created and loved...you had dreams for her, you knew what her birthday would be, I'm sure you could picture her in my your mind. Please always hold that little girl in your heart (as I do mine from 15 years ago), but welcome the new life within and know that your experiences, while painful will make you a wonderful mother and a good friend to someone who experiences a similar loss. My third pregnancy produced a wonderful son who will soon be 14. I wish you the best of luck.

  - Melissa

• April 4, 2008 9:57 a.m.

  I began to miscarry on Friday with slight bleeding. After blood tests and a vaginal ultrasound it was found that there was no heartbeat, when the HCG levels and the number of weeks (5 1/2) would indicate that there should have been. About a week before I started to spot, I felt that there was something different and even though I didn't say anything to my husband he SAW that there was something diffent with me and how I was acting and reacting to life, I guess. Since it was my first (pregnancy and miscarrage), I really didn't know what was happening. I have to be comforted knowing that God and my body will do what's right and best for me and my baby and that some day I will be fortunate enough to be able to try again.

  - Paula - NNY

• April 2, 2008 7:02 p.m.

  We had a miscarriage Sunday. We had thought she might be pregnant and tested once but it was kind of + and kind of - so we were planning to retest in a weekk or so. It turns out she was about 10 weeks along. I was out of town and my wife went through the process all alone. We hadn't "spread the news" of our impending pregnancy to anyone because we were not 100% sure. We have told some family and friends of our loss. We both seem ok emoptionally, sharing with friends and family has helped. Understanding that life is so amazing and the body has a way of knowing when things are not going right and ends up in causing a miscarriage is also something that I now marvel at in terms of life. It is amazing. I wish everyone a healthy physical and mental recovery who has gone through this same process.

  - Dave

• April 1, 2008 11:14 p.m.

  i miscarried about 2 months ago. I really want a baby and the pain and hurt is still there. This was my first one I am only 20. We are trying again but sometimes i stop and wonder if this is too soon and am I menatlly ready to try again? I already think I am pregnant again I am already starting to have the symptoms. I am just so scared.

  - heather

• April 1, 2008 12:25 p.m.

  I lost my baby girl in November, just after Thankgiving. I was 12 weeks (though she only lived to be 9 weeks). I had to have a D&C and the entire experience was very heartwrentching for me. My husband and I decided to have the tissue tested to see if we could find a cause for the miscarriage. It turned out she had triploidy syndrome and it was nothing that could be helped. I'm still baffled by the comments I hear and how the subject makes people feel so uncomfortable. Although in my head I know that she is in Heaven and she's in a good place, in my heart I'm still aching and no one seems to understand that pain. I'm now 5 weeks into my second pregnancy and terrified that something could be wrong. I haven't allowed myself to be happy. I haven't opened the door to our "baby" room since I miscarried. I just pray that come December I'll be holding my baby in my arms and that he/she will be healthy. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you ladies who have suffered a loss. I know how painful it is.

  - Emilly

• March 31, 2008 4:42 p.m.

  For the past 1 1/2 years my husband and I have been trying to start a family. In those 18 months we have miscarried four times. I am 30 years old. I had all the testing done after our 2nd loss & we were treating the diagnoses during the last 2 losses. My heart is broken over the many losses we've had to endure. One of the worst things is that people just don't seem to understand the pain of loss. They think "miscarriage is common" ... so that should make it easier to deal with. Well, it doesn't.

  - Polly

• March 30, 2008 5:20 p.m.

  We received the news 2 wks ago that there was no heart beat at 9 wks along. This is our 2nd miscarriage in 2 years and it is so devastating. The anger, hurt and confusion all blur together. I dealt with the first miscarriage in every wrong way possible and am trying to deal better, whatever that is, this time. The stupid things people say still shocks me. Each of my pregnancies I was 9 weeks and miscarried around 10-11 weeks. There are always one or two friends out there that are willing to listen, make sure you find them, it will help get you through. And, don't shut your husband out, they are hurting too. Thank God for my husband, and I know I am truly blessed for the man I have, without him I could not bear this. May God Bless all of you with mercy and grace to get through this.

