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• May 12, 2008 3:53 p.m.

  Thank you to all the women who post such personal stories about their hardships with miscarriage. I never knew how common miscarriage is and how many wonderful women and couples have to deal with this pain. I am 31 years old and currently miscarrying our first pregnancy. We went to our first prenatal appt at 9 weeks and upon ultrasound i can tell the Dr was having a hard time seeing the baby. She called it Blighted Ovum or empy sac and i never heard of that. i didnt know what she was talking about but we knew it wasnt good. she immediately sent me for blood work and further ultrasounds which i continued repeating every 48hr for 10 days. The unknown was complete anguish! After the last ultrasound the Radiologist and Dr confirmed there is no baby and probably failed around 7 weeks. So, at 12 weeks we decided D&E was best option because i hadnt even yet begun the physical symptoms of misccariage. I couldnt wait. I felt the need to start having some closure and also be safe in hospital procedure. 10 days later i am still bleeding and cramping. it is getting better. My hormones and emotions are completely SAD and depressed, i have to take it half day at a time right now. It is so difficult - many tears of a sad, lonely, empty feeling that my baby is no longer with us. I feel so bad for my Husband as he is the strong, positive one that is trying to keep us ok. We have faith and will only be stronger thru this so the only thing bright right now is hope and faith for future! Take

  - Bec

• May 11, 2008 8:08 p.m.

  Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories. I, like most of you, just experienced a loss and find it amazing that I had no clue what to expect. I just turned 40, with two healthy children. This was my first miscarraige and don't know anyone who has ever had one....until now. I was 12 weeks and had an ultrasound that confirmed the baby did not make it. It was explained to me that I was pass the pregnancy, with a very heavy period and cramping. What was to come was so very upsetting. I just wish someone would have told me what to expect so I could have prepared myself for "the passing of the pregnancy" and the emotional toll it took. Good luck to all of you and keep up the good work of help us deal with this tragedy.

  - Robin

• May 11, 2008 3:41 p.m.

  I just lost a pregnancy in my 8th week. I really dont know what to feel and how to deel with it yet. I read all the post and am amazed at how many women go through this. It feels terribly sad but hoping that it will end soon for all.

  - ILS

• May 9, 2008 7:14 p.m.

  I am 35 and was pregnant for the first time. I had a miscarriage last week at 9 weeks. I'm devastated and can't stop crying! I haven't told many people (we held off) but now that I've told a few people, I'm completely shocked at how common it is! I'm almost mad that people don't talk about it more. I don't smoke, I don't drink much, I exercise, I'm not overweight...I guess I figured I would be okay. It's seems like a very cruel trick of nature, to let you be excited for 2 months only to have to rush to the hospital with uncontrollable bleeding and a broken heart...

  - kim

• May 7, 2008 7:16 p.m.

  thank you for your article. I lost my twins at 12 weeks minus 1 day. I had twin to twin transfusion, so neither one could survice. They were identical little girls. I underwent one d&c, a month of spotting, and then more bleeding, only to learn I needed a second d&c. it prolonged the nightmare for no reason. I think of my twin girls all the time. this was the second miscarriage in 1 year. I don't have twins in my family but I always always felt I would have twins. So from the beginning, I thought it was meant to be. Now I am so confused... It has been 3 months.. and I feel so down, but it's a subtle, lingering, behind the scenes melancoly. A silent hurt... I notice when I have a moment to myself, I cry still... I hope it goes away at some point. But I just wanted to share my story to let you know that you are not alone, and not misunderstood. Not the way society may lead you to feel. I wrote a blog. writing seems to help me. Feel free to visit it and share your story with me/others, write a poem, share a thought, whatever you'd like. I feel the more we break the silence, the better the healing. I send you all my wishes for healthy, happy babies and peace in your hearts. http://createhealing.blogspot.com/

  - Lori

• May 7, 2008 9:16 a.m.

