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• October 24, 2007 7:59 a.m.

  Don't read this and think that I'm not stressed or bitter (very bitter) BUT - I work in a VA as a nurse. There have been days that I thought I would explode, I'm feeling angry and having one of my "Pity parties". Inevitably, it NEVER fails, I will, for example get on an elevator, and next to me is a smiling veteran, in a wheelchair, missing limbs - and this smiling person asks ME if I'M having a bad day. Humility strikes, then reflection, then gratitude, then prayer. I'm not religious but very spiritual. I talk to me Dad (who died 3 years ago in the hospital) and remember that he always said, as I was ranting about something or other, don't sweat the small stuff.....and don't forget - it's all small stuff". Remembering him, and thinking about the veteran, I am diffused, and suddenly life seems kind, and I feel lucky, priviledged really. I have a body that works - not well, not without pain, but works. I have a job. A car. A home. And a dog who thinks I'm the best. Perfec

  - Pam

• October 23, 2007 11:32 p.m.

  I, stay so stressed. I have cronic depression,degeranitive disease,artritis(excuse) thyroid disease,osteoprosis,begining lung disease. Lots of pain. My husband had never been sick. He comes home about every day and starts picking up or etc. I try to tell him i will get things done but I have to do it at my pace. He goes on ** I can't stand this mess. I'm trying to get deep cleaning done and you make a mess. I ask him please just let me do it as I can. I than have to take more nerve pills and it pulls me back bad. I told him the stress he was putting me under was killing me and he had to let up. This has been going on for years. This is a big problem and I don't think it will ever end. can anyone help out there. I am 60 years old, disabled.

  - Marilyn

• October 20, 2007 7:25 p.m.

  Hi,I can relate to Deb,(10-17-07 7:27p.m.)I too was an ever present advocate for my dying father in a hospital.Through out his illness I was the warrior guardian angel on his behalf & also the leaning post for family. I too feel that fatigue of anguish, for 2 years I lost myself in taking total care of dad, fighting insurance issues,& self appointed demi-GOD doctors. Accepting the inevitable is one thing, but all that energy depleting grief is another. For even when its all said & done,GOD had mercy on dad & relieved him of untold suffering 7-9-7...I am searching for levity again & its trying to make its way back. So I figure when I'm ready to bask in its glory..it will hit...Guess thats how we just gotta look at things! I wish you lots of blessings & to other folks who are experiencing such heaviness of heart & soul...

  - Marix

• October 17, 2007 7:27 p.m.

  Recently I spent five months being the ever-present advocate for my dad who was in ICU after a brain injury. (Even in ICU family members become the nurses and caretakers.) During that time I also cared for my mother and became the leaning post for my other two siblings. I don't feel all that strong myself, but I seem to have reserves that others in my family don't. We eventually lost my Dad who died a confused, agonizing, and painful death. The after effects of his death has sent my family into a down spiral and I'm having a hard time finding my equilibrium again. Before this happened I could not have imagined the fatigue of anguish, of being hyper alert for 5 mnths and having to FIGHT for his care. Somebody out there...will I ever again feel levity??? Three months have passed and I'm still tired.

  - Deb

• October 17, 2007 6:19 p.m.

  Hi,my friend is 21 and married to a man 32, he has children from his first marriage, 2 girls one is 12 and lives with them most all the time the second one is 3 and ahalf and visits every other weekend,my friend and her husband have 2 and ahalf year old together and another one on the way, my friend is under a lot of stress because she homeschools the oldest which want listen to her at all she homesschools her because the kid has a severe non coutagious skin problem really bad and takes shots onces a week, my friend had been in the hospital in the past in her teens from depression, there is so much more to this story I talk with her as much as she wants to talk, I know and she has said she knows she needs therpy again,what else can I do for her, I love her with all my heart, please help

  - Jean

• October 16, 2007 9:20 p.m.