  - Wendy

• March 29, 2008 11:09 a.m.

  I just lost my baby at 13 weeks from blighted ovum. It was heart wrenching to watch on the ultra sound and see no baby even there. I don't completely understand what happened, and right now I am in shock as I just found out yesterday. I don't know how people can deal with this grief more than once. I loved this child and now I must let him/her go.

  - Margaret

• March 29, 2008 7:50 a.m.

  Violet, no one is going to judge you. This is a board about loss not judgement. You are still hurting I hope the best for you and your family. Kelley

  - Kelley

• March 28, 2008 3:58 p.m.

  I lost my baby at 9 wks (although the ultrasound to confirm miscarriage showed 8 wks). I couldn't believe that it happened, since I already had one healthy son. I wondered what I did, or why it happened. My husband and I each have a son from a prior relationship, and we wondered "could this have been our daughter?" We are now pregnant again, and I am 11 weeks along. We haven't told many people yet since we are being very cautious. I am trying not to get too excited yet as I am praying that this one goes well. What does help is to remember the lost baby. We purchased an angel figurine and we often pray about the baby at church. Our boys are only 7 & 8 and we haven't told them about the miscarriage or abuot this pregnancy yet, and we will wait until at least 12 weeks when the risks are lower. My heart goes out to all the women who go through this once, or multiple times. We are very strong and in sharing about our situations, we can help to heal. Thank you for helping me do so as well. It gets a little better as time goes on.

  - Tina

• March 26, 2008 7:47 a.m.

  I am still so sad and angry. I lost my baby a week ago at an early 6 weeks. I am even surprised by how much this hurts. It was my first pregnancy and a very wanted and already loved baby. I am still going through the physical loss as I have started bleeding again this week-what a nightmare this has been. It helps to read the comments posted because I feel like I am going crazy sometimes with all the grief. -Tara

  - No name given

• March 25, 2008 10:46 p.m.

  Thank you, everyone, for your vulnerability. I lost our baby at 8 weeks, on the day of my 27th birthday. It was a horrendous experience, and my husband and I spent the day crying and grieving. I've still had moments of grief and guilt, and I totally agree that you never forget about him/her because it is already your child. We named our baby Xiwang, meaning hope, because even in the midst of the grief, God filled us with a hope that is unexplainable. That's not to say that it's easy, but it's okay. It's still hard every month to find out that we're not pregnant yet, to have expectations dashed, but there are good things yet to come, whatever that may be. Women like all of you have been such an encouragement to me, as you honestly struggle through such a hard loss. My prayer is that all of us would be not only physically healed, but find emotional healing as well.

  - Aimee

• March 24, 2008 1:33 p.m.

  I miscarried almost 3 yrs ago. Doesn't seem that long ago though. Only 8 weeks along, but I was amazed at how I had instantly bonded and was so excited when I found out. It was unplanned and I am diabetic, so I did and still do feel guilty about it. I know it wasn't technically my fault, but it is still hard. All the "what ifs" and "I should haves". Especially hurt when the father actually abandoned me when he found out I was pregnant. I went through it all alone, as my family lives in another city. Tried to be tough. My family was supportive, but they could not know the pain. Even now, I think about it most days. I am reminded whenever babies are around or discussed. I am high risk with age (40) and my medical condition, so I know my odds of having a child are very low. But at the same time, I don't know if I want to take the chance either. I don't think I could survive another miscarriage. It is emotionally such a painful thing, and I think it always will be. I'm glad to have a space here to say some of these things that I can't discuss with my family and friends.

  - Michele

• March 24, 2008 11:49 a.m.

  It has been over a year now since I lost my pregnancy at 8 weeks. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him/her. I have two beautiful boys at home and was counting on a little girl. I am going to be 40 this year and would still love to keep trying but my husband keeps telling me that I am too old to have another baby. As much as I want a little girl, another little boy would be great. I always wanted 3 children, so maybe we will keep trying but if my husband isn't on board then that makes it a little more difficult. My heart goes out to all women who have suffered through this. Like someone else stated ....."A Mother Never Forgets!!!"