  I'm 43 and just had a miscarriage. I had 2 miscarriages prior to having my son who will soon be 12. At 43 I thought those days were over and wasn't planning on having any more children although I always wanted more. It was a huge surprise to find out I was pregnant and I was worried about a million things but thought what a surprise blessing and it must be fate. Of course when you miscarry everything changes and excitement and worry turn to grief and confusion and for me some anger. I never dreamed of having another child but then I was forced to think about it and all of the wonderful things that came with it all to have it taken away. I'm grateful still because in all of my pregnancies I prayed for a healthy happy child and I know that those babies that passed wouldn't have been so they are better staying in heaven with all of the other little angels. I was grateful for the chance to have another child but for me it will end. Prior to having my son I grieved for my losses but knew I would eventually have a happy healthy child and I did. I guess this time at 43 I feel the loss even more because I won't be trying again and the dream has to die with the baby. I say keep the faith and also wait to try again until you feel you are emotionally ready. Sometimes we try too soon after an initial miscarriage. Our minds and bodies need time to heal. It is helpful to share my feelings and I pray that each of you get strength and courage and know your chance is still coming.

  - LM

• April 29, 2008 5:47 a.m.

  To Violet, There is something called inevitable miscarriage. Your twins were going into this state and the Doctors should have explained this to you. There are good abortions and bad abortions. So there is no judgement to be made against you whatsoever. While this may not alleviate your pain, just know that you did nothing wrong. You were experiencing or about to experience an "inevitable miscarriage". All my love and prayers to you during I'm sure a still difficult. I just lost my child on Friday. I miscarried after eight weeks. Grieve all you have to. Don't hold back. Juliana.

  - Juliana

• April 29, 2008 5:15 a.m.

  Shayna, I also had a miscarriage on Friday. I was eight weeks along and I did not even know I was pregnant until the doctor came in and told me that I was pregnant, but there's no heartbeat. I felt that I experienced all the issues after the fact. Maybe I did something wrong, I should have known that I was pregnant, maybe if I hadn't been doing this or that, then things would have been different. This is my second miscarriage in 9yrs. I currently don't have any children and this makes it even more painful. The first time was an ectopic pregnancy, so I was a bit more practical with that one, but this time around, the baby was in the right place, but still didn't make it. Right now, I'm an absolute mess. The father of the baby and I are no longer together and I'm really having a hard time coping on my own. I can't function at work, I'm crying all the time and I feel that my world has been ripped from around me. I gave my baby a unique and special name.I felt that it was a boy. This might sound weird, but giving the baby a name has made "his" existence more real and more substantial. Somehow I feel that this was the right thing to do for me to help me heal better. I've learned in life that every individual is a person and deserves to be recognized as such. So a baby, from the time of conception, that has a heartbeat, is a human being and should be regarded as such. Writing this has made me feel better. All my love to all the women going thru this diffic

  - Juliana

• April 27, 2008 1:28 p.m.

  I just had a miscarriage on friday, it was our first pregnancy, its soo hard to deal with, because my husband is military so he is deployed and wont be home until oct..so its been hard, i was only 2 and a half months along but, he/she was our baby and now we nolonger have him or her..i just wanted to say that reading the other comments have helped me so thank you..and i pray that some day we will have our baby..

  - shayna

• April 23, 2008 12:24 p.m.

  I was just wondering for some advice about how to help a friend who has been through numerous miscarriages when I myself am now pregnant. I do want to be there for her but I feel the site of me might do more harm than good at this point. She is in my prayers every night and I admire her strength so much, I just wish I knew what to do for her. Thank you all for sharing your stories. I think every woman knows a family member and friend who have been through this and instead of the seemingly typical attitude of dealing with things silently and alone, it is nice to see women uplift each other and embrace one another.

  - Susan

• April 17, 2008 1:48 a.m.

  Is it possible to under go postpardum depression after a miscarriage? I think so. To some extent I am going through a depression similar to that. We lost our baby 6 weeks ago at 5 weeks along. We had been trying 2 1/2 years I'm 25 years old. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and we have wanted a baby for so long. I new something was wrong all along, I am a nurse. I felt it. The few weeks my husband and I shared "expecting" was the best time in my life..I can say even better than my wedding day. It hurts bad....my husband took care of me through the d&c but now he seems mad about the situation...a cold shoulder towards me. I am very emotional right now..between getting my period for the first time since and I am already ovulating a second time it's making me emotionally nuts! I feel bad that I snap at him and get moody at work and change feeings from second to second..I am sorry about that. I am trying. I just ask my husband to be patient with me and I know he is going through his own hurtful feelings. My in-laws don't call any more to see how I am it's like everyone thinks I am fine since it's been 6 weeks. Thank you for listening.....God bless.

  - Jen. R

• April 14, 2008 2:16 p.m.