  My extended family stressed me. It seemed I had become the family scapegoat. When I stopped giving them any information about me or my life, they couldn't get at me and cause me stress. The best advice I was given by a therapist was, "Not every thing or everyone needs a response." With that advice, I stopped trying to defend myself, smiled, went to the ladies room, excused myself, whatever, and gave them nothing to use against me. My stress has been relieved and I now am able to respond with a calmness because I am the one in control..Max

  - Max

• October 16, 2007 12:18 p.m.

  Michele, I can really relate to you except it happened to me 17-20 years ago. I divorced my husband, my kids grew up, I entered a new career and felt wonderful - I thought. My career became extremely stressful and I made it more so. After 16 years I forced myself out. By that time my physical and mental health had deteriorated to the point that I am now on disability and taking medications daily. My point is that there are two sides to every quarrel and two sides to each situation. I have discovered that I need to concentrate on my contribution in the way I react and who I connect with, how busy I keep myself and what my internal thoughts are about myself. I'm not cured but I am in recovery. It's a wonderful place to be - with friends who tell me what I need to hear not what I want to hear. My well-being is primarily in my hands and no one else's. Great Blog...Sandy

  - Sandy

• October 14, 2007 10:28 a.m.

  Thanks so much for all of your input .. this blog is a great help! take care all ... Pat

  - Pat ..

• October 13, 2007 3:21 p.m.

  I have always exercized but that routine became completely absent a couple of years ago due to caring for aging and dying parents and a beautiful young daughter who developed systemic lupus. But I am back - just today! Got my bike fixed up and went for a long ride this morning. It feels so good. If my daughter can eat healthy, exercise, and do everything that is good for her body - so can I!! She is a blessing.

  - Ginny

• October 13, 2007 1:32 p.m.

  I always wanted to write so when I could not work anymore and had physical problems, I started to watch politics and instead of just complaining, I wrote letters, called up my Cong. and Senator and believe it or not, received answers from them plus the editors and reporters that I wrote. It was and still is a great distraction for physical pain without drugs.

  - Dorothy

• October 13, 2007 11:30 a.m.

  I want to thank all the writers in the comments and Dr. Creagan for starting this wonderful blog. I am filled with stress from physical problems such as headache pain and from a very stressful job. I especially found the advice to just slow down and breathe--meditate--helpful. I don't slow down much--I'm always rushing. And I don't stop. Again, I hope this blog keeps going, Dr. Creagan, as it is so useful to get into that mind/body problem that can fill us with pain, illness and unhappiness.

  - d henry

• October 13, 2007 12:12 a.m.

  when one feels stressed one should do yoga

  - misha

• October 10, 2007 3:21 p.m.

  I cancelled my newspaper and stopped watching the news. Instead I work in my garden, do tai chi and meditate. So far, my absence has not caused any worldwide disasters (at least I don't think so ha ha) In my new, slower, world, there are a lot more butterflies, and I have avoided countless potenially fatal accidents by being late, and thus they occur before I get there (ha ha) and needless to say, I try to keep a sense of humor about life in general.

  - Kelly F

• October 10, 2007 2:06 p.m.

  On waking I do 30 to 45 minutes of yoga stretches and meditate. During the day I may do a stretch or to unwind.I try to walk outside in the sun and fresh air each day. Sonetimes I do a deep water workout at 7:30am. I feel so good after.I find connecting with friends or even a stranger walking a dog when I am walking cheers me and I feel better for the rest of the day.I sleep better if I do just a few spinal and neck stretches before sleep.

  - Catherine

• October 9, 2007 9:35 p.m.

  Lots of exercise, lots of water, and at least 15 minutes per day just for me. My new thing is to take a bath every chance I get. It's short, but I don't do *anything* while I'm in the bath--no work, no studying, no thinking about work, etc.

  - Joy

• October 9, 2007 11:46 a.m.

  No doubt stress is a big part of my life, but I have found that if I understand the control I have in dealing with it, it really helps me to feel better. Knowing that I make a difference to myself is quite empowering.

  - Cat

• October 9, 2007 9:51 a.m.