  - Paige

• March 24, 2008 11:00 a.m.

  I really enjoyed reading this article. It's wonderful when other women can share their losses with each other because losing a baby/child is such an awful loss. I suffered two ectopic pregnancies in 1996 and 1997 at 8 weeks and 10 weeks respectively. I had heard of miscarriages but I've never heard of an ectopic pregnancy. Some women with scarred fallopian tubes are prone to having them but I was a healthy 26 year old with a normal reproductive system. When it happened the second time, I was really at a loss for words and understanding. I had to endure two laparoscopies and was stitched with staples the first go round, and dissolvable stitches the second time. Neverless, my husband and I decided to wait out 1998 and start again in 1999 with a specialist. My son is now 8 1/2 years old and a blessing for sure but like one commenter stated, at times, you wonder what would they be like had they survived. My heart goes out to all of the women who've posted comments. Please stay strong and know that you'll be blessed again. Thank you.

  - Adrienne

• March 23, 2008 11:09 p.m.

  I am still hoping to have another baby (I know the chances are close to zero) in the hope that it would take some of the pain and give my daughter a sibling. But after reading these other comments I am afraid I will never get over what happened with my twins. It is like a nightmare but it happened in the real life. It is painful to see other pregnant women and newly borns. I was looking up online for advices for depression and anger management (I am angry at my husband for wasting 2+ years of my time where I could have babies) when I came across this site. While moms who had miscarried have really no reason for blaming themselves I feel guilty although rationaly my twins had no chance. Thanks for listening.

  - Violet

• March 23, 2008 10:59 p.m.

  Thank you for the article and all the ladies who have posted their stories. To be honest I lost my twin girls to abortion and not miscarriage but please read on before judging. I realy wanted to have another baby (I already have a girl) badly. I had to convince my husband for 2 yrs that we are not too old for having another one! Then there came the twins. After initial worries (we both work and don't have any family close) we got very excited about the twins and told my daughter about them. She was all excited to get 2 baby sisters. Since I was already 41 I did a CVS at Cedars Sinai. After a week they said the sample was contaminated and offered to do it again for free. Long story short I went for ultrasound 3 wks later. The doctor said that one of the girls had almost no amniotic fluid and so it is already not developed as it should. They asked me if I had noticed leakage. I hadn't noticed it. They said it is hard to tell. And so since they were identical twins they said that the destiny of one will affect the other one as well. They did not give much hope for them to survive even if they were not miscarried. I also had a monster as a boss named Nancy who put me under tremendous stress at work. I complained to her. She said: "it works for me". Complains to her boss didnt work either. We decided that it was beyond us and termin. the pregnancy at 16 wks. After more than 2 years I go through severe depressions every month when I am reminded that my twins are not there

  - Violet

• March 21, 2008 10:58 p.m.

  Thank you for the article and all the previous comments. I suffered a miscarriage just four weeks ago, and found it to be much more difficult then I ever could have imagined. The love and support of family and friends helped a great deal, yet I still felt that no one completely understood what I was going through because they hadn't experienced a miscarriage. Since then, I have been doing well, but had another difficult bout this week with grief. While I'd like to emotionally move on, I am comforted to know that doing so is difficult for many other women as well.

  - Allison

• March 19, 2008 2:41 p.m.

  When someone in my family gets pregnant we do not have baby showers or get excited. We are a family that has alot of lost babies late in pregnancy. I lost two babies shortly after they were born. I had children in between loosing them. I was determined to have a baby and was pregnant for 4 years straight. It is still painful to think about the baby girl Marissa and boy Hayden. Having to have a birth certificate then a death certificate in the same day is just crushing.I do have two healthy, smart and beautiful children now. I would be lost without them. I missed out on the joys of pregnancy. The way the world works pregnancy and everything about it is so in your face. People see it everywhere when they are grieving and the remarks from family and strangers still astonishes me. Then I meet a lady in the store who sees me buying formula and tells me about her loss. I do not tell her about my losses...I just listen. Sometimes that is all you need to do. Thanks for listing. KM

  - Kelley