  I am miscarrying at the moment. This is my second in less than a year. Last year I found out I was pregnant and miscarried on Mothers'Day. I wasn't suppose to get pregnant I had my tubes tied after going through a abusive relationship. My husband and I wear thrilled to find out we were expecting again. It's hard to have faith anymore to try. My husband is now thinking of getting a vasectomy. I already have 4 children and I feel horrible my wonderful husband will not have any.

  - Lorraine

• April 11, 2008 3:46 p.m.

  There are so many touching experiences shared by women. I thank you all for being open and helping each other. I know after a miscarriage it is often scary to face another pregnancy. We trust our body to do what it is supposed to do. When we miscarry, we can stop to trust our bodies. It let us down with our baby, will it do it again? It is harder to tell people and it can take longer to get excited. No one wants to be hurt again. It can be hard to let go of guilt and the hurt and the mistrust. Listen to other women and take heart in their strength and courage. If you have had repeated miscarriages with no birth in between, you might want to have a consultation with a reproductive endocrinologist or a maternal fetal medicine doctor. Know you are all in my thoughts.

  - Mary Murry Mayo Clinic

• April 10, 2008 10:38 a.m.

  I am 36 years old and have been pregnant 3 times. I just had my 3rd D&C yesterday, each one was due to miscarriage. At this point I feel that I have given up hope of ever being able to carry to full term. My first pregnancy (a boy) miscarried at 14 weeks, my second at 5 weeks, and my third at 11 weeks. The doctors have run chromosome testing on the first, and will on the third as well. Statistics say that there is a 25% chance of miscarriage for anyone who becomes pregnant and that goes up to 28% after the age of 35. I have lost 3 out of 3, and now I can't seem to help but blame myself for these losses. The only thing that has seemed to get me through at all was naming my children. My first I named Caleb, my second I named Faith (they couldn't tell me the gender), and I'll name the 3rd when the testing comes back and I know what gender he or she is. I doesn't make the pain go away, but I've found having a name makes others understand a little bit more.

  - Dee

• April 9, 2008 10:57 p.m.

  Thank you for such an important article. And thank you to all the women who have shared their losses. I too was amazed at how common it is, and never realized this until after my miscarriage (first pregnancy). It was violent and horrible and the first time I had to go to the hospital for anything. I had to have the D & C. It is like a personal torture that not many others understand. Some of us are lucky enough to have great husbands and/or supportive family, but I know women who had to suffer alone too. And yes, the dates that go by....like mother's day and the due dates, oh, they are so hard. And then the early gifts, and impulse buys of the tiny baby booties..... I have been blessed with another pregnancy, but it is harder to be excited, and of course we don't really want to tell many people yet. So I am excited and yet at the same time so cautious to get too excited. What a confusing time, huh? You strong women are in my prayers........

  - Alice

• April 8, 2008 11:17 a.m.

  My husband and I were totally shocked yesterday when we excitedly went in for our first doctor's appointment at 9 weeks with our first child, with whom we tried for a year to become pregnant. When the doctor was performing the ultrasound, we could tell something was wrong as she seemed a little off. She didn't raise any alarms, but then sent us to the hospital for a more thorough ultrasound. There was no doubt something was wrong as the technician was pretty quiet and kept searching for what seemed to be too long. I said, "Aren't you supposed to hear a heartbeat at this point?" She just nodded. She couldn't even really find an embryo, just a possible gestational sac. It was/is such a shock to us. Now, I can't stop weeping. All our plans seem to have dissolved. And I feel so sad that I can't erase my husband's obvious pain. I just want to move on and start trying again, relieved in a way that at least I can get pregnant. But it's heartbreaking to think I'll likely have to undergo a D&C and wait a few cycles after that to start trying again. I'm just relieved we didn't tell very many people. I wouldn't be able to stand their looks of sorrow at this time.

  - MVP

• April 7, 2008 12:29 p.m.

  For Emily (April 1st posting)...My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage. It was heartwrenching and I wept for days (I was about 9 weeks). I was lucky to become pregnant so after, but was terrified of the possibility of another loss. My 3 year old daughter said what everyone else was thinking "I hope this baby doesn't die too". Yes, me too. At that moment I remembered that like each person, each pregnancy is different. And at that moment, while I was still feeling the loss of our pregnancy, I started celebrating the life within me....and felt joy again. Your lovely little girl was a soul you created and loved...you had dreams for her, you knew what her birthday would be, I'm sure you could picture her in my your mind. Please always hold that little girl in your heart (as I do mine from 15 years ago), but welcome the new life within and know that your experiences, while painful will make you a wonderful mother and a good friend to someone who experiences a similar loss. My third pregnancy produced a wonderful son who will soon be 14. I wish you the best of luck.