  Michele, we are the same age and I too came fr/ horror. I believe that we are much like roots of a tree. You don't mention any abuse to your children, so there must have been some incredibly strong seeds planted by someone. I become beyond frozen when my husband of 27 years becomes angry. I find that I go back to that time of freeze and don't feel. That isn't living healthy. My health has suffered too. My journey to heal has taken a good 10 years or more, but our four children deserve "safe". We need to learn that we do too. Lean on those you trust. I cut out words and pictures fr/ magazines and make collages with my feelings that lay dormant for so very long. We all have a right to happiness. Fight for it! I think about ALL they TOOK, and can allow them to suck the rest or repair and build. I go to a fabulous therapist. But, I take the steps-he guides. Learn to pick up cues that your hubby is losing it & diffuse the bomb. It takes time and patience. Believe in yourself.

  - anne marie

• October 6, 2007 11:00 p.m.

  Margit, You may want to make an appointment for your husband with his doctor for an evaluation of his memory loss. Sometimes multiple medications can do this. If that's not the case, he may need to see a neurologist for further evaluation. Good luck to you both!

  - Ginny

• October 5, 2007 2:29 p.m.

  Michele, I would see stress as a likely culprit in your ailments. You might want to ask the Rheumotologist to check you for fibromyalgia. Pain and fatigue, sometimes depression - and the background of stress - are all common to fibromyalgia, but it's an often overlooked illness. Sharyn

  - Sharyn

• October 5, 2007 12:07 p.m.

  I frequently overbook myself and find that when I am most stressed my relationships suffer because I become short with the persons whom I love the most. I have to remind myself that they are the same loving, caring person whether I am stressed or not and it is I who have the problem. It makes keeping your cool a lot easier when overstressed.

  - Vicki

• October 3, 2007 10:37 p.m.

  As a retired person, I became a volunteer guide for a botanic garden and now lead groups - children or adults - once a week. It's a wonderful way to share an enthusiasm with others, and share a skill I didn't know I had, which in turn has inspired me to find others. In addition I find that working in the outdoors is a natural anti-depressant.

  - Lesley Lull

• October 3, 2007 1:42 p.m.

  I find ballroom dancing helpful as I have to concentrate on the dance so my mind is relaxed while i also get some mild aerobic exercise.

  - Mark Piegols

• October 3, 2007 12:49 p.m.

  I am a 47 year old Mother of three. Grew up in a houshold with a very abusive alcoholic Father.Losing my Mother to Cancer at 21 left me to take care of two siblings to some degree and a newborn . Over the years I have experienced many tragic events. Only now have I realized that even though my husband is a great provider and not physically abusive he posesses the ability to cause me the mental abuse I felt as a youngster.(He also drinks at least once or twice a week) .I believe the stress has caught up to me. My Health over the past few years, hit rock bottom .Among other things I have been diagnosed with Mono ,mild depression and hypothyroidism. I am about to see a Rheomatologist for SEVERE joint pain and fatigue. Can stress be the cause of my ailments? Am I heading in the right direction?

  - michele

• October 2, 2007 9:37 p.m.

  I am trying to deal with the stress of how to help my husband of 45 years - I have read & am trying to take good care of ME too but I have questions about specific care issues - My husband has always been an avid reader of novels mostly : but now has depressing episodes of not being able to remember what he has read - Do I encourage him to keep trying or tell him to stop the frustrating attempts. Next - our social life has gone downhill but I am so bored - should I push him to keep it up even if he feels he can't contribute to the chatter? I am not talking huge coctail parties - just dinner with 6-8 old friends Any advise you can give me would be appreciated. Margit

  - Margit

• October 2, 2007 7:35 p.m.

  What I fail to understand, is just how many people feel the need to say that GOD relieves their stress, and not give themselves the credit that they deserve. YOU relieved your own stress, NOT a diety. The relaxation you get from praying is not due to god or faith, but instead attributed to the time you take for yourself to be calm and quiet, letting your thoughts do the sorting out of the stressful activities. You are strong, and that comes from within, not from god. Believe in the power of self and all will be made clear. Realize that YOU control things, not something else. The stress will melt away when you realize that you can fix it, if you only let yourself and not be dependant on god, or using god as an excuse.

  - Wesley