  - Melissa

• April 4, 2008 9:57 a.m.

  I began to miscarry on Friday with slight bleeding. After blood tests and a vaginal ultrasound it was found that there was no heartbeat, when the HCG levels and the number of weeks (5 1/2) would indicate that there should have been. About a week before I started to spot, I felt that there was something different and even though I didn't say anything to my husband he SAW that there was something diffent with me and how I was acting and reacting to life, I guess. Since it was my first (pregnancy and miscarrage), I really didn't know what was happening. I have to be comforted knowing that God and my body will do what's right and best for me and my baby and that some day I will be fortunate enough to be able to try again.

  - Paula - NNY

• April 2, 2008 7:02 p.m.

  We had a miscarriage Sunday. We had thought she might be pregnant and tested once but it was kind of + and kind of - so we were planning to retest in a weekk or so. It turns out she was about 10 weeks along. I was out of town and my wife went through the process all alone. We hadn't "spread the news" of our impending pregnancy to anyone because we were not 100% sure. We have told some family and friends of our loss. We both seem ok emoptionally, sharing with friends and family has helped. Understanding that life is so amazing and the body has a way of knowing when things are not going right and ends up in causing a miscarriage is also something that I now marvel at in terms of life. It is amazing. I wish everyone a healthy physical and mental recovery who has gone through this same process.

  - Dave

• April 1, 2008 11:14 p.m.

  i miscarried about 2 months ago. I really want a baby and the pain and hurt is still there. This was my first one I am only 20. We are trying again but sometimes i stop and wonder if this is too soon and am I menatlly ready to try again? I already think I am pregnant again I am already starting to have the symptoms. I am just so scared.

  - heather

• April 1, 2008 12:25 p.m.

  I lost my baby girl in November, just after Thankgiving. I was 12 weeks (though she only lived to be 9 weeks). I had to have a D&C and the entire experience was very heartwrentching for me. My husband and I decided to have the tissue tested to see if we could find a cause for the miscarriage. It turned out she had triploidy syndrome and it was nothing that could be helped. I'm still baffled by the comments I hear and how the subject makes people feel so uncomfortable. Although in my head I know that she is in Heaven and she's in a good place, in my heart I'm still aching and no one seems to understand that pain. I'm now 5 weeks into my second pregnancy and terrified that something could be wrong. I haven't allowed myself to be happy. I haven't opened the door to our "baby" room since I miscarried. I just pray that come December I'll be holding my baby in my arms and that he/she will be healthy. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you ladies who have suffered a loss. I know how painful it is.

  - Emilly

• March 31, 2008 4:42 p.m.

  For the past 1 1/2 years my husband and I have been trying to start a family. In those 18 months we have miscarried four times. I am 30 years old. I had all the testing done after our 2nd loss & we were treating the diagnoses during the last 2 losses. My heart is broken over the many losses we've had to endure. One of the worst things is that people just don't seem to understand the pain of loss. They think "miscarriage is common" ... so that should make it easier to deal with. Well, it doesn't.

  - Polly

• March 30, 2008 5:20 p.m.

  We received the news 2 wks ago that there was no heart beat at 9 wks along. This is our 2nd miscarriage in 2 years and it is so devastating. The anger, hurt and confusion all blur together. I dealt with the first miscarriage in every wrong way possible and am trying to deal better, whatever that is, this time. The stupid things people say still shocks me. Each of my pregnancies I was 9 weeks and miscarried around 10-11 weeks. There are always one or two friends out there that are willing to listen, make sure you find them, it will help get you through. And, don't shut your husband out, they are hurting too. Thank God for my husband, and I know I am truly blessed for the man I have, without him I could not bear this. May God Bless all of you with mercy and grace to get through this.

  - Wendy

• March 29, 2008 11:09 a.m.

  I just lost my baby at 13 weeks from blighted ovum. It was heart wrenching to watch on the ultra sound and see no baby even there. I don't completely understand what happened, and right now I am in shock as I just found out yesterday. I don't know how people can deal with this grief more than once. I loved this child and now I must let him/her go.

  - Margaret

• March 29, 2008 7:50 a.m.

  Violet, no one is going to judge you. This is a board about loss not judgement. You are still hurting I hope the best for you and your family. Kelley

  - Kelley